[closed] books were burned away, only swords remained

[gekkajuu]

Who: Mickey (sparsity) & Sushi (gekkajuu)
What: orphans with issues having cliched meetings
When: Aug. 9 after job opportunity announcements?
Where: the streets of Olympia somewhere
Warning(s): cliche run-ins, orphans with dark pasts...?

There aren't many things that Atsushi really wants, and there are fewer that he'll bother aiming for. After being told he's worthless for almost his entire life, it's still a struggle to let go of believing that to be reality. More than that: it's terrifying to try letting go of that idea, and risking failure so ignominious that it will prove without a doubt that he really is worthless, destroying whatever shreds of hope for the contrary he has left.

Still, Atsushi tries. He's getting a bit better about that; a little bit braver, maybe. So when the opportunity of getting a job at the Simwe Institute is announced, he can't just dismiss it. Had there only been talk of science and none of curiosity about the world's mysteries, he probably wouldn't have even considered working there, but he's eager to find out so many things about this planet, for himself as much as for the benefit of all refugees, where it applies. Besides, he's always been interested in studying. He... really wants a job at the Institute. Even if he's not a scientist, or otherwise accomplished; even if he's still new to this city, and probably doesn't stand a chance of getting hired somewhere so prestigious. He really wants this, almost selfishly so. No matter how much everything inside him screams that it's impossible, and even if the thought of trying and failing makes him feel sick, he wants this job.

One day before he can interview. All right... He's already looked around the public libraries a fair bit in his spare time, but this calls for one final effort to get in as much knowledge as he can before he contacts Evras. After all: what if the man starts asking questions to check if he's smart enough? Or maybe reading a bunch is just a good excuse to distract himself from his nauseating nerves. With a stack of books in his arms and a light scowl of determination on his face, he's on his way home, thinking of far too many things to pay much attention to where he's going.

It happens far too often, to him if not everyone else: he turns a corner, and suddenly someone is right there in front of him, too late to avoid bumping into. Atsushi just barely starts turning to limit the damage, trying to at least protect the books he's holding, but that only messes up his balance, making him fall on his ass.

... Still holding most of the books, at least. Phew... He'd hate to seriously damage any library books.

Comments

[gekkajuu]

Maybe having a choice is no more than a hope, too, a wish more than reality most of the time. But hope like that is important. It's been said that happiness is about what you have to look forward to, rather than what you have in this moment. If that's true, then something to strive for is even more important for those in despair - and yet those in despair need to effect change to see their happiness achieved. They need a sense of agency, of choice and an effect of their choices, to be able to believe in happiness.

Atsushi isn't a good person. Maybe nobody is good by nature. But Atsushi knows the importance of being kind to others, of trying to be a good person. So that's what he does. Everyone had given up on him, in the past; he's his own last line of defense, weak though it may be.

"If you're curious to see a library anyway, maybe we could go together sometime? We could try to find a suitable book for you together." Atsushi has already read up on local legends a little; he thinks he knows how to navigate that area of the library. "Well... I'll have to study and try to get this job, first." They may need to put it off for a day or two - but Atsushi is than willing, if Mikazuki is interested.

[sparsity]

Turning the question over in his mouth, Mikazuki doesn't answer immediately. Even all the reading he'd learned to do at home was for a purpose — for learning to grow things successfully in a harsh climate, so he could help Tekkadan prosper. Reading would have helped them work towards the honest lives they sought. Or it would have, had he succeeded. He's sure he thought those things at one point, before the idea of a future waned, falling out of focus until there was only the immediate moments, and then... nothing.

But he's never been a coward, never not wanted to take the next step towards something, even if he's not sure where forward is when he's on his own like this.

"If you're sure, then," he starts, not so much hesitating as measuring his next words a bit more quietly. "I wouldn't mind taking a look."

Lifting his cup, he finishes off his tea with a small nod.

"Ashti had a mission for me too, so maybe after that." Whatever he might find in the library, he won't know unless he goes. Pushing his heels on the floor, he scoots his chair back, motions brief but somehow soft as if in recognition that he's still taking up space in someone's home. No matter how brusque he is, those things still matter. "It's really important, so I'll let you study."

[gekkajuu]

Atsushi looks up, a little surprised at the sudden goodbye - but it really is for the best, for both of them.

"Of course! Good luck with the mission."

Right, studying... For a brief moment there, he'd forgotten, not what he has to do, but how incredibly nervous he feels about it. He eyes the books with a soft sigh. Maybe he really did bite off more than he could chew...

But he made a friend, and that's quite something!

"Let me know when you're available, okay?"

[sparsity]

Mikazuki can tell he's been abrupt and that splinters the moment somewhat, but he's not used to being shown unequivocal kindness. It's not Atsushi's fault that it has a wayward tendency to sink to the pit of his stomach and burn after a while, making him restless with an energy he doesn't know how to reciprocate right away. It's better to be up and moving in that case. Really, it's always been like that.

But somewhere in between climbing to his feet and pushing in his chair, he stops.

"Don't worry," he says, seemingly unprompted. "If this is something you really want, you'll be able to do it."

No matter how taciturn he is, or maybe because he is, he can pour strength and honesty into whatever he says. However he might be feeling, he believes that. With a nod, he turns to go.

"Good luck yourself. When we're both done, we can go to the library."

And, a little quieter, more thoughtful:

"It'll be nice to see."