nysalogs | ( catch-all )

I told you we are being honest with each other, did I not?

[ Now it is Percival's time to feel uncomfortable. He has asked Cain to make himself vulnerable, and can only be expected to do the same, but this is a difficult question to answer. It's difficult, because he and Cain are too alike in that respect. How tiring. He sighs. ]

Then I will be. I cannot promise you that I won't try to stop you from doing something foolish, in the same way I would hope you would try to have me see reason. [ Except his ideas are always good and never dumb... let's ignore that he died. ]

But if you prove too stubborn and stupid, I will not let you go alone.

[ I will not let you go alone. The words have Cain's smile blooming, and he ducks his head, staring down at their joined hands. Even with the insults, even with Percival talking about Cain heading off into danger... he knows that Percival means more than that. At least... he thinks he does. ]

And if you prove too hardheaded to listen to reason, I won't let you go alone, either. [ Not that there'd ever been a risk of that, on Cain's end. ] But... I also won't try to leave you behind. Not anymore.

[ He looks up, the smile soft, small and hopeful. ]

I'll trust you to have my back and to be at my side.

[ Percival can hardly stand to look at him again. His words make his heart, previously heavy with melancholy, feel light and set aflutter. His smile doesn't make any of this any easier, either. He slowly crosses his arms and gives him a small, weak smile in return. ]

As you should have from the very beginning. [ But that was neither here nor there.

And unfortunately, they're far from done here. That should have been it— a reaffirmation of a promise to have each other's backs in this world.

But it's not, even if that would have ordinarily sufficed. ]

There is... something else I wanted to talk about, as well. [ He frowns. ] After I hurt you, and you... [ broke the spell? ]

[ No, of course this isn't everything. Cain knows that. There's far more than just this matter of trust between them. Hasn't this been the whole problem to begin with? He could have trusted Percival before this, but... he'd pushed Percival away more than he needed to, even, and for a simple reason.

A reason he can't ignore, not any longer. ]

Ah. [ Soft, barely more than an exhale. He won't pretend to misunderstand what Percival's referring to. ] You mean when I kissed you.

[ It doesn't sound like this is a subject Cain particularly wants to talk about, either. Part of him wonders if the conversation would have been best left there. He clears his throat. ]

I don't think words can ever be sufficient to demonstrate how truly sorry I am that I allowed myself to become so... monstrous.

[ In fact, he's still trying to think of an apology that might come close to being sufficient. His cheeks warm as he continues talking, voice more and more firm, as if he's trying to convey his typical air of confidence. This time, he's likely not very convincing. ]

I don't hold it against you, what you did. I know that you were doing everything in your power to save ourselves. I don't know why it worked, but it did. That's all that matters.

Percival...

[ He lets out a slow breath, a huff of rueful laughter, something fondly exasperated. No, Percival isn't convincing at all, especially not with that blush pinking his cheeks. But Cain can only look at him and feel affection, something warm in his chest that grows, has red tinging his own cheeks. ]

You owe me no apology. And... I won't give you one for kissing you, either. [ Percival's giving him an out, but for once, Cain has no intention of taking it. He's not turning back now; he's already decided to lay everything out in the open, let Percival see it all and make judgement. ] It's true, I did it because I could think of no other way to bring you back to yourself at the time, but I only thought to do it at all because... because of my feelings for you.

[ The soft laughter, admittedly, makes him feel even more indignant. This is hard enough without feeling silly. ]

Is there something funny?

[ He at least stays quiet enough to let Cain finish, and though the statement shocks him, it wipes the frown completely off his face, expression replaced with a mixture of surprise and quickly mounting (and poorly veiled) hope. He actually stammers a bit as he continues. ]

Your... feelings for me?

[ He searches Cain curiously again, looking for any indication that this might be a joke. But he knows that Cain wouldn't do that. Not when they've come this far in the conversation, and not when he's trusting him with this emotional vulnerability.

Suddenly, it's as if something clicks within him. Cain has been a puzzle, and each piece has to be put meticulously in place before a glimpse of the bigger picture can be obtained. His voice grows quiet, gaze slightly diverted. ]

You... Before... you held back because of your fear of getting close to anyone?

[ This, then, is the true precipice. This is giving everything away if he answers. Percival, for all that his emotional intelligence is often that of a rock, isn't stupid. Even he won't be able to miss this, when it's spelled out so blatantly.

But it's something of a relief to put the last puzzle piece in Percival's hand. To give over the key to all of Cain's secrets. He breathes out the answer on a sigh. ]

Yes. If anyone came to care for me too much... I'm all too aware of how reckless I am. When I get hurt, it would only hurt them all the more, if they were close enough to care so much for me.

[ Cain is stupid. Percival is stupid. They are both the biggest fools. In that moment, Percival truly believes this.

But it's that side of Cain's noble nature, his consideration and care for others... that makes him like him all the more. Percival reaches up to rub his own temple, laughing softly.

There is lightness in his tone, however. ]

You are a pain. In case I haven't expressed it enough before, you are insufferable.

I'm—

[ He's betrayed, that's what! Here he is, opening his heart, and Percival is laughing at him! Calling him an insufferable pain! He hasn't told anyone this before, not the captain, not Reinhardtzar, not even Leona!

Cain huffs, much less amused, and pouts at Percival. Even with the lightness in Percival's tone! Insufferable! Hmph. ]

Truly the worst.

[ There, he can definitely finish Cain's sentence for him. There's no denying that Percival feels happier, giddier than he can remember in recent memory. He can't help but grin, despite Cain's dismay, despite the persistent redness to his cheeks. ]

If you're serious... then you'll let me enact my revenge. If this is another joke, I will end you.

[ Payback for all the times Cain has acted however he wished without being honest about his intentions. Said Payback starts with a firm hand to Cain's chin and ends with their lips meeting. ]

It's not a joke.

[ Faintly indignant, a little mumbled — Cain still sulking. But the sulk is quickly vanquished, his pout turning into a wide-eyed look of surprise as Percival grasps him by the chin. ]

But if you must have revenge— What are—

[ He tilts his head up, the rest of his question swallowed up by the press of Percival's mouth against his, ending in a soft gasp. For a moment he's frozen in shock, lets out a little mmph. But then he relaxes, slides a hand up into Percival's hair and leans into the hold — into the kiss, his eyes drifting shut as he smiles, parts his lips, lets Percival kiss him. ]

[ Percival feels lighter and happier than he has in months, and it certainly doesn't hurt that for once, he's able to get the upper hand on Cain, even if it's only momentary. It is likely that being aware of his own sentiment, coupled with the relief of living and breathing again, that leaves him feeling warm and embracing a glimmer of hope.

He lingers for a moment longer, savoring the moment and Cain's warmth. He does so, for the first time, without worry, doubt, or hesitation. Even when he pulls away, he lets his fingers graze along Cain's temple, framing his face gently. ]

Good. We are even now.

Even. [ Soft, a low murmur, and Cain can't stop smiling, can't stop the wide grin that lights up his face as he stares at Percival, lets Percival cradle him so dearly. ] I've never been one for even, though.

[ No, Cain's not one for revenge, for getting even. He's not one for just merely evening the score, for coming out with a draw — he's always looked for a win, for the quickest, cleanest path to ending a battle decisively.

And that's why, even though his hand is bandaged, even though it pulls at his injury, he still hooks his free hand in the front of Percival's shirt and yanks, pulling Percival forward, onto him, spilling Percival onto the couch — onto him, no choice but for Percival to straddle him to avoid crushing him entirely, Percival's larger frame caging him in.

They end up with Cain grinning at Percival from up close. He tips his head up the last few inches and steals another kiss, quick and fleeting, with just a hint of eager delight. ]

I've always preferred victory.

[ Percival doesn't expect to be pulled forward, especially not when that hand of his is still healing, and in fact, he's about to scold Cain for putting strain on it, but his efforts soon have to switch and focus to not crushing the other man beneath him.

His smile has been replaced, once again, with a look of surprise, head spinning when he feels that now-familiar warmth of his lips return. He shifts, frowning when he realizes there's a real possibility of accidentally putting pressure on parts of Cain that are still healing, but he can't bring himself to damper Cain's spirit. Not when his own feels as though he's floating through the clouds, heart ready to leap out of his chest.

His gaze grows soft, once again serious, despite Cain's own shift to impish. He leans down to clasp his fingers around Cain's uninjured hand, bringing it towards his lips and giving his knuckles a quick peck. ]

You will be mine, then? Truly?

[ Cain stills — not beneath Percival's weight, but struck by that gentle touch, caught out by the tenderness of that soft brush of Percival's lips. He finds himself staring, the teasing fading away for a moment.

He can feel his cheeks heating up, is sure that the red is reaching all the way to his ears.

Dealing with Percival's bluster, his grumpiness, that's easy. His unvarnished emotion, the raw affection, the uncertainty that Percival gives him— Oh, Cain's hardly prepared for it at all, and yet he can't look away, doesn't want to. He wants all of it, wants to give Percival an answer just as sincere. ]

Yes. [ Quiet, his fingers closing over Percival's as he leans their heads together, foreheads touching. ] I'll be yours, truly. [ His lips quirk. ] As you'll be mine?

[ In turn, Percival isn't used to seeing Cain like this, either. Yes, he's used to the easy smiles that come naturally to him. But he's also used to the way Cain might have deflected before, how he's left questions unanswered.

All of this is new to him, but he's decided he likes this side of him the best. For all the pain and torment they'd been through, it led to this, at the very least.

Getting to share this with him isn't such a bad consolation prize.

His smile is small but genuine. ]

I will be yours, and you've forfeited the chance to back out now. How unfortunate for you. [ He says lowly, face warming as he leans down and leaves a trail of kisses down Cain's chin, along his neckline. ]

I'm not unfortunate at all. [ On this point, he'll be quite clear, won't tease at all — even if his words come out a little breathy, even if Cain's pulse is quickening beneath the warm, ticklish trail of Percival's lips. ] I don't offer promises I don't intend to keep. You'll find no regrets from me in this matter.

[ No regrets at all, how could he have any? Where he felt like he was falling before, now he feels anchored, Percival's weight over him steadying and certain. There's a bright film of that old fear lurking at the back of everything, making it bright, but... it just doesn't matter, not in the face of what Percival's offering, what Percival's giving him.

What he can have with Percival, with this. Having Percival matters more than those what-ifs.

He wants to trust Percival. He has to trust that Percival knows the risks, that Percival's judged them worthwhile, that even if something does happen to Cain, Percival thinks that it's worth that hurt — just as Cain feels it is, to have Percival at his side. ]

It's you who's lost the chance to back out. [ Cain turns his head, a hand in Percival's hair to coax him to look up, and the grin he gives Percival is bright and gleaming with mischief. ] Now I have every reason to take liberties.

[ Liberties like the kiss he presses to Percival's throat — a kiss that turns slow and sucking, drawn out, Cain mouthing at the skin with every intention of leaving a mark, just high up enough above where Percival usually wears his collar to be seen. ]

And I will not be repeating myself.

[ Comes the murmured response from Percival, now hovering barely over Cain's Adam's apple. It makes him happy, of course, to feel reassured that he can trust Cain's sincerity and true feelings, but it was true that he has always been forthcoming about his loyalty. He would support Cain's goals so long as they were just and good, however dangerous they may be. ]

I have never backed down once I've made a decision, and I don't intend to start now—

[ It's a good thing his self-important response is cut off, and Percival is surprisingly pliant to Cain's direction. He shivers as he feels the other's lips and teeth tug and suck on his skin, making his blood run just a little faster. He knows full and well that the contact will leave a mark, but he can't bring himself to fully protest by pulling away. Not when his body has yearned for Cain for so long, and not when he's done everything in his power to suppress that yearning before.

But that doesn't mean he can't pout about it. His hands carefully dig into Cain's sides while he hisses. ]

You brat—!

[ Cain laughs, muffling the sound against Percival's skin — entirely unrepentant. He should feel some contriteness, probably, but he can't manage it. Not when he's waited so long, when he's buried this attraction for months, put such careful distance between them. When he's had to hold himself back, every urge to reach out and touch Percival like he'd had that first brief, wonderful encounter, those weeks after, when he'd been able to pretend that everything could be easy and uncomplicated.

And now, with his fingers carding through Percival's soft hair, his hands curled in Percival's clothes, his lips pressed soft and smiling against Percival's skin, it's not uncomplicated at all. It may not be easy, either, but... it's better for that, knowing he can have this, and truly, that Percival welcomes all of it just as much as Cain wishes for it, the certainty of that knowledge burning like an ember in Cain's chest— ]

But I'm your brat! [ Crowing even as he squirms, trying to escape Percival's fingers, the writhing only pushing him closer against Percival. His voice is breathless, still so glad, and a moment later his tone softens, turns to a happy murmur. ] I'm yours.

Are you saying that now I can deal with you as I see fit? [ He murmurs back, lifting the hem of Cain's shirt slightly to run his fingers along the warm skin of his abdomen. He'd truly underestimated how much he'd missed this, how much this, more than breathing and walking about again, made him feel alive and human.

Eventually, he forces himself to pull himself back, hand raising to lightly dab at the spot Cain had left him with. He looks down at Cain, really looks at him, bandages and all. He grins. ]

You're lucky you're injured, or I'd return it tenfold. [ In fact, a part of him still worries that he may be accidentally hurting him by pressing his weight upon him, however lightly it may be. ] Perhaps I should leave you to finish healing.

[ Does he want to? Heck no. Will he? Nah. ]

Yes, I'm saying exactly that.

[ His stomach flutters beneath Percival's fingers as Cain draws in a sharp breath, sensitive to that warm touch. It's a promise of more, having his shirt lifted, having Percival's fingers on bare skin like this, a promise that he's not pleased at all to have withdrawn, even if it's only to tease.

Cain tightens his hold on Percival's shirt as Percival falls back, not letting him pull far away at all.

His gaze dips down to follow the path of Percival's hand; his smile turns a little smug at seeing the red bruise already rising on Percival's skin.]

You wouldn't really make me wait any longer, would you? [ The barest note of pleading in his voice. ] I'm not that fragile, I promise you.

Maybe I should, for your insolence.

[ It's comfortable... reassuring to be able to fall back into this routine, into teasing one another without any actual bite. Whereas before, Percival's tone might have come off as defensive, there's nothing but fondness now, even if he will actually suffer in trying to discreetly hide that mark later.

But as much as he teases, he's certain he can't wait anymore, either. Percival is modest (when he's not showing off his titties at least), but he's still very much a man with desires. And those desires have been wholly focused on the man before him for quite some time.

He wants. They will simply have to be careful.

He still hesitates, however, pressing his forehead against Cain's once more and lingering for a moment. ]

Don't hesitate to tell me if I'm hurting you.

[ He closes his eyes and kisses him eagerly once more, loving and sincere, while his hands continue their work in lifting Cain's shirt upward. ]

You won't.

[ Murmured into the kiss, heartfelt and with utter certainty, no doubt at all. Not with how careful Percival's being with him — but it's more than this, more than just Percival being cautious of his wounds. He wants to believe that Percival won't be like his brother, won't leave him again. He wants to believe, for this moment, in impossible things, that Percival can keep any promise he makes, that Percival won't do anything to hurt him.

He's trusting Percival. It's as simple as that. Unbearably complicated, and he wants all of it.

Just as he wants the heat of Percival's mouth, the slick slide of Percival's tongue — the vulnerable feeling of bare skin pressed against Percival's clothing as his shirt is lifted, and Cain pulls at the buttons of Percival's shirt, eager to have it opened, well aware that he's making it that much harder for Percival to remove his clothing. After all, he has to be insolent if Percival's going to be rebuking him for it. ]

Hm.

[ Is the only response that Cain gets, because for once, Percival has no protest to offer. He's been caught in his blatant bluff, and he doesn't have the strength to keep it up. He smiles as he feels Cain press further against him, his body remembering this feeling and this time, unabashedly basking in it.

There are no more doubts in his mind, because when Percival resolves to do something, to make such a staunch promise to him, nothing short of fate itself would stop him from keeping that promise. His mind quickly wanders to other matters, however, like the way Cain's mouth teases and pulls him further in, likely without even trying.

It's a good sign that both of them are eager to see each other bare, but unfortunate in its inconvenience. ]

Don't be difficult. [ He murmurs in between sloppy kisses, giving Cain's lower lip a sharp nibble as punishment. Soon enough, though, he relents in the name of progress, pulling back so he and Cain can pull his shirt fabric past his shoulders. Once discarded, he wastes no time in finishing his own task, carefully peeling cloth over the other's head, all the while making sure not to aggravate his bandages. ]

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