He's missed that crooked smile. Even long before Roxas actually left the Organization, Axel had missed him. He had missed the easygoing carefree early days of their friendship. He had missed the way Roxas had looked at him with confidence and trust, and the way the kid's face always lit up when they had talked about what to do with free time. Maybe things will never be that carefree again, for either of them, but he wants to hope that they can regain the trust that had been there once. He knows this isn't irreparable--if it was, Roxas wouldn't be sitting here with him right now--but he also knows that trust, once broken, is a very difficult thing to mend. He's been on Roxas' side of this line in the sand, himself, and part of him wonders if he'll ever truly be able to trust Saïx, or Isa, again after everything that has come between them. He wants to, but wanting only goes so far.
This is going to take work. And for all the tiring missions and icky orders of his past, this is one assignment Axel is more than happy to throw himself into.
When Roxas confesses that he'd heard his words that night, though, Axel looks a little startled. It isn't that he hadn't wanted Roxas to hear him, but it had felt almost too selfish to speak the words any louder than he had. He had known that everything leading up to that moment, and everything that came after, honestly, had been largely his own fault. Roxas had asked him for the truth, and he had simply denied him that, and if he could go back in time and do things over, he would take a very different route.
But he can't, and he knows this. All he can do now is move forward with a new perspective, and hope that's good enough.
"I meant it," he says after a long pause, but doesn't elaborate. Something tells him he doesn't have to. He looks at Roxas then and rubs his forehead, like maybe he's trying to wipe away the beginnings of a headache. "I think I always knew you'd leave one day," he says, shaking his head. "You never bought Xemnas' BS the way the rest of us did. I mean... even I knew it was mostly BS, but I still swallowed it, for years." He smiles a little, looking almost proud. "Not you, though. You asked all the questions the rest of us were too blind to let ourselves wonder about." Another sigh, and he leans back on his hands, staring up at the ceiling. "I just wish I'd had the courage to be more honest with you," he says. "I guess... I was scared that if I told you the truth, you'd leave... and then you left anyway." He lets his head loll onto his shoulder to look at him tiredly. "I wish I'd been brave enough to leave with you."
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This is going to take work. And for all the tiring missions and icky orders of his past, this is one assignment Axel is more than happy to throw himself into.
When Roxas confesses that he'd heard his words that night, though, Axel looks a little startled. It isn't that he hadn't wanted Roxas to hear him, but it had felt almost too selfish to speak the words any louder than he had. He had known that everything leading up to that moment, and everything that came after, honestly, had been largely his own fault. Roxas had asked him for the truth, and he had simply denied him that, and if he could go back in time and do things over, he would take a very different route.
But he can't, and he knows this. All he can do now is move forward with a new perspective, and hope that's good enough.
"I meant it," he says after a long pause, but doesn't elaborate. Something tells him he doesn't have to. He looks at Roxas then and rubs his forehead, like maybe he's trying to wipe away the beginnings of a headache. "I think I always knew you'd leave one day," he says, shaking his head. "You never bought Xemnas' BS the way the rest of us did. I mean... even I knew it was mostly BS, but I still swallowed it, for years." He smiles a little, looking almost proud. "Not you, though. You asked all the questions the rest of us were too blind to let ourselves wonder about." Another sigh, and he leans back on his hands, staring up at the ceiling. "I just wish I'd had the courage to be more honest with you," he says. "I guess... I was scared that if I told you the truth, you'd leave... and then you left anyway." He lets his head loll onto his shoulder to look at him tiredly. "I wish I'd been brave enough to leave with you."