nysalogs | CLOSED ♪ Don't waste your worry on me, I always find what I need

[She is, in fact, sleeping when Mephisto calls. Though the first time wakes her, she's still too held back by dreams to answer and spends a few seconds half-awake, wondering if she'd dreamed it too. But then it rings again and she picks it up, her voice sleepy, but pleased.]

It's alright. It's nice to hear your voice. [Though it's a little odd that he's calling and not just popping up in her room or something, but she refuses to let herself be alarmed by it just yet.]

I can think of much worse things to be woken by. [She sits up and leans against the headboard, rubbing at her eyes] Is something wrong?

[As soon as he hears her voice, he feels himself growing a bit... lighter. As if it were possible to just forget his actions tonight and talk about sweet things and nothing in particular. To tell her he just wanted to hear her voice.]

[It's not wrong. But it's not right either.]

...I believe I may have stumbled again. [...] Or perhaps fallen entirely.

[Well now she's awake.

Mipha sits up a little straighter and pauses, unsure of what to say next.] Are you alright? [That's the most important thing to get an answer to right now, and then:] ...Do you want to talk about it?

I don't know. [Nor does he know which question he's answering, really. But then, he wouldn't have called if he didn't at least want to talk.]

[There's a sizable pause, where all she'll hear is rain and silence.]

...I killed someone. One of the men who tortured me over the course of those six days being held hostage.

He did not die a peaceful death.

Good.

[--That is not the response even she expected to have and the savagery of the satisfaction she takes in knowing that kidnapper's dead and gone for good shocks and even scares her a little.

She takes a shuddery breath and thinks it's too late at night for this sort of crisis of self-exploration. She presses a hand to her forehead and exhales slowly.]

...No, that's not... [Another lengthy pause. It's not good. She's never been one to be violent first, or to wish death on anyone. That hasn't changed, even now. She would have vastly preferred the kidnappers brought to justice of the non-murderous variety, but...

But can she really fault him for his revenge? There's mild disappointment there, but a sympathetic understanding too. He must have some idea that it was wrong, at least a little, to be calling her up to confess like this, after all. She can understand that sort of satisfaction of revenge; she wouldn't deny feeling it when Link had defeated the Waterblight, after all, but that wasn't the same as destroying an actual life.

This is far more complicated than she'd been expecting to deal with.] I'm sorry. I do not know what I feel with this... But, Mephisto, I am still here. [As in, she's definitely not throwing him out by his ear over this or anything.] I'll pull you back up and help you to stand again, when you're ready.

[Her immediate response with something so unexpected is enough to actually have him up on his feet, a strange new feeling surging through him. His lips quirk into a grin, and he finds himself momentarily pulling the phone away just so he can look up into the sky and feel the rain against his face. Her words from the phone in his hand are muffled -- but then, everything feels muffled right now.]

[When he pulls the phone back, catching the last of her words and assurances, they go in one ear and out the other. And when he speaks, well... it might be hard to imagine what sort of expression he's making right now. He sounds angry, but also defeated in a way -- broken. There's a weak, almost breathlessness to his voice, as if even talking was just too much effort.]

I can only imagine what they must have done to you to have you respond like that.

[He crouches back down, running a hand over his face and up through his hair, gripping a handful of it. There's a reason he called her. He's not actually far away -- he almost went to see her. But he doesn't want her to see him like this.]

[She's already seen for himself how broken he is from everything that happened. But perhaps the final nail in the coffin here was that he didn't actually kill the man himself -- Amaimon had to jump in and save him. That level of sheer powerlessness was too much for a proud demon like Mephisto to handle. It felt as thought it had happened all over again.]

But it wasn't enough. Killing him... watching the light leave his eyes wasn't enough. If I could... if I could tear all of them apart by my own hands, or even reverse the flow of time so they were never even born, it still wouldn't be enough.

[A choked breath. Trying to force himself to calm down.]

...I thought I would feel better. But I don't.

I-- [She almost apologizes for her reaction, shame curling in her stomach. But she falls quiet, because at the same time she doesn't think she has anything to apologize for anyhow.

Instead she falls quiet and listens to him, feeling rather powerless herself in this moment. There are no words she can think of to say that might make this better, that might help him come to terms with it all. Her grip on the phone tightens a little as she curls up, pulling her knees to her chest.]

Mephisto... [All she can do is promise to be there. But was that enough?] ...Where are you? I think-- I think this sort of thing is better handled in person. And... you must need a place to rest your head for a little while.

[There's another long stretch of choked silence. It's good she didn't apologize -- he would have broken down with or without that little admission of honesty, and there was certainly nothing she needed to apologize for. If anything, it was for the best that he got it out of system out here.]

[He almost considers hanging up, but only for a second. He can't bring himself to be cruel enough to leave her on that note, nor does he truly want to be alone right now.]

...I'm on the roof, actually.

[He says as it's pouring down rain outside. Even the weather is being Extra™ right now.]

...I'll bring you an umbrella.

[He's likely soaked through, what good would an umbrella do? But it's an excuse. She'll have to tiptoe out carefully (and likely past Sidon too since he's probably crashing on the couch or...bathtub maybe who knows), but it's worth it to go and see him.

He could teleport away or teleport in, but maybe the rain is doing him some kind of good right now. It figures the weather would match the mood right now.]

You'll make my familiar jealous.

[It's... an attempt at a joke. Sort of. But also maybe a little true. While he's definitely been moping in the rain a little bit, his familiar wasn't going to let him get too soaked.]

[But the thought of his sulking forcing Mipha to come up here in the rain when he's the one who woke her up with this unpleasantness is enough to make him break his self-imposed exile.]

...I'll come to you.

[Which, predictably, is the only warning she gets before he just appears in her room. He dismisses his phone and umbrella with a poof of smoke, but that aside, doesn't do much to greet her. He is pretty wet, and definitely not appropriately dressed for the weather with only a light dress shirt and trousers on -- his usual coat and mantle in need of cleaning from all the blood. Thankfully, there's no trace of it left on him now, but... he just looks tired.]

[She's gotten as far as standing up and about to protest that he doesn't have to, when Mephisto pops on in. She makes a stifled noise of shock and drops her phone, sitting back down on the edge of the bed in surprise.

Mipha should've definitely seen that coming, honestly, but there they are. She has enough presence of mind to retrieve her phone and set it aside before she walks over to him. There's a moment's pause as Mipha stops before him, just quietly taking in his appearance.

There aren't any words she can think to say to help here, so instead of words she just reaches for him quietly, hoping the physical touch might soothe where her words cannot.]

[There's a moment when he reaches out towards her in turn, but seemingly decides against it, keeping his arms pointedly at his side. This is hardly his first time killing someone, nor his first time killing someone out of revenge--]

[But the memory of his own hands wrapped tightly around Amaimon's throat while under their orders is an image that won't be leaving his mind any time soon.]

...may I stay here tonight?

[It's a question he doesn't have to ask -- how strange that it's become so natural to assume? -- but in lieu of having nothing else to say, that's what he goes with.]

[She doesn't laugh, though part of her almost does. What a thing to ask! Like she'd say no.

But her voice is soft when she speaks, pulling him lightly towards the bed.] Of course. Come, lay down with me for a bit.

[Mipha hesitates a moment, not sure if he'd really actually like to do what she's about to suggest, but... The suggestion will be there regardless] Do you... want to talk about it?

[He hesitates, but only because he's still wet from being in the rain and didn't want to get her bed dirty... but... maybe it's a fish thing, so she won't mind if he's a little clammy until he dries off.]

[Still, he won't actually lay down right away, sitting beside her and running his hand up through his hair, slicking his bangs out of his face to keep it from dripping over him.]

[...of course, then a big drop of water falls off his hair curl (how is it still sticking up like that??) and drips right in his eyes, making him pout for all of a second before going back to brooding.]

If it's simply of matter of whether I want to or not, then no. But I know it would help to gather my thoughts on the matter.

I told you I don't feel better for what happened -- but truthfully, I have no idea how I feel right now.

[She sits on the bed with him, not at all minding if they get damp-- sure it's not the most pleasant thing when you mix wetness and sheets, but she can deal with it for him.

She's not entirely sure how to help in this either, but... She leans against him a little, just trying to be a solid presence.] Perhaps start from the top? You expected to feel better, but it's not a victorious feeling like you'd wanted... Is it guilt...?

I would never feel guilty for killing a mere human.

[The words come out solid and assured, as if what he were saying was obvious, as if what she was suggesting was ridiculous-- but he seems to catch himself before she has time to respond to it.] ...that was colder than usual, wasn't it? But regardless, it's not untrue. I rarely feel guilt over such things.

[Which is why he is the way he is, honestly.]

[ipha says nothing at first, though there's a general air of mild disapproval. Now isn't the time to argue the the sanctity of life or anything though, not really, so she just shakes her head.]

Then it's not guilt then. Are you unsatisfied with the outcome? [She can be patient as they work it out; emotions are hard enough when you've lived with them you're whole life, let alone when you're just kinda starting to pay attention to them and have them. Mipha's hand rests on Mephisto's arm, rubbing it in a slow, soothing manner as she thinks]

Certainly. But I don't think I was hoping to feel victorious. Hardly-- seeing as I know more of them are still out there.

[With her hand on his arm, she's sure to notice that he's shaking a little. Even so that he might even try to pull back for a moment, even though there's no real place for him to go when they're sitting this close.]

Incidentally... I wasn't actually the one to kill him, either.

That was Amaimon, who killed him to save me from the man's hypnotic abilities... which evidently are still very effective against me. I suppose not even death could completely undo their brainwashing.

[This probably says more about his mental state right now than anything. He doesn't really want to admit it, and hell, he probably doesn't even realize the extent of it himself-- but having control of his mind and powers wrestled away from him like that, to completely lose control, was more traumatizing than damn near anything else he's ever gone through.]

[Ironic, considering what he is and what he has to do to physical exist.]

Edited 2018-04-29 20:48 (UTC)

[Again there's a coldness that settles over her at his words and she's very, very glad she hadn't been there. She's not exactly sure what she would've done, and that guilt of a decision she didn't even have to make coils in her stomach.

She exhales slowly] ...I'm sorry. [She can't think of anything else to say, aching with a desire to comfort him but unable to find the way to do so. If he pulls away she lets him, not wanting to push him either and striving to keep balance here.

At length she admits quietly] I'm not sure how to help you, but I'm here for you still.

...being here helps.

[Even if he isn't exactly leaning into her touch or accepting much real comfort. But Mipha provided a different sort of comfort -- the kind even he isn't really sure how to explain.]

[But he can try. If only so she can know that she is helping him, for all that it seems there's no real way to do so.]

Your presence is... soothing to me. I don't know if I can explain it... but I can't say I've ever felt such a strong desire to hear someone's voice as I did when I called you initially.

[There's a strange, almost disconnected blankness to his voice. Not as though there isn't any emotion behind his words -- but as if he's thinking about them carefully, still unsure about what he's saying even as they leave his lips.]

Perhaps that's a silly reason to be waking someone up at such an unreasonable hour. But I've never been very considerate of others.

[Mipha closes her eyes and smiles faintly, shaking her head]

There are far worse reasons to wake someone up. Even if it's just to hear my voice, I don't mind it. I don't find it silly at all.

[Kind of cute, so long as he doesn't make a habit of it, since she WOULD like to sleep once in a while.] I'm glad to help in any way I can-- Please, let me do whatever you need.

CLOSED ♪ Don't waste your worry on me, I always find what I need

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