[ John closes his eyes and turns into the touch, letting Prior's soothing words flow over him.
You've got things to hold on for, he says, and John knows that's true but sometimes all the weight of death dogging his footsteps -- all the blood debt he feels he owes feels too much, all the pain he even causes those who have to live and handle him.
Even Prior, listening to all this bullshit. Ianto, watching him with bitter, sad eyes as he gets up and walks away. Cain, snatching his hand and shoving back his sleeve to unveil all his blotchy scars. Everyone constantly calling him on his lies, dragging them into the sunlight while John frantically kicks and struggles away for no good reason other than he can't.
He wishes he could be better. He wishes he could be the person everyone seems to believe he is capable of being. He wishes he could be anything but a fuck-up. ]
You deserve better.
[ He wishes he could be a good friend. He wishes he could be what Prior needs, but nobody needs to deal with John's mess right now. ]
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You've got things to hold on for, he says, and John knows that's true but sometimes all the weight of death dogging his footsteps -- all the blood debt he feels he owes feels too much, all the pain he even causes those who have to live and handle him.
Even Prior, listening to all this bullshit. Ianto, watching him with bitter, sad eyes as he gets up and walks away. Cain, snatching his hand and shoving back his sleeve to unveil all his blotchy scars. Everyone constantly calling him on his lies, dragging them into the sunlight while John frantically kicks and struggles away for no good reason other than he can't.
He wishes he could be better. He wishes he could be the person everyone seems to believe he is capable of being. He wishes he could be anything but a fuck-up. ]
You deserve better.
[ He wishes he could be a good friend. He wishes he could be what Prior needs, but nobody needs to deal with John's mess right now. ]