nysalogs | CLOSED ♪ Don't waste your worry on me, I always find what I need

[At least Chuuya is honest... It's a little concerning, but his honesty itself is appreciated, and it makes Atsushi feel like Chuuya respects him as a person. That's still a little weird for him, but he likes it all the more for it.]

Not quite mind control... but they did get in my head. I started forgetting things... and I got really angry for no reason. Maybe I was just afraid.

[It takes some effort to talk about himself when he feels like they should be talking about Chuuya, but at the same time, he's healed what he could. Maybe talking about how Chuuya got his ass kicked would just feel like rubbing it in...?]

... I hurt people. Not a lot, I don't think, but I did hurt them.

[Even if it was nothing serious, it's so against his very excuse for living that it troubles him a great deal. After all, if the hypnotists are still around, it could happen again.]

[There’s no point in lying; Atsushi knows that Chuuya isn’t completely fine, even if he’d so stubbornly insisted that he was up until now. He won’t lay there and whine, of course, but he’s also not going to be doing any crazy martial arts anytime soon, either.]

That’s the fucking lowest form of fighting.

[Just punch people!! It’s effective!! At least in Chuuya’s experience.

Chuuya can tell that Atsushi is upset by the fact that he hurt people, because of course he is. That’s the ADA way, isn’t it? Remain passive until someone punches you in the face so that you have an excuse to fight? So of course Atsushi is upset. It’s just not in his nature to hurt people needlessly, weretiger or no.

Chuuya shrugs, melting back into the couch a bit.]

So? It wasn’t really you doing it, right? So it’s fine.

[Wasn't it, though? Was it really not him? He knows it's not technically his fault, of course, but at the same time, he's still the one who did it - and hurting people goes against his carefully constructed reasons to keep living, which makes it harder to deal with than for the (limited) damage alone.]

I thought it was fine [now, after the fact] but if these people are still around, I don't -...

[He trails off, there. Finishing that sentence feels like summoning the worst case scenario.]

You'll stop me, won't you, Chuuya-san? If I go out of control.

[In Chuuya’s mind, it wasn’t Atsushi at all, and it wasn’t Faust who beat the shit out of him, either. It’s akin to possession, really, but arguing that point with Atsushi isn’t on Chuuya’s list of shit he wants to do right now.

It’s that request that makes Chuuya’s blood turn to ice in his veins.

You’ll stop me, won’t you?

How many times has Chuuya wanted to ask that of someone should he have to use Corruption and Dazai couldn’t be found? How many times has he wondered if someone would (try, he’s fucking scary in that state) simply put him down like a rabid dog for losing himself completely? Or just let him rampage until he dies on his own? In the end Akutagawa had been willing to be the one to cut him down if the need arose, but obviously that’s not a thing anymore.

Chuuya, having that experience behind him, and knowing how it feels to not want to fucking destroy everything while he’s in that state, can’t exactly refuse.]

Yeah. I will.

[He ruffles Atsushi’s hair, though there’s no smile this time.]

If you do the same for me.

[It's honestly worrying that Atsushi has to ask at all. He'd more or less asked Reign the same, a long time ago and in a very different context: to stop Atsushi if he should go full tiger again, and that only because Reign seemed convinced that he could cuddle the big cat if that happened. It was an overreaction on Atsushi's part, perhaps, but a prompted one.

This is different, and it feels far more real. When he was kidnapped, he didn't have his powers. He has them again now. What would happen if he is controlled, powers and all? He wouldn't be unstoppable, but he could kill dozens, easily. And what if the access to his mind also means that the hypnotists can make him go full tiger?]

... Chuuya-san, too?

[It's not a refusal, of course; Atsushi couldn't refuse if he wanted to. But Chuuya wasn't hypnotized back then, and Atsushi isn't sure he understands just why Chuuya is asking.]

Edited 2018-04-25 11:21 (UTC)

Yeah.

[Telling Atsushi everything about Corruption is something that Chuuya has been skirting around for a while now, but...

Well, they aren’t technically on opposing sides anymore, and Chuuya knows about most of Atsushi’s ability by now, so what the hell. He deserves to know just for healing Chuuya’s beat up ass just now. He didn’t have to do that, after all.]

I dunno how much you know about my ability, so I may be saying shit you already know, but there’s more to it than what you’ve seen.

[A hell of a lot more.]

Corruption is the “true form”, or whatever the hell you wanna call it, of my ability. If I activate it I destroy shit with black holes and can’t be stopped until I either die or Dazai snaps me out of it.

[That’s a really condensed, bare bones explanation, but whatever.

If there’s anyone that could kill Chuuya when Corruption is activated, it’s the weretiger that regenerates limbs.

Probably.]

You see where I’m going with this.

Edited 2018-04-25 11:54 (UTC)

[~~Stop wrecking shit with your black hole, Chuuya...~~

Maybe it's a condensed explanation, but Atsushi understands well enough. Dazai's nullification ability has saved him once or twice, too... but clearly not to the degree that Chuuya needs it.

It's scary to even consider what it must be like, living like that: depending on others for your survival, if you happen to activate your ability. Even the "watered-down" version of Chuuya ability is extremely powerful, not to mention his purely human fighting skills; to imagine the full extent of it is beyond intimidating. How would Chuuya have even found out? How did he survive?!]

... I understand.

Then, I promise I'll try to stop you. Whatever it takes.

[Atsushi doesn't think he could beat Chuuya, but he could slow him down, at least - and maybe that would be enough, even if they both end up dead.]

[~~Huehuehuehue~~.

The answer to those questions is: secondhand accounts from others, and Dazai. Much as the bastard loves to irritate him until he snaps (which really doesn’t take much), the guy has saved him several times. Now Atsushi should understand the reason they were paired together (for maximum destructive capability).]

Good.

[He’d really rather not think too hard about what kind of circumstances would force him into using Corruption on Nysa, so he’ll leave it at that.

He glances down at Atsushi’s hands then, still impressed at that healing ability.]

Where’d you learn that, anyway? The healing thing.

[Atsushi has used it on him before, but Chuuya thinks it might be even more powerful now. Maybe. Who knows!]

Edited 2018-04-25 13:49 (UTC)

Oh - I found out by accident. I came across a friend who was injured, and it sort of just happened... I think I'm getting better at it, though.

[The first time with Mikazuki, he definitely hadn't been able to heal the guy as much as he just healed Chuuya.]

I think it may be the Natha...? I know they gave -... [Dylas. They gave Dylas certain powers. But since Dylas doesn't like them, Atsushi thinks he shouldn't talk about them without Dylas' okay.] ... They gave someone else certain powers, too. And the eggs are probably from them, as well.

[Luckily that person had Atsushi around. The guy seems to have a penchant for saving people, whether he ever plans to or not. Chuuya really fucking hates being indebted to people, but it is what it is. If Atsushi gets into some kind of trouble he can’t get out of on his own, then Chuuya will help him out in whatever way he needs (assuming he would find out somehow).

Of course he would’ve done that anyway, because he likes the guy, but now he has even more reasons to stick his neck out for Atsushi.

Chuuya can only guess who Atsushi is talking about; everybody and their fucking mom has powers on Nysa. There’s really no way of knowing which are natural and which are granted by the Natha without asking, though.]

You saying they’re like gods or some shit?

[Who knows...

Ah, but Chuuya is beginning to feel the weight if his exhaustion creeping up on him, and he pushes himself up off the couch to stand on slightly rubbery legs.]

Bed.

[That’s all he says before trying to climb the stairs. It’s fine, his ability will keep him from falling like a dumbass, even if he really shouldn’t be up and about yet.]

Edited 2018-04-26 21:07 (UTC)

I wouldn't go that far, but they're certainly powerful, don't you agree? I, for one, am glad that they're on our side.

[Or close enough. If the Natha ever decide that they don't care anymore, everyone would die as soon as blink.]

Please wait! I'll help.

[He won't stop Chuuya, but he can at least give him a literal shoulder to lean on! So that's what he'll do, helping Chuuya up the stairs and into his bed. More than being worried about Chuuya falling, Atsushi wants to make sure Chuuya ends up somewhere safe in general.]

Can’t argue with that.

[He can only imagine what the Natha would do if they no longer wanted to deal with all the refugees they’d rescued...

Much as Chuuya doesn’t like accepting help, Atsushi’s shoulder does provide a bit more balance as he climbs the stairs, so he won’t fight it. He’s too goddamn tired to fight, and the moment he’s back in his room he faceplants right into the soft covers of his bed. Incidentally there’s just enough room for Atsushi to climb in if he wants.]

...I need a drink.

[Well. Chuuya’s wish for sobriety didn’t last long.]

Please don't drink. You finally made it to bed.

[After staring down at that floppy Chuu, Atsushi lies down next to him. He doesn't want to leave yet, least of all to get Chuuya a drink. Yes, the man is an adult who can make his own choices, but Atsushi is still worried about him. Belatedly, he shifts to pull the covers over them both.]

Tomorrow is another day.

...fine.

[He says, fully planning on indulging in that bottle of rum he’s got stashed in his room once Atsushi is asleep.

The warmth of another person laying next to him is more of a comfort than Chuuya would like to admit, and he settles under the covers without too much of a fight. Maybe he’ll scoot up against Atsushi to steal some of his warmth.

Ah, that optimistic statement is actually nice to hear, if only to confirm that Atsushi isn’t allowing himself to be brought down by the memories of his kidnapping.]

Tch. All I wanted to do tonight was drink.

[Then Faust had appeared, and yeah.]

Edited 2018-04-28 09:37 (UTC)

[Oh yeah? Try drinking that rum with a sleeping Soosh clinging to you!! ... Not that Atsushi is doing any clinging now. He's too worried about hurting Chuuya.]

I'm sorry you had such a rough day... but I'm glad that you're okay. Really.

[It's an understatement if anything, half-whispered in the dark as Atsushi tries to mold himself against Chuuya without doing anything as risky as putting an arm over him.]

[Maybe he’ll hold off until morning, at least. Maybe.

A rough day is an understatement, but Chuuya won’t argue. He’s alive, at least, and that’s what matters, right?

Chuuya will reposition himself so that the two of them are spooning (haha he’s the little spoon) before grabbing Atsushi’s arm and pulling it over himself.]

I’m not gonna break.

[He’s mostly healed now, so any post-injury cuddling should be fine. If not, at least Atsushi can heal him.]

Like I’d die that easily.

Edited 2018-04-29 11:53 (UTC)

[... Well, as long as Chuuya's okay with being touched, Atsushi is going to cling to him a little harder, briefly. ~~It's not spooning until the little spoon gets squished!~~]

"I know"... is what I'd like to say.

[But it's hard to believe that anymore, even if he has a lot of confidence in Chuuya's fighting skills. He's seen him at it, after all.]

It's strange... Everyone of the Agency used to get in so many dangerous situations, yet I never worried so much about losing them as I do about losing people now.

[In part, it's the emotional scars of thinking Dylas was dead. But also...]

... It's like I have more to lose, now.

[Chuuya can deal with being clung to and squished a bit (it’s nice, really, yay cuddles), even if he think he looks goddamn ridiculous in Faust’s robe. Whatever, as long as there’s no photographic evidence.

Chuuya is quiet for once as he listens to Atsushi speak, and while there’s no love lost between Chuuya and the other former ADA members, he can relate to giving a shit about what happens to others. Chuuya himself always did his very best to prevent the deaths of his subordinates, and he wasn’t even particularly close to any of them, so of course he gives a shit about what happens to the precious few people he’s bonded with.

More to lose, huh? But people can come back from the dead on Nysa, right? So shouldn’t Atsushi not worry as much as he used to? But maybe he means that he’s bonded so closely with some of the people here that their loss, even if it’s temporary, would be excruciating...]

...I think I know the feeling.

[There’s a few people Chuuya can safely say he’d take a bullet (knife, sword, spell, whatever) for on Nysa, and none of them are out of obligation from a job.

Chuuya squeezes Atsushi’s arm just a little, huffing. How dare you make him feel feelings, soosh?!]

You’d better live too, or I’ll kick your ass even beyond the grave.

Edited 2018-04-29 22:55 (UTC)

[Maybe it's just the uncertainty of it, really... People come, people go, and you never know what will happen. Of course, the same could be said about life back home, but people didn't disappear into a coma for months (maybe years), there... and death might be final, but there was something to be said for the certainty of it. Besides, Yosano did a better job of healing people than Atsushi has seen anyone here do.

Or maybe, in the end, it's just that Atsushi has been a lot more independent since coming here - which also means that every mistake he makes will be his own, and he can't hide behind stronger people anymore. Wouldn't it just be pathetic, if that were the case?

Still, Atsushi smiles, nuzzled against the back of Chuuya's neck.]

We couldn't have that, could we? I'd hate to be a burden to you, even after you're dead.

[He's joking! ... Mostly!]

Then you better not die.

[Chuuya can feel Atsushi smiling against him, and honestly? It almost feels more effective at soothing his aches than any healing technique (that’s cheesy but hey). Chuuya might just be wearing a tiny little smile as well, but it’s impossible for Atsushi to see from behind, and Chuuya plans on keeping it that way. Mostly because he doesn’t feel like moving at the moment.

He does feel the need to add something, however.]

Like you’d be a burden when you’ve done all kinds of shit for me. My debts keep piling up.

[A huff.]

Executives shouldn’t owe anyone anything, so you’re gonna have to figure out some way for me to pay you back.

[Even if Atsushi doesn't consider himself as much of a burden as he used to, the idea hovers over him like the sword of Damocles, ready to drop on him again at any moment. He knows that's more due to his own shortcomings than anything else, so he tries not to take it too seriously - but the idea of Chuuya being indebted to him? That's truly ridiculous.]

Please, you don't owe me anything! And, even if you did, having your friendship is more than enough compensation.

... I still appreciate it, you know. That we can be like this, instead of always being enemies.

[It’s not surprising that someone as humble as Atsushi can’t see the importance of their own actions unless they’re negative; really, offering Chuuya a place in the mansion when they’d only just begun to know each other had been one thing, but then Atsushi had to go and heal him from life-threatening injuries too. Things like that hold weight and meaning to Chuuya; he’d pledged his loyalty to Mori after the man took him in, after all, so it’s only natural he’d feel a sense of loyalty to Atsushi as well.

At the very least, Atsushi has Chuuya to watch his back if he ever needs it, and that’s truly the highest honor.]

This is a different world. No reason to keep chasing weretigers anymore.

[Ah, he’s starting to get tired again, which is why he’ll blame exhaustion for all this cuddling.]

...don’t tell anyone else about this ugly ass robe.

[Even if there's no reason to be enemies, that doesn't mean Atsushi will ever take it for granted that Chuuya and him are now (for all intents and purposes) friends. He knows the value of friendship, perhaps better than most. And if he's helped to keep Chuuya on the "right" path here, even just a little bit, so much the better. It's a really conceited thought, no doubt, but he still likes it.

The robe..? Oh, yes... Atsushi supposes it's not really Chuuya's style. Or... any style at all. He breathes a soft laugh, his hand gentle rubbing over Chuuya's stomach, just because that's where it happened to land.]

I promise.

Please sleep. You can pick something better to wear in the morning.

[~~He’ll just never tell Atsushi about stealing wine from Simwe’s palace during the riots.~~

Chuuya really has no reason to do super shady shit on Nysa, but he’s not above making questionable choices if the need arises. He hadn’t thought twice about wanting to beat the shit out of the kidnappers, nor did he feel the least bit upset to see the bastard that had turned Mephisto against him suffer and die a horrible death. Chuuya is by no means perfect, but he’s definitely a good guy compared to the evil assholes out there.

Oh...he kind of likes having his stomach rubbed. He can see why pets enjoy it now.]

Right.

[He’s warm and content now, if not a bit achy, and he should be able to sleep soon enough. He’ll just...melt into the bed a little...so comfy...]

‘Night.

Edited 2018-05-02 08:10 (UTC)

CLOSED ♪ Don't waste your worry on me, I always find what I need

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