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Who: Ianto Jones & John Sheppard
What: Confrontation
When: During the Carnival
Where: The room they have rented in Khalo
Warning(s): dark thoughts, mean words, will update as needed!

It's odd, to be staying in Khalo Village again, after everything they've been through. With the dragon, with the wolves, with Jack... There's a part of Ianto that notes that all these terrible things seem to keep happening to John. And another, darker part of him wishes it would happen to him next instead. Maybe that time there will be no saving him. Maybe that will be better for all of them involved.

He shakes off those thoughts and feelings of melancholy as he climbs his way back up into their treetop room. Maybe it's the carnival itself that's getting to him. The way they've made the story of the dragon into an attraction: entertainment, of sorts. Or maybe it's the fact that the last time he'd been here, he had been... Uncomfortable, sunburnt, sweaty, dehydrated, and terrified of the danger looming on the horizon. But it's also, he reflects, as he pulls himself up to the top of the vine and sits on the edge of the balcony trying to remember how to breathe once more, where he had fallen in love.

Standing to turn to the separate beds behind him, a rock settles itself in his stomach. A rock that Ianto's pretty sure is there to stay, judging by how this last month has gone.

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John is laid out on top of the bed he selected as his own, Seren curled up sleepily beside him as he reads his book. His progress through War and Peace is slow going, but he'd never planned to finish it quickly anyway. The point of picking such a long slog of a book had been to make it last.

His eyes lift at the sound of someone re-entering the accommodation, and John watches Ianto for a long moment as he recovers before dropping his eyes back to the page.

"Welcome back," he offers mildly, "have you been enjoying the festivities?"

There's a lot to learn. He figures, if nothing else, Ianto would probably enjoy the learning part.

Ianto hadn’t known whether to expect John back before him or not. It feels odd, makes him feel off-kilter that they aren’t really communicating enough to have told each other as much already. In another life, he could have imagined walking that carnival with John together. There’s a Ferris wheel, and he knows how the other man likes them.

In another life.

“Yeah, I have,” he answers, crossing to his bed and setting his bag down on it. The answer true enough. He had enjoyed the learning about all the different mythical creatures, that much was certain at least. “I could do without the Khali’s particular brand of life lessons in every tent, though.” Blood crystals, blindfolds, nectar drinks? No thank you.

"Not into being drugged, floral necklaces and blood rituals?"

The scathing cynicism drips pretty obviously from John's words, because no -- he wasn't especially into all that either. Even if had come to nothing, even if it had ultimately ended up seeming harmless it just... isn't John's thing.

Which is sad, in a way, because part of him would have liked to just enjoy a carnival. This feels like cruelty, one set up to tempt him that he can't actually relax and have fun with.

Or maybe he's just not in a good enough mood. Maybe part of it is him.

He scans for the page number he's on then closes the book, picking it up with his good hand to set aside.

Ianto moves to sit on the edge of his bed and glance back over at the other man, wincing as much at his tone of voice as the words themselves, but agreeing with the sentiment, honestly.

"I can't say that I am, really," he agrees. Flicking Seren the ghost of a smile as she sleepily wags at him from across the room, but staying where he is for now, despite his desire to give her a pat hello.

Leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, he runs a hand through his hair before glancing up at John again. "Have you been back long?" he asks, wondering aloud at the other man's position, laid out on the bed, book in his lap. Hating the fact that their conversation is already as awkward as it is.

As Ianto sits down Seren immediately stands up on John's bed, tail wagging. John reaches out to try and steal her attention back, coaxing her into his lap. He knows it's probably petty, but he wants to feel like someone is on his side even if it's just the dog.

"Couple of hours," he admits absently, "most of the entertainments aren't friendly to people with one good arm and I wasn't sure I trusted the food or drink."

So here he is instead, reading with Seren as his company. His fingers slide into the soft ruff of fur around her face and up to rub her ears, and Seren -- easily distracted -- happily turns into the touch.

"Rodney walked around a few with me," he adds, "ran into TJ too."

"Probably wise," Ianto replies. He's not sure he had trusted most of the food or drink out there but he'd made a gamble on the shops away from the carnival itself and it's proving to be so far, so good.

He watches as Seren rises to greet him and John coaxes her out of it and leaves it be. Chewing absently on his lower lip as he listens to John talk. It's good he had the company, he reflects. Even if he could not accompany John himself, it's good that he had other friends with him.

"Learn anything interesting?" he asks, absently. That had been the point of the tents, after all. And he doubts John had been on any of the rides, with that arm.

Learn anything interesting? John makes a thoughtful face at that, still gently ruffling at Seren's fur.

"Oh, sure. The whole phoenix of Olympia thing was news to me. Good to know that Nadril has some suitably creepy associations, too. I figure it's the whole isolated, northern vibe they're going for. Also, it was good to learn that I'm being unfair to you by holding you accountable for stuff. That was news to me too."

So you know, all useful things to find out! Seren shifts her weight and stands slightly more on top of John, who winces and says watch those paws as she fusses. She's heavier than she used to be, and not always delicate.

It's such an abrupt change of topics that Ianto mentally stumbles over it, needing a moment to process just what exactly John had said and where it might have come from. He hadn't implied anything of the sort himself, had he? He sits up straighter, his mouth falling open as he stares at the other man and then it hits him.

TJ. He'd spoken to TJ. Shit.

"John, I..." Ianto finds himself momentarily lost for words. What the hell had she said to him?

John lets himself be momentarily satisfied by Ianto's surprise, making a show of still fussing over Seren still.

"It's interesting, right?" he carries on, as if it's all the same topic. Just a few things John Sheppard happened to learn at the festival. "I mean, I don't remember saying anything like that, but I guess I didn't know there were sides to this whole thing and apparently she was on your side. So, that shows what I know about it all."

Ianto's eyebrows furrow together as John paints more of the picture for him. More of what TJ must have said. About there being sides to this argument, for instance. He presses his eyes shut for a moment, feeling something like a full body wince pass over him, before he can formulate anything of a reply.

"I don't. It isn't like that," he replies, doing the best that he can to keep his voice low, level. "I don't know what she said to you but I didn't. I've never asked her to pick sides, John. And I certainly didn't tell her to say -- any of that."

In fact it had been rather the opposite, as far as he could remember. Blaming himself for the lot of it. Unfair?

It isn't like that.

He didn't tell her to say any of that.

John shoots Ianto a sideways, cynical squint for that.

"Well she got the idea from somewhere," he pushes, "And I haven't spoken to anyone about this so she sure didn't get it from me."

So where did it come from, then? Does TJ read minds now, Ianto? Or is she just making it up, is that what you're suggesting?

Ianto's mouth opens and closes as he struggles to formulate a response.

"Look," he begins, and tries to rein himself in. He's feeling defensive, but he needs to at least sound reasonable. "TJ and I. I spoke to her about -- our situation. But I can assure you that I was... Entirely honest of where the fault should lie. If she's feeling like she needs to defend me in some way, that's -- her decision."

Why are you upset with him over something that she said to you?

Entirely honest about where the fault was. Right.

John gives a cynical, mean sort of smile at that and just flicks his eyes away from Ianto -- back to the book he'd just put down. He loops his arm slightly around Seren to get her to sit then picks it up again and begins to find his page, lofting an eyebrow at it.

"Right," he says mildly, and tries to work out where he was on the page.

Ianto can't help but feel himself bristle at that response. 'Right.' Right? What is that even supposed to -- no, well obviously it's John not believing him, that much is plain. In the other man's body language, and the way that he makes to go about opening his book again.

Makes to go about ignoring him.

"What?" Ianto asks, his voice a little more sharp than he had intended it to be but god damn it, he has been trying. Every damned day, he's been doing nothing but trying his best, and this -- it isn't fair. "Do you really think I've just been going about, smearing you against anyone who'll stop and listen?"

Does he? Not... entirely, but the whole thing from start to finish has wrong-footed John. He didn't expect any of this to begin with, and now he doesn't really know what exactly he should believe. What Ianto really wants, compared to what he's saying he wants.

"You know something," John begins, just as mild and casual. As if he's talking about the weather. "I have no idea what you've said or not said, Ianto. Seeing as how you haven't been saying it to me, and I've been avoiding talking to anyone else about it at all. It's not exactly a topic I'm investigating."

Seeing as how you haven’t been saying it to me.

Ianto bristles at that, because it’s not like he hasn’t said anything to John. But the other man frankly didn’t seem to want to hear any of it, and what else could he do?

“No, John," Ianto counters, unable to keep the defensive edge from his voice. "You've been avoiding it all together. And I've done my best to respect that. Respect your boundaries. But don't be angry that I was miserable, and I just needed to talk to someone, and she was there. If you're going to refuse to believe every single word that comes out of my mouth, then for god's sake. At least believe me on that."

He pushes himself up from the bed to stalk across the room to the end of his bed where he's laid out the rest of his things he didn't need to carry around with him all day at the carnival. He's not entirely sure what he's doing, but he just needs to move.

"Oh, cool, so I'm not allowed to be angry."

Which isn't what Ianto said, not quite, but John is angry. He's angry that he let this happen, that he he against his better judgement he became complacent. That he let Ianto get close enough to hurt him when he should have known better, did know better -- because there's always something. John isn't good at this, and this sort of thing never goes right for guys like him anyway. He should just --

He should just have cut things off cleanly before this mess even got a chance to start.

"Damn it, that is not what I am saying!" Ianto replies, and oh yes, all thoughts and hopes of keeping a civil tone about this conversation have gone out the window at this point. He turns to look back at the other man over his shoulder, hands fisted at his sides as he does.

"If you're angry then damn it, be angry! If you are upset then be upset! What the hell do you expect me to be able to do about any of this if you won't talk to me yourself, John?" he counters.

"Well I'm not the one who ran off after his ex-boyfriend," John counters, and now at least he's closing the book -- lifting his eyes angrily to Ianto. "Or did you figure I'd come get you all along, is that it?"

Did Ianto run away, calculating that John would eventually come for him on his knees no matter what? Well, he supposes he did -- didn't he? He did come running after Ianto, he did come fetch him out of a tree and get his arm mauled for it and now here he is. Seren twitches her ears unhappily and John sets aside the book, gathers her into his chest again with his good arm.

Edited 2019-01-09 23:19 (UTC)

Ianto narrows his eyes in response to the other man's words and resists the urge to allow himself to burst out his protest in turn.

"I didn't run off," he counters. "I left for a few days -- to try and give you the space. Because you seemed to need it. Because you didn't seem to want me around, at the time, and I thought maybe it'd be better to put myself to use. With the city, and the people disappearing. But then I got myself into trouble and yes, alright. I called you."

He frowns at the other man. Hard. Crossing his arms across his chest before continuing to say, "But I didn't force you to come. Not if you hadn't wanted to help. Not if you'd never wanted to see me again."

"No," John says irritably, "I told you that you didn't have to leave. The point was that you didn't have to leave, Ianto, and you left anyway! You went off after him anyway and somehow I'm still the one being unfair. I went crawling after you to help you find him, to make sure you were safe, and I'm somehow still the one being unfair."

Seren licks at his jaw and John turns his face away from her, rubs at her ears with a frown. It's hard to properly channel anger while being licked by a puppy.

"I didn't want to be angry at you," he says finally, but when he lifts his eyes again he's still simmering. It's still there, underneath. "That's why I didn't talk about it."

To anyone, Ianto included. He didn't want to be angry, he wanted to just... somehow, just get over it.

"But you were," Ianto points out. "You are. Angry at me. And I'm not telling you that I don't deserve it, because I do. But for talking to TJ?"

He throws a hand out in the direction of the room's opening, and ostensibly the carnival beyond. Falling silent for the space of a few angry breaths himself as he gathers his thoughts and tries to keep a handle on his emotions before he continues.

"I left to get out of your hair. Because you wouldn't even look at me anymore. Because I figured we could use a little time. But I never factored Jack into it. As soon as you left, I texted him and I told him -- everything about us. Everything that I should have said when I first saw him and I didn't. And I didn't even speak to the man while I was gone. Hell -- I haven't even spoken to him since, John! Would you just--" He presses his lips together firmly, before forcing himself to continue the thought aloud. "Would you stop with bringing him into this? I was never going back to him. Certainly not if it meant losing you."

"Never?" John prompts, incredulous. "So you've never thought about him just, turning up and offering to make a life with you again? Never thought about him offering your job back and taking you on a date? Never thought about, oh I dunno, kissing him and hearing all about where he went when he left you behind?"

He doesn't believe that. Maybe -- maybe Ianto has come to the decision now, maybe he's accepted he doesn't want that, doesn't need that more accurately. Never, though? John feels like that isn't true. Some part of Ianto did still want Harkness in his life, however small and briefly, and John isn't so sure he'd never be tempted again if the man turned up like nothing happened.

Ianto's hackles rise in response to the other man's words. It's not fair, when he has been trying so hard to make things right. So hard to work to put the pieces back together, to be accused...

"Have you never loved anyone before, John?" Ianto spits back at him. "Do you really think that it's just so easy as that? Oh, well, they're gone now, might as well forget they've ever existed in the first." Ianto's words are sharp and biting, and he can feel them cutting himself as he chokes them out at the other man.

"If it were Lisa who had appeared on the ship instead, would you hate me this much for admitting to the fact that I still love her too?"

Have you never loved anyone, John?

John's fingers curl for a moment, bracing himself against the blow. Ianto hasn't denied it, hasn't denied that he thought about Harkness taking him back.

"You think what you want," he says finally, and he knows it sounds bitter. Maybe he is bitter. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe he has nothing but bitterness, maybe there's so much wrong with him that none of his reactions are normal anymore. "You want to make me the villain, you go ahead."

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