[ her lips twitch upward, but it can't constitute as a smile when it's hollow, refusing to meet her eyes. it feels like she should make the attempt for bellamy's sake, even if she knows it doesn't matter whether she's openly vulnerable. she's dragged him through this entire day and it seemingly hasn't perturbed him aside from a few (more than a few, but who's really counting?) rolls of his eyes; in comparison, the dismal nature of her expression should be less of a nuisance. ]

I don't not want to be here.

[ would she prefer home to olympia? she can't say, and it doesn't feel right to choose. she loves izzy and simon as much as she cares for the friends she's made here, after all. it's an impossible choice to make in regards to preference. ]

I didn't have much going for me back home, anyway. [ her mother, jace, dot, elliot, valentine and johnathan and the family she might have had if circumstances were different — all of them are gone. she'd had izzy, simon, luke, but all of those sacrifices and slaughters have a way of taking their toll. ] It's just — I didn't think anything or anyone else could possibly be taken from me, and then I wind up here. Down the rabbit hole for the second time.

[ maybe she's bitter, but that still hasn't changed her perspective, somehow, even if that resentment bleeds through in moments like these. her hand settles over his at her arm as she tips her head back into the couch. ]

But I can't hate any of it. I wouldn't want to forget everyone I've met here, not even for the chance to go home.