nysalogs | memories are awesome (closed)

Entry tags:

memories are awesome (closed)

Who: Kairi (

pullsheavendown)
What: Talking about some things that happened without her memories.
When: Not long after getting them back!
Where: Their (Axel's) house!
Warning(s): probably just a sad boy

[ So she's finally gotten her memories back and reconnected with Sora on the way back to their home. And not long after arriving back, she moves over to Roxas's room to give a knock on the door. More than anything, she'd like to thank him for trying to help when she was memory-less. But she's also got some other concerns from the way he talked about some things.

Still, thanking him is what's most important, and while Sora's off being relieved and probably making her some real food that isn't forest berries, she decides to have a chat with his Nobody.

So she knocks. ]

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[Their only interaction since she'd gotten her memories back had been brief and relieved—on his side, anyway. Roxas doesn't know Kairi well enough to be sure how she felt about it. He'd made himself scarce, given her and Sora some space to sort things out, but he's not hiding or anything. When he knocks, he answers the door with a tentative, lopsided smile.]

Hey, Kairi. You feeling better?

[ She gives him a smile, finally able to feel like herself again. ]

Yeah. A lot better. [ A small pause. ] I wanted to thank you for trying to help me when I couldn't remember anything.

[ Even if there wasn't much he could do, he still tried talking to her and telling her things. He didn't have to do that, obviously, especially since they've only just gotten to meet. But she's thankful nonetheless for the attempt. ]

Sure. No problem.

[Not that he was any good at it. Roxas ducks his head, a little embarrassed but not displeased. He hasn't been thanked too many times in his short life. It's kind of nice.]

Had to do what I could to try to stop Sora moping around, right?

[That's a joke.]

[ It might be a joke, but she's sure he must've been pretty sad the whole time. He wasn't particularly happy any time he spoke to her anyway, and she can't imagine how down he must've been when he was out of sight. ]

Yeah. Well, he's doing better now, at least. Same as me.

[ He's only doing better because she is, actually. Even if he's probably not going to let her out of his sight for another week.

And she glances back over her shoulder in his general direction, before turning back to Roxas. ]

Actually, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about. You ... mind if I come in?

[ She thinks it'd be a lot better if they spoke about this not in the doorway. Like ... in the privacy of his room. ]

[Unknowingly, Roxas' thoughts are running along the same lines as Kairi's. He's never seen Sora as worried as he was about Kairi. It's still incredibly unnerving, that someone's memories could get messed with here too, but at least they weren't gone for good.]

Uh, sure. Come on in.

[He quickly wracks his brain, wondering what else she might want to talk to him about...and he's got nothing. Either it's really off the wall, or it's a girl thing and he just can't predict what she's thinking. Or both.

Once inside, he hooks his thumbs in his pockets and nods.]

So, what's up?

[ Well, she'll go ahead and relieve his worries quickly, once they're in the room. She keeps her usual gentle air about her as she speaks. ]

It's about what you said to me while I was in the forest.

[ Mmnn. How does she begin a conversation about that though? Well, the best way she can think is to show her concern, which seeps into her expression a little. ]

... Are you okay?

[ This is ... mostly a general thing. But she hopes he knows what she means. She's not adverse to specifying why she's asking, though. ]

[For a split second he's confused—hadn't she just thanked him for that?—and then there's a sense of unease, along with a slight sinking feeling.]

Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not the one who got messed with.

[This time.]

Why wouldn't I be?

[ Well, she's plenty glad to hear he's okay. At least, right now he is? But. She'll explain a little. ]

Because, back then, you said you knew how I felt. And that someone'd "made you" forget.

[ Those are not exactly good things. She only remembers feeling awful when she was dealing with the lack of memories and all these people coming at her to tell her about them. It hurts to think that Roxas went through something like that. And was ... forced to go through something like that? By someone else. ]

I just ... wanted to check on you.

[His stomach falls a little farther, then jolts unpleasantly to the side. He knows for sure what Kairi's talking about now, and wishes he didn't. His shoulders slump to the side, and he looks away.

He's too bad a liar to want to try it with her, especially when he'd promised she could trust him. That doesn't mean he wants to talk about it any more now than he did then.]

It was a long time ago, when it happened to me. Things are better now.

[ She doesn't mean to upset him with bringing this up, and all. She's just concerned about his well-being. It's possible the whole event dredged up bad memories for him anyway, if he was just ignoring them before now. ]

That's good. [ That they're better. Though what sense of "better" is up in the air. ] But, you know, even if you have your memories now, that doesn't mean it still can't bother you. Just ... don't keep it bottled up, okay?

[ Because he still seems plenty affected by it, to her at least. And this is her quiet way of telling him she's here if he needs to talk. ]

[He's quiet for a long moment. To Kairi, it might even seem like he's ready to drop the subject entirely by saying nothing at all.

But then he shifts, looking back at her but not fully meeting her eyes.]

They didn't tell you how me and Sora came together again, did they.

[ She does feel like he's decided to drop the subject, which is fine — she won't force anything out of him. She just wants to help any way he'll allow her to.

But when he speaks up again, she's a little caught off guard. Not only from him wanting to continue to the conversation, but asking a question like that. ]

... What do you mean?

[ She thought she saw them come together, and Roxas knows she did. Right? They seemed to be on good terms, like her and Namine were. ]

[He doesn't like doing this. For all his mixed feelings about Riku, Roxas doesn't want his best friends to think badly of him. That's the thing, isn't it? He understands why he did what he did.]

You wanna sit down? This is kind of complicated.

Um, sure.

[ She's really curious now, and also a bit concerned. And she quietly takes a seat on his bed, looking at him with her confusion clear on her face. ]

What happened, Roxas?

[Oh. A girl is sitting on his bed. He might not have thought this through...but there's not really anywhere else to sit, so he joins her, making sure to keep some space between them.]

When Sora was asleep for a year so his memories could be fixed, some of them slipped loose and ended up with me. I guess because they would have been mine, if we'd stayed the same person.

I didn't know what was happening, but I guess Riku and Namine and DiZ did, somehow. They needed me and what was left of his memories for Sora to wake up. So he came to get me.

[ Ah ... okay this is all news to her. She knew something was up with Sora, by the way she forgot about him for a time (still the worst thing), but the rest must have happened out of her reach. Another reason to hate being stuck on the islands while her friends are out fighting. But this isn't about her or how she feels being left out of things.

He was right about it being complicated, and she's sure she must not have all the details at this point. It sounds like a lot might have happened. ]

So you had to get back together, to save Sora. [ That's ... conflicting for her. ] Who came to get you?

[ He just said "he". ]

[He'd thought it would be obvious, but maybe it's too opaque from the outside. Nothing about that situation was anything like normal. How could she expected to make the right connections?]

Riku did. But I didn't cooperate.

[Would it have made a difference, he wonders, if he'd known who Sora was then—to him, and to Riku?

He thinks it probably wouldn't.]

So he brought me back to Twilight Town. And that's where DiZ put me in his computer, and made me think I was a normal kid who never heard of the Keyblade. For six days, until everything fell apart and I remembered that everything I thought I had in my life was fake.

[ Wow, that's ... heartbreaking to listen to. She can't imagine going through that herself. And hearing that Riku helped with it ... Well, she knows how Riku is, and she knows how much he cares about Sora. She can't blame him for trying to help, but it sounds like there must've been a fight, if Roxas didn't cooperate (how else would Riku have dealt with that, honestly). She's sure there had to have been a better way.

And messing with his memories? That's going too far. She knows what it's like to forget the things important to her, and she wouldn't wish that on anyone. Maybe it was a way to keep him from running away, or maybe it was something else. She wouldn't know. But regardless of the reason, it wasn't right. Your memories are a part of you that makes you, you. You can't take that away from someone.

So she remains conflicted in her feelings. Knowing her friend had good intentions, and her other friend needed to be saved — but knowing the sacrifice that happened along the way.

She merely looks down as she listens, her eyes lowering a bit once he's done as she thinks about things. ]

I ... I know nothing I can say will make it better. [ How can she? No one can really fix what happened. ] But ... I'm sorry. That wasn't right. [ A small pause. ] I want to make it up to you, somehow. [ Shaking her head. ] But I don't know how.

[Nothing about this makes him feel better. If he were a more vengeful person, maybe it would feel good to expose of all Riku's sins to his best friend and leave her thinking worse of him when he's not awake to explain himself. It might be the only way to pay him back. But Roxas doesn't want to feel like he needs to pay him back—he never wanted any of this, ever.

Maybe it's because Sora's feelings about his friends leaked through when they were together, but he just feels tired and sad now.]

Thanks. It's nice of you to say that. But it's not your job to make it up to me.

[He shakes his head.]

It isn't anyone's, I don't think. All I can do is use the time I have now.

[ Mmnn. She knows it's not her job. It's just her ... want. Kairi isn't good at sitting by and letting things be if those things are sad. She's active and prefers to throw herself into anything she can to help those who need it. She hates being left behind, and really knowing all this happened without her being able to do anything (without her even knowing — living a boring, normal life on the islands while others fought and suffered) doesn't help. ]

I ... I guess so. [ That's all he really can do, right? There's no taking any of that back. ]

Does Sora know about all this?

[They can't go back. The only way is forward, even if he doesn't know where his steps should lead him.]

Yeah. Sora knows.

[And that makes it harder for him, Roxas knows. Caught between two loyalties, even if it wasn't a question of having to choose.]

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memories are awesome (closed)

boi you should run

why!!!

because facing difficult emotions is hard and annoying!!

well time to learn!!

no!!!

yes!!!!

n....nnnn.....no.

y ..... yyyyyy ............ yes

:T

:>

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