nysalogs | [ FINISHED/CLOSED ]

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[ FINISHED/CLOSED ]

Who: John Sheppard & Ianto Jones
What: I Held My Tongue For Like 30 Minutes What More Do You Want?
When: Backdated to the, 24th/25th of May?
Where: Leaving main Wyver for Khalo
Warning(s): Weird Tension, fyrra use

John's best lead for the whole thing is going to be Khalo, but they can at least meander through the main hub first so Ianto can get a drink before he collapses on the floor. He can explain it once Ianto is a little more alert. John is benevolent enough to suggest this without letting on it's mostly for Ianto's sake, even though they both know it is. It's fine, though, he knows the theoretical timeline they're working on -- and since the the whole altar thing was a bust (probably he should mention that, too) this is more firefighting than anything.

He waves off another kid trying to get suspiciously close to him and his bag, mouths scram as he waits for Ianto to get his drink (which, no doubt, he won't enjoy as much as his own fancy coffee) and skims his phone again. It's heating up enough that his jacket is stowed in his bag, and he eyes Ianto idly wondering if he's put on any sunblock. His own arms are getting browner every minute, and he probably has tan lines.

"So," he says, stowing his phone and squinting up at the sky thoughtfully. Clear so far, it's only going to get hotter then. "Your boyfriend seemed in a good mood."

Ultra smooth. Nailed it.

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"I do, and like I said. There's no tide here. No current. The water is perfectly still, and I'm standing next to you. So, if you're going to try anywhere this is the safest you can possibly get."

He lofts a eyebrow at him, doesn't try to encourage him any deeper or let go. It's Ianto's choice in the end, after all. If he really doesn't want to that's fine too. They can finish up and get something to eat instead.

Ianto takes in a deep breath as he glances around the area once again, letting it out slowly before shaking his head at the other man. “If we both drown because of this, it will be on your head, you know,” Ianto gripes, his hand tightening on John’s before with another sigh he steps closer still.

“Alright, fine,” he says. “Just tell me what I’m supposed to do. I told you I’m not good at this. It wasn’t a figure of speech, you know. I’m goinf to sink like a rock.” If he’s supposed to be doing something here he’s going to need coaxing through every step. He will do it. Just very reluctantly.

"You're not going to drown. Here, just -- keep hold of my hand and try to float on your back."

He runs an arm around behind Ianto, bracing him ready to take his weight. Maybe this will work? Maybe not, he'll see.

"You will feel like you're going to sink if you're tense, but I'll hold you up -- alright? Trying to breathe, to relax."

Then, eventually, he might calm down enough to float on his own.

Ianto can feel John's hand on his back and he supposes he trusts him not to just dunk him in the water for a laugh. He purses his lips and blows out a few breaths before leaning back into the water, maintaining his death grip on the other man's arm the whole time. The minute his shoulders and head touch he can feel his heart rate skyrocketing and he stands back up for a moment, his feet never really having left the bottom of the pool.

"Just... Just give me a second," he requests, feeling like an idiot because this really isn't difficult, it's just floating and John is right there. It's namely the fact that it's terrifying to give that control up to something that frankly scares him.

Breathing deeply and trying to center himself for another moment, Ianto moves to lean back against John's arm again, laying his head back in the water and reluctantly picking his feet up from the bottom in the attempt to do this right. John can probably feel his heart racing and his breathing coming a little too fast from where his hand is resting on his back, but by god he's making the attempt.

"There you go," John says softly, and tries to keep his own breathing steady -- to generally be a source of calmness Ianto can try and resonate with. "Don't you worry, I've got you. Just try to relax a little, okay? Deep breaths. Picture..."

Okay, maybe not the ocean if Ianto is scared of water. What else is soothing?

"... Fields. Or, pretend you're on a Ferris wheel."

Ferris wheels are cool!

On a Ferris wheel? If Ianto had more of a handle on the situation he would definitely question the other man just what about a Ferris wheel is supposed to help him relax and float in the water, but as it stands it's taking all his concentration not to flail and tip himself over one way or the other.

Deep breaths, deep breaths. In and out, he tries the best that he can. Think. Calming things. Warm sunlight. A comfortable bed. Is the bed up in the tree as comfortable as he's thinking it might have been? Breathe in, breathe out. Clutch John's hand as tightly as he dares without feeling like he might be hurting him.

"Relax, he says," Ianto quips, though he sounds a bit breathless because he's obviously finding the relaxing part a bit hard. "It's really easier said than done, you know. You try facing up to something you're afraid of and then see how you feel. But you're probably not afraid of anything, then, are you."

"Actually, I'm afraid of plenty of things. Clowns put me on edge, really big bugs get a hard pass."

Isolation. Injured people on cold nights.

"If you focus too hard on relaxing you'll just feel stressed about how you can't relax. Think of something else. Let your mind drift. You ever meditated?"

Maybe meditation would help. Not that John was, strictly, ever very good at it but he spent a long while trying. He doesn't know if what he did exactly counted as meditating but it was relaxing, which is... really the end goal here. To relax Ianto a little.

Ianto's breathing remains shallow and a bit unsteady, and John's arm is definitely supporting most of his weight in the water still. Let his mind drift, right. He makes a heroic attempt for all of two seconds but the question has him thinking again.

"Not...really," he admits. "Never really was one for taking it easy, you know. Thought about it though. Yoga, you know. Seemed like a nice idea, but I wasn't sure they'd take too kindly to me bringing my cell phone into the class just in case my boss needed me. Isn't that the point? Letting go." He blows out a breath, babbling because he's uncomfortable but unable to stop himself because it's keeping his mind off of the thought of going under. "How do other secret agents handle themselves?"

"Having never been a secret agent, I couldn't tell you."

John takes a breath, lets it out slowly.

"Okay, so. I want you to become aware of your breaths, going in and out of your body."

Easy start, right? Breaths, in and out. Breathing had always been an important thing that they had talked about during meditations. Breathing and... releasing burdens. Maybe Ianto needs to release his burdens? His burden of... water fears?

"It's what I am," Ianto blurts out. "Sort of. Not, you know. Officially. But I'm a Torchwood agent and Torchwood is a secret agency, even if..."

He trails off, because he's not supposed to be babbling at the other man, is he? He's supposed to be breathing. And listening to what John is saying. He glances up to meet the other man's eyes before he forces himself to take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Shaky at first, but he tries again to make it more natural this time.

He squeezes his hand on John's arm after a moment, just to let him know that he's listening. He's pretty sure if he nods he's going to go under, after all. Here he is though, aware of his breathing. He really is trying. What comes next?

"Okay, good. Now. Think about all the things that trouble you, that make you anxious."

John is pretty sure there's quite a few in Ianto's case. He makes sure his hold on Ianto is secure, in case he starts to flail and panic.

"You're on a Ferris Wheel, and it's lowly taking you up. Above you, there's a storm gathering."

Stick with him here on the Ferris Wheel thing. He's trying his best. He's not exactly a trained meditation teacher or anything, after all, he's going off vague half-remembered things from a long time ago.

Think about things that make him anxious and then imagine that he's on a Ferris wheel in a storm. Talk about feeling anxious, Ianto thinks to himself, as he tries to keep his breathing calm and steady still. Should he be shutting his eyes for this? Can he shut his eyes and still keep above water? He wouldn't trust himself on his own but John still is technically holding him up.

John really is trying with all of this imagery and Ianto feels bad for questioning it so he's just going to keep trying himself, even if the thought of it makes him nervy in and of itself. Ferris wheel in a storm. You know that that's dangerous right, he wants to ask so badly it's near painful.

Instead, he redirects his thoughts. "Am I alone?" he asks. Not only wanting to know whether this is some oddly deserted Ferris wheel, but also if there's anyone there in the cart with him. Is this some metaphor of conquering fears on his own, or might John be there beside him, like he is now, supporting him through the oncoming storm.

"Yeah," John says, "you're alone, and the storm is swirling above you -- but as you near the top, the sun starts to break through the clouds. You crest over the top of the wheel and the storm is clearing, and with it all your troubles are fading away. You're moving back safely toward the ground again."

This is the bit where you start to relax, Ianto. To let go of your burdens and all that. At least, that's the attention anyway. Picture rising up toward a clearing sky, blue and bright and hopefully. Overcoming your fears. He can only hope that it at least distracts Ianto from his fear of the water even if it doesn't relax him.

Ianto lets out a slow breath. Moving safely back towards the ground, the storm having cleared and all his troubles faded away. It does sound nice. He's not sure it's really that simple to give up your fears like that, but it does sound nice. He's doing his best to relax and not worry about this because there really is nothing to worry about. John is here, and he could stand up if he really needed to.

He plays his fingers along John's arm, relaxing his grip a little -- which look, it really is brave, all things considered -- trying to relax his expression and just lay back in the water. "Is this the part where you let go?" Ianto murmurs, still a little uncertain of the idea even despite John's relaxation techniques.

"Well, my arm could use a break if you're willing."

It's a long time to stand bracing someone like this, even if he doesn't mind it. Not minding doesn't make his arms stop aching.

"Ready to try?"

Just keep focusing on the storm clearing away and the... Ferris Wheel descent, Ianto. That'll make it easier. Probably.

"Remember," John adds softly. "I'll still be right here, okay?"

Breathe in, breathe out. In and out. Is he ready? As ready as he'll ever be, he supposes. He studies John's face for a moment longer before shutting his eyes and letting out another slow breath. No sinking yet. So far so good.

"Yeah, alright," he says, and if he sounds a little breathless that's just because he really hadn't been kidding about not liking the water.

When John lets go of him, Ianto's hand tightens on the other man's arm, but he manages to float on his own for the span of a few moments. Breathe in, breathe out. The storm is clearing away, he's relaxing, he's...

He opens his eyes to look up towards the other man and it ends up being his undoing. He has just enough time to realize what is happening, his eyes widening slightly before his balance shifts, his body tilts, and just like that his head sinks under the water. His hand tightens on John's arm as he panics before seconds later he's flailing his other hand out towards the other man as well.

John catches Ianto easily, one arm under him to steady him and tilt him up so he can stand again -- the other moving so Ianto can grasp it again.

"Hey, hey, take it easy -- I'm right here. You're good."

So, cool down the flailing for a moment.

"That was good! You were there for a minute, right? You did it!"

Better to draw attention to the momentary success than to the frantic splashing, give Ianto something before he begins his negative spiral.

He’s definitely inhaled some water in surprise at the water closing in on him (he really doesn’t know how to swim that much at all okay, not even enough to know you’re supposed to blow air out to keep from doing exactly this) so once John has him upright there is a fair bit of coughing he needs to do first before he’s ready to speak again. Clinging to John’s arm with one hand and reaching out to brace himself against his shoulder with the other. His feet are definitely on the ground though and the water isn’t going to pull him under. He’s fine, John’s got him, and he’s fine.

He tips his head forward to rest his forehead against the other man’s shoulder, gathering his strength in standing still in the water together as they are. “Well,” he replies at last. “It’s certainly longer than I would have managed before without you.” Which is definitely a positive, yes. Also thank you for not letting him drown himself in the shallows in a panic. That really would have been embarrassing.

"Right! Keep this up and we'll make a long distance swimmer of you yet."

Maybe. Probably not. He gives Ianto's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and twitches a faint smile.

"Want to keep practising or get out and try again tomorrow?"

John isn't sure exactly how afraid Ianto is of the water, and how much he can stomach of this floating business in one day before he needs to sit down and take a break.

Ianto takes a few more moments to breathe and steady himself against the other man before he pushes himself to stand up straight and consider it. Does he want to keep practicing or try again tomorrow? Is that a trick question?

"I..." he hedges, stuck between wanting to be brave and show the other man that he can do better than this, and wanting to just keep his feet on solid ground feeling safe and steady. He supposes that he'd felt pretty safe in John's arms right up until the part where John had let him go too, really. "How's your arm holding up?" he asks, which is as good an avoidance of answering the question if ever he's seen one. (But technically still on topic.)

"You let me worry about my arm. I have two of them, so it's fine."

An odd reassurance, but technically true?

"Listen, I can stay here as long as you want holding you up. You were doing pretty well there, I'm pretty sure you can do it again. How about we make a goal? You float for a set amount of time without touching me and we stop and do something you want to do!"

Bribery works, right? I mean it works on John, so it probably works on Ianto? Especially if he gets to get out of the water and pick something to do? What's a fair time, though, for someone scared of water? 15 seconds? 30?

Bribery and reassurances that he's not as terrible as he's imagining he is. Ianto knows that he'll never impress John with floating, but someday he has to do something in front of him that isn't hiding under a carriage or falling down a vine or battling a sunburn or drowning in five feet of water that demonstrates he is not as terrible at life as all of this would have him seem.

"Yeah, alright," he says, glancing back to the shoreline and then back at John determinedly. The question is what does he want to do, and what's worth trying this again, but John gave him an offer, and it could be anything. His choice. Khalo seems to be full of options for that matter, he can make up his mind when he can think straight on solid ground again. "If you're asking for a minute or something you might as well just let me get out now though."

"Nah, not a minute. How about thirty seconds?"

Long enough to not be too easy as a goal, so it's still satisfying? Not long enough to be excessively hard? At least, that's how it feels to John -- but he's been running in and out of waves without a care since he was a child. Everything is going to feel easier to him than it would be to Ianto, and he has to keep that in mind.

Thirty seconds shouldn't sound as daunting as it does, but he tries not to think about it too hard. Tries to remember the same breathing techniques that he was using earlier to keep himself from panicking and just giving up. It's only thirty seconds, get yourself together Ianto. Pull it off, impress him with your effort. (Not that thirty seconds of floating is very impressive but it's the thought that counts.)

"Thirty seconds," Ianto agrees, steeling himself to do this. "Right. Okay. Think you could... Help me get started again?" He isn't sure he needs quite the same pep talk but he guarantees that if he tries to just lay back in the water it will be a no go.

He lets out another breath, and a shaky laugh besides. "You know, most people's reward would be the nude beach," he muses aloud. "I wonder what that says about me..."

"We could do nudist fungle instead. Or nudist smoking lounge."

John moves in closer again ready to brace Ianto, letting out a slow breath himself. He needs to be steady so Ianto can channel his steadiness, after all.

"Now, doesn't have to be first try -- okay? Just remember. Ferris wheel. Clouds parting. Clear blue skies and troubles floating away. Once you start floating, don't move or look around. That'll disturb your weight distribution in the water, throw off your balance. Keep your palms flat, fingers spread out. Bigger surface areas float better. Remember, I'm right here. Nothing to be scared off, yeah?"

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