nysalogs | Forgetting is such sweet sorrow

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Forgetting is such sweet sorrow | semi-closed logs

Who: Cam Buckland (

almaredemptoris) & Past CR
What: Memoryshare stuff from the intro
When: April
Where: ???
Warning(s): Angst and death

Closed-ish starters below! Hit me up if you want me to write you something! I just didn't want to muck up the intro with my angst.

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[ He lets Cam cry, turning his attention away from the real man beside him and back to the memory, gaze humorless as he watches the remainder of the scene unfold. It goes about as well as he expects it to - which is to say, not well at all, and Fred's filled with a deep sense of sympathy for Cam as the memory draws to a close, fizzles out as the real world returns back to them.

Not that any of it seems real, the expression on real-Cam's face still too haggard to seem fully in-character. It's startling, too, to hear Cam admit his own doubt of his participation, and Frederick has to resist the urge to give the man a good shake.

Sternly: ]

Anyone who truly knows you would have corrected you straightaway. You have your flaws, as do we all, but the one thing you would not do, Cam Buckland, is betray someone near and dear to your heart.

[ He's still not sure of the relation of the woman in the memory - though he could certainly hazard a guess - but one thing had been very very clear from the start: that Cam had loved this woman very much. ]

[It's a blessing that the memory fades away because Cam's sure he doesn't want to see what happens next. Before the storm came, not that long ago, yet somehow feels like a lifetime ago, he'd finally been on his way back to Greybell. Less to confront his demons and more to confront the new ones that arose from the demons he left planted there. Monsters like Keran Blackhearth don't just go away because you pretend they're not there.

At Frederick's reassurance, Cam presses his mouth together in a rough facsimile of a smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes,]

Yeah. [It's nice to know that Frederick believes in him, at least. He sighs, scrubbing his face.]

Sorry you had to see that. [At least he's starting to get pulled together, now that the vision has ebbed.]

[ It's almost a relief to see Cam try and pull himself together into his usual self, though it's also clear that little about the smile he slaps on his face is genuine. How can it be, when such a terrible tragedy's been ripped from his heart and laid bare for all to see?

Frederick shakes his head, gently rebuffing Cam's apology. ]

I'm only sorry that such a memory was pulled from you without permission.

[ Certainly the sight itself hadn't been worse than deaths he'd seen before, even if the emotional impact had been greater. He wonders where the woman's body is now, if she'd been given a proper funeral or simply cast aside after Cam had fled. So many questions, left unanswered as the memory fades. Most of them Frederick's content to let rest, save for one. ]

Did you ever face the man who committed the atrocity?

[The answers to all of those questions are pretty dire. Keran was a bastard before, but he really lost it afterwards. Calling what he had for Mirela love would be a severe disservice to the word, but he certainly had strong, unhealthy feelings for the woman. That, mixed with a fantasy world where necromancy was possible...

Cam shifts where he stands,] Funny story, that, [It's a good way to lead into a No,] The storm had some bad timing.

[Avoided it as long as he could. Got wrapped up in adventure, and it was so easy to justify putting off conquering his own demons when the country was under threat by the Broken Sky. Then, when he finally had the courage, and strength to return to Greybell, all of this happened. For all he knows, Keran Blackhearth could be sleeping soundly in the Stasis hall.]

[ Ah. That answer, loose as it is, does explain things quite well. Unfortunate, that the Storm would so rudely interrupt before Cam could have the chance to face down the man that had done him so wrong. (Or so Fred thinks.) ]

I see. It seems the Storm has taken away opportunities from many here.

[ Whether or not that proves to be beneficial or not he can't yet say. For now, he takes a step back and returns briefly to the scene they'd just witnessed. ]

I'm sorry though. For what happened. She must have been a wonderful woman.

[Cam sighs]

Yeah, me too.

[He shoves his hands deep in his pockets. He's getting emotionally tapped out. When the storm stole him away, it was a curse and a blessing. An excuse to keep putting off dealing with his past, and even now, he's confronted it but things weren't entirely dealt with. Just torn out into the open for him to stitch up again, just with a handful more witnesses than before.

After a moment, he blurts out,]

I'd appreciate it if you don't... tell anyone.

[Not that he thinks Fred is so insensitive but... Even among his closest friends, Elora, Jiutou, Trellimar, and Reynard, they barely knew as much as Frederick knows now.]

[ Of all the requests he's heard from Cam over the months, both silly and serious, that's the one that surprises him the most. Not because it's an unreasonable request, far from it, but simply due to the way Cam nearly trips over himself to ask, with an urgency that had always been lacking at other times. ]

Of course. [ Frederick replies immediately, solemn. ] I give you my word that this will remain between us.

[ Though, now that it's been brought up, he feels compelled to ask. ]

Do not many people know the truth of what happened?

[That's a relief, Cam lets out a breath. Needless to say, his feelings regarding the matter are complicated. It's less about other people knowing and more about the less other people can ask about it, the less Cam has to think about it himself.

He shifts his weight,] It was his word against mine and I'm...

[He raises his arms to his side. Sort of a “look at me” gesture. There's a far cry in status between the silly, bandanna'd man, with pretty beads and feathers tied into his hair, and the man from the memory, in his finely tailored clothes, surrounded by all of his finery. The obscenely rich heir to a powerful merchant family had a lot more sway than a member of the poor family of misfit entertainers he kept around.

He lowers his hands] Or, I guess it was just his word.

[Cam didn't stick around to give his.]

And outside of Greybell... word doesn't really get around about what happens to an entertainer.

[ A fair enough point. It's been too long since he's been a no one in Ylisse, and while Lady Emmeryn might have thoughtfully considered the stories of every single one of the townspeople with equal weight, Frederick is not nearly as much of a saint as she is.

Most people, in fact, are nowhere near her caliber, but surely there must have been a few who would have sided with Cam? Or at the very least heard out the both of them equally. Frederick frowns, realizing he has no idea what sort of place Cam's home was like. ]

Were you forced to leave everything behind then?

[Probably. The Bucklands were a close-knit group. A family, or the closest thing to one Cam knew. Surely Eldie would trust Cam over Keran, but Cam could barely stand to face the rest of them after it happened, not to mention that it took several months for him to discover his own innocence.

Cam shrugs, noncommittal,] I left the rest of the Bucklands, yeah. I didn't really have a home or anything, though. Just went from one traveling band of misfits to another.

[And there's a note of fondness in his voice at the last bit.] And hey, if I wouldn't have left, I wouldn't have become a big hero of Talis'val.

[Cue minimizing his own trauma.]

[ The memory fades; they're on the road again, near Olympia's city center. It's become something of a chaotic mess ever since the memories started appearing with no rhyme or reason, but the good thing about it is that no one pays them any mind.

Frederick, meanwhile, pays Cam a lot of mind, entirely unconvinced of the carefree air Cam tries to put on in the face of hardship. It must have been difficult for him to leave his loved ones, but now doesn't seem like quite the right time to pry.

Later, he'll ask about the downs of Cam's life. For now, they can stick to the ups, the parts that aren't as hard to swallow. ]

Is that so? Perhaps you could tell me how you came to be this hero of Talis'val, while we make our way back.

[ Punctuated with juuust enough doubt to try and encourage Cam into proving him wrong. ]

Edited (sighs over my typos) 2018-04-30 23:40 (UTC)

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Forgetting is such sweet sorrow | semi-closed logs

you know that what means: time to draw more!!

noooo I already don't like the ones I drew already

no they're beautiful!!

;_; also, god, I apped Cam right before this whole situation got resolved in canon

time to canon update in the future!

Maybe :'|

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