who i am from the start

[pullsheavendown]

Who: Roxas (pullsheavendown), Sora (happylocksmith), Axel (icingonthecake) & Riku (dreamprotector) in varying combos
What: Meetings & reunions
When: Day of the latest pod awakenings, pre-Nadril
Where: Thesa Station
Warning(s): Kingdom Hearts lore is stupid

[So, he's awakened in space with the knowledge that his worlds is gone, found his other half, and had a conversation he always wanted to have but never thought he'd be able to. What next?

Go to Disney World

Get dragged along the corridors of Thesa Station, apparently.]

Comments

[dreamprotector]

That much is true… it had taken way more than just one conversation between him and Sora, back after they had gotten back home again, when the initial rush of being home, of being together had faded… well. That’s not important at the moment.

This is about Roxas and Riku right now.

He sighs quietly when Roxas reacts with confusion; looks like Roxas isn’t quite from the same time as he is… and even though he’s given Axel the whole story already, he isn’t sure he is the right person to also tell Roxas. Though well, he can at least explain the part about his gratitude.

“The details are complicated… but Sora fell asleep again. You, the other guy with your face… and that girl that looks like Kairi; I was told without you three I couldn’t have woken him.”

He assumes there had been something to their questions, something they had needed to know or maybe also something Sora had needed in some way… Anyway.

“So, thank you; and–” he makes sure to meet Roxas’ eyes for the next part, because this is important, especially if they are going to interact in any way again in the future (and with Sora there’s no doubt that it will happen sooner or later.) “–I’m sorry for what we did to you.”

The fight, the digital Twilight Town, the fact that they had forced Roxas out of existence and back into Sora’s Heart… however necessary it had been… that doesn’t mean it was right; Riku knew it then and he knows it now.

[pullsheavendown]

Roxas is willing to listen to what even Riku has to say, but just like Sora's talk of multiple Xehanorts and the χ-blade, but some of it goes over his head, and it shows on his face. The lack of detail is both confusing and a favor, in a way; after the day he's had, he needs time and rest to be able to process everything.

But he gets the gist of it. More importantly, he doesn't get lost in thought trying to sort it all out; he's alert and meeting Riku's eyes when Riku apologizes.

For a long moment, he's quiet. What can he say to that? What does he want to say?

"I would have found him eventually," he says. "Even if it wasn't for the reason you wanted me to. And even if I didn't know exactly why I was looking. Everything that happened—none of it was necessary." Because he's pretty sure that sheer proximity would have done the trick, no matter how unwilling he was; he'd have faded, and Sora would have woken up. But a lot of pain along the way could have been avoided. He takes a shaky breath, and exhales a little steadier. "But...thanks. I guess that's nice to hear."

It doesn't even come close to undoing the harm that was done. No matter how much perspective Roxas has about why the worlds needed Sora, that mix of rage and grief and sorrow is still there, firmly lodged in his heart. But Riku apologizing of his own volition, without Sora prodding him in the background because he cares so much about everyone connected to him...it does make a difference. He can feel something inside of him begin to untwist.

"I knew Sora was asleep. I met him there, in the dream," he adds after a second. "And then I found him right away here—he explained some of what happened, sort of. As near as we can tell, the Natha split us in two again." He holds up his index fingers next to each other and flicks them apart, as if Riku really needs the visual aid. "Before that, though, it wasn't like I was watching everything from inside his heart—it's more like I was one the one dreaming." His brow furrows as he tries to recall more of that time. "I remember...your presence, maybe? Feeling like you were nearby. But that's all."

[dreamprotector]

It’s alright, even if Roxas doesn’t understand everything right away… they have time now. There is no looming threat that requires either of them to hurry about this – and given time Riku might tell his side of the story properly.

For almost a second there is an objection on Riku’s tongue when Roxas says it was all entirely unnecessary – no doubt that Roxas would have found Sora eventually, but even so Riku can’t help but remember his own urgency with that he had faced the blond in the World That Never Was; the feeling of Oblivion in his grip-

(R҉i҉k҉u҉,҉ ҉p҉l҉e҉a҉s҉e҉!҉ ҉Y҉o҉u҉ ҉h҉a҉v҉e҉ ҉t҉o҉ ҉s҉t҉o҉p҉ ҉h҉i҉m҉!҉)

But maybe that had been just his own need to see Sora awake. Maybe Roxas is right after all… so he swallows that, and just nods. There is no point in fighting over what might have been anyway.

Unsurprisingly, Sora had already found the other – to hear they already connected… well they are connected either way, for better or worse. It makes sense for Sora to be one of the first people that Roxas runs into.

It’s interesting to hear that Roxas was aware of him somehow… maybe as he had moved through Sora’s dreams?

“I spent most of my time in the Realm of Sleep moving through Sora’s dreams… I guess it would make sense for you to sense me there somehow.”

And well… then later too, when he had been in Sora’s heart.

[pullsheavendown]

Roxas relaxes the slightest amount when Riku doesn't argue his case, having half-expected him to do exactly that. He hadn't set it as a test, at least not consciously so, but it's another point in Riku's favor that he can go without justifying himself. Add them all up and it might eventually bring them back to a neutral starting point of zero.

(If he really thinks about it, he has to admit that would be nice. He's not Sora anymore, but theirs is a connection that can't be severed, and he doesn't like the idea of Sora feeling torn between them. And if he really, really thinks about it, he'll have to acknowledge that while Sora could feel what he felt, it also went both ways—he can't pretend he doesn't know exactly how much affection his other half has for Riku.)

"I guess so," he says, and actually laughs. "As much of any of this makes sense. He told me some of what happened during the exam. It sounded pretty crazy."

And he's not at all sure he's got a handle on it yet. He missed some details, for sure, and the ones he did get were more than a little complicated. But it's still only his first day here; they have time.

"I'm glad you could come help him," he adds after a moment. "And not just because if bad things happen to Sora, they happen to me too. I like him."

It feels a little silly that such a short, simple phrase can feel so weighty, but it does. The sheer impact of Sora's existence should make him more than just a boy who Roxas can like or dislike, but he's that, too, and Roxas does.