[Being around him is somehow easy to relax into. The lack of expectations, like now that Natasha has decided not to completely abandon her that she wants her to be some version of what she could have been if the KGB hadn't touched her instead of trying to teach Ava hard lessons about not trusting anyone. That time, down in the cisterns of Istanbul almost hadn't been her first time, either. Alexei and she had been cornered by Ivan's mercenaries after they found the lab, the records. She'd been lining up her first shot when Natasha had appeared out of nowhere amidst an explosion.
Maybe she should feel more guilty about it than she does. But you didn't make it through the sort of places that she had without prioritizing survival. If there was another choice, she'd take it, but sometimes there just wasn't. And those deaths weren't the ones that she beat herself up about. It was Alexei. It was not being good enough to save him. That was what gave her nightmares.]
That's Natasha's way of coping, not mine. [To be fair, Natasha had a lot more blood on her hands. And Ava did want to be a hero, wanted to help people, do good things, but it wasn't out of guilt. It was what she'd wanted to be since she was a little girl in 7B reading about Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and Peggy Carter in the history books. Steve, she imagines, would probably have managed to dodge bullet fire and knock out the kids one by one until they could be dealt with later. She hadn't had the luxury.] Yeah, I've heard things are leaning that way. Though given I heard allegations about kidnapping, it's nice to see the warm welcome they rolled out.
[She lets his comment about revenge go, even if there's almost a question on her tongue, if there's someone he'd like to get revenge on. But, she let herself take it as a general comment, a mention of common tactics, something that they could see as the tensions continued and escalated. She had no particular intention in really picking sides, but there was no question that this was the sort of stuff that she was good at. That they both were. ] I haven't been to Wyver yet, though. So I sort of want to head over at some point to get a feel for it, even if I doubt either of them are innocent in this conflict.
[She nods, shifts so that she's leaning against the wall next to him, her shoulder brushing against his arm. She wasn't about to hug him or anything dramatic, but Rumlow didn't seem to mind the contact, and so she just let herself enjoy it. Being able to be close to someone that didn't see her as a child, didn't try to make her into something that she wasn't. Just let her exist, and hinted that that was good enough.] Yeah. I mean, I like sparring, stuff like that. Things that are rough, that make me feel. But killing? It's never easy. It's either about surviving or protecting something.
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Maybe she should feel more guilty about it than she does. But you didn't make it through the sort of places that she had without prioritizing survival. If there was another choice, she'd take it, but sometimes there just wasn't. And those deaths weren't the ones that she beat herself up about. It was Alexei. It was not being good enough to save him. That was what gave her nightmares.]
That's Natasha's way of coping, not mine. [To be fair, Natasha had a lot more blood on her hands. And Ava did want to be a hero, wanted to help people, do good things, but it wasn't out of guilt. It was what she'd wanted to be since she was a little girl in 7B reading about Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and Peggy Carter in the history books. Steve, she imagines, would probably have managed to dodge bullet fire and knock out the kids one by one until they could be dealt with later. She hadn't had the luxury.] Yeah, I've heard things are leaning that way. Though given I heard allegations about kidnapping, it's nice to see the warm welcome they rolled out.
[She lets his comment about revenge go, even if there's almost a question on her tongue, if there's someone he'd like to get revenge on. But, she let herself take it as a general comment, a mention of common tactics, something that they could see as the tensions continued and escalated. She had no particular intention in really picking sides, but there was no question that this was the sort of stuff that she was good at. That they both were. ] I haven't been to Wyver yet, though. So I sort of want to head over at some point to get a feel for it, even if I doubt either of them are innocent in this conflict.
[She nods, shifts so that she's leaning against the wall next to him, her shoulder brushing against his arm. She wasn't about to hug him or anything dramatic, but Rumlow didn't seem to mind the contact, and so she just let herself enjoy it. Being able to be close to someone that didn't see her as a child, didn't try to make her into something that she wasn't. Just let her exist, and hinted that that was good enough.] Yeah. I mean, I like sparring, stuff like that. Things that are rough, that make me feel. But killing? It's never easy. It's either about surviving or protecting something.