nineteenfortyfive: (SCOTLAND)
Claire Fraser ([personal profile] nineteenfortyfive) wrote in [community profile] nysalogs 2017-12-29 12:30 am (UTC)

[It's not that she never wanted to tell Peggy about the multiple marriage thing--there's been plenty of chances, when they've talked about life and things and anything under the sun over tea, but apparently the gala is where she comes clean. There's always a shame to it. Once, for abandoning Frank. Now, for robbing him from having something better than a woman in love with another man.]

When I met Jamie, I was already married. His name was Frank. We married before the war, and then we both enlisted. He worked in intelligence while I went to nurse's training. We were very much in love, but I hardly saw him over the years. We wrote letters. But then, after a time, the letters had to stop. [Can't have agents writing to their spouses during wartime constantly, after all. Some part of her always will wonder if that lack of contact changed things so much.]

I never wanted to marry Jamie, but I had little choice at the time. Mostly, it was because I already had a husband I was trying to get back to. Once Jamie learned the truth he did give me the option to go. [Just to make that clear. Claire shrugs a shoulder, looking down at something she's pushing around on her plate.] By then, Jamie was my heart. I chose him.

[It might seem like that's it, but of course it's not. Claire just pauses for something to wet her mouth.]

For years, Frank thought I was dead--or simply vanished. Jamie and I failed to change history. Culloden came, and he knew that when the Scots lost, it wouldn't be safe for me as the wife of a Jacobite officer. Especially since I was pregnant. [She looks at Peggy. Brianna is precious to her for more than just the fact that she's her daughter.] This time he made me go back to Frank. And I did. From 1948 to 1968, I was in a marriage that was more function than anything else. We raised Brianna together, and he was a good father. I did loved him, and he loved me, but... he wasn't Jamie. And he knew that some part of me was still... with him, in the 18th century.

[Claire takes a breath and smiles sheepishly. Almost done.]

I found out Jamie was alive and so I went back. I missed twenty years with him, but I'm in a marriage that is about love and all that ridiculous nonsense they wrote poetry about. It's night and day.

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