The corners of Ianto's mouth flick up despite himself at John's response. His hands tightening on the other man's before he lets him go, moving to set them on his knees instead.
"I do, god help me," he replies. Unable to help the relief that pours through him that the next words out of John's mouth hadn't been an agreement. That he'd needed him to leave. That it was too much for him. He'd been so insistent that he couldn't handle this, for the briefest of moments Ianto was afraid... That meant him as well, he supposes.
"Look," he says, aiming for gentle with his tone as he continues. "I'm not." He cuts himself off, letting out a sigh, because alright yeah, he is asking John to make a change. But not if he's not comfortable with it. Not if it's asking too much.
"I don't think it's as bad as you're making it out to be," he says at last. "I don't think that you're as bad as you're making yourself out to be." He quirks a hesitant smile at the other man before he continues, "I've seen you with... that damned smoking drink nearly coming out of every orifice you have. I’ve scraped you up off the ground after that fight club you got yourself into. I’ve been there — or tried to be, anyway — every step of the way from that damned carrivan mission up until now. Through every embarrassment I put myself through and every cowboy song you sang to me. And I’m still here, aren’t I?”
He flicks the other man another hesitantly earnest smile before he adds, “And I still want to kiss you again. I’d like to think that counts for something...”
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"I do, god help me," he replies. Unable to help the relief that pours through him that the next words out of John's mouth hadn't been an agreement. That he'd needed him to leave. That it was too much for him. He'd been so insistent that he couldn't handle this, for the briefest of moments Ianto was afraid... That meant him as well, he supposes.
"Look," he says, aiming for gentle with his tone as he continues. "I'm not." He cuts himself off, letting out a sigh, because alright yeah, he is asking John to make a change. But not if he's not comfortable with it. Not if it's asking too much.
"I don't think it's as bad as you're making it out to be," he says at last. "I don't think that you're as bad as you're making yourself out to be." He quirks a hesitant smile at the other man before he continues, "I've seen you with... that damned smoking drink nearly coming out of every orifice you have. I’ve scraped you up off the ground after that fight club you got yourself into. I’ve been there — or tried to be, anyway — every step of the way from that damned carrivan mission up until now. Through every embarrassment I put myself through and every cowboy song you sang to me. And I’m still here, aren’t I?”
He flicks the other man another hesitantly earnest smile before he adds, “And I still want to kiss you again. I’d like to think that counts for something...”