nysalogs | (mostly open)

Entry tags:

(mostly open)

Who: Emma Swan (

sheriffing) & OTA
What: Beach day, chasing dragons, finding trouble, the usual.
When: Recently or right now
Where: Flona Cove + drinking + a closed starter
Warning(s): n/a

1. LADIES AND DRAGONS. (closed)

[ it's not a perfect plan, but at first, it's good enough. Emma storms into the cafe warning of a dragon on the loose with the fiery path to prove it, and Dany helps a pair of the creatures sneak out in the meantime. what the dragon savior isn't expecting is how quickly she gets pulled into the appearance of order, getting a description of the missing dragons from the cafe worker and taking her time to ensure their escape.

she plays her part and does what she can to delay any action, but that leaves her friend to manage the dragons on her own as they head towards the sanctuary in Wyver for their release. it's a while before she manages to catch up to them, rushing back on the path they've chosen, and when she's close enough to notice a spark nearby, she finds two dragons and two friends waiting.]

...I should have known the two of you would get along. [ Dany with the thousand titles and Wanda Maximoff. she'd once confused the former with the word "badass", but as far as she's concerned, it applies to both of them.]

2. THE BEACH IS ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA. (open)

[ at least she's managed to stay away from the fancy drinks. by the time Emma is off-duty and ready to join the celebration, the sun is already setting and the bonfire's already captured the attention of the crowd. she's rented a beach chair and brought her own, complication-free alcohol, and if anyone wants to join her, Emma might be willing to share.

or catch her walking along the water's edge, enjoying a walk a short distance away from the action. it's not that she minds the celebration, there's just so little time to steal a quiet moment around here.

if they aren't in danger then they're negotiating for peace or helping newly-awakened refugees to settle in. or worse, watching their friends slip back into stasis. there's not a lot of time to process what goes on around here, and for a moment, Emma is a little lost to the thought of all they've been through here.]

3. DRINKS DRINKS DRINKS. (open)

[ it's become something of a habit for her. once or twice a week, after she finishes up with the guard, Emma stops by a local bar to get a drink before she heads home. sometimes she meets up with friends, sometimes she talks to the locals, but whatever her plans, there's an empty seat beside her as she knocks back her drink.

feel free to claim it and a bit of conversation. after all, she doesn't mind the company. more often than not, she just doesn't really know how to ask for it, either.]

4. WILD CARD. (open)

[ want another beach option or something else entirely? feel free to drop it here or nudge me at

swanning and I'll post up a starter just for us!]

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[ He's aware of how she does her avoiding. He spent plenty of time chasing after her before. She hasn't always made it easy for him. She's quite skilled at emotional avoidance when she wants to. But she does it brilliantly while living with him. She can talk in circles all she likes about how she's busy and how it takes up most of her time. Yet they were her decisions to make. Something he'll always be keenly aware of.

Ultimately no one drafted her into joining the Council. She did that all on her own. Really he can't fault her for that decision. He knows Emma well enough by now to know that if things are corrupt and not working she'll intervene. She's the Savior. She'll always try to help those who cannot help themselves. ]

It's not like you're what? Purposefully taking on extra work to avoid being alone with me in the evenings? [ He gives her a smirk. ] Never. You're not that type of person.

[ News flash, Emma, you are. ]

You think I'm afraid to be alone with you? I've been alone with you before, Killian.

[ she's had to rely on him to help her to continue to exist and to guarantee that her parents would meet. it's not a lack of trust that pulls her away from him. she knows he'd follow her anywhere she needed to go. in this world, sometimes they don't get to decide who they want to be with or what's going to happen to them. she doesn't think Percy chose to go back into stasis, but she gets a pit in her stomach every time she thinks of the kid in one of those pods. he was awake not too long ago, and now it's hard to know when he'll come out of it.

just like it's hard to know when Hook will end up back in one of those things. and with her luck, it probably won't be until after she gets used to having him around. isn't that reason enough to pull away from him? she's been awake long enough to know how this place works, and that coupled with how her entire life works tells her that she's meant to be alone.]

I just -

[ there's no easy way to say she's preparing herself for him to go back into stasis, and she deflates a little at the thought. all of that supposedly justified annoyance melts away at the idea of having to say it to his face, and her arms fall to her sides.]

I keep thinking there will probably come a time when you won't be there when I get home, Killian.

[ She's not wrong. They have been alone together. Though he knows that this is slightly different circumstances. He wasn't presenting her with information of her future with him. They were both existing with the same amount of knowledge. Though it was rather obvious to Emma that he had feelings for her. Something that Zelena had preyed upon quite easily when she came after him.

He's been a bit hasty in some of his assumptions. Then she stumbles upon her next words and seems to hesitate on what she wishes to explain. Killian can only wait silently until she finds her words. Something he had an inkling about. It's an old story with Emma Swan. She didn't rely on people when she was a child because she didn't feel like she had anyone. She was an orphan. Given away, but not by choice. Somewhere she knows that if he was to be taken away it wouldn't be his choice. It would be out of his hands which is how stasis seems to work here. ]

And your idea was to simply keep me at arms length? You are aware that your fear is one that could happen anywhere. Our home. Here. [ He's living proof that sometimes you lose people continuously whether you want to or not. ] Wouldn't you prefer to enjoy me being here? Perhaps I'll come back or perhaps I won't go at all, Emma. Keeping me at a distance only deprives you of time with me. It doesn't truly protect you.

You say that, but you don't know what it's like to have someone go back into stasis.

[ it wasn't that long ago that the concept was pretty unfamiliar to Emma, too. now that she's let herself get attached to someone and watched them get sent back, it's as terrible as she imagined (if not worse). this new version of Killian Jones tends to take the optimistic approach, and if her parents were here, she knows they'd say the same - but they're not. they're in stasis, with no sign of waking up anytime soon.]

There's this kid who I was friends with, Percy. The surprise son of Poseidon, who grew up in a world like mine. I asked him about Hades after you came back, I think he was probably the first person I told about you. [ she does tell people about him. Killian is a part of her life, even if she has a hard time admitting it to him. she's not sure how to explain her friendship with Percy, she's never really felt maternal towards him. he's more like a kid brother, or a nephew she wants to protect within an inch of his life. his life echoes hers so closely that she kinda felt like he understood, even if he was pretty young to grasp everything she'd been through.]

He's back in stasis now, and I miss him. [ he says all of this could happen anywhere, but it hasn't happened anywhere else the way it happens here; where their loved ones are just out of reach and completely lifeless in those pods.] Logically, I know I'm better for knowing him. I know I would have rather had that time than not had it, but... [ she sighs and takes a breath that quivers a little on the exhale, stopping where she stands for a moment.] I just miss him, and I don't know when I'll get to see him again.

[ In a way he's been a witness to Charming having to go through a similar situation with Snow. The back and forth of the curse. He saw what the devastation could do to someone. The ache of the absent person. He recalls how it felt to be separated from Emma while on the sub. How it felt to be back on Neverland and having to hope he could get back to her. Because he would do everything possible. Even if it all seemed impossible.

He doesn't cut in to speak. He listens to her explain about this boy, Percy. He doesn't comment on her telling someone about him. He doesn't doubt she's talked about him. He just doesn't assume that any of it has necessarily been casting him in the best light. Maybe. They went through quite a bit together in her eyes, but they still have a ways to go. But he knows Emma. He knows her protective instincts. They carry over to anyone she considers her family.

There's a slight frown when she tells him that she misses him. Not because he's unhappy that she misses the lad or anything foolish. He's upset for her. He feels for her. He doesn't want her to have to endure such feelings. ] I think if you were standing here right now--you'd say you've got to have hope. You've told me that plenty of times, Emma. It's better to miss someone than to never have known them. You've just about said it yourself.

[ it is better to miss someone than to never have known them, but there's so much missing in her life right now that sometimes it's hard to know how to move forward. Henry, her parents, Regina, Neal, their friends. instead of people waking up and becoming a part of her life, she's just finding more people to miss when they're pulled apart by stasis, or circumstances, or the next awful event.]

Yeah, but that doesn't change how much it hurts to miss them.

[ that's where she's at here, trying to decide how many people she's meant to miss. is he next? will someone else disappear on her? she thought Jon moving to Wyver was hard, but now there's the idea of the few friends she's made here going back to sleep. somehow, she knows it'd be even harder on her if it was Killian. there's only so many times she can take that hit to the heart.]

Your memories are of us being together, but I've been here long enough to realize that it doesn't matter where I go. I always end up alone. [ it almost hurts to look at him while she says it, her eyes just barely meeting his. it's not that she doesn't want him around, or she doesn't care about him. it's just a lot to hope for when this world hasn't been all that great for her.]

[ He thought the same. His mother. His father. His brother. Milah. He shut himself off from any and all connections with the exception of his crew. He didn't even want to think that maybe he could care for Emma Swan because then he would have to face a few things he didn't want to. For one he'd have to admit he was leaving Milah's ghost behind. But the worse thing of all would be coming to the understanding that he could lose her. That it would hurt to lose her.

Killian watches her. It's fear that's holding her back. Absolute fear. Because if she allows herself to get close then comes the risk of losing them. Just like she said. She's not destined to be alone. He's not destined to be alone. They were just afraid. Afraid because losing someone hurts. Especially when you finally and truly allow yourself to love them. To care for them above all else. ]

Bollocks. [ He shakes his head. ] You're not going to always end up alone, Emma. You're bloody well afraid and because you're afraid you'd rather not try. Because then you don't have to feel the fallout. You don't have to worry about those walls of yours failing you. [ A strong exhale. ] You don't think I was afraid? I'd lost everyone. Adrift and angry. If I allowed myself to care for you then I opened myself up to the pain of loss once more. I could lose you just as quickly as you could lose me. Then where am I at? My wife would be up there. [ He gestures. ] And I'd be powerless. But I'm not going to let that fear stop how much I love you, Swan.

Edited 2018-05-18 04:51 (UTC)

[ of course it's fear, it's always fear. this world confirms her fears in a way she could have never prepared herself for. it's like everyone she's ever cared about is threatened by a sleeping curse, one that can't be cured by true love or magic or anything at all. there'd always been a solution back home, but here, there's no way to know when someone will come in and out of stasis. she hadn't been expecting Killian to wake up, and ever since he did, she's been trying not to take comfort in finally getting someone back.

her eyes just look a little weary for having the conversation at all, and she bows her head after a moment, giving herself time to process this. he's right, he's lost people, too. she remembers what he was like when they met. sometimes it's a little intimidating to see who he is now; to watch him as this hopeful, stable presence when she's none of those things and lacking the one label he'd most like her to own up to.

he must be disappointed, to know that the version of Emma Swan he ended up with is the damaged one. ] You just - [ he's relentless. impossible. infuriatingly stubborn when it comes a future she doesn't remember. and sometimes she almost wishes she did, so that it doesn't have to be like this all the time.

she catches herself off guard by reaching out, arms winding around him in greedy embrace.] You need to stop being the one of us who makes sense. [ nothing has changed, she still misses everyone she did before - but she knows he has a point.]

[ For a woman that's willing to face monsters and powerful magic she's the most terrified person he's ever known. Besides himself. Worried about hypothetical things because she knows how it feels to be alone. She knows how it feels to be abandoned or to simply lose someone you love. She knows what it's like and because she's experienced it she'll do everything to make sure it doesn't happen again. Including shutting herself off from those around her.

She's just as damaged as he is. They both know that. But it's not going to stop either one of them. He would prefer to have her know how far their relationship has come, but he wouldn't ever trade her. He loves her. Whether she knows or she doesn't. She's his wife. With or without the memories. It just means his job gets a tad bit harder. He's never shied away from hard work though. Certainly not when it comes to Emma Swan.

The hug is a bit surprising. He doesn't hesitate though. His arms come around her and he's careful of the direction he points the pointed edge of his hook out towards. He holds her close and lifts his hand to cup the back of her head. ] I'm afraid you and your parents are quite motivating when you want to be. [ Though she's not likely the greatest fan of hope right now she'll get there. Once some stability comes back to her. ]

Whether we're in pods or we're in this strange bloody realm--[ He pulls back just enough to look at her. ]--you're never alone, Emma. You've never been alone. Henry loves you. Your parents love you. I love you. I'm never going to stop. Your family loves you. You need to remember that.

[ it's love that reminds her how much she misses them. she's never had someone love her the way that her family has, and losing them was overwhelming on its own before the fallout from living on after the end of their world. she'd met people and watched them come and go, and even in knowing how that system worked, she hadn't thought of herself as having anyone to lose. so she'd focused on the guard and the conflict between Wyver and Olympia, only to throw herself so far into protecting everyone else that she ended up being taken and tortured for it.

then there was Hook's arrival and the marriage he insisted she was a part of, followed by Percy leaving and the creation of the council. if it wasn't honest aggression, it was aggression in the air. if it wasn't the Sanctuary closing its doors, it was dealing with the riots. there was always something that left her feeling like she had the wind knocked out of her.

as much as she'd like to show him how calm and composed she is, she finds herself resting her head against his shoulder instead, leaning on him even if it's only for a moment. she pulls back when he does, reaching up to brush her fingers into his hair.] I get it, you're in full husband mode. [ she's not there yet, but at least a little humor deflects from how heavy the thought is. humor, and a chaste, almost cautious kiss against his lips.

now that she knows what kissing the pirate leads to, she's a little more careful.]

[ It's a tricky emotion. One that Killian had tried to combat often as a lad. He loved his father still even after he abandoned the two of them. He loved him and often he could only recall how his father left them because of that. Reminded of that night every time. But he knows now that sometimes in situations like these love is what will keep you human. Cause if you give up that emotion you can lose sight of how you feel. You can lose sigh of the humanity inside of you. He did for quite some time after he lost Milah. He doesn't want Emma to shut herself down once more.

Things won't be perfect here, but whatever she does lose or feels like she's lost isn't gone forever. Not truly. Maybe for an extended period of time, but not forever. Even if she doesn't immediately believe this or intend to hold onto this belief he'll always be there to remind her. To stay by her even if she thinks that he won't. Eventually she'll come to realize he's there and he intends to stay. Even if she wants to hold him at arms length.

He can only smile when she talks of husband mode. Sounds like something from Henry's games. The ones with the controllers not quite accessible. But she doesn't push him away or anything silly. She leans towards him and kisses him gently. A bit different than he's used to, but she's kissing him. Maybe he deeps it just a tad, but who can really blame him? It's his wife. ]

[ if only it was as simple as a video game. she knows that his feelings won't change just because hers haven't had time to catch up, and whether or not they do still feels like it's her choice more than anything destined or determined by missing memories. but in the moment, the way he kisses her hints at a desire for something a little more intimate than what she was going for, and for once she doesn't hesitate to indulge him.

it's surprisingly nice to steal a few seconds with him where she's not overwhelmed by his presence or the ring on his finger (or how easily this could be ripped away). it doesn't change the fact that she's overwhelmed or he's different than how she remembers him, but since they've yet to have a moment where they were both on the same page, Emma will happily take this one.

eventually she eases back, her fingers leaving a warm trail across the back of his neck, and the smile that follows is a little more relaxed. turns out she can still kiss him without the fear that he's going to try to take over her closet and steal a spot in her bed.] I can see you've been practicing. [ he was always a good kisser, it's just that now? he clearly knows what she likes. a side-effect of that whole husband thing.]

[ Their future has never really been that certain. Well, there's one thing for certain and it's that he never intends to leave her. But there's no telling what will try to part them or how they'll continue onward. He doesn't intend to give up. He never has. He will keep fighting for her and showing her that he's going nowhere. They will absolutely have to shove him into one of those pods to keep him away. They've trudged through too much together and apart.

Emma may not know their future entirely just yet, but that doesn't mean she won't. It doesn't mean this place won't do what she fears and put her up there. He'll have to learn to cope when that happens. He doesn't think she's quite realized that. At least not until now. That the world could easily take away her as well. He'd be just as devastated. But it didn't mean he was going to give up.

A different sort of smile takes over Killian's face. He looks off to the side for a moment before he shrugs his shoulders. Finally his gaze falls on her once more. ] Aye. I've learned more than a few things. [ He resists the urge to say they've been practicing quite a bit, but he doesn't want to ruin this moment. He knows she'll knee jerk away or something. ] I'm a quick study. I wasn't simply born with the knowledge about manning a vessel on my own with one hand. You learn.

[ it's never occurred to her that she could just as easily end up in stasis again. she could argue that she was the first one out, but Emma knows that wasn't the case. Tinker Bell beat both of them awake and was back in a pod before she and the fairy could cross paths. sometimes she wonders how some of them come out of it sooner than others, but that's a question that seems to go unanswered around here. she doesn't know what will happen next, but losing someone once she gets used to having them around is a pattern she has decades of experience with.

sometimes she doesn't know how to respond when she's asked to hope things might turn out differently. at least this time there's a flirty pirate to distract her, and instead of pushing too far or giving her more information that she's ready for, he keeps it simple.] You're right, you are learning.

[ it's a low-key acknowledgment of everything he didn't mention this time, so she leans in, resting her forehead against his and letting out a soft, thoughtful hum. is it wrong to be relieved when he holds back? sometimes he acts like the life he remembers is an inevitability that the both of them share, but Emma would like to think that if she ever gets to that point, it'll be because she chose it.] What else are you looking to learn here?

[ As much as he considers Tinker Bell a friend and a trusted confidant after Neverland he knows that Emma would be a worse loss. He could get beyond Tinker Bell. Bounce back likely a little quicker. If Emma did go into stasis he really doesn't know what he'd do, but he knows he'd have to keep going for her. Emma wouldn't just quit. She wouldn't just roll over and give up because she was alone. She's thrived here on her own. Met new people and surrounded herself. Maybe she thinks she doesn't have deep connections, but he knows it'd be hard for them not to become attached to her.

Flirting is something he knows she'll fall back on. Flirting is easier for her to rely on than admitting anything remotely close to feelings. He was quite aware of how long it took her to say she loved him. The circumstances in which it came about. If she needs to rely on something lighter in tone and mood then he'll accommodate. Though at some point they will have to face facts. Decide something. Even if that something is him courting her once more.

Killian holds her. Letting the sea breeze catch them now. It's nice. This moment. For a second Killian doesn't feel the distance that wedged itself in when he arrived. ] I suppose how to make you happy, love. [ Her specifically. Because she's said it a hundred times and he's tired of the argument that they're the same. She insists they're not the same woman. He'll give her what she wants. Separation of the women. ]

[ she's sure that his answer comes with good intentions. it's not surprising that the guy who insists they're married would want to make her happy - but his honesty just reminds Emma of his feelings; more specifically, that he has them.

if his arrival was overwhelming her, then she can't imagine what all of this did for him. and selfishly, this is the first time she's really bothered to try. she was too stuck in her own feelings to think about the situation he's in here, and the idea that he's still chasing after her happiness comes with a pang of guilt that's mirrored in the frown that settles over her features.

all he wants is to make her happy. it's safe to say she probably doesn't deserve that anymore.] Killian.

[ she ducks her face against the crook of his neck for a moment, turning an answer over in her head and trying to figure out how much she's comfortable with telling him (anything true is probably a good a start). then she takes a breath slides back to look at him, and is it silly if she's still a little afraid? ] I'm happy you're awake. I know I didn't - [ say it like that? or probably at all?] Tell you I missed you, or handle all of this well, but... you don't have to learn how to make me happy. You already do.

[ she's just done a crappy job of showing it, that's all. because happiness still feels like another thing that can't be taken away from her here, and admitting to it is probably outright asking for that to happen.]

[ Most of his answers come with good intentions. It's not easy navigating these waters. He's never had to censor himself like this. Perhaps that's not true. He did tend to keep some of the more intense feelings bottled up to spare her the fumbling she did in the past. Now it seems to be very similar. Only with higher stakes. He's not certain what could happen if he made the wrong move here. The shared history is shorter and lacking a tad, but still deep enough. Deep enough that she hasn't completely thrown him out of her apartment.

When she ducks her face like that after saying his name he can't help, but smile. He's not sure what she's thinking, but he has an inkling of the thought pattern. He just hopes that she's not about to turn away and head for the group once more. He quite likes the two of them being removed from them. Being able to talk and exist together. It's nice. He doesn't get many moments like this to simply hold her. She doesn't allow it.

Killian's quiet as she finds her voice. Stumbling through some words and thoughts until she finally gets it out. He smiles down at her. He's so bloody happy he might burst. It's a small step for the right direction. Or what he hopes is the right direction. A pirate can dream. The fact that she believes he already makes her happy puts the wind back in his sails. ]

It's all I've ever wanted for you, Swan. Truly.

[ But he doesn't just linger and awkwardly look at her. No. Killian kisses her. ]

[ she almost points out that he never seems to want anything for himself. he wants her happiness without any mention of his own, and for a married pirate, she'd hope things might be a little more balanced. he deserves more than to be a part of the happiness she's found in this world, although this is a big step on its own for the fact that she can acknowledge anything here that isn't outright misery.

she'd fill the space with her own commentary if he didn't kiss her, and for once she drops her hollow effort to seal their conversation with something a little more meaningful. it's not as if this is new, they were kissing back home before the storm happened, but everything feels a little different in the situation they've been living in now. it's all heightened with the awareness that there might not be a next kiss, or another moment, so she leans towards making this one something he's sure to remember.

and when she finally pulls back, breathless and a little more at ease with him, she's not thinking about running back to the crowd.] We could walk for a while.

[ She doesn't immediately try to return to the group. She doesn't try to retreat against his words. He half expects her to try to leap into the ocean simply to get away. But she stays and surprises him once more with an invitation for the two of them to walk together. Not excusing herself to insist she needs a walk. She's just allowing them to spend more time together. Something he wasn't expecting at this moment.

Killian doesn't need to be asked twice. He nods his head and moves to hold his arm out for her to take if she'd like. It's entirely up to her. But he's gotten much better at being the gentleman in her presence. He certainly wants to escort her wherever they plan to go. ]

I'm almost sad we didn't bring the beast.

[ He means the dog. But there's a good chance he'd probably get lost somewhere in the sand or something. ]

[ every once in a while, she's willing to take the chance. she takes his arm to stay close while they walk, not especially worried about conversation until he mentions their dog, Chance.

her dog? their dog? he might have started out as Emma's and Emma's alone, but she's seen the way he jumps up on the couch at night to curl up with Killian. the men in her life have ganged up on her, it wouldn't have surprised her if he'd brought the dog along for the party.

... and if she likes his efforts to even win over the dog, well, she'll keep that to herself for now.]

We'll bring him next time.

[ Emma wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it. the truth is, she wouldn't mind a few next times with him. and that kind of hits home, even here. she gives his arm a gentle squeeze, more calm now that she was, but no less vulnerable.]

Let's try to make sure we get that, okay?

[ no extended stasis naps, no one getting kidnapped. it's as close as she might come to asking him not to leave her.]

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