nysalogs | who i am from the start

"You'll see," Sora assures him, and then he perks up as he recognises where they're heading for. "But you're gonna like it!"

You can just come on in, Axel had said in his text. Well, Sora was going to take him at his word with that.

And there they were, at the threshold of his room. Sora stops and turns to Roxas and shoots him a huge, huge grin.

"You ready?" he asks, and doesn't wait for a reply before he throws open the door with a flourish.

"Ta-da!"

Axel is laying on his bed on his back, one ankle propped against the other knee, a mystery novel in one hand and the other tucked behind his head. He's not sure what Sora is so excited about, but he's got to admit he's kind of curious. Sora is naturally excitable, he's learned that easily enough, but something about the tone of his messages is really making Axel think this is a little different than his usual brand of boisterous enthusiasm.

He's left the door unlocked, because he did say for Sora to just come on over, but he isn't expecting him to literally throw the door open and let himself in. He doesn't mind Sora not knocking, not the way he minded when Saïx never knocked, but a little warning would have been nice.

"Light, Sora, are you tryin' to give me a heart atta--"

He's halfway through sitting up to look at Sora very sternly when he catches sight of the thatch of yellow hair behind him, and if he does have a heart, or even a fraction of one, he's pretty sure it just came to a full and complete stop.

No way. It can't be.

He sits up the rest of the way, eyes wide and book thoroughly forgotten and set aside. His gaze flicks from Sora to the figure behind him, then back to Sora, and the look of incredulity on his face is probably comical.

With a soft exhale, to make sure he still remembers how to breathe, he gets to his feet, and looks back to the all too familiar figure in the doorway.

"...Roxas?"

Nothing Sora has said has given Roxas any indication what he's about to see, so it's just as well that he's not really looking for an answer. Ready? Ready for what?

He peeks in curiously from behind Sora, and for a fraction of a second it's sort of underwhelming. Just a plain space with a figure on a bed, what's so—

And then all the air goes out of the room.

Axel?

Yes, people could awaken in the pods having come from different times. And yes, people could be here who weren't supposed to be here. But those people were alive—he'd been alive, somehow still existing in the warmth of Sora's heart. Axel was dead, faded away into nothing because he'd given up everything for Roxas' sake.

And now here he is, standing in front of Roxas and looking just as thunderstruck as he feels.

For a heartbeat longer, everything is still. And then he's moving, somehow getting enough speed in those few feet to hurl himself at Axel. If Sora's was the first hug he received, this is the first one he's given, throwing his arms around his best friend and holding on tight.

Axel likes his personal space, and being in the Organization had certainly fostered that well. He's never been very tactile--a clap on the shoulder, a fond ruffle of the hair, that was plenty to show his affection, wasn't it? He can't recall the last time he was really compelled to embrace anyone. But when Roxas launches toward him and flings his arms around him, Axel's arms close around his friend with muscle memory he had nearly written off as completely atrophied. Roxas has always been a good head and a half shorter than him, but that makes no difference in the moment. Leaning forward a bit, he squeezes his eyes closed and grits his teeth, almost as if he's bracing for some secondary impact.

He realizes he is: he's waiting to wake up. Axel hadn't done much sleeping those last few weeks of his life, running from the Organization, but the times he found time and safety to close his eyes had hardly been restful. He had been plagued with recurring visions of the night Roxas had left, of watching the kid's back grow smaller and smaller as he vanished into the darkened corners of The World That Never Was. Sometimes Roxas would seem to be staid by his words, sometimes he even seemed to reconsider, but the nightmare always ended the same way: Roxas always left, and Axel always found himself alone in that alley in the dark as the rain started to fall and then never stopped.

But this... this is real, isn't it? He's not sleeping. This isn't a cruel nightmare that's going to leave him awakening with a start in a cold sweat. ... Right?

"I'm not dreamin', am I?" he asks quietly, and he's not even embarrassed by the fact that his eyes are stinging and welling up. This isn't the time to debate emotions and whether or not he can actually feel them; heart or no heart, he had thought he was never going to see Roxas again. He had thought he was just going to die and fade away, that Sora had somehow been mistaken when he'd spoken of the future. He had thought that final shimmering moment on that clock tower in his memories would be the last time he and Roxas ever spoke...

... which was a good deal better than the last time they'd actually spoken, but still.

He lifts his head and looks at Sora, still standing in the doorway, and there's a look in the kid's eye that Axel can't quite place. It's not quite pride, not quite empathy, and certainly not the confusion he would have expected, given his own puzzlement about how Sora and Roxas can exist simultaneously, but he guesses in the end it really doesn't matter. What matters is that Roxas is here and awake, and in bringing him here instead of waiting to see if they just happened to cross paths on their own, Sora had just done Axel the greatest kindness he can recall in the past decade. He holds Sora's eye a moment, then gives him a watery smile, not bothering to wipe the tears off his cheeks as he mouths the words, thank you, and means them more in that moment than he thinks he ever has.

Sora hadn't realised, when he cooked up the plan to bring Roxas here to Axel's room as a surprise for both of them, that it was going to turn into something as emotional as this. At first he stands there, grinning as he waits for what's sure to be an exuberant and enthusiastic reunion. There'd be hugs, of course, and laughter and hair ruffling and good natured teasing and probably more teasing, but what he gets is definitely not the light hearted, carefree thing he was expecting.

His grin slips and softens and he feels increasingly like an awkward third wheel as Roxas throws himself at Axel and the two embrace and cling to each other like they might just lose each other all over again if they didn't. Suddenly Sora feels very, very stupid for intruding on this as Axel catches his eye and mouthes those words:

Thank you.

Their tears don't come as a surprise. His on the other hand...

He smiles a watery smile at them both, his vision blurred around the edges as he starts to back out from the room. He can remember the overwhelming joy and relief when he was reunited with Riku when he had searched everywhere for him... it had brought him to tears and to his knees. How could he have not expected Axel and Roxas to feel the same?

He wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand, smiling gently at them both as he catches Axel's eye again.

No problem.

Edited 2018-07-17 21:23 (UTC)

There's nothing from their past friendship that Roxas can compare this to, but the solid form of Axel in front of him and his arms around him tells him that this is real, it's true, it's not some illusion or awful joke that really, he knows Sora would never play.

There was a time, when he'd walked away from the castle for the last time, that part of Roxas believed he would never talk to Axel again and he'd thought he was fine with it, because how can you be friends with someone you don't trust? Later, when they'd looked at each other across the basement room of DiZ's mansion in the digital town, he'd felt regret. For forgetting, for not being able to do anything but forge ahead to whatever fate awaited him, for everything that had happened between them. It was only when Axel was gone from the world and no other chances remained for them, no matter how small, that he'd felt everything they'd lost all at once. Roxas had wanted to howl with grief and rage but he'd channeled those emotions to force his way into Sora's world, instead.

But that was a long time ago. There should have been no trace of Axel to save by the time the storm came.

Eventually, he loosens his grip and lets go, pulling away to confirm again with his eyes what his heart already knows.

"How can you be here?" He looks from Axel to Sora and back, eyes wide and confused, cheeks still wet with tears. "I was there, when you...I saw you fade away!"

Axel can't really remember the last time he hugged anyone at all, but in that moment, having Roxas here, and whole, and real in his arms is the greatest feeling he can imagine. He had never been okay with the idea of not speaking to Roxas again, but he had come to understand why Roxas had left. He hadn't really had a chance to try and make things right before it had all gone to hell, though, and by the time Roxas had regained enough of himself to remember him, it was too late.

He releases Roxas a bit reluctantly when the kid pulls back, looking up at him with those big blue eyes like he's looking for something he'd misplaced. He guesses in a way that's exactly the look. He swipes at his cheek with the heel of one hand and sniffs sharply, but thankfully has mostly maintained his composure. Mostly. Sort of. He shakes his head a bit.

"I... don't actually know, for sure," he says, and nods his head toward Sora. "Sora here told me a good bit about the future I'm still catching up to, but those are details I can't quite parse just yet."

He had always believed that one day they would all disappear, every one of them. Nobodies weren't supposed to exist, right? So one day they would simply return to the Darkness from whence they had been created. Coming back from that isn't something he had thought was possible, but... here he is.

He gives Roxas a smile and takes his shoulders, shaking his head again.

"It doesn't really matter, does it?" he asks. "I'm here. And you're here. And that means I'm not going anywhere."

When he'd told Roxas they would meet again in the next life, he hadn't realized just how right he was going to be, and it's the greatest surprise realization ever.

The more the reunited friends talk, the more Sora feels like an interloper intruding on something he really shouldn't be. But he is a little surprised when Roxas starts asking questions about how Axel can be here- doesn't he already know?

"Yeah, we're all stuck with him," he jokes, rubbing the back of his neck. "Which is good, 'cuz he's pretty darn good at getting to rescue people when you need him. "

Well, him really, he guesses. More than once.

And it feels great, knowing that now Axel doesn't need to try to atone for past mistakes or try crazy things to bring his friend back. Roxas is back, and Sora didn't need to lose his heart again to get him there. (And honestly that's kind of a relief.)

"But why are you so surprised Roxas? You know he comes back, you're from the same time I'm from."

Roxas should know that, right? The part where Axel is Lea again and he has his own Keyblade. He looks in askance at him, seeking affirmation.

"Right?"

There's a lot about the future that Sora needs to share, apparently. If Axel can't parse the details, then Roxas can't grasp them at all. It's not bad, nothing about seeing his best friend again could ever be bad, but he can't wrap his head around it yet. It's like Sora took him for a tour and then dropped him into a wish he'd had, a yearning for a reunion that couldn't ever come.

Roxas shakes his head in response to Axel—it does matter, it matters a lot—and turns to answer Sora, stepping his friend's grip.

"It's not that simple," he says. "I'm from the same time as you, but that doesn't mean I've been watching everything you've done all this time. After that time we saw each other before you went to fight Xemnas, it was like I went to sleep. That's why I could make contact with you again—it was like I'd been dreaming there for a long time, so in your dream you were finally close enough that we could talk."

Does Axel know about that too? Is he the only one behind on everything? How much has Sora assumed he's already aware of? Roxas looks from his other half to his best friend and back.

"I didn't know anything except he saved us," he says. "Nobodies aren't supposed to come back once we fade. We're not even supposed to exist, so how...?"

Edited 2018-07-21 18:35 (UTC)

"You know, I don't know," Sora replies, and he really doesn't.

There had been so many questions after everything that had happened; what had happened, what they were going to do now, how hard it was going to be to take on Xehanort and his posse, that they hadn't even started to cover the actual hows and whys of Axel coming back as Lea.

"So what I do know is... Xemnas is the Nobody of a guy called Xehanort, and his Heartless was the guy we fought who we called Ansem, and he stole the name from Ansem the Wise-"

Should he bring up DiZ right now? Maybe not right now. Probably not the best of people to bring up considering everything.

"Xehanort wants to start up the Keyblade War again and to do that he needs Thirteen Darknesses, and to get them, he wanted to use you guys in the Organization to become him by putting part of his heart into you, only it didn't work and a bunch of you guys didn't take it, so he was looking for other vessels to turn into him and he wanted me, 'cause he couldn't get you-" he nods towards Roxas, "and then he nearly got me, but Lea saved me and the Xehanorts all got away."

Is this all too much information? It's probably too much.

"So with all that, and Master Yen Sid and King Mickey trying to figure out what we do next, asking how you came back... I kinda didn't get round to it. But I'm gonna! 'Cause if you came back Axel, then I can get you back too, Roxas."

Sora can say that he doesn't know, but Roxas is quite sure that his other half knows a lot more than he does. He pretty much has to.

He listens carefully, nodding every now and then when Sora comes to a name he recognizes. Xemnas stole someone else's name? Well, all right, it's not like he had any qualms about taking other things that shouldn't belong to him.

The rest, though...he tries to keep up, but his eyes start to glaze over as Sora says words that Roxas understands in sentences he doesn't.

"I didn't get a lot of that," he admits after a moment of hesitation. "But if Axel's okay, that's what matters to me. Maybe we can figure out the details of the rest later."

With pictures, maybe? Visual aids? Those would be helpful.

Edited 2018-07-22 18:41 (UTC)

Axel listens while Sora talks, and the more Sora talks the more absurd the whole thing sounds. He just sort of laughs, shaking his head.

"And carry the one and divide by the square route of pizza and I'm sure it all makes sense," he says, scratching his head. "Riku told me a little about all of that nonsense with Xehanort, too." He hefts a sigh and drops a hand on Roxas' shoulder. "I knew Xemnas had had his eye on you for reasons he never shared, but I didn't realize at the time that there was so much creepy weird bodysnatching and such going on." He shakes his head. "Seems you and I dodged one helluva bullet, defecting," he says to Roxas, and then sits down heavily on the edge of the bed. He looks at Sora with a frown. "Ansem the Wise was the head honcho of my home world," he says, "so I always knew that the whole 'Ansem' angle was BS."

Especially the part where Riku wearing Xehanort's face pretended to be Ansem. That had been a laugh-riot.

"Whadda you know about this 'Keyblade War', though?" he asks then, rubbing his chin. "There's this old legend, where I grew up, about a time long ago when the people of the worlds fought over the Light, and in doing so, the selfishness in their hearts gave rise to Darkness, which then took over the world and swallowed up the Light entirely and split the worlds apart." He shakes his head. "I always thought it was just a legend, an old story to teach kids not to be selfish, but... it's a little uncanny, the way some things seem to have lined up."

"It's real creepy," Sora agrees, nodding as he folds his arms across his chest and tries to be serious- it's kinda hard to pull off when all he wants to do is grin with happiness that he's reunited two long lost best friends. "I mean... I know I kinda did it, with you and Kairi ending up inside me-"

He angles his head towards Roxas.

"But I'd never have done it on purpose, or if I had it would have been to keep you guys safe. I'm just glad that's all straightened out now, I don't wanna make a habit of people getting stuck in me."

He laughs, realising just how ridiculous that sounds. It doesn't last long though, as he turns his attention to the more important matter of the Keyblade War and what he knows about it.

"That's the gist of it. Master Yen Sid told me and Riku all about it before we took our exam. So... a long time ago, Kingdom Hearts gave with world Light, and it was protected by something called the χ-blade, but because so many people wanted to get their hands on Kingdom Hearts- and boy, don't we know it!- warriors made their own Keyblades to look like the χ-blade and started to fight over it. The χ-blade was shattered into twenty pieces - thirteen darknesses and seven lights - and Kingdom Hearts was swallowed by darkness, and it because the true Kingdom Hearts is stuck there, that's why there's Darkness in the worlds. And then some people decided to use the Keyblade to protect the light instead of conquering it. And you can bet that's not why Xehanort's not trying to get hold of it."

Mostly, Roxas is staring, gaze shifting from Sora to Axel and back. It's not that the words don't make sense or that he doesn't understand the sentences, but the more information he gets, the fuller his brain feels, like it might start spilling out his ears. It's a little like when all his memories started coming back in DiZ's basement, except instead of pain, this time he feels extremely unnerved.

"You know, when I said it had to be you, I didn't know...all this," he says, giving Sora a half-smile. Not that it's anything to joke about. "I guess what Xemnas was doing was only the beginning."

Or one plan among many. He was the type to have backups of backups, wasn't he? It seems like that must be true, even if he can't think of anything besides him and Sora.

"But he can't do any of it now, right?" His brow furrows slightly as he considers. "Not while everyone's asleep in the pods."

Axel listens as Sora speaks, and his brow furrows at his words. Something is amiss here.

"'Made their own Keyblades to look like the Keyblade'," he echoes, arching one eyebrow. "I feel like there's a homophone situation happening that I didn't get the memo on."

"Huh? Yeah, it was a bit confusing for me too but it's χ like a weird X rather than key like a key," Sora explains sheepishly. "I didn't get it 'til I saw it written down in a book."

But at Roxas' question...

"I don't think he can do anything with everyone asleep, but the worst part about Xehanort is there's already, uh..." he quickly counts on his fingers, "six of him, if you include the half-Xehanorts, and one of the full Xehanorts can time travel so that really sucks."

Six Xehanorts?

Roxas gives a halfhearted smile that fades quickly, because...what does he say to that? It's not like he's intimidated by having a lot of enemies—he's fought thousands of Heartless, and after he walked away from the Organization, he's sure every one of them would have considered him an enemy and a traitor, except for Axel.

But this is bigger than that. If Xehanort is Xemnas, or something like him, and there's six of him, and one can time travel....

"Um," he says after a moment. "Do you guys think we could talk more about this later? I have about a hundred questions." At bare minimum. "But my head's starting to hurt trying to keep this straight."

"Key like a weird...?" Sorry, Sora, for all Axel does like his words, this one's all Greek to him. [Courtesy laugh.]

He puts a hand on Roxas' shoulder when he speaks up, giving Sora a tired sort of smile.

"'Fraid I gotta agree," he says, shaking his head. "I know this is important stuff, but... right now my brain is already kind of shorting out. One crazy unexpected surprise is enough for one day, don't'cha think?" He claps Roxas' shoulder with a grin. "Let's leave this one on a good note and save Xehanort and his MPD for some other day."

He doesn't want to kick Sora out, because he genuinely appreciates that the kid arranged this reunion for them, but the last thing Axel wants to talk about right now is Xehanort.

who i am from the start

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