Peter Quill (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nostalgiabomb) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
nysalogs2018-05-28 11:32 pm
nostalgiabomb) wrote in nysalogs2018-05-28 11:32 pm
Entry tags:
closed; dive down deep to save my head
Who: Peter Quill (nostalgiabomb) & Mantis (uglybug)
What: finally addressing what they saw during the memory share
When: Ma...y? End of May.
Where: the Guardians' place
Warning(s): mentions of child abuse and child murder and possible rampant use of outdated pop culture references
[ It's not that Peter has been avoiding Mantis.
Because— obviously, he isn't. He hasn't been. And that's impossible to do, considering they live in the same house, under the same roof.
His routine doesn't change much, and he still speaks with her, jokes with her, teaches her random tidbits about his life on Earth; things don't really change. So it's a complete coincidence that they haven't been in a room together without Rocket and/or Gamora there as a buffer. And it's a coincidence that Peter frequently found a reason to excuse himself if it became clear that it would just be the two of them. Sometimes he just wanted some alone time, you know? Or sometimes he forgot about that "Thing" he needed to go pick up from a store, or some random errand that he needed to run before it got too late.
He's had a lot to process, and he's needed time to do it – though, admittedly, the first couple weeks of the month were spent aggressively ignoring the Ego-sized elephant in the room, pretending nothing had happened, pretending that he hadn't been witness to the ugly truths about Ego and all the children that came before Peter. It's how he reacted to the bullshit when he woke up on Thesa Station, after all – by pretending there wasn't a problem, by ignoring and ignoring and ignoring, because there wasn't any good way to deal with it, so why bother?
Now, though, his mind drifts to it, even if he wants to pretend it never happened. He thinks of the terrified wails of that child whose name he'll never know, and he thinks of the thousands and thousands of half-siblings he might have had, strewn across the galaxy, and he thinks of—
He thinks of Mom, smiling up at the night sky as she and Peter stargazed, tousling his hair and telling him, "Your daddy'll be back, one of these days, and he's just gonna adore you."
... So, alright. Maybe he has been avoiding Mantis.
And maybe he hasn't been processing it all as well or as thoroughly as he could have.
And maybe one night, he wakes, sweating, gasping, clawing at his chest and neck to yank out the tendrils of Light Ego had slammed through him, and he sobs with relief when he realizes there's nothing there. That it was just a dream. That he's fine. He's fine. He's totally fine.
(He's not.)
There's a lot on his mind. And it occurs to him if there's a lot on his mind, there must be a lot on Mantis' mind, and if anyone is going to get how fucked up this whole thing was, they're going to find that person in each other.
After exploring Khalo Village, Peter returns some time after sunset, bearing gifts – a shear, sparkly shawl and a dark wooden lacquered bracelet to replace the items Mantis had lost during the riots, all those months ago. The aero-rig Rocket had given him brings him up to the balcony, and he climbs over the railing to enter the mess that is their place.
Because front doors are for losers. ]
Mantis? You here?
nostalgiabomb) & Mantis (uglybug) What: finally addressing what they saw during the memory share
When: Ma...y? End of May.
Where: the Guardians' place
Warning(s): mentions of child abuse and child murder and possible rampant use of outdated pop culture references
[ It's not that Peter has been avoiding Mantis.
Because— obviously, he isn't. He hasn't been. And that's impossible to do, considering they live in the same house, under the same roof.
His routine doesn't change much, and he still speaks with her, jokes with her, teaches her random tidbits about his life on Earth; things don't really change. So it's a complete coincidence that they haven't been in a room together without Rocket and/or Gamora there as a buffer. And it's a coincidence that Peter frequently found a reason to excuse himself if it became clear that it would just be the two of them. Sometimes he just wanted some alone time, you know? Or sometimes he forgot about that "Thing" he needed to go pick up from a store, or some random errand that he needed to run before it got too late.
He's had a lot to process, and he's needed time to do it – though, admittedly, the first couple weeks of the month were spent aggressively ignoring the Ego-sized elephant in the room, pretending nothing had happened, pretending that he hadn't been witness to the ugly truths about Ego and all the children that came before Peter. It's how he reacted to the bullshit when he woke up on Thesa Station, after all – by pretending there wasn't a problem, by ignoring and ignoring and ignoring, because there wasn't any good way to deal with it, so why bother?
Now, though, his mind drifts to it, even if he wants to pretend it never happened. He thinks of the terrified wails of that child whose name he'll never know, and he thinks of the thousands and thousands of half-siblings he might have had, strewn across the galaxy, and he thinks of—
He thinks of Mom, smiling up at the night sky as she and Peter stargazed, tousling his hair and telling him, "Your daddy'll be back, one of these days, and he's just gonna adore you."
... So, alright. Maybe he has been avoiding Mantis.
And maybe he hasn't been processing it all as well or as thoroughly as he could have.
And maybe one night, he wakes, sweating, gasping, clawing at his chest and neck to yank out the tendrils of Light Ego had slammed through him, and he sobs with relief when he realizes there's nothing there. That it was just a dream. That he's fine. He's fine. He's totally fine.
(He's not.)
There's a lot on his mind. And it occurs to him if there's a lot on his mind, there must be a lot on Mantis' mind, and if anyone is going to get how fucked up this whole thing was, they're going to find that person in each other.
After exploring Khalo Village, Peter returns some time after sunset, bearing gifts – a shear, sparkly shawl and a dark wooden lacquered bracelet to replace the items Mantis had lost during the riots, all those months ago. The aero-rig Rocket had given him brings him up to the balcony, and he climbs over the railing to enter the mess that is their place.
Because front doors are for losers. ]
Mantis? You here?
no subject
Yeah. So there you go, then. You’re one of us, if you wanna be.
[ Simple as that.
The Guardians were in something of a habit of picking up strays, after all, considering that’s what they all were before the met. Just a bunch of lost, lonely people, who were startled to join up with something larger, more important than themselves.
It’s weird, and it’s messy, but that’s kind of how family is in the first place, right? So it works.
He falls quiet for a breath before he frowns, head tilting slightly. ]
Was that not obvious? I mean, you’ve been with us for a while now.
no subject
The only lens she's ever viewed one through is Ego's.
She's learning and she's afraid she's fouling it up every time she speaks.]
I don't know how to have friends. I was very afraid that if I messed up being a friend somehow, you might decide that there were better people to be your friends.
[A breath.] I was part of some very bad things. I would not have blamed you if you decided to tell me to leave you alone.
no subject
He licks his lips, eyebrows knitting together as he chooses his own words. Then, carefully, ]
You know— all of us have done some pretty awful things. Stuff we might be ashamed of. And... I think we're all still trying to figure this out, you know? Having friends. Having family.
[ He pauses for a second, before he leans forward, elbows resting on his legs and his hands clasping loosely together. ]
What I'm trying to say is, I think we've all got a good idea of how difficult this can be. It was pretty unfamiliar territory for a lot of us. We know how it is.
... So, I think you're kind of in good company, if that makes any sense.
no subject
Sometimes, she still stumbles, as evidenced by the fact that she and Peter have to have this conversation.]
It makes sense. [She pauses, lips pressed together for a moment.] The only family I ever had was Ego. I don't think he gave me a good idea of what family actually is. I'm trying to learn, too.
no subject
[ And the words just— fall out of him, heated and sharp. He doesn’t even realize he’s thinking it before he hears himself say them.
He frowns at himself for a second, not quite embarrassed but something that might share a few blood relatives with it, but he quickly decides, Fuck it. It’s not like it’s any big secret how Peter feels about the guy. ]
I can tell you right now, whatever idea he had on family was messed up and totally wrong. Hell, Ego was just... wrong. About everything. Full stop.
And I’m not saying we’re perfect? But we’re definitely a lot better at this family thing than he ever was.