[ Below the belt Dazai still retains his everyday attire. However, above the waist there's nothing but bandages that engulf the whole of his chest and the arms drawn loosely around Linneus' body. Which means the landing of that hand atop such a thin barrier is felt more than he's accustomed to. Less like his skin is being touched, he perceives the contact deeper, down past the superficial and into his soul. Both too much and yet barely there, Dazai's shoulders rise with a shallow breath that braces against the feeling that he can barely grasp at.
Because when he's touched like this, really and truly almost upon bare skin, it's not enough. It doesn't harbor the finality of a punch or the twist of a knife. Just the kind of softness that he can't begin to know what to do with, or how a liar like himself can reciprocate in kind.
He's out of his depth like this.
Rubbed raw down to the bone Dazai aches like something wild left badly wounded, waiting for the final blow to finish things once and for all. But that end never came. Not for their world or for him. Time stretches out, going on and on, and it's the excruciating wait that he thinks is the very worst of it all. Lingering on and hoping that there's a way to start anew, while holding all the loss he's been carrying for days now. The itch of it drives him to bite the inside of mouth hard, not satisfied until a copper tang hits his tongue.
And in the here and now there's no destructive outlet to distract from a world now lost; frozen within a moment in time. There's no drink here to numb the senses or any hope of a blissful sleep where forgetting is possible just for a while. That leaves something more personally detrimental that he can't do while Linneus is watching him and wanting to save him from himself.
So Dazai deflects it outward.
The mounting frustrations come to light, but not until Dazai has leaned in and over the man in his arms, pushing them both back into the bed. Where he'd once needed to carve out his own heart and tuck Linneus inside the cage of his ribs, now he doubts that would placate him.
His is a heart that's too selfish to leave.
Instead it just wants to take, to consume everything endlessly until the void within it is filled or to drown itself in such indulgence that it never feels again. And maybe that's where the compulsion lies to put his hands and teeth upon the other man, to mark him up and leave him bearing the weight of Dazai's pain, as if inflicting it upon another splits the burden in two.
Some part of him thinks it cruel. And that's exactly what he is. ]
...Don't thank me.
[ Even though their foreheads touch, it's not for the sake of any softness that Linneus is more than worth receiving. Instead it's meant to hold Dazai back, to shackle him to something he can focus upon, before he does worse than merely think. ]
I don't deserve it.
[ He proves that, punctuates his selfishness with fingers that drag possessively over Linneus' skin. Hands move over him in places known to harbor no wounds in a way meant to press the other man ever closer to him, till they're chest to chest. ]
no subject
Because when he's touched like this, really and truly almost upon bare skin, it's not enough. It doesn't harbor the finality of a punch or the twist of a knife. Just the kind of softness that he can't begin to know what to do with, or how a liar like himself can reciprocate in kind.
He's out of his depth like this.
Rubbed raw down to the bone Dazai aches like something wild left badly wounded, waiting for the final blow to finish things once and for all. But that end never came. Not for their world or for him. Time stretches out, going on and on, and it's the excruciating wait that he thinks is the very worst of it all. Lingering on and hoping that there's a way to start anew, while holding all the loss he's been carrying for days now. The itch of it drives him to bite the inside of mouth hard, not satisfied until a copper tang hits his tongue.
And in the here and now there's no destructive outlet to distract from a world now lost; frozen within a moment in time. There's no drink here to numb the senses or any hope of a blissful sleep where forgetting is possible just for a while. That leaves something more personally detrimental that he can't do while Linneus is watching him and wanting to save him from himself.
So Dazai deflects it outward.
The mounting frustrations come to light, but not until Dazai has leaned in and over the man in his arms, pushing them both back into the bed. Where he'd once needed to carve out his own heart and tuck Linneus inside the cage of his ribs, now he doubts that would placate him.
His is a heart that's too selfish to leave.
Instead it just wants to take, to consume everything endlessly until the void within it is filled or to drown itself in such indulgence that it never feels again. And maybe that's where the compulsion lies to put his hands and teeth upon the other man, to mark him up and leave him bearing the weight of Dazai's pain, as if inflicting it upon another splits the burden in two.
Some part of him thinks it cruel. And that's exactly what he is. ]
...Don't thank me.
[ Even though their foreheads touch, it's not for the sake of any softness that Linneus is more than worth receiving. Instead it's meant to hold Dazai back, to shackle him to something he can focus upon, before he does worse than merely think. ]
I don't deserve it.
[ He proves that, punctuates his selfishness with fingers that drag possessively over Linneus' skin. Hands move over him in places known to harbor no wounds in a way meant to press the other man ever closer to him, till they're chest to chest. ]