nysalogs | ( open ) out of isolation

( not minding would be easier. not minding would mean she wouldn't care if there was forgiveness for her, if she could ever make up for all the blood on her hand.

she's a weapon that's been pointed this or that way by khlyen for years. these days, she decides which way to go, but that claim to agency doesn't erase the past. )

Most of myself.

( she hadn't even known, until recently, how she'd come into existence, what her connection to khlyen and the green and the hullen had been, khlyen still holding those pieces of her hostage even in death. )

[ What's the point of easy? Jim would say. ]

More than you realize, I think. You don't give yourself enough credit.

[ He sits up, runs a hand over the back of his head, through damp hair. ]

( dutch considers that for a moment. shrugs. )

And you don't look nearly wet enough. ( so she splashes at his hair. it shouldn't just be damp! it should be wet. )

Hey-- that's a worse pickup line than any of mine, even--

[ ShutupJim. He laughs, and shakes his hair out. Fine, fine. Jim dips down, crystal water closing over his head, and when he stands back up again he pushes his hands over it, keeping it out of his eyes.

People filter in and out of the lagoon, all ages, mostly Khali people, and a mix of human natives and refugees; they're going to have to get out eventually, if only to avoid pruning.

Hopefully there are towels. ]

Wasn't a pickup line.

( the retort comes quick and easy, dutch grinning back at him. but he's right: they'll have to get out eventually. )

Wanna go for a walk again? ( dutch asks once they're done drying off and have their walking boots on again. hah. )

[ Jim has decided to eschew anything from above the waist, the light here mingled in enough shade from the trees that he doesn't fear ending up toasted like on the beach. Everything gets tucked into his belt on his hip, letting him go shirtless. ]

Sure, [ he says, and offers her his hand as they head off for more wandering.

Really trippy, pretty wandering. He's not as high as he was when they showed up, but it's still lingering, and Jim has no objection to that. ]

( dutch puts her shirt back on, but it's not like that means she's much more covered than jim. there are cut-outs on the shirt. she likes those.

and she likes intertwining her fingers with jim's and walking like that. there's a lot of forest here. lots of different flowers. at some point, lazily, dutch says ) We should fuck like this.

I thought you said that wasn't a pickup line, back there.

[ Equally lazy teasing. But Jim considers it, even as he's tugging Dutch closer - and can't find a reason in his head why not. (Grass in places grass shouldn't go? Getting discovered? Well, it seems isolated enough, out here. He can put his jacket down.) Jim looks at her once they're face to face, just for a moment, before pressing a soft kiss to her mouth. ]

It wasn't. ( he tugs her closer, kissing her —and it's soft. softer than she'd usually allow, softer than she'd usually know what to do with because jim isn't johnny and johnny is her family, her brother in all the ways that matter, her gravity. she knows how to be soft around johnny, sometimes.

right now, she doesn't know how to be anything but soft, every muscle relaxed and at ease. she smiles into the kiss, tipping her head to slide her mouth along his jaw and then nuzzle at his cheek with her nose. )

This is.

Alright, [ he murmurs against her, sliding his arms around her, holding her close as they kiss and-- do whatever this is. Cuddle, makeout, what is it? It's gentler and softer than it's ever been and he thinks he likes it. Jim's not opposed, but always sort of figured she was; right now it feels important that Dutch knows she's capable of being held like this. That she knows he wants to hold her like this.

And he does, so.

Jim steps back after a moment, tugging his shirt and towel free from his waistband so he can toss them onto the soft grass, and guide them both down. ]

( do they need to put a label on it? it's supposed to lead to fucking, but right now, the sense of urgency dutch often feels, the urge to make sure that whatever happens, she gets off first because if she doesn't, she might not at all, that's missing. not all of her bed partners have been as considerate as jim is.

she follows him down easily, resting her cheek against his shoulder for a moment before pushing up on an elbow and moving in for another kiss, just as languid as before. it's easy, right now, to let him be gentle. to be gentle in return. she wasn't created for gentleness, but that doesn't seem to matter right now. )

[ He doesn't think she's fragile or in need of coddling - obviously. Deliberate tenderness might be patronizing, even; but this is something else. He feels relaxed and open and wants to share in that feeling with her.

(Before it fades? Jim's not thinking about time.)

Kissing feels more important than it usually does. But the rest of it, despite the languid pace, is familiar, Jim's attentive, thorough attention very much a part of him and sex no matter the kind.

He links their fingers together, unthinking. ]

( she isn't fragile and she isn't in need of coddling — and ordinarily, she'd take any hint of either as patronising even if it isn't meant to be, but right now? right now, she enjoys the softness, the gentleness, the openness of his kisses and his hands on hers.

sex, for dutch, isn't about a connection. it's about physical pleasure, pure and simple. this? this is more of a connection than she's let herself feel with anyone but those she considers hers. johnny, d'avin, alvis. right now, with jim, kissing back isn't about chasing pleasure and it isn't about urgency.

he links their fingers together and she reaches up with her free hand, letting her fingertips wander over his jaw, the shell of his ear, down his neck, over a shoulder, back up again. )

Edited (i forgot to actually write anything other than introspection oops) 2018-06-25 18:39 (UTC)

[ It's softer than it's ever been between them, but softer doesn't mean a lack of pleasure, even for two people whose coupling has always been frenetic. Jim keeps them on their sides, as if something in his subconscious finds merit in them being symbolically equally, though perhaps it's just that it's comfortable and cozy like this. He kisses and touches her for a long time before he hitches her closer so that he can press inside of her, sighing, his hand beneath her knee keeping them tightly connected. ]

( it's a slow affair; more so than usual. it's slow and it's warm, comfortable and soft. these are not words dutch would usually think of during sex, but they fit now and when he finally presses into her, her moan of pleasure is soft, acknowledgement of pleasure and a homecoming more than anything else.

she curls her hand over the back of his head and draws him in for another kiss, a little unfocused because her hips roll in slow waves. )

[ Breathing against each other, kissing softly, rutting languidly - it's achingly intimate, and Jim's mind is a blurry glow of yes, good. Still, he has the habits he's worked hard to turn automatic, and it remains important for him to make sure she comes first. (Though it may be a near thing, today, for how relaxed he is.)

Speckled sunlight slips in patterns over them like a kaleidoscope as a gentle breeze somewhere above them shifts the leafy canopy overhead. Broad daylight out in a veritably public area, and yet there's no risque thrill about it, because he's not thinking of it that way. ]

( there's no urgency, which makes it feel less like a progression from a to be and more like she's treading water, admiring the scenery instead of trying to get somewhere. which means that when she comes, it's a surprise rather than something she's worked toward. for a moment, there's tension — but her muscles slacken again soon and she sighs against jim's shoulder as pleasure courses through her, not overwhelming but all-encompassing. )

[ Feeling her orgasm in the midst of something so peaceful is like a moment of electricity-- but even then he doesn't push much harder, doesn't tighten his grip and fuck her quicker like he might usually. Jim just keeps on, presses a brief, messy kiss to the side of her mouth, then leans their foreheads together.

It's like a wave breaking when he comes, without trying for it, just letting it wash over him. ]

( he comes, too, a little after her, and dutch makes an encouraging noise and slides her hands aimlessly over his shoulders, neck, into his hair, just touching for the sake of it. more than she might usually, or at least more softly. )

Mh. ( it's just a pleased hum. the non-verbal equivalent of this is nice. )

Mmhm. [ Non-verbal agreement. Jim has just enough presence of mind to use one hand to grope around for - either the towel or his shirt, who knows, to do perfunctory cleanup so they don't congeal together horribly. But after, he ends up not moving, laying with her spaced out and warm.

Honestly if the Khali people didn't want visitors to bang in their sacred forest they shouldn't be giving folks so much fairy weed, so this is probably fine. ]

( it's probably fine. it feels fine, at any rate. dutch isn't worried and most of that might be the fairy weed, but some of it is also just the fact that she doesn't give too much of a shit about propriety on a good day.

slowly, she drifts off —

only to wake some time later to something soft and a little wet nosing at her. literally nosing. it's an animal nose. )

[ Jim slips easily from asleep to awake, too used to having to leap out of bed on off-shifts to handle this or that (and too used to escaping angry uncles and step-parents in the life before), so when the world stirs around them, he's already blinking muzzily.

Uh.

He assumes this must be a dream, at first, puzzled bleary eyes taking in the large creature huffing and sniffing them, but then the large, rhino-like head drifts over to shove its soft nose into Jim's bare hip and--

The noise he makes isn't a yelp. Definitely not. It's manly and not at all embarrassing. ]

( totally a manly and not at all embarrassing noise, yes. dutch, fortunately, has better control over her noise-making or at least has been trained not to make a sound unless she wants to.

she does sit up a little, eyeing the creature sniffing at them. it seems friendly for now. no visible teeth. could probably trample them to death. okay then. )

[ Captain Squeaky is groping around for something to cover himself with, not quite frantic but still somewhat alarmed. ]

Good morning, [ he says, vaguely affronted. The creature heaves a wet sigh, and continues sniffing. It has flowers growing on its head. ]

Move slowly. ( dutch suggests, very casually. the creature seems friendly so far, but that doesn't have to mean anything. dutch knows all too well just how deceiving appearances can be, and the ease and happiness of the fairy weed have dissipated, leaving all that knowledge at the forefront of her mind again. )

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