nysalogs | open | your name is on a lot of quotes in this book

Entry tags:

open | your name is on a lot of quotes in this book

Who: Claire Fraser (

nineteenfortyfive) & you
What: May things, lots of moping Claire... forgive me.
When: May
Where: Olympia
Warning(s): General Outlander warnings.

I. THE MARKET

[Her marriage is in an unpleasant place and she doesn't know how to fix it. Percy is in stasis. Ramsay is back. Theon was, for a brief moment, back in stasis as well, but only returned in a worse state than he was. It's been a lot to contend with on top of being so recently tortured (her her hands remain in gloves as her nails grow back, the last of the damage left), and one afternoon as Claire's in the market, standing before a fruit stand, it all catches up to her.

For someone who urges others to confide in someone, anyone, often herself, she doesn't follow her own advice.

She pushes other shoppers out of the way as she suddenly finds it hard to breathe, hard to keep her eyes from welling with tears, and if she slams into anyone there's no apology as she stumbles out and away.

She stops when she comes to a fountain, gasping and sobbing, a hand clutching at her neck as if there's something suffocating her, chest heaving rapidly. No, nothing physical, just an overwhelming sense of sadness. A sadness that turns into more of a frustrated panic as she tries to calm herself, leaning over the water.]

II. THE TRAIN/FLONA COVE

[Percy did have an affinity for water.

Claire knows she can't watch over Theon 24/7. He needs to stand on his own, and he can, and so Claire takes some hours for herself and heads to the beach. She's always enjoyed train rides. Perhaps she's even in the mood for conversation with whoever happens to sit by her.

At the beach, instead of collapsing on the sand and considering letting the waves wash her away, she takes a stroll, skirts tied up over her knees so she can walk in the small waves without getting drenched.

Now and then she stops to pick up a shell. By the end of it, she's got a hefty collection held in her skirt, and dumps her prizes where she's left her shoes.

Well. Now what to do with them?]

III. STASIS

[She spends more time here than she'd ever admit. She makes it sound like her visits are brief. They're not. On leave from the Sanctuary, she's had a lot of time to simply be.

Today, she stands before her daughter's pod. What she'd give to be able to touch her red hair, or at least feel her skin, make sure it's warm. All she can so is press her hands against the glass.]

Sometimes I think you're luckier, in there. Though you'd probably throw a fit at me saying that. I know you'd rather be here, too. I know.

[[ooc: pls choose your flavor of sad mom, or hit me with a wildcard! Oooooor send me a PM if you'd like me to whip up a starter, and I'd be happy to.]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Jamie's listening. He'll always listen to her. Though he does feel a strong desire to simply not. But he's certain that him being petty because he's hurting won't make the situation any better. It's not going to turn back the clock and fix the problems that have arisen between the two of them.

Suddenly though he does look at her with the question she poses. ]

I told ye at the crash site that it didnae.

[ There's a shake of his head. ]

Ye've nae quite realized that I've never once looked at ye and missed the Claire I left behind on that ship. Cause yer the same person. Time's passed, but yer Claire. No matter yer age or the time ye've raised our daughter alone with Frank. Yer the woman who was nae afraid t' tell me off when ye first met me. Ye speak yer mind. Ye've got a heart as big as ye mouth. [ A bitter laugh. ] Underneath whatever's happened I ken yer still the woman I love. It's never bothered me, Claire.

[James Fraser is about the only man able to say she has a big mouth and live to tell the tale. The words make her smile, albeit it sadly. She needed to hear them again. She knows, knows that no matter what they'll want one another, but it's easy to get caught up on the little things. To think it easier to hide than tell the whole truth. There's still a lot he doesn't know, the little details of her life that have shaped her into who she is now, but they're insignificant in the grand scale of things, aren't they? He knows her.]

I love you, too.

[Words not often said. Claire folds her arms over her chest, shaking her head.]

Can we just start over again? Please.

[ They're both profoundly aware that Claire does have a temper. One that can rise up rather quickly at the drop of a hat. A lot of the trickier situations they tend to get in do happen because Claire will feel the need to speak up. At this point he's certain that he could never convince her to simply stay silent on a subject. She has opinions and strong ones at that. But he knows that she only does those things cause she cares.

Jamie finally wills himself to stand and puts the book to the side completely. He wasn't looking at it before, but it was still in his hands just shut. He puts it to the side and moves closer to her. He stands before her and gently reaches out to brush fingers over her cheek. ]

Aye. [ He nods. ] I'd like that.

[ Especially if it means his wife will stop looking at him like he's a ghost that's invaded her life. ]

[She lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Oh, it's good to have him near. She leans her cheek into his hand before she turns her face to kiss his palm.]

I'm sorry I missed your birthday.

Hush now.

[ He smiles at her and moves in closer. His other hand coming to slide up her arm and coming to rest on her shoulder for a moment. ]

Theon needed ye. My birthday is nae going t' come before taking care of him.

He does. [Not did. The gloves in her hand are a reminder that she will need to go back to him, at least for a little while longer. But, for now, she has time for her husband. A husband she carefully leans up on her toes to kiss, empty hand coming to touch his cheek.]

Do you want your gift now, or later?

I'm well aware of how difficult it is t' come back from such a time.

[ The physical wounds were only half the battle when it comes to mental torture or manipulation. Randall knew what he was doing. He knew quite well that he was polluting Jamie's mind and making his wife an enemy if he ever slipped from the man's grasp. He imagines Ramsay is very similar to Randall when it comes to ruining a man mentally just as much as physically. ]

Suppose I've been patient enough for it. Now please.

You are. [Daresay Theon's a whole new level of ruined. Tortured so terribly his hair's gone white, and trembling like a leaf under her gaze. Still alive, at least. That's something.

It's a thought that has Claire's touch a little more careful on Jamie, hands smoothing over his shoulders and coming lowers so she can wrap her arms around his middle.]

All right. But first, some of this. It's been too long.

[Since they've simply hugged.]

[ There's a level of self pity that comes with surviving something like that. For letting yourself become something so different from yourself. He doesn't imagine he'll see his wife often. But at least now he feels he might be able to cope a little bit more with that.

It's a great weight that's been shifted off his shoulders. One he's been certain was going to crush him after everything. He was worried that they'd simply exist around one another until he was sent to stasis and given the memories. ]

I can supply ye with this.

[ His arms winding around her to hold her close. Far easier to hug her these days than upon his arrival. Just stiffness to worry about now. ]

Edited 2018-05-10 03:41 (UTC)

[Starting fresh means giving him the attention he deserves. Jamie's a simple man, requiring only his wife's love. That's never gone away, but she does need to show it. Even if it's just this, a hug, her arms squeezing him as she rests her cheek on his shoulder.]

I am sorry.

[In case he didn't catch that before. Important, to apologize.]

I'm going to have to be away for some days yet, but when I get back, all I want to do is be with you.

[ This world here is difficult and challenging. They're facing a number of horrendous things. They don't need to add to the stress of that by driving a wedge between one another. She told him about Paris and how difficult it was for them. He didn't want a repeat of that. Certainly not when he had it in his future already. ]

Hush now.

[ He doesn't need or want numerous apologies. They've sorted through it. He doesn't want to dangle it in her face forever. It wouldn't be fair of him. ]

Aye. Take all the time the lad needs. I'll be here.

[Injuries don't heal overnight. Claire knows. It's why she's attentive now, when she can be, and why she dares to lean up on her toes again to give him a thankful, proper kiss. Longer than the first. It's been a long time since she's done that.]

Your wife misses you.

[ He will admit that it took him some time when he crash landed here for him to find some level of normalcy. He did rely heavily on Ros' ring for a bit, but more and more he found himself going without the calming influence. He would have to find a way to get beyond what Randall did to him on his own. No one else could do that.

There's a hint of surprise when she leans up to kiss him like that. It's been a while. He responds with a smile and he leans down while drawing her closer. ]

Yer husband misses ye a wee bit himself.

[And she's been careful. She remembers those days after Wentworth, and how difficult it was for him. She feels pang of guilt for not being a more active presence with him here, knowing what she knows now.]

Only a wee bit, Jamie?

[ It's far easier to insist it's only a small amount. She doesn't need to become aware of how lonely he had become without his wife. He's never been fond of feeling helpless or that low. But in truth he had missed his wife dreadfully. It's been a rather long time if you counted the time he spent alone with Randall since he'd been in the arms of his wife this calmly. ]

Ye win. [ He smiles at her. ] I've never missed another soul so much in my life.

[It's not winning if she already knew the answer. She presses her lips to that smile of his before they move to his jaw, and then his neck.]

I'm back, now.

[ It's a weight being lifted off his shoulders to hold her now. To realize that they have found a way through everything before. They're not perfect and they never have been, but they love one another. It's something that they've always remembered. Even through dark moments like before.

That smile only grows as she continues to kiss him. She goes down to his neck and he hums his gratitude for a moment. ]

Ye are.

[ His hands go downward to get a grip of her bottom. He's happy to remind her that he's there as well. ]

[That grab makes Claire laugh. God, it's been too long.]

Some things never change.

[ Twenty years. Fifty years. A hundred years. None of it matters. He'll always want his wife. He can only hope that once she feels Theon can manage more on his own that he'll see her more often. Not simply just when they're climbing into bed or waking in the morn. ]

Ye've hardly let me do much touching. Ye had to ken this was coming.

I just wanted you to be sure.

[Wentworth, for him, wasn't all that long ago.]

[ Longer than he realizes. After the kidnapping and the memories he's damned tired of letting the past control him. Maybe his future isn't necessarily the brightest with their separation, but he reunites with her. It shows that he can keep going. Move forward. ]

Ye could've asked.

I'm sorry.

[It's true. Claire lets her hand wander over his side, over the spot where she knows the brand once was. A place she hasn't dared to touch until now.]

I've never wanted to push.

[In any direction, but... it happened.]

Ye've never pushed. Never even come close. I dinnae think ye ever could. When ye dinnae ask I simply assume ye dinnae desire it.

[ It's true though. Months ago he likely would not have been in the best position. But so much has happened here. Not to mention his many sessions with that ring. It's not long term Ros had said, but maybe it did more help than he thought. He's not completely himself, but he doesn't see Randall's face in place of his wife's when she touches him or kisses him. ]

I've never stopped desiring you.

[Steve Trevor had asked her if she perhaps only wanted friendship with Jamie. Most certainly not.]

I never will.

[ It did feel a little like that. He supposes she knows the feeling though due to their time in Paris she once told him of. But appearances can be deceiving can't they? ]

Ye havenae? [ He smiles a little. ] I'll have to be sure t' get that one in writing.

[ A soft chuckle. ]

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