[ dutch doesn't need anyone to hold her hand or keep her upright. khlyen trained her never to rely on others, never to let them in — she'd gone against everything he'd taught her when she'd run away with johnny, a murderous bride on her wedding night and a boy in love with her ship. johnny is good in ways that dutch knows she isn't, and she's built dutch around that, around being better, around being the kind of person johnny could look in the eyes.
theirs was never a romantic love; johnny is her family and her gravity. she knows now where she came from, why she looks like aneela, what she has to do to win a war that doesn't exist here, but without johnny, she still feels utterly lost.
maybe she does need someone to hold her hand or keep her upright, now that johnny isn't here to do it, figuratively if not literally. so she squeezes dorian's hand, a moment of gratitude. ]
Definitely envy. [ she doesn't know that, but it beats the alternative, so yeah. not thinking about it. ] I don't really care much so long as it's got some bite to it.
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theirs was never a romantic love; johnny is her family and her gravity. she knows now where she came from, why she looks like aneela, what she has to do to win a war that doesn't exist here, but without johnny, she still feels utterly lost.
maybe she does need someone to hold her hand or keep her upright, now that johnny isn't here to do it, figuratively if not literally. so she squeezes dorian's hand, a moment of gratitude. ]
Definitely envy. [ she doesn't know that, but it beats the alternative, so yeah. not thinking about it. ] I don't really care much so long as it's got some bite to it.