nysalogs | ( closed ) february catch all

[ A stroll through the gardens with JJ suits Cain's mood just fine, and he even finds himself swinging the lantern a little carelessly, almost childlike. ]

I didn't realize it either. It's so strange to have a whole planet, you know!

[ Instead of islands separated by vast stretches of sky. Maybe space is like that, but it's not quite the same, needing those mecha to fly through it instead of the airships Cain is used to. Not being able to feel the breeze on his face as they fly through the vastness.

He abruptly remembers he has the lantern at JJ's question, though, lifting it up and giving it a rueful look. ]

But this... Well, it's for my friends who're sleeping still. And... for my brother.

[ It's obvious that the lantern is a representation of the loss that Cain is carrying, that's what the purpose of this entire tradition is: to honour those that are not with them. But somehow, out of sheer ignorance probably, JJ's question had been very lighthearted, purely curious and not considerate in the least.

At the very least, his expression immediately softens at Cain's answer, slightly apologetic at having brought it up without any care or grace. ]

Yeah, there's a lot of people that we're still waiting for. [ That's not what the entire story seems to be here however, and he swings a little closer out of sheer instinct. ] Your brother though? You never mentioned him before.

[ Though JJ had rambled excessively about his own family. ]

Edited 2018-03-04 06:54 (UTC)

[ Somehow, having JJ take those few steps, put a little less distance between them, that little show of intimacy — it makes it easier for Cain to speak of Abel. To think about his brother, when usually he avoids the topic like wildfire. Maybe it's that now he has a whole world to mourn, the loss swallowed up by a bigger one. Or maybe it's just that JJ's so genuine in his interest that it feels like telling JJ might not be such a gaping hole in his chest as it usually is.

Whatever the reason, Cain finds himself answering more honestly than he usually would, tone a little too light, not quite meeting JJ's eyes. ]

Ah, well... Usually there's not much reason to speak of the dead.

[ That's quick to strike a chord with him, surprised that he could've gone this long without knowing that Cain's brother had passed away before he realizes that he doesn't actually know anything about Cain's family. ]

Why not? [ The question is firm, but his hand is careful as he places it on Cain's shoulder, quick to urge him to face JJ so that he can catch Cain's gaze. ] They're still important.

[ There's a frown on his face now, troubled and small, but the severity of the expression offset by the way his hand trails from Cain's shoulder to cup his cheek for a second before dropping away. There's nothing more important to him; nothing that motivates him more or gives him as much joy. He would be nothing without his family, and he doesn't want Cain to think that he can't share or keep that part of his life alive. ]

Why don't you tell me about him?

Edited 2018-03-04 20:42 (UTC)

[ That familiar, gentle contact, brief as it is, has Cain startling, a moment of stillness that Cain can only hope passes unnoticed while JJ drops his hand away. He's used to being the one to reach out and offer comfort. To be on the receiving end is strange, a little discomfiting. But... it's not bad.

There are worse people to share his memory of Abel with, aren't there? And this is a night for remembering... He loves his brother even now, after all. He'd like to remember him, to feel close to him. To honor him, in some way, and maybe speaking about Abel with JJ will do that.

Cain sighs out a breath. ]

Ha... Maybe I should. [ He turns, wending his way through the lanterns to a small gazebo tucked in a secluded patch of the gardens and takes a seat, waiting for JJ to join him. ] I haven't talked about him in a long time. Not with anyone but Reinhardtzar and Leo-nee... no one but the people who already knew him.

[ He smiles slightly to lighten the mood before looking away and across the courtyard at all of the people and lanterns that had been placed over the grass. It would be inaccurate to say that JJ still doesn't feel like an outsider in Olympia, and that when he listens to Cain and the others describe their fantastical homes that it still sounds... unreal, even after he's seen the monsters and magic in person.

It feels like being part of a movie, and there are times that he has to remind himself that this isn't temporary. He's never going to wake up on Earth and find out that it was all a dream, and that's why they need to create roots here, create relationships that would be just as devastating to lose as the ones from home. ]

There's a lot of garden to cover to find the perfect spot for your lantern. So I'm sure there's plenty of time for me to listen to everything you have to say.

The perfect spot, huh... [ Distant for a moment, before he turns to JJ, smiling at him. ] Help me pick one out?

[ He offers his arm to JJ — easier for them not to get separated by the crowds that way. Easier for them to talk, for the words that Cain doesn't want anyone else to hear not to leave the tiny world of the two of them. It still feels strange to even think of speaking of his brother, to even think of consciously summoning up those memories. But... maybe JJ's right. Maybe on this night of remembrance, he should. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if it's JJ listening. ]

Whatever you want.

[ Most of the time, JJ is self-centred and oblivious. He doesn't hide the fact that most of his favourite topics of conversation are about himself, but neither is he so cruel that he would ignore his friends. It is possible to care about both in equal amounts, and he has no trouble with letting Cain steer their conversation, taking the offered arm with a small smile.

Even the silence is fine as they start their walk around the garden, lights and people around them. For a second, JJ can't help the ache that wells up in his own chest, wishing that he could share this with his own family, but at least he knows they're safe, sleeping up on Thesa Station.

He's not sure what he would've done if he'd lost them instead. ]

[ The silence is nice. Comfortable. Enough that Cain almost wants to just stay like this, close to a friend, letting hard memories stay unspoken. But... that would feel too much the coward's way now, with JJ a quiet source of strength beside him.

He lets out a slow breath. It's still hard, the words still a burr sticking in his throat. Where does he even begin?

Something happy, he decides. A good memory. ]

When we were little... Ah, our parents died when I was young, I barely remember them. But my brother was in the military, and so I didn't see him often. Still, he'd make time for me, when I was done with school, he'd come pick me up and we'd play games with the neighborhood children, and he'd act like a big kid himself. He was so competitive, I could never win against him.

( closed ) february catch all

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