when the sun has set

[triplerose]

Who: Loras Tyrell (triplerose) & Renly Baratheon (antleredcrown)
What: A much needed talk.
When: Early March.
Where: Their home, Wyver.
Warning(s): Mentions of death, torture, usual Game of Thrones stuff.



The mood in Wyver hasn't changed much since the tournament Renly had seen. It's escalated, if anything, but Loras is used to Wyver's rough and tumble attitude. He's well known enough that trouble doesn't really befall him anyway, but he's mindful to stay out of the way. He's always been like that.

When he gets home from his rounds, it's generally time to make them some supper. Soup, usually, because it's easy and it's filling and Loras has gotten good at it. He's trying to teach Renly, too, but Loras understands. It's hard to go from having everything done for you to having to do it all yourself. Even Margaery had done so much for Loras that he had to learn to do on his own. But it works for them, and once it's all cleared away, Loras sits himself beside Renly and rests his head on Renly's shoulder.

"Renly -" He pauses for a moment. Loras is good with words when he wants to be, and conversation is easiest with Renly, but this is a peculiar conversation to broach. "I feel guilty, keeping all that's happened since your death from you."

Comments

[antleredcrown]

He honestly feels a bit useless, at times, seeing how much Loras does for him. For this -- country they've found themselves in. He has a job, he does the cooking. Renly does his best to keep up with cleaning, at least. Keeping things neat and tidy while Loras is out.

And he is trying, in the kitchen. He can make a decent breakfast hash, at a minimum, and not burn the toast too badly.

The confession from Loras makes him frown a little over his soup and he sets his spoon down. "It's true you've been a little quiet about it, but I assumed you'd come to it when you felt ready."

[triplerose]

Loras can't hold Renly against it. Mostly because he'd never hold anything against Renly ever, but he knows what it's like. Loras would be the first to admit that the two of them are relatively useless at household things. They've lived their whole lives having others do things for them. But it's easy enough to learn, and Loras is pleased that Renly doesn't seem resistant to the idea.

But he's not going to rush Renly, either.

"I was trying not to overwhelm you," he says, with a vague sort of smile. The smile's gone quick enough. "It's quite a lot. You know how Westeros is, how much can happen in a short time. I ... When you - I buried you among the trees in the Storm Lands, a place where no one could bother you." That's maybe the first hard thing to talk about. "Stannis wasted no time in storming our camp. My family decided it suited our interests to side with the Lannisters. They were certain to win and it would gain us favour, and I wanted to ruin your brother. I fought my first and only battle in your armour."

[antleredcrown]

Oh. That touches something deep in his chest and he reaches across the table to take Loras's hand, feeling the need to touch him. To cement the fact that they're both here and alive and together again. "I love you, Loras. And there is nothing that could make me prouder to know you wore my armour into battle. You were more worthy of it than I was. And I do not hold any resentment towards your family for siding with the Lannisters. Where there is money, there is power and there is at least some safety in power. I'm certain between you and your sister -- and your grandmother, for that matter -- you all could have played Joffrey like a fiddle and had him eating out of your hand. I just thought it was easier to kill the brat and have done with him all together."

[triplerose]

"Well - Yes, that had been the plan." Loras happily squeezes Renly's hand, and he has to chuckle. A little. "I'm afraid it gets rather a bit more complicated from there. We defeated your brother's army, and for my part, I asked that Margaery become married to Joffrey. Margaery befriended Sansa Stark and it soon became vastly apparent how monstrous Joffrey was, but you know Margaery. She's smart, she handled him well. For Sansa's safety, they thought it best she and I become married. So I could take her to Highgarden."

He gives Renly's hand another squeeze, a little tighter this time, and the guilt is already on his face before he speaks again.

"There was a squire in King's Landing. I never - After you, I knew I'd never replace you, I'd never want to, but it seemed so silly to me. All the caring. I lost my discretion, between my name and Margaery becoming queen. I told him of my betrothal and I'd no idea it was him at the time, but he must have told the Lannisters. They were quick to instead marry Sansa to the imp, and my grandmother saw fit to see me engaged to Cersei."

[antleredcrown]

"That does sound all rather complicated. Though wise, to marry your sister to the despot. She of all people, with your grandmother's help, would be able to control him."

The mention of the squire stings a little, but -- Loras had been lonely, and mourning him. So he squeezes back, rubbing his thumb against Loras's hand. "I will not allow you to feel guilty for a dalliance after my death. Betrothal to Cersei seems punishment enough for any crimes of the heart you may have committed."

[triplerose]

"Yes, well, if only all things were so simple. You can imagine how well she took to the idea. And the gods know I tried to be kind to her, I did." He does attempt a smile. Loras does his best to be kind to almost anyone. "On Margaery's wedding day, Joffrey died. Poison. I've no idea who really did it. Enough people wanted him dead. Margaery was quick to become betrothed to Tommen but once Tywin died, Cersei inherited most of the power of House Lannister."

And one can imagine how that went. Loras shifts. He's trying not to bore Renly with details but he doesn't want to leave out what might be important.

"A religious sect called The Sparrows and the Faith Miitant came into King's Landing. Lancel Lannister was one of them. Cersei played the fame with them, earning favour by helping cleanse the city. They locked me in the black cells until my small hearing. It was an annoyance at best. Between my name, my well liked reputation, my grandmother, and Margaery, what could they possibly have as proof? They brought in the squire as a witness. My birthmark, you know." Loras runs a hand over his face. "I spent too long in those cells, Renly. Every day, trying to be forced into confessing my sins and my crimes. I wish I could say that I had the strength to endure it, but -"

He pinches his eyes, wiping at them quickly. Nothing to see here.

"If you're not able to win a fight, you work with your enemy. They granted me mercy for it when I said I'd join their militant. I confessed to my sins in the Sept of Baelor, in front of my father and my sister and innocents from the city. I denounced you as a traitor but only in words - I would never - You're the only king I stand for." He says it in a rush, so Renly has no time to be mad. "They cut off my hair and carved their sigil into my forehead. After that ... I don't know. Margaery was in a panick about leaving, Cersei wasn't there for her own trial, there was a flash and nothing. I've since learned the Sept was blown up in wild fire and we died from that. I don't doubt who was behind it. And that's ... So much happened even that I don't know."

[antleredcrown]

"Lancel, Robert's boy who he made run about for him?" But the more Loras keeps talking, the more Renly's heart hurts. His grip on Loras's hand is enough to cut off circulation, certainly enough to whiten his knuckles. "I don't care. I don't care -- you did what you had to, gods Loras. How could I ever feel anything but sorrow for that. Anger, yes, but towards those that mistreated you so." Renly drops to his knees on the floor, wrapping his arms tight around Loras's waist and pressing his face against his side. "I thank whatever gods brought us here that you're safe, in once piece. Away from the Sparrows and the heathens that tortured you. I wish I had been there to protect you, my love."

[triplerose]

"Well, you weren't, because it was my duty to protect you, and I failed even in that."

But it's fine. Loras reaches his hand up to run through Renly's hair, petting through it.

"I'm glad to be here with you. I'm glad you came back to me." He exhales a breath, giving the back of Renly's neck a light squeeze. "It's all done now, though, isn't it? This place is ... Strange, and hard to manage sometimes, but it's better than Westeros ever was. We don't need to hide here."

[antleredcrown]

"If I could erase all the pain and hurt you've gone through -- " But he relaxes, bit by bit, as Loras pets his hair. "You're right. It's in the past, and though I wish I could, I cannot change things. All that to say, I am glad I am here, with you, in this strange place. And even gladder of your patience and willingness to teach me things I ought to know." The last part -- well. "You'll forgive me if it takes me time to grow used to the idea. I'm so used to living in fear of being caught out. Not everyone in Westeros was nearly so understanding as your dear sister."

[triplerose]

Loras has to laugh. It's light and full of adoration, and he pulls Renly up enough that he can press a kiss to Renly's lips.

"I was new here once, too. I know the adjustment is hard, it took me several months to realize it's all right. I won't rush you."

Another kiss, to seal the deal.

"And it took me longer still to learn how to take care of myself. Margaery took to it well, of course, but you and I can learn together."