A Guarded Surprise

[tummyflowers]

Who: King Richard (tummyflowers) & Magnus Burnsides (ruffboi) & The Royal Guard!
What: Magnus and Richard have concocted a plan to train the new trainees. It's worked so well, why not try it on the other newbies?
When: This week
Where: Throughout Olympia, along several patrol routes
Warning(s): idk, maybe language and blood?


[It starts with an idea. Every great moment does, when two minds come together and realize that they can accomplish great deeds together. This is what had happened to Richard and Magnus some days ago. Now it was time for them to put that brainstorming effort to work. Since being assigned responsibility of the armory, Richard had been lending a hand in helping outfit and train some of the new recruits drawn in from the Olympian natives. They'd been young and keen lads who didn't entirely seem to grasp Richard's lessons, but they were still trying their hardest. And finally, after all the drills and strange parables of heroic valor, they were off on their first real patrols throughout the city. Richard had kindly volunteered to accompany them, even though he was very likely less equipped to do the job than they were.

Only once they were in the heart of the city did their real training begin, because Richard had enlisted the help of the swolest man he knew, a musclebound ginger with a brawny, hairy chest and an axe to match. He'd play the part of the violent criminal and give a chance to give the recruits some real hands on experience. Richard couldn't be more proud!]

OPEN PROMPT

[After some success(??) with the recruits, the two decide that it wouldn't be such a bad idea to help their fellow refugees who are equally new to the guards. It's a bit of a boring job, so something like this would surely spice things up and provide some motivation. So using his access to the patrol schedule, Richard has gone out to the city to join some of his fellow guards on their patrols all while a silent, lurking figure waits in the shadows... ready to strike.]

(tl;dr: fellow guards can have Richard show up on their normal patrols, only for Magnus to jump out and attack them! They're more than welcome to fight back and even beat up the poor guy! And yell at Richard too! It's for morale, right?)

Comments

[tummyflowers]

[... darling? Wow. That was... pretty sweet. No one had ever called him darling. So that was nice-ish. Richard recovers from his own alarm and perks up a bit.]

Wow, I have to say, I was completely taken in. A spot on impersonation. I don't know how you did it. I mean, I know we'll get snubbed at the Emmies, but you totally earned that one.

[ruffboi]

Well, I'm very good at fighting. I've fought guards in plenty of towns and cities and haven't died yet, so I don't see why Olympia is any exception.

Also -- [He just flexes.]

[ruffboi]

You cheated by blinking away, though. You didn't let me jump you and fight you.

[He really wanted to fight the captain of the guard.]

[ruffboi]

Yeah, more or less, it's kind of an assignment. Some clever fellas came up with this training exercise.

[Winking at Richard. A big obvious wink.]

[chaoticlootral]

Just a little of the old Transmutation, my man. So forget the Emmys, I'm working with Golden Globe material here.

[Richard should know Taako has never ever sincerely meant it when he called someone darling, but this guy is actually not so bad. He's very complimentary. Waving off Magnus' sadness at not getting to punch him in the face.]

Yeah, wasn't really feeling up to getting socked in the face and losing half my health for funsies? You'll be fine. Are you gonna introduce me to your homeboy here or what?

[punshots]

[ This is the true test of his mettle. Fortunately, Prompto is much better at jokes of this caliber than he is at telling stories. ]

You think that's really a sharp idea, man? I wooden want you to miss and get hit instead!

[ He's not sounding all that cautionary, though. Obviously, they should try it. ]

[tummyflowers]

[Okay, well, they're all really witty. But Prompto is just whipping out puns and not actually whipping out bullets, so this isn't really getting them anywhere. Not that Richard is going to be that guy who breaks the chain.]

Oh trust me, my friend, he can handle himself. So better take action before he decides to split.

[tummyflowers]

Oh, I'm Richard. This is Magnus. [Because... he doesn't realize those two know each other already.] He's my guard consultant for today. But you know, I feel like this is a perfect third act. We had our pun battle, the musical number, and the stinger surprise ending. Kind of really wraps up the whole thing, don't you think?

[They might have to cut out some material later... like Theon, but otherwise it was pretty solid material.]

[ruffboi]

Yeah, what he said. I'm Magnus, and this is Richard, and this is Taako.

[Putting an arm around both of their shoulders.]

Yeah, I think that's about right. We met our goals, trained a few guards, had a few near scrapes, and all became closer as friends. I think it's good Taako interrupted us and ruined all our plans.

[shashka]

Oh?

[ again, he looks amused, though DD is looking a little more unimpressed by the minute as though he couldn't take simple criminals. still, Ocelot gives him a look, and he's back to all puppy smiles.

never let anyone know your true intentions until it's far too late. ]

If I'm not ready after beating you, then what do you want me to do?

[ he'll indulge in their little "game" for now. what else might he learn? ]

[ruffboi]

Yeah! Watch out, or I'm gonna cut your head off.

[Okay, that wasn't really a pun, but to be fair, he's not really threatening to split, either. Anyway. Running...at...him?]

Heads up! [That also isn't really a pun.]

[tummyflowers]

[Oh, damn. Richard feels like he needs to take this one here, being the seasoned guard who is supposed to be 'training' people. What else SHOULD he be doing? Richard has to stop, ponder, and give his beard a little old scratch.

Aha!]

Well, I think it should be clear. You need to surprise attack Magnus and see if you can out-surprise him, even when you have your puppy here in clear view.

[competing]

[ what.






no seriously, what. ]

Are you guys crazy??

[ oh... oh wait, no.... what's happening, it's bubbling in the back of his throat before he can even think to stop it— ]

♫ That rhyming's just lazy! ♫

[ THIS IS THE WEIRDEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN HIS LIFE ]

♫ You say we can't talk
But your song's run amok!
Am I really a friend
Or just a means to an end
Look I don't wanna fight
You're both clearly alright
If it's a bet that you've made then you've
One! ♫

[tummyflowers]

[Oh wow. Richard was so used to people not singing with him, that he's only a little astonished that it's happened again. This is wonderful! A real breakthrough! He grins, proud of his two fellow singers. They even have decent voices. I mean, they're no Richard, but they're doing well.

He comes behind Lance, taking him by the shoulders as he steers him towards Magnus.]

♫ Now we're down to Zero, so what's it going to be?
You think it's a jape? Really? Does that sound like me?
I'm Kind Richard, but don't be fooled by my name
I totally duped him, so yeah, I'm the one to blame.

But you're a guard, Lance, so enough with your sass
You have to fight back now or he's going to kick my- ♫

[He is interrupted before he can even say the implied final word there, because that's just how songs work. You always gotta play coy with the network censors.]

[ruffboi]

Great idea! I'll stay here and take care of DD, and you go off and see if you can get the drop on me. I'm warning you - I've been fully trained in thief style and I'm nearly unsneakable.

[Maybe he just wants to get a chance to be alone with the puppy. Is that so wrong?]

[ruffboi]

Ass!

[He's interrupting Richard just to loudly shout 'ass'. But having actually gotten in striking range, and his countdown having hit zero, he's having second thoughts. Lance is a good kid! He's done okay. He's starting to have second thoughts about this plan. And by second thoughts, he means a second verse.]

♫ And that's the countdown, and that should end this song,
But for the first time, I wonder, might this all be wrong?
We both knew friend and end would rhyme,
But the friendship is real unlike this crime --

Damn it, Richard, he's passed the test.
Even if he can't spar with the best of the best. ♫

[competing]

♫ Yeah, it's like Magnus says I can't — waitaminute
Do you mean all along I just had to win it?
This is nuts! You should've just said so
All long, I could've stopped this from the get-go ♫

[ and he cuts off, sparing just a glance to look around. then he's reaching for the rifle strapped to his back, pulling it over to aim right at magnus...

then he moves straight up, aiming instead for the banner advertising free samples. one shot, and two, and the banner it release from the strings holding it up, flapping down down down till it falls right over magnus.

not... quite the flashiest display as far as spars go. but lance knows what he's doing! ]

♫ If you wanna train me just take me under your wing
Though dude, what the heck, how're you making me sing? ♫

[tummyflowers]

[Oh. That was rather good, wasn't it? Richard smiles approvingly and the music seems to just fade away.]

Oh, well, it was a little reward for good service. Though I do think we may have cheated a little, because they were a bit more stringent on the limitations than how things just went. But ah, I won't tell if you guys don't.

[Like, one of these two wasn't supposed to be singing along! But is Richard gonna call that out? Hell no. This is what normal living looks like for Richard.]

But well done with the banner. You okay over there, Magnus?

[punshots]

Hey, wait a sec, that's not really -

[ It's not a pun in you're going to literally do it! But Prompto doesn't exactly have time to explain this, with Magnus, you know, rushing him.

He takes a step back towards Richard, takes aim at the handle of the axe - ]

A swing and a miss! [ - and fires his weapon. Rebellion is powerful enough that there's some serious oomph behind the flying bullet. The puns must've warmed him up, because it's a good, level shot, and if it lands, it should splinter the handle.

That's his intention, anyway. ]

[ruffboi]

[Pulling the banner off his head, where it fell on him. It's more of an inconvenience than anything, but he still struggles a little like a dog that had a blanket thrown on him. He manages to poke his head out from under it, and he has a big grin.]

Hey! Not bad! You're a real good shot!

[personalwar]

[ It's not visible, but 76 definitely rolls his eyes behind the visor. He would figure that someone claiming to have so much experience would have a little more common sense than this. ]

Seems like there are better ways to spend your time.

[ But whatever, it isn't his job to police these two. ]

We done?

[ Because he should probably be getting back to work... ]

[song_of_ice]

A training exercise. [He looks specifically at Richard.] Learn to use the sword before asking others to use it. All it takes is one angry man to swing at you and you're finished.

[He doesn't know Magnus enough to lecture him, but the man seemed to have sense enough to recognize the time to fight and the time not to.]

How many have attacked you since you started doing this?

[tummyflowers]

Ah, right. Yes, the sword. Right on that!

[He leans in close to Magnus to whisper whisper:] Don't mind him, he's just sore after I upstaged him when my sword was stuck in a tree. Poor lad.

[He stands upright again and claps his hands merrily.] So would you say three or four? Not including the ones we started with.

[tummyflowers]

I think that about sums it up. Magnus?

[Richard has seen all he needs to see.]

[shashka]

[ some people might be offended by the ridiculousness of the situation. not Ocelot, however. no, he was nothing if not a good sport about this.

of course, he's met a guy covered in bees, and his father was a psychic ghost so maybe it's just nice to be amused by the antics of others. so again, he feigns utter seriousness. ]

But isn't that a problem? If I try to sneak up on you now you'll know that I'm on my way.

[ but there were other ways to surprise the man, and he'd wait until the opportune moment. ]