[She thought about the last memory she'd had, the one she'd been stuck in with Rumlow. She thought of what Clark would think of that. How he wouldn't have been able to just be impassive about it. Hell, he wouldn't have watched it at all.]

Clark, I love you. I do. But if you got... if you saw even the least horrible moment I had with him-

I don't know what that would do to you. I don't want to disgust you. I can't... Jesus.

[Her hands lifted and she buried her face in them, trying to breathe through the rising panic.]

I can't have you hate me because of what I did when he told me to.