Closed Log: A Blessed Entourage

[fuelthefire]

Who: Zer0 (gh0stamidstthec0mbat) & Krieg (fuelthefire)
What: Quest: A Blessed Entourage
When: Early January
Where: The road between Olympia and Wyver
Warning(s): This log rated "A" for "Assholes". Alternatively: Violence, some strong language, and the unsettling ramblings of a madman

What had sounded like a hugely boring escort mission with some small promise of interest (Maybe an ambush?) had, so far, turned out to be a hugely boring escort mission without one single ambush. The noble's bodyguard and young servant, the prime suspects fingered by the Olympian Temples as potential ambush instigators, had turned out to be two incredibly okay people who Krieg and Zer0 both rather liked. And, also, unless one of them was a very good actor, completely innocent of the crime of organizing an ambush against their employer.

Krieg and Zer0 knew. They'd straight up asked.

The attitude and behavior of Lord Fancy Pants of Stick-Up-His-Assington thus far had been far more suspicious than anything said or done by their traveling companions, although admittedly both Krieg and Zer0 were inclined toward suspicion of rich assholes - It was practically ingrained after dealing with all of Handsome Jack's bullshit on Pandora. And while this particular rich asshole isn't actually anywhere close to being in Jack's league of guilded douchebaggery, he's still bad enough the assassin and the psycho have passed some time sharing half-baked ideas for separating him from his vital organs between themselves.

Frustrated, bored, and frankly more than a little irritated by the lack of fighting practically promised by the Temple when they'd agreed to take on this job, Krieg is ecstatic that the plan they've devised to get to the bottom of this whole "fake death threat" thing involve's fighting Zer0.

Well. Zer0's decoy.

Which isn't quite as good as actually fighting the assassin (actually, it's not as good at all), but he'll take what he can get at this point. While Zer0's busy being a sneaky ninja, it's Krieg's job to be the Loud Distracting Meat Man, which is a job he is very good at.

"I CAN'T WAIT TO TASTE YOUR LUNGS!"

It's time to pretend to beat up a hologram.

Comments

[gh0stamidstthec0mbat]

Zer0 is kind of a master of deception. It's kind of his whole deal. SO YEAH, good call, Krieg.

Zer0's first priority usually isn't money anyway, so ignoring that in favor of helping their new buddies is no biggie.

"Fair point. Maybe we should fill them in and see where it goes from there."

[fuelthefire]

Krieg knows his strengths, and he knows his friends' strengths. It's why teamwork makes the dream work, buddy!!

"Mngh. Yeah, okay."

It would probably be good to get the others' input, since they sort of have a bigger stake in how this whole thing turns out than Krieg and Zer0 do, what with their actual livelihoods in the balance and all.

With that decided, Krieg turns and heads back to the campfire, expecting Zer0 will follow. When he reaches the fireside, he pats his pockets briefly and withdraws what appears to be a crayon. Implement of destruction in hand, he sits down next to the servant kid, and goes to work on one of the papers he failed to return to Zer0.

He's leaving it up to the assassin to explain what's going down, since of the two of them Zer0's the one that doesn't have some kind of weird, complicated, nipple-centric Tourette's.

[gh0stamidstthec0mbat]

Zer0 follows, all right. Zer0 follows and almost reaches to snatch Krieg's paper back. Then he decides that whatever Krieg's about to do with the paper is going to be a hundred times more interesting than what's already on it, so he just lets it go. Have fun drawing dongs or whatever all over it, buckeroo. Like honestly Zer0's probably folding one of the pages he still has into a paper airplane so just go nuts.

But first. Zer0 sits his ass down between the kid and the bodyguard and motions for them to lean in so he can show off their findings while Krieg works on his ART. The meeting of the brain trust + Krieg is underway. Why would Vanderhorn go through this sort of trouble? Is the ambush even a real thing that's totally going to happen? If so, is there a different target for all this shit or is Vanderhorn just being an annoying prick? Also imagine that this is all in haiku.

[fuelthefire]

Zer0 is the best at haikus. What a nerd. Listen to him go. Everything is fairly peaceful for a minute or two while Zer0 composes on-the-spot poetry and Krieg defaces Vanderhorn's household accounts or whatever this paper with all the lists and numbers is, but only a minute or two, because, well, somebody has discovered that his precious papers have gone missing.

Vanderhorn comes slamming out of his cozy little weenie wagon, flinging accusations and demands left and right. His loud, entitled rich person voice instantly raises Krieg's hackles. He's ready to leap up in an instant and relieve the man of his vocal cords, but he holds off just long enough to see what Zer0 does. They've outlined their game, and are aiming for the optimal outcome: Keep their new buddies alive, get paid, then...whatever happens after that. Slicing open the guy's larynx right now will (probably) all but ensure Goal 1, but immediately negates any possibility of achieving Goal 2. Although neither of them have great impulse control, Zer0's is a little better than Krieg's, so he'll see where that takes them.

[gh0stamidstthec0mbat]

Zer0 is actually content to let Vanderhorn carry on for a moment. He even leans forward a bit and props his elbows up on his knees, resting his chin in his hands, just watching this clown like it's the best entertainment he's had in months. It's not quite as amusing as Jack's meltdown had been after they'd all killed the Warrior, but it's up there.

He doesn't sit there for too long though, he's sure that Krieg is about ready to hop up and introduce this fool's skull to his buzzaxe. Zer0 kind of wants to prevent that, at least for a little longer, so he stands up to kick this all off. Papers in hand, he strolls on over to Vanderhorn, tosses an arm around his shoulders like this is the most casual interaction ever, and kind of slaps the papers right into Vanderhorn's chest.

Then he flashes an obnoxious smiley emote, because of course he does.

"Hey there, buddy boy, / You dropped your whole shopping list. / How clumsy of you."

The smiley emote actually seems to be growing in size a bit, as if to emphasize just how intense the shiteating grin it's meant to convey would be. It is pretty intense.