nysalogs | ( CLOSED )

That's not it.

[ in comparison, infecting him is a small worry in the grand scheme. she runs a hand through her hair, clearly frustrated, before exhaling heavily through her nose. ]

I have a target on my back. [ that's the easiest explanation, though she has her doubts that will be easily accepted and acknowledged, too. ] And I'd like for you to keep it off of yours. Is that so much to ask for?

[Clearly, Clary's already got his number, because that just gets Bellamy to lean forward, expression growing even more serious.]

What are you talking about?

[ in some circumstances, withholding information has been necessary; in others, it's been nothing but a hindrance. she understands and sympathizes that more than most after every secret she'd been fed by her mother unraveled, but that truth doesn't make it less harrowing to share what she knows.

she glowers for all of a moment (a handful of seconds, more precisely), but even conveying that disapproval and exasperation is brief. ]

I'm being followed.

[ short, sweet, and to the point. she doesn't add that she's convinced she's being followed, or that she feels like she's bound to go insane from it; even she can't handle acknowledging that much. ]

Someone from home showed up. He's — [ insane. psychotic. obsessed, to some degree. none of those feel fitting, and so she swallows them down and ignores the bitter taste in her mouth. ] Just let me handle it.

[In all honesty, if Clary was really insistent that she wanted to handle it, Bellamy would back off. He'd worry, but she's competent and smart and a hell of a lot stronger than he is, but this is an exception.]

Clary, look. I know you could throw me through that wall if you wanted, but you're sick.

[ she very much could, but she can't take pride in that fact in the current context. whatever infection that's been spreading has left her feeling remarkably listless, useless, and not even the reminder of her own strength versus that of bellamy's can lessen that frustration toward herself. ]

I don't think he wants to kill me.

[ would he, if he felt the compulsion? yes, she has very little doubt of that after knowing just what he's capable of, but want and would aren't the same thing. ]

You would be in more danger than I am, Bellamy.

[ because it's always been twisted games with johnathan. she knows that now, even if she'd wanted to believe better of him, once. ]

[She doesn't think he wants to kill her. Bellamy frowns, but it's clear concern rather than annoyance.]

Who the hell is this guy?

His name is Johnathan. [ but that isn't technically what bellamy asked, and johnathan had still been wearing sebastian's skin. it stands to reason disguising what he looks like beneath — burned, scarred and as twisted as his own mind — will continue to be hidden here, too. a long pause follows that before she adds, with just a tinge of bitterness, ] My brother.

[Ah. Well, shit. He reaches for her shoulder, squeezing gently.]

Clary, you don't need to feel like you have to do this alone.

[ her smile is subtle but understandably brief. the reminder that she isn't alone is almost soothing, though she isn't so sure it's necessarily true. ]

Don't I?

[ bellamy is unforgettably human, and johnathan is — johnathan. stronger than her, stronger than valentine, stronger than most shadowhunters she's encountered. knowing how easily he could tear through her friends in some vengeful, temperamental fit isn't comforting. ]

You have no idea what he's capable of.

Then tell me. Just tell me what's going on.

[He'll listen, and maybe he'll even back off a little.]

It's not that easy.

[ it doesn't have to be so difficult, either, but — well, clary's quickly come to learn bellamy blake is the very definition of difficult. even knowing who jonathan is, what jonathan is, doesn't seem likely to deter him much. ]

Jonathan is — he's sick. [ twisted out of shape by valentine's machinations, broken, cruel. ] I thought he could be saved once, but...

[ but jace had been right, even if clary isn't inclined to blame it on the demon blood in his veins.]

I was wrong. I know that now. [ dot had suffered for it. jace had suffered for it. she had suffered for that belief, that need to prove that jonathan was only acting on valentine's orders, but she swallows that guilt and pushes it to the side. ] He's stronger than you. Stronger than me. There's nothing you can do.

[Bellamy is studying her, but he doesn't try to argue, just listens.]

Where have you seen him?

[ though brief, she visibly hesitates, already aware of how her answer might be perceived. ]

Everywhere. During the day, at night. Outside — [ and most troubling of all, ] and inside. Locks won't keep him out.

[ she's tried it, just the same, from how utterly secure and locked tight the doors and windows are. ]

[Yeah, that sure is... Something.]

Can he do the same things you can? Is that possible?

Maybe even more. Neither of us are exactly normal.

[ explaining the mechanics of that is bound to be a headache when bellamy mostly understands it as 'magic'. ]

So he can... What? Teleport behind locked doors?

[ her mouth twitches, but to her credit, she doesn't quite smile or laugh. the current conversation understandably puts a damper on that. ]

Jonathan has demon blood. For people like us, that's unprecedented. [ angel and demon blood: a dangerous concoction. who would have thought. ] I don't know if he can or can't. Valentine kept journals from Jonathan's childhood, but I don't have those here with me.

[That's not exactly the answer he was hoping for, but knowing that Clary isn't sure what he's capable of only makes Bellamy more insistent on being involved.]

We'll figure this out, Clary. Let me help.

Listen to me.

[ any frustration she has is muted, a softer form of insistence now when she makes a grab for both of his hands, like that contact will secure his focus. ]

He's killed people. [ dot, elliot. jace and max would have both been added to the list, if not for izzy. more than just the people she knows, if valentine's talk of his childhood kills is based in reality. ] I'm not going to pretend to know what you might have been through, or where you come from, but —

[ she squeezes, like that gesture will confirm she doesn't mean to be insulting. ]

You're human. I'm not. Jonathan isn't. It's my job to protect you, not the other way around.

[ because her world might be gone, but that doesn't mean her duty as a shadowhunter is. ]

It's not your job. Don't put that on yourself.

[Because he knows exactly what effect that has on a person. It almost got him killed countless times. He squeezes her hands, voice low and serious.]

Can you handle him now? As sick as you are?

Technically? It is.

[ they aren't discussing semantics, despite that, though that isn't the only reason she bites back an argument. it would be pointless, a waste of time, in the grand scheme of things. ]

If it comes to that, I'll have to try.

[ she isn't going to lie, even if it isn't what either of them want to hear. it might not be a guarantee, but that hasn't stopped her before. ]

[His gaze is steady, serious. He doesn't know how to get through to her. He's not sure he can.]

And if he overpowers you and kills you?

Then I guess he overpowers me and kills me. I don't know how you expect to stop that from happening.

[ for once, it isn't a poorly timed joke — or even sarcasm, for that matter. it's spoken as somberly as it should be, but without the fear someone might expect. ]

What he might do to me doesn't scare me, anyway.

[ not like it should, but fear hasn't stopped her from much. if anything, it's been more of a motivator than an obstacle. ]

[God, she is so infuriatingly stubborn. He shakes his head, clearly frustrated, but this isn't working, so maybe honesty will.]

Yeah, well, it scares me.

[ that degree of honesty gives her pause with how unexpected it feels. pointing out that he shouldn't be won't alleviate any concern, and debating further seems futile; as a result, she's rendered silent while she tries to think of something, anything, to say in return. ]

You can't just throw yourself into the fire because you're afraid of what might happen to me, Bellamy.

[ well, he can, but it's not advisable. ]

( CLOSED )

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