[harry inclines his head, leaning in too when eggsy does to let him know that he's close--he's right here and he's not going anywhere. whatever it is, his mind and body are completely attuned to just listen to him. let him say his piece and get whatever this is off his chest seeing as it's so clearly got him choked up and feeling guilty. it's not unlike his own guilt he'd carried around, spilling out in the bathroom before he'd left for kentucky. it might have felt a little better if they'd gotten to resolve it properly--there were things harry had said in anger that he doesn't regret, but he wishes he'd been able to extrapolate on.
he thinks only for a moment before setting his own hand atop eggsy's where it's clenched around his knee, meant to soothe away some tension. and then he listens. there's not much eggsy says really, but each of the statements land and they're positively deafening.
he realizes his first thought is only that he'd set eggsy up to watch him die that day. he'd left him on such a poor note and--what else had eggsy seen? a device--they'd guessed at something like that with the cards, but not the end result. not the thought that harry murdered an entire clergy. despite the hateful rhetoric he remembers watching on the plane, the knowledge of what these people preached and declared as their right to free speech--they didn't deserve to die in cold blood.
harry swallows hard, head pounding even as he forces himself not to flinch, though he does pull away both his hand and his proximity finally. he needs space--he needs a moment to try and compose himself with the reality of everything settling in.
he'd slaughtered all those people, and then he'd died without preventing anything that richmond valentine had planned. he couldn't save anyone--not lee, not eggsy, not those people, not the rest of the world. for once, the words are a struggle to find.]
You've been carrying that around--all this time?
[it's not accusatory, not angry. it's neutral and distanced because harry needs more time to absorb it and to let his own shock pass. but eventually he continues carefully.]
Every time we take those missions, we accept the risks. The chances that we won't return, that this one might be our last.
After all that, and the last thing you saw of me was--
[he cuts himself off, mouth thinning into a grim line as he looks down at his hands.]
no subject
he thinks only for a moment before setting his own hand atop eggsy's where it's clenched around his knee, meant to soothe away some tension. and then he listens. there's not much eggsy says really, but each of the statements land and they're positively deafening.
he realizes his first thought is only that he'd set eggsy up to watch him die that day. he'd left him on such a poor note and--what else had eggsy seen? a device--they'd guessed at something like that with the cards, but not the end result. not the thought that harry murdered an entire clergy. despite the hateful rhetoric he remembers watching on the plane, the knowledge of what these people preached and declared as their right to free speech--they didn't deserve to die in cold blood.
harry swallows hard, head pounding even as he forces himself not to flinch, though he does pull away both his hand and his proximity finally. he needs space--he needs a moment to try and compose himself with the reality of everything settling in.
he'd slaughtered all those people, and then he'd died without preventing anything that richmond valentine had planned. he couldn't save anyone--not lee, not eggsy, not those people, not the rest of the world. for once, the words are a struggle to find.]
You've been carrying that around--all this time?
[it's not accusatory, not angry. it's neutral and distanced because harry needs more time to absorb it and to let his own shock pass. but eventually he continues carefully.]
Every time we take those missions, we accept the risks. The chances that we won't return, that this one might be our last.
After all that, and the last thing you saw of me was--
[he cuts himself off, mouth thinning into a grim line as he looks down at his hands.]
I am sorry, Eggsy. For all of it.