![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
i'll close your eyes so you cant see
Who: Ana (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nanamari), Jack (personalwar), and Atsushi (gekkajuu). Anyone who wants her!
What: Very backdated dragon fighting, and post-dragon fighting open prompts
When: June & July catch all
Where: South Outpost, then Thesa Station
Warning(s): Death, violence, someone might have a feeling
[ Relatively speaking, the fight hasn't gone on that long - a few days, maybe - but Ana feels like she's lost all track of time. The final push to get the dragon away from the majority of the population seems to have worked, but the fight beyond that point is ceaselessly grueling. Every hour that passes, she feels a little bit more of the exhaustion from the past few days creeping in, but she's nothing if not stubborn.
She keeps to the backlines, calling out positioning for her allies or healing or boosting them when they get into a particularly tight scrape. Her grenades and darts have been invaluable for her, allowing her to heal anyone nearby and injure the dragon with the same type of ammunition. Still, she has a limited supply of them, and they're needed more among the fighters and civilians. Her focus is largely on support. In particular, she keeps a clear line of sight between herself, Jack, and Atsushi. She knows there are others out here - Reinhardt, certainly, and X'rhun, and Alan. Maybe even Ocelot. But they all know what they signed up for, and she knows she has to accept it, too. They're soldiers. They'll handle themselves. She sticks with the closest thing she has to a unit and keeps working.
She gets through a few close scrapes when the dragon moves too recklessly, or she doesn't quite get out of range as belches fire. Her gear takes the brunt of it, and she's able to heal herself enough to get right back to the fight. She doesn't care about new scars; better her than some poor civilians. Still, for all her skill, Ana is only human. The exhaustion - and the stubbornness that has pushed her through it the past few days - it all of it catches up to her.
She's on the ground, moving to a better position, scoped in on Jack even while she's running. She's behind the dragon, and it's not paying attention to her at all, but it's a massive creature. All it takes is one mistake, a reaction that's just a second too slow. By the time Ana registers the dragon's tail swinging toward her, it's too late. She sees both Jack and Atsushi turn to her but there's nothing anyone can do.
One of the spikes on the dragon's tail slams into her chest and punches right through her armor like it's made of paper. The impact knocks all of the air out of her lungs and cracks some of her ribs. It sends her body flying, but she barely feels it when she crashes into the ground several feet away. It's a minor addition to the agony that lances through her. She doesn't make a sound. She can't. Her mouth is full of blood and she's choking on it and she can't breathe-- ]
nanamari), Jack (personalwar), and Atsushi (gekkajuu). Anyone who wants her!What: Very backdated dragon fighting, and post-dragon fighting open prompts
When: June & July catch all
Where: South Outpost, then Thesa Station
Warning(s): Death, violence, someone might have a feeling
[ Relatively speaking, the fight hasn't gone on that long - a few days, maybe - but Ana feels like she's lost all track of time. The final push to get the dragon away from the majority of the population seems to have worked, but the fight beyond that point is ceaselessly grueling. Every hour that passes, she feels a little bit more of the exhaustion from the past few days creeping in, but she's nothing if not stubborn.
She keeps to the backlines, calling out positioning for her allies or healing or boosting them when they get into a particularly tight scrape. Her grenades and darts have been invaluable for her, allowing her to heal anyone nearby and injure the dragon with the same type of ammunition. Still, she has a limited supply of them, and they're needed more among the fighters and civilians. Her focus is largely on support. In particular, she keeps a clear line of sight between herself, Jack, and Atsushi. She knows there are others out here - Reinhardt, certainly, and X'rhun, and Alan. Maybe even Ocelot. But they all know what they signed up for, and she knows she has to accept it, too. They're soldiers. They'll handle themselves. She sticks with the closest thing she has to a unit and keeps working.
She gets through a few close scrapes when the dragon moves too recklessly, or she doesn't quite get out of range as belches fire. Her gear takes the brunt of it, and she's able to heal herself enough to get right back to the fight. She doesn't care about new scars; better her than some poor civilians. Still, for all her skill, Ana is only human. The exhaustion - and the stubbornness that has pushed her through it the past few days - it all of it catches up to her.
She's on the ground, moving to a better position, scoped in on Jack even while she's running. She's behind the dragon, and it's not paying attention to her at all, but it's a massive creature. All it takes is one mistake, a reaction that's just a second too slow. By the time Ana registers the dragon's tail swinging toward her, it's too late. She sees both Jack and Atsushi turn to her but there's nothing anyone can do.
One of the spikes on the dragon's tail slams into her chest and punches right through her armor like it's made of paper. The impact knocks all of the air out of her lungs and cracks some of her ribs. It sends her body flying, but she barely feels it when she crashes into the ground several feet away. It's a minor addition to the agony that lances through her. She doesn't make a sound. She can't. Her mouth is full of blood and she's choking on it and she can't breathe-- ]
no subject
Not an easy job, when Ysevrai seems to induce panic simply by existing. Every roar is enough to force them all onto their knees, and the dragon's influence means that they also have to fight against the selfish urge to get out of the line of danger. There's no denying that this is exhausting, even for experienced combatants like them.
That being said, Jack still does what he can to keep an eye out for Ana, even when they're on opposite sides of the fight. All they have to do is exchange a look, but knowing where she's positioned helps his own focus on the impossible task before them.
It's when he loses sight of her because she's placed herself behind Ysevrai that it all goes wrong. Jack's distracted helping another refugee who's been injured, using yet another one of his biotic canisters to help them recover so they can either retreat or get back into the fight. So he doesn't see the actual moment when Ana's injured, but he sure as hell feels it.
It's a sixth sense, yet another effect of their pact, but it isn't a feeling so different from when Ysevrai roars out in anguish. He knows with a sickening certainty that Ana is injured, and he abandons what he'd been doing, running at full tilt for the last spot where he'd laid eyes on her.
With some quick scouting, he finds her laid out in the mud, her armor a mangled mess and her chest covered with blood. He skids down into a kneel at her side, grabbing for her shoulders to pull her into his lap, but blood's already streaming out of her mouth and Jack's seen enough people injured in the field to know that she's got seconds, at most.
It's some sort of horrible deja vu, taking him back to when he'd been hallucinating in that cave, stripped down and only barely hanging on. But this is real. Ana's dying right before his eyes and just like all of the other times, there's not a single thing he can do about it.
Jack rips his visor off as quickly as he can and tilts Ana's chin up so that she can look at him. This is too much. He's failed her again, and right now, the Natha's capabilities are the last thing on his mind. He's losing her. ]
Stay with me.
[ His voice comes out choked, as if he's the one gargling his own blood. He knows she can't. ]
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She grabs for him, leaving streaks of blood on his collar, on his neck.
Her body shudders, then it stills. ]
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She goes still, and while he already knows, he reaches out a with a shaky hand to feel for a pulse. Her body is still warm, but it won't be for long.
Jack continues to kneel there with Ana's dead body in his lap, at a complete loss for what to do next. He hadn't been able to find her before, when she'd cut her comms and they'd been forced to leave her behind. He'd always thought to himself, if only he could have found her, but being a witness is maybe even worse.
Ysevrai roars, and the despair that floods through his system is too much. Jack lets out a choked noise and buries his face against Ana's mangled chest. The dragon, at least, seems to have forgotten them. ]
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And then it backfires. His first reaction as he sees the dragon's tail hit Ana isn't very compassionate, that selfishness no doubt helping. She's always been able to heal herself, and she has that armor... Even when Atsushi sees Jack checking on her, his first reaction is to be vaguely annoyed, because they can't afford to lose this kind of time. Another second or two passes, Atsushi dodging the dragon and trying to lure it away as best he can - but then something changes. Something inside of him changes because nothing has changed, Ana and Jack still in the same place in the same position, and finally Atsushi realizes that something about his line of reasoning has been terribly, horribly wrong.
Ignoring the damn dragon, Atsushi comes rushing back, transforming back to fully human as he lets himself fall on all fours next to Ana and Jack... or Jack and Ana's body. It's strange to know that she's dead, even before checking - as if there's a special shine (or lack thereof) over a body the moment it loses life.]
No...
[He can't handle this. He's been bad about death since the kidnappings, but this is worse - and it feels like his fault. If only he'd come over sooner, he could have fixed it. He can't do this; he definitely can't be responsible for something like this!]
I'll heal her. I'll definitely heal her, so...!
[His voice seems to belong to somebody else, barely cooperating, but he's as stubborn about using it as he is about using his healing magic. Were he thinking any more clearly, he would never have considered it - even apart from it being useless, what if he turns her into some kind of zombie?! - but he's nothing if not determined, so he leans over as just as he would have if she'd still been alive. Light shines from his hands, small but warm. It's not enough, and he knows it, but all he can do is try harder - and so he does, the light increasing and going deeper into her body. Atsushi has scrunched his eyes shut by then, but he doesn't even know it. He's begging and praying and trying. He just can't give up.]
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But then he hears a voice and lifts his head from Ana's chest, his face now smeared and dotted with her blood. Normally he would be bothered that some stranger was seeing him without the visor, but right now he doesn't even think about it.
It takes him a few seconds, but Jack figures out who this must be. Ana had told him about Atsushi a number of times, the boy she'd become fond of and even worked with on a few missions over the past year or so. Selfishly, Jack doesn't want anyone to share in his grief. None of them knew Ana like he did. None of them cared like he did.
That doesn't stop Atsushi from taking action, and Jack watches as the light moves from his hands into Ana's body. He assumes it's some kind of healing magic, but it's way too late for that. ]
What the hell are you doing, kid? It's over. She's gone.
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She's not. [She is. He knows it; he senses it almost on instinct. But he can't accept that.] She can't be.
[Is it the dragon's influence that keeps his eyes absurdly dry, or will that just be what he blames it on, later? The discrepancy between the facts as he knows them and the truth he insists on believing is enormous, and yet he sides with the latter reality without hesitation.
He just has to try harder. This new magic of his isn't worth anything if he can't heal Ana. He isn't worth anything if he can't heal Ana! In the same way he stubbornly decides to live, against all odds, he wants her to live, too.
It can't just be him who survives. It was never just him.]
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It's not something she's really entirely aware of; it's like drifting off to sleep, only to be wrenched back to full consciousness. It's not unpleasant, in and of itself, but she wakes suddenly. Her eye goes wide, though she barely registers Jack or Atsushi even when she looks from one to the other. She immediately wrenches herself away from the hands holding her in place.
She only gets as far as rolling onto her elbows, and then she's busy coughing blood onto the ground. There's not all that much, but it's not really a reaction to any physical injury. There's still a lingering warmth, where the injury used to be, but even the fatigue and the smaller cuts and bruises seem to have disappeared.
She doesn't notice. As far as Ana is concerned, the last thing she remembers is bleeding out, choking to death. Her breathing is stilted, punctuated by more coughing, as she tries to make sense of what the hell just happened. She realizes, somewhat distantly, that she's probably going into shock.
She almost wants to laugh, because it's absurd. She died. She can't be going into shock because she's dead. She just -- This can't be real. ]
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This whole coming back from the dead thing has probably got to stop at some point. It's not like Jack would have wanted to lose Ana; he can't imagine anything worse, honestly. But he has to wonder when the sheer unnaturalness of it comes back to bite them. He's already lost one thread to a botched resurrection.
That's something doubly felt when Ysevrai is still circling around, dripping putrid black blood with every flap of his wings. He's moved off to another part of the outpost, at least. ]
How did you... [ Jack's stunned, but he slowly walks on his knees over to Ana, crouched next to her as he places a steadying hand on her back. ] Hey. I'm here. Just work through it.
[ Not that this is really something you walk off. ]
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And then it works, after all. Somehow it actually works, and Atsushi is every bit as shocked as the others, staring at Ana before glancing over at Jack at that question, eyes wide. How did he do that? He has no idea. He really doesn't know.
He just sits there and looks at the others as they carry on, dazed. This is... a good thing, surely? Yet isn't it too good a thing for someone like him to have managed? Even now, he's half expecting it to blow up in his face for that reason alone.]
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She touches the place on her chest where the worst of the gore was, but other than the blood she's already lost, the skin underneath it is intact. She still doesn't understand what happened, or how.
She finally wipes her mouth against her sleeve and pushes unsteadily until she sits up on her knees. Her hand is still fisted against her lap. She looks from Jack to Atsushi, but they both look as stunned as she feels. ]
What... What did you do? [ She's speaking to Atsushi, but only because she knows exactly what Jack is capable of, and bringing people back from the dead isn't on the list. ]
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That alone makes Jack wonder if this is too good to be true, if the revival is only temporary. He looks Ana over, but there's color in her face again and while she's still covered in blood, she doesn't look to be injured anymore.
Jack pushes himself to his feet, wiping some of Ana's blood from his face as he scans the area around him. It doesn't matter that Ana may as well be good as new; he wants her away from here, and now. ]
We'll figure that out later. We need to go.
[ He extends his hand down to Ana to help her up. ]
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No - I just... healed you...
[That's not all it is, but he says it anyway, desperate to fend off the idea of it being more than that. He should be happy about what he's accomplished - and he is! But it also feels like sticking his neck out, and waiting for fate to drop the guillotine, one way or the other.
Jack is right, anyway: this is not the time to get bogged down by pointless thoughts.]
I'll cover you!
[It seems safer to keep a little distance while following them, as if that will give him more time to figure out what he's done, and if that's somehow terrible without him realizing it.
Admittedly, he's probably not going to figure out anything at all, but making sure Ana and Jack have cover isn't a bad thing under the circumstances. He'll just go half-tiger again, and follow them somewhere safe, making sure that the dragon gets distracted and lured elsewhere if necessary.]
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She grabs Jack's hand and he helps her haul herself to her feet. There's blood on his face, but she doesn't know yet that it's her own. She goes with him - away from the battle, but not before yelling back at Atsushi to be careful.
The dragon seems to be fighting to gain height now, pulling away from the battle on the ground. At first Ana thinks it might be preparing for another dive, but it keeps climbing. She pulls against Jack's hand to stop him. Something is wrong.
Even with some distance between them and the fight, the next roar from the dragon is so powerful that it sends everyone to their knees. She grips Jack's hand tighter. The sound seems to cut right down to her bones.
Above them, the sky begins to split. It looks like the end of the world. ]
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Then, everything stops.
Jack can still see, but he can't move. He can't blink, he can't shift his head. His hand is still gripping Ana's, but he can't even turn to look at her. Ysevrai is paused too, along with the inky darkness that had been pouring out of the sky.
Then they're blinded with a flash of light, and suddenly they're on the station again. Jack jolts, looking around him at other confused refugees before he realizes that Ana is still at his side -- and quickly losing consciousness. He catches her before she collapses to the ground, but he'll need to get her to a bed. He hopes that it's just the exhaustion of the past few days taking over (not to mention getting brought back from the dead), and not something more sinister.
As soon as Darma's done with her explanation, Jack stalks away to find a place where Ana can rest and regain her strength. ]
Thesa Station | Open
ii. video games make you violent go outside
iii. Wildcard me!
i'm going for it, i
( But then, she's also too familiar with long, restless nights, nightmares she passes off as otherwise. Flashbacks to things she'd rather forget about, certain, benign things leaving a bad taste in her mouth ( so to speak ). All she knows is that her experience seems to be intensely unique, just like everyone else. )
The point is, cities being ruined isn't new. Dragons are. Giant, horrifying battles with many, many left dead are a weird in-between. It's easier to sort through it when she's away from it all, unsurprisingly, what all of this means to her. Nothing she plans to verbalize, not to anyone, not anytime soon, but —
But the fresh shock of watching someone crumple — someone familiar, she realizes a second later — stops any kind of self-reflection in its tracks. The content on the screen registers belatedly, but there's hardly time for that now. Hands hover over Ana's shoulders, eyes wide as she attempts to — attempts to what?
She circles around to her front, with no confirmation that her presence has been registered — but Are you alright? gets signed as an attempt anyway. ]
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She doesn't actually see what Red signs to her, but she can take a guess. ]
Sorry, I must have... [ She moves her hand away from her sidearm, where it had automatically come to rest. ] It's okay. [ She signs back. There's more hesitation than usual, like she's still trying to pull herself out of the dream. ] Haven't been sleeping well.
[ She looks Red over briefly, trying to suss out any obvious signs of injury. Ana herself doesn't even have a scratch to show for the fight; all of her new scars are well hidden. ] Are you okay?
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Ana is, at least, a little more sensible than the few others she knows in life. A little more straightforward, even if fine is the first thing out of her mouth, too ( but then, she's just the pot calling the kettle black ). She finds herself straightening out a little, standing a little taller, in the hopes that it's enough for Ana to be distracted from whatever is on the screen ( the back of her neck prickles at another earth shattering cry. Not the time. )
Her face is impassive, neutral. Eyes searching for something that may or may not help her discern whether or not Ana's speaking the truth. But then, there's no reason not to believe her. She's responding, and that's something in itself. ]
Fine. [ Which isn't... incorrect, technically. She's better off than some, worse off than others. Either way, she's managed to come out okay at the end of all of this. ] We can talk elsewhere.
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She nods in agreement, and they move away from the screens, toward some of the more neutral territory in the ship. Her skin still prickles, and there's something like a phantom ache in her chest, but it gets easier as they move.
She's still determined to keep the subject on anything but what happened to her. ]
Are your friends all accounted for?
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Red can respect it. She's not hypocritical enough to demand answers out of someone when she's less inclined to give things out herself. She's not stupid enough to press, for the sake of her own curiosity and concern — but maybe that's what made her so reticent in the first place, at least according to the city's files on her.
Either way— she lets the conversation flow away from Ana. Matches steps so that they can walk along side to side while they sign. To say she's pleased the conversation's directed at her is a lie, but— ]
Mostly. [ But from the sounds of it, they seem to lose people on a regular basis; dragon or otherwise. ] Is 76 alright?
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She walks with Red, and something about it echos with an odd familiarity. She misses Overwatch less than she misses the people who were a part of it; even the ones she didn't know quite as well, all of them understood discipline, kindness, and grief.
'Mostly' is an answer that isn't entirely reassuring. Ana glances at her, but they're doing the stoic thing here.
As for Jack... She nods. Jack is resilient, but so much has changed between them lately, she feels overly aware of it every time she's reminded. There's a slight pause before she adds: ] I'll let him know you asked after him.
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There are things, naturally, that she wants to ask about. To push past the walls they're building up for themselves to pry. But if they don't get this moment of peace now—
When will they get it? So, without a flicker in her expression: ] You don't have to.
I'll see him when I visit again, with tea. [ When all of this blows over. ]
closed to jack
She takes a shower and changes into some of the plain clothing that's been provided in her survival pack. There's a wide scar at the center of her chest now, like a larger version of some of her gunshot wounds. She takes the time to learn her way around it, and by the time she's done with that, she's starting to feel less like a stranger in her own skin.
She sends a message to Jack and lets him know where to find her in the living quarters. She doesn't really remember a lot of the details, but she remembers Jack's face as he leaned over her. Maybe he was right, all those months ago. They're going to hurt each other. They're going to lose each other. They might as well try to keep what little distance they can, until something irreversible happens.
She sets about carefully disassembling her rifle so that it can be cleaned and repaired.
After this, she can dig through the survival gear a little bit more thoroughly. Getting an idea of how long it's meant to last will also give her an idea of how long they'll be expected to brave the cold, or so the logic goes.
She just has to keep moving forward. The sooner she puts all of this behind her, the sooner she's going to be able to get back to work. ]
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That, and he can't be sure that Ana won't want some time to herself first, before she's ready to deal with him in the aftermath of what happened to her. Given that she'd stayed off the grid for years after her last "death," he wants to be cognizant of that too.
When she messages him, he drops what he's doing and returns to her room immediately. It takes a lot of self control to not practically break down the door as he steps inside, body language urgent, almost panicked. He finds Ana sitting at the small table in the room with her gun laid out in front of her, just as he'd found her so many times in their apartment back in Wyver.
He releases a breath and then moves toward her, quickly scanning her for any sign of physical distress. She's cleaned herself up. She looks fine. ]
How are you feeling?
[ It's hard not to look and feel stunned. He's still shaken up by everything that happened; he can't imagine how Ana must feel. ]
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She should say something reassuring, or maybe show him the scar to prove that the wound is gone, healed over, easy to forget. What she says is: ]
I don't know if I can repair this. [ She's talking about her gun. It's not an answer, but she doesn't really have an answer.
A part of the barrel is corroded by the dragon's blood, and it snaps in her hands when she tries to examine it. Ana curses softly in Arabic. ] My life was one thing, but if I lose my rifle over this I'm going to kill that dragon with my bare hands.
[ Despite the bravado, and how even she manages to make her tone, her hands might be shaking, just a little. ]
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But there's no way to do that. It's been a long time since he's felt this inadequate. (Not since the ice caves, probably.) Ana's his best friend, the person in the world who means the most to him, and there's not a thing he can do to ease her pain. She hides it well, but it's there.
Without thinking, he closes the last of the distance between them so that he can grab for her hands, forcing them still by closing his own around them. ]
Yeah, mine's not in great shape either. [ He hasn't had the time to give his rifle a proper look, but he knows it isn't good. ] I wouldn't be surprised if there's someone here who can fix them, though.
[ The thing is, he doesn't really care about either of their guns right now. ]
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When Jack takes her hands, she turns them in his grip and squeezes back, almost desperately. He's not her guiding star or her only refuge in the storm, or any poetic nonsense like that, but something about him is always familiar and steady. Wherever Jack is, she feels right at his side. ]
There's a fix for everything, apparently. [ She takes a slow breath. It's not like the last time. She can't lay down her arms and step aside while the world keeps turning without her for a while. She's abandoned it - abandoned him - once before, and not again.
She shifts to her feet without letting go of his hands. ]
How are you doing, Jack?
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Just how many times do all of them have to die?
Ana stands, and Jack continues to hold onto her. Now that he can feel the warmth of her hands, now that he has the knowledge that her blood is flowing properly through her veins, it seems almost unthinkable to let go. ]
Better now that you're awake. [ The words come out slightly cracked, as he closes his eyes and lets out a breath. She's one of the only people he can show weakness around, even if she's the one making him feel weak. ] Still can't really wrap my head around what the kid did to you.
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Tell me about it. [ She shakes her head. She'll have to find Atsushi later and make sure that he's alright after what he did. Even if it had cost him nothing physically, this is... a lot.
She wants to scold him - he should have taken Atsushi and left her body, and he should know it - but asking him to do all of that again after the fact would be cruel and ultimately pointless. She's alive now because they refused to let go of her. ]
It doesn't feel real, to be honest. [ She lifts one of Jack's hands to her chest, bringing it to rest where the spike had gone through her. ] I'm sorry for putting you through this again.
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Ana moves his hand to her chest, and Jack remembers the place where she'd been injured all too well. He can still picture in his mind's eye how she'd been torn wide open, and it helps to press his palm against her chest and find it solid and whole. He slides his hand to the side so that he can feel her heartbeat, and then slowly shakes his head. ]
Why the hell are you apologizing? It could have just as easily been me.
[ Maybe not just as easily, as his enhancements make him capable of surviving things that other people couldn't, but the point still stands.
He heaves out a breath, and then adds, quietly: ] You were right, you know.
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Ana releases a breath. That's the other reason she can't scold him. If it had been him, she would have done the same thing. That's a luxury they get to have, now that they're not Overwatch. There's no strike team or hostage they've sworn to guide back home. They get to be selfish now, at least sometimes.
The low rumble of his voice stirs her out of her thoughts. ]
I usually am. [ The words come out more confused than self-assured. Ana raises an eyebrow at him. She has no idea what he's talking about right at the moment. ]
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It hurts just as much.
[ Can he be certain of that? Maybe not. But with the closeness that exists between the two of them, pushing it a step further isn't going to make that much of a difference. He cares about her just as much either way. ]
This place is gonna keep hurting us, or killing us, or whatever else it comes up with next. [ He would believe that there are worse things. ] The best defense we have against that is each other.
[ There's already a bond between them, one that's been formed over thirty years and counting. They'd made it some form of official back on the mountain, but they'd both brushed it off. Jack is tired of it, honestly. ]
If you don't want to talk about it now, that's fine. [ His hand pulls away from her chest, already ready to withdraw if it's needed. ] But I had to say it.
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Ana squeezes his hand briefly before she lets him pull it back. She stays in his space. ]
No, we should talk about it now. Before something else explodes or rises from the dead.
[ They've put it off long enough. They've been circling each other for thirty years, falling into habits that are hard to change. ]
Are you sure this is what you want, Jack? It can do worse than hurt. You might have to let yourself be happy once in a while.
[ She's teasing him, but the gentleness of her tone underscores a real concern. ]
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That, combined with her soft teasing, only makes Jack more certain of what he wants to do here. It's been a long time coming, put off for decades for all sorts of well-justified reasons. But there's nothing in the way anymore.
That leaping sensation in his chest, there's no way he can do away with it. And he's honestly not sure that he wants to. Feeling this way about Ana has become second nature.
He lifts both hands, reaching out slowly to cup them on either side of Ana's face. He takes his time so that she has ample opportunity to push him away if that's what she wants to do.
There's really nothing left to be said, and so instead he leans in and tilts his head down to kiss her on the mouth. ]
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She leans into his touch, but she doesn't try to push. Despite her words, she wants to give him room to pull away if he decides that it's too much or too soon after all. The certainty when he presses his lips against hers is something that she returns almost instantly. She's known, longer than she cares to admit, that she's going to be with him until the end - one way or another.
When he pulls back, she reaches up to brush her hand across his temple, tracing the shell of his ear until her hand comes to rest against his jaw. It's not the first time that she's thought of Jack as handsome, but it's not often that she lets herself look at him that way. ]
Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?
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Her callused fingers trace his face, and Jack can't help but close his eyes. He's also known for a while now that they're going to be together to the end. All they've got now is each other, and really, this is all he needs.
It's more than he deserves, but he knows Ana won't want to hear that. Better to just let it happen, finally.
At her question, his eyes flick back open and he slowly shakes his head. When he speaks, his voice is low, and warmer than he usually lets it get. ] Not particularly.
closed to atsushi
There's no particularly impressive skill involved with tracking him down. She waits in the mess hall until he arrives; everyone has to eat, after all, and Ana is a very patient woman.
She slides into the seat across from him. If she feels entirely unprepared for this conversation, she doesn't let it show. ]
So, you've saved me again. [ It's almost fitting that it's been a year since their arrival, when Atsushi had caught her pod as it hurtled down from the station. ] I think that I owe you a drink, or five.
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He's not sure he wants this to become a thing he can do. Even apart from the moral issues: if it's something he can do, he'll feel the responsibility to always do it, and that's just not the same as managing something extraordinary in the heat of the moment.
So that's why he hasn't contacted her. He's figured out exactly nothing about this, but he's tried all the same, still waiting for answers that will probably never come. That said, he's more than happy to see her again, a bit calmed down if no less confused than in those initial near-panicked moments.
"Again"...? Oh, right. He'd almost forget - but only because he's sure anyone could have helped Ana that day. He's glad to have helped her on that initial landing; he would never designate it as "saving".
Maybe that's the difference this time. If he did what he thinks he did, he really did save her.]
... A cup of tea is more than enough, thank you. [It's funny how he can ask even that much without feeling bad for it - but then, everything is free here, and if this is what makes them even again, it's a quick fix.] Are you feeling all right?
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She nods, a moment later, meeting his eyes. ] If that's all you want, I won't argue. I know this isn't the kind of thing I can repay you for, and I don't want to embarrass you... But I am very grateful for what you've done for me - now, and over the past year.
[ And then her gaze goes a little distant. ] I do have this strange craving for brains lately, but otherwise I feel normal. [ She shrugs. She's fine. Totally. Cracking jokes about it and everything. ] What about you? What on earth did you do back there?
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It's funny, but as safe as deflection feels, now that it's no longer a reasonable option, he can enjoy her gratitude and let it bolster him a little.
Until he completely misses that joke, turning deadly pale.] Brains?!
[Somebody help him, he's such a hopeless case. At least he won't linger on the shock if he's corrected, just breathe a looooong sigh of relief. Actually, he'll probably feel better for having her mess with him like that just a little, intended or otherwise. It makes him feel less like she's putting him on a pedestal that he can only fall off of.]
I'm not sure what I did... I was just healing, the same as I've done a few times already. But somehow... it went beyond what I could do before.
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Her expression sobers, more contemplative about the rest of it. There's no point in asking him how long he thinks it will last or anything like that; if this is his first time, he won't know, and she doesn't want to make it any more complicated than it is. ]
So this is your first time doing that? Are you sure you're alright? [ She doesn't mean physically - at least, not just that. ] That's a lot of power for a person to carry on their shoulders.
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Yes... [He honestly doesn't know himself how much of her questions and comments that applies to. Probably all of them.] I'm okay? It was definitely a shock, though.
[He can admit that much easily enough. If it's not quite the full story, well, he doesn't know the full story.]
... It would be nice if abilities like this came with a manual.
[There you go, his version of a joke. If it's more like a lament - well, it is what it is.]
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[ She's terribly glad he never saw her crashing into things while trying to figure out how to fly. Granted, this kind of power is definitely a few levels beyond that. ]
Atsushi... I think it goes without saying that you should be careful of how you use this, and when. We've seen what happens when someone gets it into their head that they can bring things back from the dead.
[ For her, it seems to have worked out alright, but she can't imagine that it's a long step from something like what's happened with the dragon. She doesn't think Atsushi would ever attempt something so dangerous or terrible, but she worries about what other people might do have access to his abilities for themselves. ]
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[Even with the extremely positive result with Ana, he feels that this power is something that shouldn't be touched too often, as if it could taint him somehow. At the same time, can he really let any effect on him stop him from using it?]
But not using it altogether now that I have the option feels selfish.
[He's not planning to try using it every day, or anything like that. He hopes there'll be no reason to try using it every day. (Thankfully, while conflict seems regular, all-out battle is rarer.) But he can't not use it.]
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You're a good person, Atsushi. I trust your judgement. [ Ana pauses, trying to think of how best to phrase the rest of it: ] Just remember that this doesn't mean you're responsible for everyone who dies.
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[He sounds a little less sure, this time. He does know, just as he understands what a pitfall this could be, if he starts feeling too responsible. He realizes his own weaknesses, perhaps a little better than people are likely to think.
That's because he often willfully ignores those weaknesses, by necessity or by choice. That is the freedom he has to live the way he wants: to live a good life. Without it, he honestly couldn't live with himself.]
Still, even if I only managed to save you, I'm happy to have this ability.
You'll let me know when you need it, won't you?
[For herself; for her friends; for anyone else she thinks needs it. Even if he's not responsible for everyone who dies, he wants her to know that she can call on him whenever he can help.
He trusts her judgment too, after all.]
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She's spent so much of her life learning to accept the fact that death isn't something she can always prevent, that no matter how good she is there will be people who don't get to come home. And now everything is different.
She hesitates to say that she would ask this of him. But then, she supposes trust does go both ways. ]
I will. Thank you, Atsushi.