He deserves this, he knows. This guilt, this pain. He deserves it for hurting Ianto like this. All the same, it does dig in and twist something inside him. The thought of Ianto so unsure of what will happen, of him waiting and grieving without even knowing if he should be. Ianto shouldn't have to deal with this.

"I know," he manages finally, then lifts his eyes to Ianto. Squares himself up as if for a fight, all defiance. "But I'd do it again. I'd have done anything to stop it, whatever it took."

If that included his life, then so be it. If Ianto is going to live with him, to stay this close to him, then he needs to understand this. That John has always been like this, will always be like this. That he's going to put him through this pain again, and who knows if the Natha will fish him out next time?