[ Another moment of silence follows her words, and for the way his eyes still don't rise again to meet hers, she may think they haven't sunk in. But the reality is quite the opposite. He's silent, because he's letting her words wash over him, melt into his skin, seep into his very bones and the matter that made him up. It's been...a struggle, his entire life, to not feel this way. To not feel a burden, to not feel the icy, chronic embrace of shame. He's always been an outcast, lonesome, before he'd ever truly learned what he was, and once he'd found friendship in Noctis, Ignis and Gladio, he'd been so desperate to keep them around that he smiled through the pain, made himself okay, lifted them up when they couldn't lift themselves.
The truth is that...he'll probably never be completely free of that shame that was written on his heart, indelible as the code print on his wrist, always a little bit afraid that he's less than human because of the circumstances that brought him life, and even more so the impossible odds that spared him from the fate that millions of others just like him suffered. How could he be anything but happy, generous, giving when owed a debt such as that? It feels like a betrayal of this wonderful chance at life he'd been granted to suppose otherwise.
And yet...her words are so certain, so bold, that they leave no room for doubt. Was it really okay? For every way the world kept seeing fit to have him suffer, could he let himself just be sad in earnest, instead of apologizing for even having those feelings in the first place?
After all...that's only human, isn't it?
Her brow is warm - blazing, really - against his, her hand gentle against his gradually slowing heartbeat, and finally, he moves - hands first, one lifting to knot in her hair at the back of her head and the other steadfast on her back. He inhales a deep breath that shudders, quakes, before he finally looks up to meet her eyes. ]
- I didn't even get to say goodbye -
[ He doesn't hold back the tears this time, the weight of everything bleeding, gushing out of him. For the bomb that went off in the market during his watch, for the people who were sick and scared, for the unknowable, and most of all, for the loss of his friends. The three people in the whole world who had ever made him feel wanted.
...Thank the gods he's found one more. Without her, he'd be lost.
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The truth is that...he'll probably never be completely free of that shame that was written on his heart, indelible as the code print on his wrist, always a little bit afraid that he's less than human because of the circumstances that brought him life, and even more so the impossible odds that spared him from the fate that millions of others just like him suffered. How could he be anything but happy, generous, giving when owed a debt such as that? It feels like a betrayal of this wonderful chance at life he'd been granted to suppose otherwise.
And yet...her words are so certain, so bold, that they leave no room for doubt. Was it really okay? For every way the world kept seeing fit to have him suffer, could he let himself just be sad in earnest, instead of apologizing for even having those feelings in the first place?
After all...that's only human, isn't it?
Her brow is warm - blazing, really - against his, her hand gentle against his gradually slowing heartbeat, and finally, he moves - hands first, one lifting to knot in her hair at the back of her head and the other steadfast on her back. He inhales a deep breath that shudders, quakes, before he finally looks up to meet her eyes. ]
- I didn't even get to say goodbye -
[ He doesn't hold back the tears this time, the weight of everything bleeding, gushing out of him. For the bomb that went off in the market during his watch, for the people who were sick and scared, for the unknowable, and most of all, for the loss of his friends. The three people in the whole world who had ever made him feel wanted.
...Thank the gods he's found one more. Without her, he'd be lost.
But he isn't. He isn't. ]