[She quiets, listens, looks up at him as his fingers cup her cheek, even if she can just make his eyes out in the dark. And she already knows that shutting the OPUS machine down, ensuring that Ivan didn't have another quantum army tucked away like timebombs across the world. She knew, objectively, that there were people who (prior to the Storm) had been alive because of what they'd done. She considers just letting it go, agreeing, not pressing the point, and if it was anyone else she probably would have. But Rumlow's earned more than that, so she sighs, tilting her face into his hand slightly.]
There were three of us when we went to stop Ivan. Three people against Ivan and his personal army were never particularly good odds, and we all knew it. His name was Alexei. He died because I wasn't fast enough.
[It's not the whole story, of course. Maybe not even entirely true, aside from how it plays in her memory. But Ava's not a good person; if Alexei had just been some random SHIELD agent his death wouldn't have affected her like this, with the guilt that got under her skin. He meant something to her, and the uncomfortable truth is that it wouldn't entirely surprise her if even in the dark Rumlow could see through her.
It's easy both to keep and to tell secrets in the dark.
She nods, sighs softly as she curls fingers tight against his shoulder, leans into the way his thumb holds her chin steady. She hasn't really told many people about Alexei. She told her team, but not Sana. Not that she could really talk to Sana after everything that had happened, fully aware that SHIELD was monitoring all her communications with everyone. It was why they'd started just sending each other songs. Because there was no code there, no secrets, just knowing her best-friend well enough to understand what it meant. She'd like to say it was why she'd never replied to Dante, but no, that just hurt too much. He'd told her to her face that Alexei's death was her fault, and even his letter hadn't really erased that, as if it could.]
I know, I'm different. I try to think that's mostly a good thing, though. Not like I can go back.
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There were three of us when we went to stop Ivan. Three people against Ivan and his personal army were never particularly good odds, and we all knew it. His name was Alexei. He died because I wasn't fast enough.
[It's not the whole story, of course. Maybe not even entirely true, aside from how it plays in her memory. But Ava's not a good person; if Alexei had just been some random SHIELD agent his death wouldn't have affected her like this, with the guilt that got under her skin. He meant something to her, and the uncomfortable truth is that it wouldn't entirely surprise her if even in the dark Rumlow could see through her.
It's easy both to keep and to tell secrets in the dark.
She nods, sighs softly as she curls fingers tight against his shoulder, leans into the way his thumb holds her chin steady. She hasn't really told many people about Alexei. She told her team, but not Sana. Not that she could really talk to Sana after everything that had happened, fully aware that SHIELD was monitoring all her communications with everyone. It was why they'd started just sending each other songs. Because there was no code there, no secrets, just knowing her best-friend well enough to understand what it meant. She'd like to say it was why she'd never replied to Dante, but no, that just hurt too much. He'd told her to her face that Alexei's death was her fault, and even his letter hadn't really erased that, as if it could.]
I know, I'm different. I try to think that's mostly a good thing, though. Not like I can go back.