nysalogs | [ closed ]

[ he knows what it means. somewhere deep in his gut, he knows what goes unsaid. knows what that look says to him. but he can't think about it. he can't wrap his head around how it still happened, it still followed through, even after he talked through it with these...people. there were specific agreements that were made, your loved ones are safe, but then how....?

but it's easier, to move passed it. to worry about the next steps rather than how past ones even happened. what james needs to care about now is finding harry, making sure their son is safe. find sirius.

lily steps forward and sets her forehead against his chest, and james lets out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding in, some of the lingering tension leaving his shoulders as he does so. he lets go of her hands, then, to wrap his arms back around her shoulders and buries his face back in her hair. this time, it helps ground him more than trying to comfort her, but it helps. ]

You didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you?

[ but it falls a bit short of his usual joking tone. he takes another breath, pulling her just a bit closer to him as he does it. ] They told me you'd be safe. [ he doesn't want to say they have no reason to doubt them, as that trusting bit is something he knows could get them in trouble, so he lets the unsaid words hang for a moment. ] We just need to find him. Find all of them.

[ he pulls away at that, barely a few inches, but enough to turn to look down at her. to cup her cheeks and turn her to face him. there is a moment there where james considers saying something - something reassuring or something inspiring - but the moment passes and nothing is said. instead, he leans forward to press his lips to her forehead, running his thumbs over her cheeks as he does so. ]

He's safe. [ and then he pulls back away, smiling back to her. ] I know he is.

[ she closes her eyes at the feeling of james' hands cupping her face and kissing her forehead. and, for half a moment, she almost feels ... normal. and as james pulls away and she opens her eyes to see him smiling at her, she almost has to return the favor, and smile at him in return. ]

I don't know what I was thinking. [ with a tiny laugh, and she rubs her nose before taking a deep breath. ] Getting rid of you that easily.

[ lily takes another breath before reaching out to grab his hand again, gripping her wand with the other. and while she's still pale and her hands are still trembling, she seems to have finally found her sense of resolve. ]

You said Sirius was here. If Harry is in one of these... things, [ which makes her sick, but lily can't dwell on that now] then maybe we can start with Sirius, and see if we can figure out a way to get him out.

[ there's the smile, and james feels a piece of him settle in place. there is so much happening to them, around them, but lily smiles back at him and james feels like it all is a bit more manageable. nothing really changed, but james feels like he's seeing it all in a new light. ]

You couldn't even if you wanted to. [ he kisses her forehead again, a quick press of his lips, before he lets his hands fall and lily is immediately there, sliding her hands into his, and james feels the most whole he has since waking up. his wand is in his pocket - he hasn't taken it out yet but he knows it's there.

and then there's lily. lily with a plan, lily with resolve, and in turn james feels more confident. like it's possible. he nods. ] I know he's here. We find him, and I know he'll be able to help. [ he needs to find sirius. he needs to figure out what these memories are about and why he has them, and then they'll find harry. sirius will know what to do, james knows he will, but they need to find him. ] He had to come out of the pods too, right? He'll be here somewhere.

Have you seen him already?

[ it's a quiet question, but lily tugs on his hand slightly -- they're moving, down through the rows of pods, and lily's eyes are darting back and forth, to look at the faces. heading in the direction people seem to be heading -- the exit, presumably. ]

The only person that I've seen that I recognize is you.

Yeah I- [ he starts to explain, and then realizes he doesn't know how, something about the memories and the sound of the orbiter's voices stumbling around in his head. he starts walking with her, because following her is easy, but then he stops - pulling her to a stop as well. ]

I have these...memories. I don't know. It's hard to explain. But I remember seeing him and he saw me and he's here. [ just as he knew lily would be here, too. he knows. which is the kind of look he gives lily now - a kind of desperate attempt for her to believe him, despite how half-assed his explanation sounds. ]

I know he is. [ he squeezes her hand - briefly, but firm. he realizes, too, that he'd probably be able to find him a bit more quickly as prongs - the animal instincts, the awareness, the speed of it. but he doesn't necessarily want to leave her behind. ]

[ memories again. she wants to press him, to ask why he thinks he saw sirius, but . . . well, they've both been through a lot. and pressing james when she has him ready, and present, and with her -- that's not productive. she can press him later. right now, they're on a mission.

so she squeezes his hand, gently -- reassuring, that she believes him, and she doesn't question him, or doubt him. instead: ]

Okay. Sirius is here. Have you seen Remus? [ it's said quietly, as they stand there, and she threads her fingers through his, to keep him close. ] Or anyone else from the Order?

[ they can talk more about it later. later, when james will need to know more too. about what she saw, about what happened. he has ideas, of course. a general sense of the only possibility that could have happened. but in that same thought, it's impossible, so he pushes it off for another time.

when she's not this pale. when they're not this panicked. when they have harry and they know he's safe. once they find harry, and sirius, and the rest of the order- it'll be easier. all of it will. so james gives her a small smile, shaking his head at her questions as her fingers slide effortlessly through his own. ]

You're the first I've seen. But they've got to be here. [ he knows. it doesn't matter if he has any proof to it, james doesn't need it. and then, a moment after he says it, he comes to an idea. ] But this place is huge, this room is huge, let alone the rest of this place. [ he pauses, glancing around them before he comes back to lily. it eats away at him, how much he doesn't like this idea, but his skin is crawling thinking about harry. thinking about harry in these pods.

they need to split up. ]

Lily- [ merlin he hates the idea, but he turns to face her still - pulling her hand up and kissing the knuckles of her hand. ] There's no way we got here and the others didn't. They're here somewhere, and unless you've got a better idea...

[ when james says but this place is huge, she immediately knows what his suggestion is going to be, and lily opens her mouth to protest -- but when james keeps going, and kisses her hand, and silently asks her -- do you have a better idea? -- she immediately looks . . . well. ]

No. [ quietly, but firmly, gripping his hand tightly. ] No, we don't know what's here, or what isn't here, and I'm not -- I won't --

[ but she doesn't finish her sentence, pressing her lips together into a thin line before sucking in a deep breath through her nose, looking away down the hall. frustrated, and maybe a little scared.

she lost james, and then she found him again, and she isn't planning on losing him again anytime soon. ]

It won't be far. [ is, immediately, his first response. the panic in her face terrifies him, if only because it's there for a reason and he's still having trouble figuring his way around how.

and, of course, it's obvious she doesn't have anything better to offer. which is why james waits, rather than argues, brows lifted. ]

And if anything happens, we'll regroup. You don't like where you ended up, I'll find you. [ and then, like she somehow wouldn't have heard that last bit, james repeats himself. ] I'll find you, Lily. Nothing's going to happen.

[ it's already happened, lily wants to say, but the words can't quite make it past her lips. instead, she just stares up at him, and lily shakes her head, still disagreeing -- not that james won't find her again, but the idea --

but just as quickly, reality sets in, and she grits her teeth, closing her eyes for a moment to get a grip. focus. panicking does nothing, and the inevitability of what happened isn't going to change, either. james is james, and if he says he's going to find her, then he is going to find her. death or no.

daring, nerve, and chivalry set gryffindors apart.

james can track down sirius, as an animagus. lily doesn't have that gift, but splitting up will cover twice the ground, even without. which means lily can focus on finding remus, and they can regroup. they have these... communication devices, and lily can figure out how to use it. it looks somewhat similar to what might be a telephone . . . lily can figure it out, and call james, and james is smart -- ]

Promise me.

[ it's murmured, and she opens her eyes to look up at him, almost pleading, still refusing to let go of his hand. ]

That you'll see me later.

[ that look, he has now decided, is his biggest concern. the panic, but the something else with it. she looks at him like there's no hope, like there's nothing left, and james can't live with that. he wants to push forward to her again, close whatever little space is between them just to give her proof that he's here with her, but he doesn't.

lily is the smartest creature he has ever known, and will ever know. if she doesn't like the idea, if she has a better one, he will default to her. that's why he waits, that's why he hesitates, and that's why - when she doesn't speak up with another option - all he does it nod.

he can find sirius more easily as an animagus. and he can return back to her more easily as one too. it's something he has that will help, but he has to be able to run with it, to use it. lily must know as much or else she wouldn't have agreed as easily as she did.

but then there are those words. the way she looks at him. james hearts breaks for reasons he still doesn't really understand, but it doesn't matter. as long as he can say something, anything, to fix that look. he'll say it. ]

I promise. [ the words are soft, but full. with meaning, with intention, with whatever he can pack into those two words for her to believe him. part of him almost smiles, because there is almost something ridiculous about it. of course he'll see her later. of course he's coming back. but he doesn't, knowing that for whatever reason, it's not that simple.

so instead, he leans towards her, setting his forehead against her's and still holding her eyes. ] I will see you later. With Sirius. Okay?

[ in the midst of the fighting, there is always a fight or flight. nine times out of ten, lily chose to fight. there is no room for hesitation when it's life or death, and those decisions, and moments in making those decisions, are precious.

this time, though, her training is failing her, because she honestly has no idea what the right choice is. the answer, obviously, is to fight -- to press forward, and to track down who they need to track down. and in any other instance, lily would make that decision without hesitation. but the thought of separating from james, right now, is paralyzing.

splitting up, however, is necessary. and when james presses his forehead against hers and meets her eyes and holds her closer, her eyes well with tears again, but she nods, quickly, before she can change her mind. or think about what they're doing. ]

Okay. [ it's quiet, and she pushes herself up on her toes just enough to press her lips against his, in a quick kiss, and she pulls away from him to draw in a breath, gripping her wand again. ] Okay. I love you, and don't do anything stupid, actually stupid. Either of you.

Edited 2017-09-20 16:42 (UTC)

[ there is a brief moment, when the tears well up at the corner of her eyes, that james almost throws the idea out. maybe it's not the best, maybe they should stay together, because the idea that something he said is making lily cry, at all, tears away at him.

but he swallows it back. and when she pushes up to kiss him - quick and light - james follows her back to the flats of her feet. presses their lips together, again, as if to confirm it for her. a longer, more purposeful kiss as if he's promising her again that it will be okay. that he will come back and find her.

he lets it linger for a moment or two longer than she had, before finally pulling back away. ] I make no promises. [ said with a very soft smile. ] On Sirius' behalf, I mean. [ he pulls her hand back, kisses it again for good measure, before giving her fingers a soft squeeze. ] And I love you too.

[ she doesn't want to let him go, and for a split second, lily almost (too) throws the entire thing out the window to insist on staying together. but james is right, and finally, lily lets him go.

he promised her, so he will find her again. that's really all there is to it. ]

If we don't find anything within the hour, we meet back here.

[ it's quiet, though she gives him a faint smile, at his joke. ]

And if we do, we let each other know, with -- the communicators, or through a Patronus -- whatever is quickest.

[ it feels bigger than it is. the separation, the unlocking of hands. james hates the way his stomach drops, but he smiles anyway, nods anyway, because they need to and nothing will go wrong.

he promised her. ]

And when we do find something, meet back here. [ when, not if. he watches her for another lingering moment before he moves to step back - to start searching, to find sirius. ] If we need to, we can always send a Patronus. [ another step. ] And I won't be far, alright?

[ the inching backwards is ridiculous. procrastinating this is ridiculous. but lily is nothing but pragmatic, and she draws in a deep breath before nodding.

if they're going to do this, she's going to have to leave first. ]

Right. Neither will I. [ and she will shift the grip on her wand, resolute. ] Stay safe.

[ and lily turns on her heel, quick as can be, and begins walking in the opposite direction.

ripping off the band-aid is always better than doing it slowly. ]

[ closed ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject