[closed]

[inaurare]

Who: Linneus (inaurare) & Dazai (cassus)
What: Linn is troubled by the birthday cake emoji. Dazai promised he could get rid of it.
When: April 5th - whisper it - Linneus' birthday.
Where: Olympia; tea parlour/cafe near the market place.
Warning(s): Will be updated as necessary - some discussion of the recent hostage/torture event, (self-)injury.



[Linneus hasn't been out much at all since the Sanctuary released him, has spent a lot of his time at home convalescing and trying avoid being outside. Crowds. People, in general. Healthy caution, after being hustled off the street and drugged.

He moves with care, still bandaged and healing yet under his clothes, and goes nowhere without a small knife tucked away and his miniature llama. Lula had been something of a surprise in the beginning, but she proved herself to be an indispensable companion, particularly recently. The little creature has her head leaned on Linneus' knee, letting him stroke her. It helps to make the wait less tense, but he still glances to the door every time he hears it open, occasionally opening cakestopper.jpg on his device to double-check who he is looking for.]

Comments

[cassus]

[ While he knows of the quaint little tea parlor which Linneus had chosen for their meet-up, this will be the first time Dazai actually sets foot in it. Old habits die hard, and Dazai's life on the edge often lead him to the familiar grounds of seedier places for any rendezvous he might have with strangers.

But this interaction is different, contrasting starkly with the self-destructive vices he's accustomed to when left to his own choosing. And not for the first time tonight does the change of pace feel refreshing.

It's with that positive attitude, or at least a flawless imitation of it, that Dazai casually breezes through the cafe's little doorway. A single once-over of the occupants has him putting the only pink-haired patron in his sights, and Dazai makes a point of catching the other man's gaze before coming over.

Linneus doesn't need to spell out that he's been through more than his fair share of traumas recently, and perhaps not so near to the present. The skittishness of someone who is cautious of others after being subjected to their mistreatment reads loud and clear to Dazai. So he approaches like you would with something equally prone to fright, being careful not to sneak up on him or approach without a non-verbal cue.

Soon as he's at the other man's table Dazai removes one hand from where both had been tucked into the pockets of his trench-coat, placing it gently on the chair next to Linneus. A handshake feels too much like a business deal, and being complete strangers denies anything more friendly in terms of a greeting. But this way he can acknowledge his companion and breech the space in a way that comes off as amicable. ]

....Linneus, I hope?

[ Gone is the impish and innuendo-laden persona from earlier. Even if his companion didn't notice it before, Dazai adjusts his demeanor appropriately for someone unaccustomed to his fondness for teasing. It's better to be safe than sorry and prune out traits that he can tell will only offend or irritate anyone who behaves and looks like Linneus does.

And he does look. Dazai may bestow the small smiles and soft words of someone who, despite their devastatingly good appearance, might as well be harmless as a preschool teacher for the gentle and inoffensive aura he exudes. But he isn't blind to the fact that Linneus is simply stunning, even if his eyes refuse to roam or linger.

None of this act is entirely a lie, but merely various shades of true feelings he's still trying to grow into after a lifetime of denying them. ]

And it looks like you've brought a friend. [ He doesn't miss the miniature llama settled near Linneus' feet. ]

[inaurare]

I hope I am.

[he does rise to shake the gentleman's hand, though, Lula skirting in between them. Not quite the most effective barrier, being three feet tall and mostly neck, but she has been even more protective of him since he went missing.]

And you must be Mr... [catching himself, a sheepish smile] Just-Dazai. This is Lula...

[who is determinedly getting up in front of Dazai, as if to assess him]

She seems to think herself my nanny, lately.

[cassus]

Just Dazai, that's right.

[ He instinctively parrots back the sort of accidental nickname Linneus has come to dub him with. It's not done to correct his companion's knee-jerk formality in the least, even if Dazai doesn't care for titles. Instead it feels like a natural companionable response, batting around something that's been said enough to become a slight in-joke between them. ]

If that's so? Well...

[ It's necessary to take a knee in order to greet the miniature llama upon her approach, but he doesn't waver from his earlier adherence to caution. Even his crouch is careful, taken a touch slower than normal, in order to avoid looking like a threat. Getting bitten by something with teeth meant to sheer grass, no matter their tiny size, isn't on Dazai's agenda today. ]

What do you think, Lula?

[ Yet despite as much he does open his palm and allow it to hover between himself and the obviously maternal little cottonball creature. Lula might not be a dog, but permitting a protective animal to assess your scent and write you off as a nonthreatening being is often the easiest way to appease them. ]

Do I get to visit with Linneus today?

[ Lula can't speak, and the both of them know as much. So it's clear that Dazai's little bout of theatrics are for Linneus and him alone. He's seen it enough in parks and public places to mimic the act of subtly engaging in someone's pet in order to earn their approval.

Whether or not it works with a llama has yet to be seen. ]

[inaurare]

[Lula's stance before Dazai is more curious than anything, stretching up as if trying to get herself in his eye-line - the cues of their meeting telling her that he is Friend, or Maybe-Friend. The man has done nothing yet to show himself a threat, and Linneus seems to be receptive to him. Were Dazai's behaviour different, Linneus' reaction different, so too might be her reaction. She still glances back to Linneus as he eases himself back into his seat, but her attention comes straight back to Dazai as he kneels for her, the closure of the gap allowing her to butt her head gently against his.

The both of their antics make Linneus chuckle very gently - because too loudly would be rude, and there's still a slight rattle in his chest still that he isn't keen to set off.]

She approves. Why don't you sit?

[and if he does, Lula will absolutely follow this stranger so that she can get a better measure of him, setting her head on his knee for attention. Linneus, meanwhile, slides a menu over]

I've a tea service ordered, but if there is anything else you would like...?

[cassus]

[ There's a first time for everything, even having a fluffy cloud-creature accept your presence and acknowledge it with a nudging of foreheads. Dazai has rarely been able to interact with the various animals here, and in his prior life playing with pets in the place of merely observing them was scarcely something he had the opportunity to do. So he can't help the small breath of a laugh which escapes him at the headbutt, genuinely amused in a way that has nothing to do with salacious jokes or teasing for the sake of an entertaining reaction. ]

Seems like it. [ His extended hand lowers to pet Lula's head. ] Lucky me.

[ Dazai isn't the sort of man who needs a second invitation to coax him into action, so he mirrors his companion by settling in for something to drink and hopefully a bite or two. Lula's fluffy little head on his knee isn't met with a visual notice, but Dazai's hand remains ever attentive at stroking over her curl-laden noggin during the conversation.

The menu is a nice touch but somehow diving into plucking up an item of his own choosing feels tacky, especially when he's relying on Linneus' kindness. So he doesn't yet open it, choosing instead to palm his chin and give the other man a smile. ]

I could have a bite to eat. [ A polite way of saying he's famished. ] How about you?

[ The question is an honest one. Everything from Linneus's petal-pink hair and dainty mannerisms to his ethereal demeanor gives off such an otherworldly aura that Dazai wouldn't be shocked if Linneua was some divine mythical waif who survives on tea, flower buds and sunbeams. Sadly Dazai is made of much more gritty and substantial stuff. It's true he almost caps at six foot, being just an inch shy, but there's plenty of muscle where it matters, proven by how capably devastating his well-practiced punches are. Meaning his body needs more than delicate sips of tea, even if he's not opposed to 'doing as the romans do' to some degree. ]

You've been here more than I, so I trust your judgment to know what's good.

[inaurare]

There are some small cakes and sandwiches as part of the service.

[reaching carefully for the menu to open it for him, indicating with a delicate hand a photo of the set he ordered-]

Sort of a small afternoon tea. But I'm sure there can be bigger portions ordered of anything you favour.

[his sleeves are long, tugged down almost to cover the tops of his hands. That's unusual, for Linneus, but necessary at the moment - he's a terrible patchwork under his clothes. His movement is only half to mirror Dazai's posture, his hand propping one side of his chin to obscure a mark left crawling up the side of his neck]

We can wait and see, though. I'm not choosy, but I don't tend to eat much.

[he has a tendency rather to peck at his food and eat little, but often. So perhaps Dazai's assessment of him is not far off.

But their service has arrived, and he straightens up properly, a little stiff as he reaches to move the menu aside for space. Just a twinge]

[cassus]

[ Dazai's scrutinizing gaze doesn't miss all the tell-tale signs that something is particularly wrong with Linneus' movements. While every pale curve of his long throat or each slender digit upon his hand hints towards Linneus' natural born grace, it clashes with the mechanical rigidity marring every action just enough to catch a well trained eye.

Between Dazai's work as a detective and spending his formative years in the upper echelons of Yokohama's mafia organization, he has a broad enough skill-set to sense when someone is injured. More than that the degree of it's severity or even the means of it's infliction and precise location are easily perceived through the most mundane of actions which Linneus continuously feeds him.

But while their order is delivered Dazai says nothing. He's still beyond remaining casually propped in his seat, save for the attention lavished on Lula and a gaze insistent on tracking the noticeably scarred throat or sleeves drawn down to shield knuckles.

It's only when their server leaves and the pair are once again caught up in their own little universe of idle discussion that Dazai feels it appropriate to breech the subject. ]

Are you feeling up to being out and about?

[ It's true that Dazai was the one guilty of coaxing Linneus into meeting, and his companion was determined to stop the well-wishes that remind him of another year gained. But the question is still a valid one, and it brings attention to the fact he knows Linneus is still on the road to recovery.

There are many other things he could say, or might have said in response to Linneus' gentle discussion of mealtime talk. But this rises in precedence among them all, looming large enough that Dazai can't help but cut through the chitchat and ask 'Are you okay?', if not in so many words. ]

[inaurare]

[he hesitates in his movement for the teapot, his hands freezing in the air before withdrawing, slow]

Not entirely.

[he’s only a few days out of the Sanctuary, and only after undergoing enough healing that he can manage. Hands and face, here and there, anything that may not be protected and covered by his clothes. The rest will be slower, but it is still far better than it was, blistering and rolling away at the slightest touch.

It isn’t his place to drain peoples’ healing magic, and even though he fears being seen scarred - marred - Linneus also fears letting his body heal too much faster than the rest of him. It's enough for now, and he can always get more healing later. Even if there are marks like the one on his neck they say will never really go away...

...that one, he is still getting his head around.]

Healing is a process. But I should try to go about life as normally as I can...

[he doesn’t want to - the larger part of him would rather retreat into his house, shut his doors and blinds and not face the world for a while. But that is just self-indulgence - he was indulging, and that is no good for Lula, and no good for him]

...within reason.

[cassus]

[ Dazai makes a point of gently coaxing Lula to lift her head and free up his knee, waiting until the little puff gives him room enough before he moves. As they are now, Linneus has to strain and exert himself to reach over the table to interact with him. With confirmation that doing so isn't just awkward maneuvering, but physically uncomfortable, it seems best to fix that. ]

Here, allow me....

[ Once his seat is pulled closer to Linneus' side of the table the arrangement significantly lessens his companion's burden, yet offers enough personal space that it doesn't read as a come on. If it was wholly welcome and the goal tonight was something friendlier than first meetings, they're near enough that Dazai could brush his knee along Linneus' own. But Dazai makes no such move to touch his new-found friend. If anything the nearness prevails him to behave more conservatively, further curbing his inherently flirtatious nature.

Before there's time to wonder over Dazai's decision, Linneus should find a finely decorated teacup filled and placed before him in it's matching dish, poured carefully by Dazai's hand. Lemon, cream and sugar all follow, as he relocates each close enough that Linneus needs not even extend his arm to select whichever he chooses.

The tiered tray itself, laden with cakes and sandwich bites as well, is drawn towards Linneus' side of the table in the event he wants to select for himself. ]

Please, don't push yourself.

[ For all the times Dazai has been a devastating and dark entity, resonating with a personality callous as the toothiest sandpaper and colder than arctic ice, he's capable of the polar opposite.

Linneus' intriguingly pacifistic beliefs nudge him there. But what solidifies it is meeting the man in person only to watch as he swallows down the kind of suffering that resonates with Dazai deep down into the marrow of his very bones. And maybe it's also an urge he feels to give what he's given, supplying the soothing-soft aura and kind words that Linneus allows him to soak in, like a balm over his battered and bruised heart. ]

Recovery is different for everyone.

[ The sleeves of Dazai's coat are pushed up as he pours his own cup of tea, exposing twin spirals of snow-white medical gauze rolled along the length of each arm. He does this without verbally drawing attention to them. Even so, if Linneus is clever he'll put two and two together to realize the display is a gentle reminder that Linneus is not alone. Whatever their differences, they're two sides of the same coin. Both men are processing the damage of deeply traumatic scars running far more than skin deep, yet which still manage to mar them there too. ]

[inaurare]

[Lula is very game to shift, but she makes a point of following Dazai. A brief detour to Linneus to check in, butt his leg lightly and make sure she receives a pat or a rub in return, and then back to her head in the man's lap again]

...thank you.

[it's hard, to let people do for him, but he beginning to get better at accepting - or he hopes he is. Even then, it is one thing to have the tea poured for him; it's another to have Dazai move around to sit with him, draw the set closer. He is used to balancing things against himself, not cluttering his partner but guiding the flow of attention in the positioning of the service, by pouring the tea, offering out and bringing nothing to himself beyond what he should have. Unused to, the attention returned - particularly by a relative stranger - is like having a spotlight directed on him.

So perhaps Dazai is beginning to get an idea as to why Linneus wasn't so much a fan of having his birthday publicised, even in so oblique a way as the cake symbol he protested.

Cream and sugar added, holding the teacup is easier and far less clumsy than it was when his hands were bandaged. Having them healed was the right way to go.]

I hope it is all to your tastes - please, do choose something. Several somethings, there are sideplates enough...

[and hesitantly, because his eyes caught Dazai's bandages but it might not be the most appropriate topic for a first meeting-]

Were you taken as well?

cw: abuse / self harm

[cassus]

[ Ever perceptive, Dazai doesn't miss the subtle cues that all his efforts to bring further comfort to Linneus only leave the other man conflicted. He comprehends preferring to skirt the spotlight of other's attentions. No matter how loud and boisterously he behaves to suit some situations, wearing a harlequin mask to hide his honest feelings, when the situation tries to focus upon him simply for his sake then Dazai always bails.

Holiday parties, birthday celebrations, festivals; these times where people are meant to bond more wholly and knit their souls with those closest to him are simply excruciating. So he hides himself away, lingering within the safety of his own closed doors or taking foot to wander the streets that are almost as sleepless as he is.

The uncertainty at being attended to is so clear that Dazai gradually reins in those acts of kindness, seating himself with only the tea as he permits Lula her self-proclaimed perch once more. ]

Choose for me? [ Maybe this is more Linneus' speed. ] I don't know where to begin, it all looks so good.

[ A soft amicable smile on his face, Dazai knits his brows in gentle approximation of coming to a crossroads and finding himself lost over the decision. It's a silly social ploy, deflecting decision-making over to a partner if only to give them a sense of worth and respect. But if it offers Linneus the chance to resume the role of caretaker as opposed to the one being doted over, then the effort is worth it. ]

Oh, you're talking about these?

[ He planned for Linneus to notice them, so he's not surprised the conversation hedges around his own injuries. And while it was only to make Linneus feel less alienated from the outside world of those unaffected by so much trauma, he has no desire to shift the conversation away from Linneus. The full extent of his own injuries are a pandora's box which Linneus doesn't need to open. Not unless he's prepared for what lies beneath. ]

No, I wasn't. [ But before Linneus can feel alone again, he corrects himself. ] Not here on this world.

[ But was he taken? Yes, in every sense of the word that Linneus could possibly mean. Stolen away from those who loved him, taken elsewhere by someone flesh and bone with schemes to use him at their disposable, and subjected to events he would rather no one know.

So he comprehends the effects of torture, recognizes a damaged mind that comes with a wounded body, and resonates with Linneus' suffering. No matter if his own show of endless horrors took place on another world at another point in his life, fresh scars still appear as often as those memories resurface. ]

[inaurare]

Then perhaps this--

[it's hard to choose for Dazai, not knowing his tastes, but Linneus knows his etiquette - lightly-flavoured savouries or sandwiches first, working richer, and then on up the tier to scones, and finishing with pastries or cakes. Starting from the bottom at least makes it a little easier, and he indicates one of the sandwiches for Dazai]

--if you are interested in being 'proper'. I know some items may not be to everyone's tastes.

[that is why Linneus usually tailors his own trays - but he is only able to do that after observing people initially.

He hesitates at the question, nods his confirmation and listens to the answer. Not a long answer, but that's expected, and that's all right - Linneus has no wish to pry. Even if he had ended up with more than he asked for, he's been unloaded on plenty in his time.

It's enough to know he isn't alone, that he doesn't necessarily have to hide the bandages under his clothes.

A light clearing of his throat, indicating the service]

Ah, please...

[cassus]

[ And just like that the tension of a gruesome subject is behind them. He's grateful that Linneus has the good graces and manners which prevent him from even considering the option of digging for details over Dazai's wounds. And yet all the while his companion remains wholly capable of reading between the lines, perceiving what Dazai means with just a few words.

It's a pleasant relief. More than that, Linneus puts him at ease. Being able to have someone respond as you'd hope and evade things you'd wish for them to dodge all feels like the uncommon waltz of easy communication and good chemistry that rarely arises between two people. ]

The things that catch my interest are rarely proper.

[ Dazai barely contains a smirk, catching Linneus' gaze as if he's trying to convey a little joke without lowering himself to spell it out. ]

Heeding your obvious good taste is an exception I'm willing to make.

[ Nothing about Linneus reads as ordinarily common. Instead he looks more suited for some courtly golden-gilded cage, where decorum reigns supreme and ill manners are a fate worse than the guillotine. Dazai couldn't care less about good breeding, bloodlines and courtly titles, nor whether Linneus has one or none of the above. The simplistic fact that Linneus aims himself towards what's proper, or otherwise justly 'Right', is what interests Dazai.

Even in eating Linneus molds himself towards the best option. And that's fascinating to a man whose basest instincts run in stark contrast to it, even as he works towards dragging himself through the fires of redemption, one agonizingly slow step at a time. ]

How about yourself? [ He clarifies. ] What interests you, Linneus?

[ As per Linneus' instructions Dazai pulls a sandwich from the lowest tier. Dazai's first inclination is to graciously serve his companion, like the sort of gentleman he pretends himself to be. But to preserve Linneus' pride he'll refrain, and direct his attention to splitting his meal with Lula.

One cucumber pulled from his sandwich is held under the table, held within reach just above Dazai's temporarily claimed lap and the cloud creature renting it out in installments of adorable acts. It's tempting to see if Lula will rise to the bait, but Dazai doesn't so much as glance down as he works on his lunch with a starting bite. Lula's pet-parent may not approve, but now that he's met her Dazai already has his mind set on completing the crime spree of spoiling the little llama rotten. ]

[inaurare]

Indeed?

[Linneus will raise a delicate brow and just... take himself a sandwich. Not so far as scandalised by the innuendo, but it is strange for him to encounter them... publically. Behind the closed doors of the Teahouse; behind his own closed door with a guest, it was one thing. It was work, or it was banter, but either way it was expected and never to be taken too seriously.

It's harder to read, these days, but it doesn't help him much that he has an easy blush]

What I'm interested in...?

[cultivating other interests was a little difficult - the ones he has, he's sure seem a little quaint]

I enjoy gardening. I was raised in a large house with beautiful gardens that I helped tend, so I've been interested in the flowers and plants here, too. And I've always painted a little, so... I enjoyed doing little studies of them. I can't say I'm interested in anything dramatic or daring...

[and he's still getting back to himself - there's a light shake to his hands, these days, but he was assured it would settle and generally it doesn't trouble him.]

I'm also interested in where - exactly - you are putting your hand.

[but it is with gentle amusement he says so - it shan't be hard to guess where. Lula does lend herself so easily to being spoiled.]

I do wonder, sometimes, whether it was a llama I was left or a lap-dog?

[cassus]

I've dabbled in painting a bit, myself.

[ The comment is simply supportive, encouraging Linneus in this small endeavor of gradually opening up when it seems like companionship and socializing is much needed on his road to recovery. That said, Dazai has no immediate plans to share in his particular take on the craft unless prompted. His works were always dark excursions into his soul, surely a stark contrast to the beautiful things Linneus' own hands must breathe to life on canvas. ]

I'd like to see what you've done, if you'll let me.

[ While Dazai freezes almost comically at the accusation, the cucumber performs an unseen disappearing act as if to perfectly counterbalance his own feigned shock with Lula's brazen rebellion. ]

Oh no, we've been caught!

[ Dazai is ready to play up these antics for all they're worth. At least until Linneus changes the subject and mentions a particular word with the kind of nostalgic value Dazai is adept at dodging. And he'll do so with spectacular ease, chuckling through a series of appreciative rubs over-top Lula's fluffy head. ]

I'm sure she'd never lower herself to drooling, barking or begging.

[ Freeing up another piece of cucumber, Dazai places it in his mouth in the stead of delivering it to his not so secret companion playing fugitive on his lap. He's still ruffling tufts of fluff when he swallows it down to murmur an amusing final addendum to his thoughts. ]

Not that there's anything wrong with that last one! Right, Lula?

[inaurare]

Sometime. [but he smiles at the comment] If you would still like to later, of course.

[it really is all flower studies, that he has done. He can draw figures fairly well, but he is not in the habit of doing so - no one likes faces, eyes following them from the Teahouse walls... ]

Well, yes. A noise that obvious is sure to draw anyone’s attention.

[he can’t lean down to properly address the pointed, despairing yet fond look he has for Lula, so he directs it at Dazai instead, being her partner in crime.]

But her means are subtler, of course - pandering for attention...

[and is Linneus guilty of such means himself...? Well, on occasion. At a certain point of familiarity...]

And of your interests? [catching himself, the cup half lifted to his lips] ...Dazai?

[...it sounds so strange to him without anything behind it. Even Just Dazai would feel better...]

[cassus]

No ifs are necessary. [ Linneus' expression reflexively makes him want to return it. ] I'm already looking forward to seeing you again.

[ It's strange to see someone so uncertain of their own worth or the value of their company, and yet achingly familiar. That could be why he's quick to reassure, abolishing all doubt that whatever this new interaction between them is, that it's not a one time affair.

For the life of him, Dazai honestly feels curious about something for once. Even this man's fleetingly mentioned paintings have his mind wondering over the colors and composition, awaiting the reveal simply for the sake of those answers. ]

Just Dazai, yes. [ He teases by dredging up what's become their strangely comforting pet-name for him, letting Linneus have even the illusion of formality to lean on for whatever strength or sense of place it gives him. And if any fond looks are bestowed, then he returns them in kind, since Linneus has earned them in spades. ]

I aided in solving crimes back home. [ He idly drinks his tea. ] Free time was in short supply.

[ The notion of hobbies meant to garnish away the time in amusement feels like a foreign concept. At the very least, those notions have been far removed from the mind of someone who lives every day anticipating it's their last, be it by bullet or being betrayed with a stab in the back.

The few things that did keep him busy aren't worth mentioning, at least not the tricks and pranks played on coworkers to keep up a lively atmosphere, nor the drink or bad company held simply for the sake of filling the silence. ]

But I've always liked watching the sunset, down by the ocean.

[inaurare]

[oh, he is too slow to catch his expression at those forthright words before it shows - surprise, doubt, a little confusion, because the amount of times he's had people just saying that kind of thing without it having to mean anything.

Linneus' control usually so much better, so much faster, but he is six months out of practice and already... more than a little disarmed in the first place. Buying himself a moment, a light sip of the tea with his cup steadied in both hands - fingers still a little clumsy, yet.]

You're very... frank, Just-Dazai.

[and although he is sure Dazai means his words, he is more than used to managing his own expectations with doubts.

He seeks to occupy his hands - a light tap on his knee has Lula switching her attentions, settling her head in Linneus' lap and letting him stroke the top of her head or fondle her ears as he listens. Then this man is a policeman of sorts? That, he files away to ask about later]

Were you close to the ocean where you came from, too?

[his curiosity rings clear - hailing from a landlocked country it's still a novelty to Linneus that the ocean is just a short journey away]

Or do you visit Flona Cove?

[cassus]

[ In times past Dazai has been anything but upfront, more often than not when it came to how he felt around those he never expected to leave. Odsaku slipped through his fingers without Dazai saying a word of all he'd felt. And though he'd give anything to change the past, what's done is done. He can only aim to avoid repeating the grievous mistake of allowing something truly special to pass him by. ]

Sometimes the present is all you have. Why waste it?

[ The loss of his little borrowed lap-pet is felt in the cold place left in her wake. But Linneus needs her comforting presence more, and Dazai says nothing of the obvious call for something of a security blanket.

He busies himself with the rest of his sandwich, chipping away at it's contents almost thoughtfully as the talk drifts back to a place he rarely called 'home', despite how much it felt like it in hindsight. ]

I lived in a port city which looked out into an ocean bay. [ Hesitantly. ] It was beautiful at times.

[ Some people prefer to erase their long-lost worlds from memory or concern, but Dazai still holds onto his with a desperation he didn't expect. The few precious things in his life that mattered will always be rooted there. And to forget them or pretend like they never existed betrays those within those recollections; people he'll never again be able to remake those memories with. ]

I'm not a frequent visitor there, but perhaps I should change that.

[inaurare]

...this is true.

[but perhaps he has spent so long being indirect that it has become a habit. He picks off some of the salad that garnishes the side of the plate, feeding it to Lula as he listens. It sounds so different to what he was familiar with when he came here - but Flona Cove is likely not the same as the port Dazai was used to, either.]

I would go, when time allowed. [in the past, he means] I'd never seen the ocean before I came here, so I tried to visit whenever I could.

[a light chuckle, lifting his hands to take down the plate of scones. This he can manage, but the way he manages it - not quite straightening his arms, not quite raising them - he won't be able to reach up for the top tier]

The way I say that makes it sound like it might be taken away from me, of course...

[cassus]

[ Reading the room, Dazai knows better than to question or prod at how Linneus skirts his reaffirmed offer. He's dodged more than his own fair share of company gatherings, celebrations and outings than he'd care to remember. Few people would ever imagine him as an introvert, and yet the quiet solitude of a peaceful place will always be preferred over the alternative. ]

It's there now.

[ Linneus' words ring truer than he'd ever care to believe. People instinctively grow accustomed to the way their lives are, and naturally expect the world to stay evergreen, as if eternally unchanged no matter the passage of time.

Life doesn't work that way. Often the things you treasure most are pried from your hands and stolen away, no matter how much you fight for them or hold your breath in hopes of their return. Dazai seems cursed to relearn this brutal life lesson in no other but the hardest ways. ]

You should go again, sometime. [ Said casually, without pressure. ] And appreciate it while you're still able to.

[ Upon seeing Linneus struggle even for the lower items Dazai straightens himself, sitting up and putting long arms to use in tackling the retrieval of the top tier ahead of time. It's settled between them in a way that doesn't crowd his companion, while letting him skip right to desert by selecting a small cake from the rest. Not that he eats it immediately. His attention seems fixed on just keeping it on his plate as his fork idly traces it's neatly decorative top. ]

That way you won't regret missing the chance, if it's ever lost to you.

[ War may very well lurk on the horizon of every dawning day. In the wake of such destruction who knows if what's lost are the denizens here, their cities or even places upon this world that would be ravaged by an all out onslaught.

It takes a while for Dazai's gaze to filter back over towards Linneus, as though he's caught up in the memory of things both long-since gone and recently departed, which compel him to make the suggestion. But when he does his smile returns, as if sweeping those secrets back into their box once again. ]

Just a thought.

[inaurare]

I should - and I will. But what if I should get attached to it too much - if I should regret taking the chance?

[there is a teasing lilt to his voice, but the question runs a little deeper than he lets on - what if he should get attached to anything - anyone - too much? He has spent so long avoiding attachments, not out of any desire, but out of necessity, the knowledge that he could never lay claim to anything. That anything could be taken back, anything could be taken from him.

The Natha told him that he would be able to find his own path here, make his own life here but after the last month... Linneus is reluctant to call anything his own - even Lula, who seems quite content to be lipping at his fingers. A rub to the length of her nose in return, an apology for him withdrawing his hands to take up his cup again.]

...do you favour sweet things, Just Dazai?

[barely halting over the name this time, and a small smile on his face that the other man not only brought down the cakes, but has taken one for himself.]

[ 1/2 ]

[cassus]

[ Ah, Dazai knows that familiar line of thought. When hasn't he hoped that by refusing to open the door to vulnerabilities of the heart that it might spare him that fatal moment when all those tender things crumble to pieces? Instincts are meant to protect one's self. And so it's only natural to place your bets on outcomes that bode a less disastrous end.

Not that feelings ever played by the rules which Mori taught him by. ]

You might.

[ No matter how Linneus frames the line, or however light-hearted he aims to be, Dazai has pulled the same tricks of masking his emotions for nearly as long as he's been alive. And the ominous truth sitting heavy behind those soft words resonates like a kindred thought for someone who has never stopped asking himself the same question. ]

But trying to avoid something to prevent that attachment...

[ Seven years spent running down the road of denial has left Dazai a veritable scholar on the matter. No amount of time, distance or iron-clad resistance can ever free a man from all the endless yearning over what (or who) he truly desires. It only makes the certain and inevitable loss feel agonizingly preventable, when someone does act in taking the chances you've never allowed yourself and relishes in the things you've wanted. ]

Take the advice of someone who knows. It doesn't work.

[ Throughout the duration of his introspection, Dazai has taken to pestering his chosen miniature cake with the curved back of his fork. A bit of pressure for long enough renders it into a decidedly flattened pancake shape upon his plate. ]

I think my favorite thing was fiery, bitter and strong.

[ 2/2 ]

[cassus]

[ It's not suitable tea-service etiquette to play with your food. Yet neither is the way he licks his fork free of the icing left from it's rendezvous with a pastry who hardly came out looking half as pretty. A thoughtful hum of consideration follows on the heels of Dazai taking the fork into his mouth, only to eventually draw it out clean and good as new. The playful act is a sharp contrast from the weight of a mood present in the air just moments ago, but that may very well be the point. ]

But I am growing a little fond of something sweeter.

[ A smile that may be a bit forced etches itself into his features, but despite that it does the very best to remain steadfastly secure in where it's settled. ]

How about you, Linneus? I'm curious what you prefer.

[inaurare]

I... have lost a good deal in my time, Mr-- Just Dazai, excuse me.

[the accidental 'Mr' almost makes it sound like he is trying to hold the man at arm's length - an impossibility, given they are discussing what they are. And Linneus' time is not that long, even if today makes it another year. In that time he has known many people - many. All have left in some fashion or another, and none have fought for him, even those he thought might try.

They all would leave, once they had had their use of him.

Delicate fingers rub at Lula's velvety nose, lightly, with one hand and then the other.]

I was... owned, where I came from, so now I am trying to... take what I can for myself. ['take' doesn't sound right, and draws a little furrow into his brow - to take sounds like he is being possessive, grasping.] Trying to build my life here, but it is still as if I am still holding my breath. Even if that life is over it's as though I'm still waiting to hear there has been some terrible mistake. Property doesn't own property... I half-feared opening myself up even to this one...

[Lula knows well when she is being talked about and she nudges into his hands, making him chuckle in surprise despite himself.

His focus on her, Linneus hasn't yet noticed the tragedy that has played out on Dazai's plate]

Though I think that was always going to happen, like it or not. But this is a poor topic of conversation; forgive me.

[bad enough to talk about himself, worse still to bring the mood down. Over or not, there is still too much of the servant left in him, chiding him for the misdemeanor. A breath, as though trying to draw a clear line under that topic. The other presented is much preferable.]

...sweet; I prefer sweet things. But one cannot live on those forever.