nysalogs | We were the victims of ourselves

[It hardly occurs to him that having her sleep like this is...kinda disrespectful?! In some weird way, but he hasn't anything better to offer. Even if he had the option to send her off on gryphonback, she probably wouldn't go. Of course, if they had a gryphon around they could probably both ride it...

She preps, and Keith's focused on the space between them. Winds tend to pick up at night in general, and he can't decide whether he's just heard a breeze, a wolf-type or something feigned by his brain. He's considering breaking past the barrier of their armor with his knife (it's really gonna be like this all night) until Allura breaks the quasi-silence.]

Um, [While scooting slightly closer rather than pulling away to check on the wilderness.] Shiro. [And no one was surprised.] We lost everything [nearly], but we were heading back to Earth.

[Similarly, Keith hasn't had a lot of time to reflect on his latest memory implants. Bizarre as it is, they've served him well when, in the past, measured against Lance's memories. He's propped up on an elbow, lying with approximately an inch between them -- for Jesus.]

Do you believe the Natha?

[Regarding Earth-- err, homeworld and such; he's not sure what they may've told Allura, considering...hence the vagueness.]

[The sleeping situation doesn't bother her, other than the physical discomfort. It was simply a marker at how different her life turned out from the one she'd expected as a child. Like the frequency her title is bypassed by strangers, or any number of social norms expected of Altean royalty, she was too pragmatic to mourn an old, impossible way of life, yet too sentimental to forget all of the small ways her culture was eroded.

Keith acknowledges their shared memories and Allura tenses, not sure how to feel about that. Relief that she wasn't alone in her memories? Sorrow over the confirmed loss of her castle ship? Shame at how her actions lead to that loss?

But his next question distracts her from her thoughts, and she rolls onto her back so she can look at him instead of the wall, her shoulder bumping up against his elbow as that inch of space is closed.]

We have all seen the might of the storm. [And Allura knew all to well how something as seemingly permanent as your home planet could disappear in an instant. Yet,] But I also thought all Alteans to be dead. And now—

[Her voice becomes tight, speaking about it eliciting sudden, strong emotions she hadn't expected. She swallows, eyes drifting to the ceiling,] I suppose I don't know what to believe, anymore.

[He's not bothered by the closeness, weirdly enough. This is in part, because of the subject at hand. While difficult and cumbersome to put into words, it's more important than how close their coordinates have become.

Kinda a plus anyway, considering the...weather...something he'll appreciate in a moment.

But, this has been his signature tin foil hat controversy; the amount of times he's brought up the sketchiness of the Natha until now--

Okay, he's only done it three times or so with people he actually trusts. He's not a fan, the likelihood of that changing is rather low. Having Allura sorta on the side of uncertainty is good, but not exactly worth celebrating.

On the flip side: Keith is that image that says some shit like Me Comforting My Friends and it's someone brushing someone with a broom from five feet away; the princess is visibly...not UPSET, but she's certainly not happy to discuss anxiety and the extinction of her kind.

It's probably a bad time to bring up his mom, even as an example of anything can happen. There's a long moment of him gawking, his line of vision slips to a corner of their blanket.]

We'll figure it out.

[That's why he'd taken on such shady jobs in Wyver; to get down to it all -- none of it wrought much, but what else can he do? Wallow and mourn?]

Not tonight, but eventually...

[The whole Altean thing is a tricky topic. For so long, she would have given anything to find her people, any hint that they survived Zarkon's genocidal rule. Now, having gotten exactly what she wanted, the emotions that followed were... conflicted. She was elated, yet the circumstances surrounding it, what had been allowed to happen to her people in her absence, left her sick to her stomach. Having been so thoroughly manipulated by someone she thought she could trust...

Suddenly,] I do not think you are wrong to doubt them. [Of that, she speaks with unwavering certainty. The storm aside, everything that lead them to this moment (sleeping in a terrible snow hut, on the way to some city they barely knew existed,), pointed to the fact that the orbiters were not always the most upfront about their motivations. She didn't want to think about it, but if they were being used or lied to, Allura certainly fell comfortably into doing their bidding—joining the coalition, getting caught up in the geopolitics of Wyver and Olympia.

Her eyes slide to Keith's face once again, expression serious,] You are— [She pauses, searching for words. Finding the Alteans, connecting with the Black Lion, reuniting the group with the true Shiro—Keith may be a little bit of a black sheep, but his instincts served them well. At this point she may trust them better than her own.] If anyone can find out the truth, I believe it's you.

[It's possible she's buttering his biscuit -- overcrediting. He may have made amends to his former self...he's grown up enough to do so, but even then...

He's certainly determined to find the truth, at any rate. Be it blue lions, the mothman or the orbiters. Unearthing such things here has proven difficult, however. A year in and he's hardly made any headway. From any perspective, living one year on a brand new planet and expecting to know every answer is a trifling undertaking. For Keith, it's been frustrating. Time wasted. Half the time he was focused on the wrong thing, the rest...

He's been coasting, striking dead ends. Even so, he'll offer a halfhearted, distant smile.]

Thanks. [...] But I'm gonna need some help.

[Y'know, based on facts. Forgive him for sounding stilted....]

[He has grown up a lot. Not just in the inexplicable way he managed to age two years while traveling with Krolia, but even before that, he was a much different person from the one she confronted on the Castle-ship, demanding his allegiance to the team. He refused, left to be a pawn and returned as a leader. She was proud of him. She should tell him that.

Instead she just offers a nod and, for the first time since she's come out of stasis, her smile seems to reach her eyes. They don't really have a plan but it feels like a direction,] I am not certain on how effective Voltron will be with just a head and a leg.

[Ah, that joke kind of stings a little and her expression flickers, remembering their friends she has yet to see since she's arrived.] But we will figure it out.

[In other words. She has your back.]

[A head and a leg -- for a moment, he thinks to tell her about how he hasn't the black lion; maybe it's those two years of maturity, but the thought never finds a voice. She's.

Making a joke. She's definitely making a joke.]

It won't be just us forever. [Not that he has a theory to back that up; it feels like it's been just the two of them for a short eternity as is. The conversation's grown heavy enough to ease him back into a lying-down position, closeby but not too close.] You might just have to keep me balanced for a little while.

[Like...since she's a leg...and he's a head.....and cannot balance without limbs, or a limb. Ah ha ha...]

[The corners of her mouth quirk up into a smile. They are definitely not the funniest members of team Voltron, but it eases some of the tension in the air, and while there's nothing normal about camping out in an igloo on some Ancient-forsaken planet, she feels more grounded than she's been since she woke up from stasis. More like herself.

She yawns, exhaustion finally cresting as her tension fades. It's a little funny, thinking about how stasis, whether it be three days or ten-thousand years, did little to curb her need for sleep. Her limbs and eyes feel heavy and she tucks an arm under her head as she turns on her side—this time facing Keith. Without really thinking about it, she inches closer to him, towards his heat. The remaining space between her body and his is bridged by her free hand, which sleepily reaches into the space between the covers to grip gently on the fabric on the elbow of his sleeve.

Sleepily,] I am glad you are here with me. [In the igloo. On El Nysa. The others will wake eventually, she believes that, but she's grateful that she's not alone until that day comes.] Even if we are just a head and a leg.

[His first inclination isn't to make a big fuss over her proximity; he's glad she's getting comfortable, easing into the idea of sleep even with so many complicated things swirling around in the inbetween. It's about his second, because there's a weight at his elbow and he's not at all very good at this stuff. Not even after being Dragon Married and having some weird stint with Lance.

He looks to it, then to her face as she presses on. A faint smirk toys with the corner of his mouth just as well. A head and a leg...there's gotta be some significance to that.

Though the more he thinks about it, two legs might be better -- because he is thinking about it. His main weakness.]

Yeah.

[While settling himself -- though he refuses to nod off, he'll consent to lying down, level with her head but maintaining some space so he's not breathing on her. Sharing warmth like this, though, it's smart.

He's quiet now. Verbally acquiescing to her statement was apparently enough.]

[It's satisfactory. This is already more words out of Keith than they've exchanged in some time, and she can feel sleep tugging on her eyelids and she spends a tick more looking at Keith—quietly tracing his features with her eyes (once again wondering if he's always looked so old) one last time before they slide shut. The igloo is still cold, she can feel it seeping through the blanket below them, at her back, but the space between them is warm, and she's already drifting off, tucking her face nearer the blankets, nearer the warmth.

Eventually, her breathing slows, sleep coming as thoughts and memories of home shift into dreams. Even in sleep, Allura wears her emotions too close to the surface, face flickering into a frown from time to time as her dreams swirl images of the past, both real and imagined. Her hand, which remained on his elbow, loosened, and eventually slips away, causing part of the blanket to tug away from her face and she shivers, curling into herself.]

[Keith's true to his word initially. He's quiet, not really trying to stare at her but there isn't a whole lot to focus on. Whenever his eyes settle on the igloo wall behind her his eyelids grow heavy and he's jolted awake. Not today Mothman, not today.

He manages to keep sleep at arm's length for some time. It comes and goes -- he's startled awake after a few minutes each time, either by his subconscious (if that's how that even works), or the way the chill settles under his skin each time he doses off. Sometimes it's a noise, one that exists solely in his brain in anticipation of what-ifs; a growl, something distant and phantasmal. In the gaps where he's awake, he does notice the tension in his face and it's readily written off as exposure to the cold...discomfort from it. He'll scoot slightly closer in lieu of that, but idles as soon as she shifts in turn. Shivers.

Interesting.

He'll move again, closer still, enough where he can settle his chin somewhere atop Allura's head. The weight barely exists, it's more about proximity...containing/trapping warmth between them. A ton of thought isn't wasted on it either, either because he's too tired to care or too cold to fuss about it. He'd be more allergic to this arrangement were they not at the mercy of the alien north pole.

Not his first taste ever, but still: one star at best.]

[Time passes. When Allura next stirs, sometime in the middle of the night, the first thing she notices is warmth and it's such a pleasant change from all of the bitter cold that, in her sleep addled mind, she doesn't waste time wondering about it as she nestles in to the core of that heat, wrapping her arms around and burying her face into it's warm center, where the gentle thrum of a heartbeat nearly lulls her back to sleep.

Then, her mind gets a little less sleep addled, and her memories of the night before (the same night, really) comes back in flashes. Traveling in the frigid snow. A shelter from the cold. Curling up under a blanket with—

Her whole body stiffens, heat rushing to her face as she realizes what that source of heat is. She makes a startled noise, head jerking back from where it had been pressed against his chest and her eyes dart up to focus on Keith's face, praying that somehow her pride would be saved and he would be sleeping through all of this.]

[Keith's succumbed to sleep; he hasn't been knocked out for long, but in his quest for warmth and overall survival, he's nodded off and achieved a level of sleep where her stirring -- shifting ever-closer doesn't immediately rouse him.

It's the noise, the sudden movement. His eyelids blearily part, his brain immediately concerned by the sound but the rest of his entire being can't catch up to that. He blinks once, twice, regards her with an air of vague alarm, mostly confusion...he is expecting to hear a predator outside of their igloo, or for her to inform him of some looming threat she'd noticed in his negligence--

But there's nothing. Just a belated realization that they're lying awfully close.]

Uhh --! [Dignified, as expected from the team leader. He won't amend that awkward murmur with anything more. He'll just start to sit up, mumble a quick apology. It's as if he's walked in on her naked.]

Agh—Ahem! [Eloquently, as expected from a royal diplomat. Hands plant on his chest and she half scoots, half pushes him away. Next she seems to realize that having her hands on his chest is also unacceptable so she yanks her hands back to mess with her hair—as if she very suddenly found a knot that desperately needed untangling. Very smooth and casually handled.]

A... Apologies. [It comes out as more of a squeak, and she clears her throat, sitting up as she tries again,] It's cold! Much colder than I thought it would be!

[It's the truth but the way she says it makes it sound like an excuse. But she's not wrong, and every time she says the word cold the room seems to drop by a few degrees. Now that they weren't wrapped up in each other's warmth, (and with the blankets askew in their contest to see who could be the most awkward) the cold seemed that much more potent, seeping straight through her jumpsuit. She clasps her hands together to stop them from shivering.]

[He's shoved, and while it isn't the worst shove he's ever experienced, in this very specific context...it's...it's high up there. He's scrambling to sit up because while he was able to immediately ascertain how awkward this arrangement had become, he wasn't fully aware of how. Revolting. He is to spoon with.

Something like that.

Normally he's allergic to all forms of intimate contact, barring when ya gotta Bear Grylls it up..but maybe, just maybe this sort of thing is different for her kind? Lying with the opposite gender -- a Galran, he may have breached far more barriers than intended.]

Sorry. [Murmured while mopping his eyes with his fingertips. This is embarrassing, how does one even address this???] I didn't mean to get that close to you.

[No offense.................]

But I don't know if we have a choice.

[How very ~~fuck to survive meme of him~~ mature?? of him to say.]

[It's.... complicated in a few ways. Actually, not that complicated. Mostly childish embarrassment, she's aware. It's not as if she finds Keith distasteful or untrusthworthy. The rational, down-to-business part of her is fine with the arrangement, as long as it gets them through the night. She nods,] I know.

[Yet she hesitates. Hands still clasped in her lap, a shiver wracking her body despite the heat that burns at her ears. His instincts aren't wrong, but not for the reasons he thinks. It was equal parts upbringing (princesses do not spoon casually) and still nursing a wounded heart. After all, the last person that had held her in a way she could call intimate had been a different half-Galran. One that may or may not have been present in her dreams moments earlier.

She rubs her palms over her eyes, letting go a sigh,] I'm sorry, I'm being irrational. Of course you're right. We must think of our survival first and foremost.

[...Which sort of implies she wasn't thinking about that earlier.]

[Listen, Keith was on vacation for two (?????????????) years and only assumed Lotor had integrated into team Voltron, not necessarily into Allura...and maybe it was fine for them to do so as royalty? Opposing royalty...but...whatever.]

Just -- turn the other way?

[With a chin motion forward; it should be easier, less awkward if they're not made to breathe into eachother's space. Still really unfortunate (??????) circumstances...but....

He'd shift himself, but this makes more sense in his mind. He's pointedly not looking at her all the while.]

Edited 2018-08-25 17:18 (UTC)

What— [She blinks, not following his train of thought, and she can't help but look a little crestfallen as she confuses his request with dismissal. The whole situation is just so... awkward! And the feeling of freezing, combined with her annoyance at her own irrationality that was causing the freezing was starting to win out over her more delicate sensibilities.

So instead of laying back, she leans forward, rising up to look at him, even if he won't look at her,]

Keith, please. We need each other— [Ahem. She gestures to the blankets around them.] This isn't even close to the worst thing we've been through together. [Ah, that doesn't sound good either. She scoots closer, reaching to grip the elbow of his sleeve, like she had before.

Pleading,] Let's just lay together. I don't mind, really.

[Keith's immediately taken aback by how close Allura immediately gets to him after...after being inelegant about the whole waking up together thing -- putting it lightly.

And, he's just as quick to realize she's misunderstood something in his words, which shouldn't be a shock to anyone. Not because she's dumb or anything, but Keith can be sort of. Bad. With words. Even after vacationing with mom & cosmo wolf. His eyes follow her gesture before settling squarely back onto her face. His mouth falls ajar -- protest, clarification at the tip of his tongue...

But it never finds a voice, only because it's easier for things to pan out like this. Should he rectify things, he'll just be making them more awkward. Thoughts that coincide with her scooting closer, touching him....

There's a hard swallow; virgin behavior.]

Right, that's... [what I meant] good. Good idea. There's a quick nod of acquiesce.]

Right. [Again, more confident as he focuses on looking to the side and not the person directly before him.] Good -- I don't either.

[There's another moment that feels 15hrs longer than it actually is..before he's lying down, resting flat on his back...he'll adjust once Allura lies with him. He could offer his instructions again in a less-obscure way but

But this is fine.]

[She's relieved that they seem to be making some ground. They're both just too tired and cold to care much more about social boundaries, and it's really no big deal. They've fought in countless battles before, been stuck out in space, he rescued her from her crashed mecha. Stars—now that she thinks of it, during the fight with Yversai, she'd been practically sitting in his lap the whole time-

Allura clears her throat for no reason, wondering when her face suddenly got so warm.

The point is, he's been her only companion from home ever since she arrived on this planet. What was curling up together under a blanket (in an igloo, miles from the next living person,) compared to all of that?

Keith lays down and Allura hesitates for a fraction of the time before she slowly lowers to join him, scooting close enough to wrap her arms around him again, but she refrains from the last bit, just pulling the blankets up to her chin, and keeping her arms tucked in close to her body, as she stares at Keith, giving him a shaky, but reassuring smile,]

See? This is better, right?

[thisisfine.jpg]

[See, everytime they've been inappropriate it was for a practical reason.

Overall, there's a difference when Allura settles close. It could be better -- more awkward, but better, if their limbs were slightly tangled and they were bodily arranged in a way that kept heat in, but this is definitely fine. The blanket levels out around his chin, he'll spare a one-eyed sideglance...]

Yeah, this is better.

[If he weren't larping an echo chamber, he'd sound more stilted. It takes approximately fifteen seconds before the arm closest to her shifts; he'd intended on snaking it under her head, drawing her closer but...like..that's awkward and elbowing her in the face becomes a real threat? He just.

Lowkey highkey stretches his arm above her head, effectively cramming her into his armpit which is a separate level of uncomfortable.

Perfect.]

[Things are better for half a dobash before she's jammed into the crook of Keith's armpit. Is this how human's cuddle? If so, she's not a fan.

Or maybe he's waiting on her to move? Either way, she withstands about another half dobash of armpit before she sits up a little scooting up and turning to her side so that his arm fits in the crook of her neck and she can rest her head against it. Which is actually much more comfortable...except now it places their heads exactly at the same height and they're so close she's breathing on his cheek and it's somehow way worse than when she was sleeping with her head on his chest earlier.]

Keith...

[Her voice wavers uselessly.]

I don't think this is working.

[This. Is actually super uncomfortable and he can't pinpoint what is making it so bad, specifically, besides general awkwardness. He's glad Allura's the first one to speak up about it -- that it's mutual, but he also isn't sure how to remedy the situation without freaking her out again. Turning Away is forbidden.]

You're right. [He's sitting up again; he could very easily turn away and simulate what was implied earlier. Instead, he adjusts himself, turning toward her to slot their bodies together all at once. It's an inevitable part of the plan, closeness, pussyfooting just makes it weird.

Or so he's decided.

There's a murmured apology as he rests his head where his arm once stretched, atop her head, while that arm curves underneath his head. His other limb stretches across her shoulder, bending at it so he can reel her in close. It's an Advanced Move that he probably shouldn't know about, but these are trying times.

He's holding her, but not so firmly that she can't escape if this ends up being too much. For him, this is makes staying awake in hyper-awareness all the more easy.]

Oh!

[It's a sound that's better off kept to herself, but he surprises her with the way he pulls her close, bypassing another ten minutes of awkward shifting and apologizing by cutting to the chase. The warmth from his body burns down the length of her and she's grateful that her face is hidden in his neck, so he can't see the slow creep of heat up her neck to her cheeks and ears.

This Is Fine. Wordlessly, she takes his lead, slowly easing her arm from where it pressed between them to loop around his side, and briefly, she worries that he could feel the rapid, unsteady thud of her heart through her chest. He felt sturdier than she'd expected, solid and strong—unwanted observations. Mentally, she chastised herself for the physical (and sentimental) response that threatened to make all of this much more complicated.

But it was warm. She nestles her face into the hollow of his neck and closes her eyes. At this point it would be best just to sleep, or at least stay quiet and pretend, but—]

Are you... Is this comfortable for you?

[Physically. Emotionally.]

[As much as the outward-facing spooning situation would have been preferable to him, this makes more sense in his brain. He may have had more inhibitions about it had Allura not made it so confusing...so that was actually helpful. Easing into this arrangement might have been...weirder anyway, more time to fuss and overthink.

So here they are, entangled; it's immediately warm, not so express in being comfortable....but he'll get over it. A small sacrifice to last the night. Come morning, they won't ever have to think about this again.

Unless they have to...camp again.

There's a hard swallow as she nestles close -- she may feel his Adam's apple bob against her forehead. Overall, he hasn't anything to complain about. His knees bend slightly, lightly knocking hers but not daring to slip between.]

...Is this comfortable for you?

[Please, don't ask him hard questions. He'll just parrot them back and sweat nervously -- which is terrible, because the toiny bits of sweat beading at his hairline will cool and chill him eventually.

Despite this, he barely offers time for her to answer.]

I'm not gonna do anything weird. [Another swallow; his throat feels dry suddenly.] It's -- we can't have a fire in here.

[He's sounding ultra defensive all at once, like in his bipolar vlog. It's hard, trying to address something awkward that's happening in realtime. He's already behaving as if she called him a pervert & went in depth on how uncomfortable she is.]

But we don't have to stay like this. If you can't sleep, it defeats the purpose.

[Or something. It will , however, prevent freezing to death in a state of unconsciousness, theoretically..!]

truly........but maybe they'll make out

we went to very different sleepovers it seems

[trump voice] i went to the greatest sleepovers, all of them were very good and respectful

quits thread immediately

did you know keith has a red panda somewhere in his bag

like.... currently..... in his bag? out in the snow??

of course...always...at all times (i may have forgotten about it until just now)

Good. Allura can snuggle with the red panda instead of Keith

are her rats here...he'll just be with the rats

They aren't... they count as magic pets so she needs more REP first

god dammit

:'| also goes for the gold-!

you're so brave...

Apparently I thrive on secondhand embarrassment

its a kink isnt it...

sdfjkdfs don't say it like that

WHY NOT....IF I DONT forget to change my icon from default its me forgetting to attack my rp partner

BEcause it's not true!! Also I'm sorry I made it worse.

please keep doing things like this

If anyone is stalking this thread I apologize because it is the worst

DONT APOLOGIZE TO THEM, THEY'RE BEING NOSY!!!

I'M STILL EMBARRASSED

this too shall pass... -gandalf

I wish this thread had never come to me - Frodo maybe

lets give up on it -sam