He winces visibly at that, rubs his face and lets out a slow breath. Is that what he's doing? Something about the sharp way Ianto words it hits hard. To keep you amused, like he's just toying with Ianto heartlessly. He doesn't mean to do that, he just --

John sits down slowly on the edge of his bed, tries to moderate his breathing. To keep himself calm, keep his head clear. It's the only way he'll survive this conversation.

"Ianto..." he tries, and there's wariness in it. Are we really doing this? Do you really want to? He's not good at this. There's no way they'll get through the conversation without someone hurting, he's pretty sure.