[It hadn't been worse than the Red Room. But that was something she'd only appreciated in hindsight. And she hates that, really. That looking back, not having all of those memories was almost a good thing, in some fucked up ways. Where she probably wouldn't have been able to have been friends with Sana with all that blood and suffering and torture. They'd done it to keep their secrets, but they'd given her space to be separate from the trauma, too. She would never be glad for what had happened to her there, but it wasn't the literal torture. Wasn't the handcuffs and the electricity that turned her world blinding white with pain.
And Rumlow had been kind to her. And that in and of itself made it not as bad. She hated it, would always hate it, and the idea of it still felt almost like a death-sentence, but the Red Room had been so many worlds worse. There'd been a point where she'd been angry about the baseball game and the trip to the department store, trying to show her the American essentials before they locked her in a cement box. But with all the pieces, it was a kindness, not cruelty.
When he asks about Natasha, there's a pause. She doesn't particularly care about SHIELD security protocols here, but it's a long, sad sorry, and she's just enjoying the moment.] When they moved me from Odessa to DC, Natasha was the one that pulled me out of there. I called her sestra. And then she left me with the agents handling clean up. She used to have birthday presents dropped off for me when I was in the bunker, like she thought I couldn't figure it out. Then there was this whole mess-- [She shrugs her shoulders a little bit helplessly.]
[Then he takes the candy bar, and she lets that change the subject, hopefully. She grins a little impishly as she looks up at him with a slightly raised eyebrow. Playful, still a little sharp at the edges.] I'm sure you can find some way to burn the calories.
[Ava was either fortunate or not, in that she had a high metabolism. Which was great for burning off junk food, but had been horrifying when she'd been living on the streets of Brooklyn, and had trouble getting enough food to sustain a normal person.] And I know, I know. It's just-- hard. They respond to my emotions, and I've never been good at that. You know, compartmentalization, not just... reacting. I set the room on fire once because I had a nightmare.
[Which goes back to the earlier point: she couldn't have outrun SHIELD. Not with incidents like that. They'd have an algorhythm that would find the pattern and she could fight her way though SHIELD agents, a lot of them. But not all of them. Not in the end.]
no subject
And Rumlow had been kind to her. And that in and of itself made it not as bad. She hated it, would always hate it, and the idea of it still felt almost like a death-sentence, but the Red Room had been so many worlds worse. There'd been a point where she'd been angry about the baseball game and the trip to the department store, trying to show her the American essentials before they locked her in a cement box. But with all the pieces, it was a kindness, not cruelty.
When he asks about Natasha, there's a pause. She doesn't particularly care about SHIELD security protocols here, but it's a long, sad sorry, and she's just enjoying the moment.] When they moved me from Odessa to DC, Natasha was the one that pulled me out of there. I called her sestra. And then she left me with the agents handling clean up. She used to have birthday presents dropped off for me when I was in the bunker, like she thought I couldn't figure it out. Then there was this whole mess-- [She shrugs her shoulders a little bit helplessly.]
[Then he takes the candy bar, and she lets that change the subject, hopefully. She grins a little impishly as she looks up at him with a slightly raised eyebrow. Playful, still a little sharp at the edges.] I'm sure you can find some way to burn the calories.
[Ava was either fortunate or not, in that she had a high metabolism. Which was great for burning off junk food, but had been horrifying when she'd been living on the streets of Brooklyn, and had trouble getting enough food to sustain a normal person.] And I know, I know. It's just-- hard. They respond to my emotions, and I've never been good at that. You know, compartmentalization, not just... reacting. I set the room on fire once because I had a nightmare.
[Which goes back to the earlier point: she couldn't have outrun SHIELD. Not with incidents like that. They'd have an algorhythm that would find the pattern and she could fight her way though SHIELD agents, a lot of them. But not all of them. Not in the end.]