Long? [Since when? By whose definition? He takes the cheek pat sportingly before giving a light scoff.] You need to double check it, then, my face is a perfectly average length and shape. We whipped out the measuring tape at the doc's and everything, and he said "Yessir, that's a regular man's face, by gosh and by golly." I demand a retest. Even if you slap me again!

[He had planned to toast, of course. It's the way of things, marking momentous occasions with chintzy clinks. Yet when she pops the cork and throws it back, he finds himself altogether unbothered. Richie bursts out laughing, then gives her a hoot and a holler, a round of applause.]

Coming 'round for the victory glug is the one and only Sandra the Slam Dunker! Watch closely now, she's pounding back the Shiraz with her trademark move: the one thousand year fast! Nobody before and nobody since will match that effortless grace of not having a solitary fuck to give!

[He peels off the sports recap with a two fingered whistle.

Man, what a woman.]