gekkajuu: commissioned, please do not steal (虚ろに空いた胸の隙間から)
中島 敦 ([personal profile] gekkajuu) wrote in [community profile] nysalogs 2018-04-15 08:26 am (UTC)

[It's funny... Even knowing, as he does now, that he was abused at least in part because he's a weretiger, emotionally he still can't seem to accept that explanation. If it was only that, they could have just locked him up. It was never only that, and even if the headmaster thought he was being kind by teaching Atsushi to survive, that was never a good excuse.

And maybe Atsushi doesn't want to associate his ability with his past of abuse too much. Maybe he prefers to think of his ability as a good thing - something that gave him a new life with the Armed Detective Agency.

He'd really rather not think about any of it too much, or at all. So he'll just take the head pets, closing his eyes briefly, and try to calm down.]


I know. I know that I didn't deserve it.

[But it still happened, and even if he knows in his head that the headmaster's abuse was wrong, it's hard for his heart to dismiss a lifetime of being told that the world would be better off without him. He doesn't believe that's true, but he hasn't been able to prove it to himself yet.]

... I'm sorry. There was no need for you to see that.

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