nysalogs | AND SUDDENLY THE WORLD HAS CHANGED;

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AND SUDDENLY THE WORLD HAS CHANGED;

Who: Diana Prince (

wondie) & various!
What: Diana has returned from her canon update. Catch all for her new threads!
When: 15th and onward
Where: Olympia, maybe on Thesa a bit
Warning(s): sadness...

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( it's true, that she looks much like she could collapse and fall to pieces, that perhaps she's not without her weaknesses after all. she winces at the apology, because it's so like him and yet somehow reminders of him are still painful instead of powerful. how long will it take to convince her wearied heart that he isn't gone in this strange world, that there's no need to wrench and leap just to think of him?

Diana doesn't have to ask to know Steve is sorry to have left her. sorry that she has had to face all the memories he might have liked to protect her from. would this be easier now, if he'd told her then? honestly, Diana isn't even sure. none of what she'd lived on Natha had mattered when she returned to stasis, she'd lived it all over like she'd never even been, watched a speck on the horizon turning into a fireball and walked past the bodies of an entire village she'd fought so hard to protect,
that and more. a centuries worth of atrocities lived in her thoughts, now.

he takes a few steps toward her and for a moment she's paralyzed to her spot by the door, before the last ounce of strength she has left is abolished for meeting him before he can reach her. the touch he extends is gentle, careful — hers is heavy and tight, like she expects him to be wrenched away if she lets go. it's funny how she's imagined what she would say to Steve if she'd ever had the chance to talk to him again, and yet the words seem to fail her now. )

I know, ( because she knows that he'd struggled with it, she'd seen it. perhaps she should have known well enough to ask. her voice is slightly muffled by the rumpled fabric of his shirt. she isn't ready to let him go just yet, though, so he'll have to deal with it. it takes her a long while to speak again, as if she needs to bolster herself up to the words; or just to give herself enough time to trust her senses that he was actually there. ) When I woke up this almost felt like a dream, that you were here and with me again. Even with... ( she pulls back only enough to brush fingers at the snowflake pendant she'd kept on her beyond training since he'd given it to her. ) It still didn't feel real. You've been gone for so long, Steve. I couldn't imagine that you could be here, when I've been alone for so long.

( she lifts her hands to touch his face, the scruff she'd never seen on him before, the lines near his mouth that deepened when he smiled, with fear and awe all at once. the blue of his eyes are familiar, yet like a faded whisper in her memory just as much as the man she'd fallen asleep next to three days ago. the jumble of both is a hateful combination. it brings up the last moment she had with him, the things said she'd never been able to answer. almost unbidden, she feels she has to now. ) I love you. A hundred years I've loved you, and a hundred years I've had to wonder if you knew, before you left me. ( whether he did or not, he knows now. it's not a joyful proclamation, it's a painful one, loving him has been a wound for longer than it had been her wings. )

[ Diana can hold him in silence for as long as she likes, it's not like Steve isn't doing the exact same thing to her once he can tell she's comfortable with it and for the moment, he doesn't know what else to say other than sorry. He avoids apologizing any more times so the words don't lose all meaning and waits until she's ready to speak. He half expects Diana to be angry or upset the same way her eyes glistened back in that watch tower in their world, when she refused to give any more than she already had to help stop the war. Maybe not angry or upset with him, but at the situation.

To his relief, she's touching his face with tenderness and Steve lets out a breath he'd been holding, that sick feeling in his stomach starting to subside. She confirms the worries he had that a lot of time could have passed whenever she returned, though his eyes go wide when he hears how long exactly. A hundred years and she still remembered him. A hundred years she'd remained in love with him. He can't begin to imagine how painful those years must have been when Steve has been suffering after only three days. ]

I felt it that night in Veld. [ They hadn't just had sex; there had been so much love in that room, shared between them. They hadn't talked about it - there hadn't been time and maybe Steve knew it was unlikely he'd survive and didn't want to get his hopes up for a future with Diana. He hadn't known Diana very long but he'd been certain he wanted to stick by Diana's side to the end of his days, and he still wanted that. ]

You've really loved me for that long? [ Steve is torn between smiling and his heart breaking for her. As much as he'd fretted in her absence that she'd come back treating him as nothing more than a memory she didn't want to relive, he would have preferred her to have moved on because that's all her cares about at the end of the day - her happiness. He'd rather a hundred years of her being happy with someone else than missing him miserably, though that isn't to say he could have done the same if their roles were reversed. ]

I never left - I've always been with you. Maybe not physically but... [ He presses his hand against her chest, where her heart is beating underneath it. Here, in her heart he's always been. ] I love you too, I -

[ He stops mid-sentence to kiss her, unable to hold back any longer. And he's never kissed her or anyone as desperately before, but it would have been the kiss he stopped himself from giving her before running towards that plane promising death. ]

( she might have expected to be angry herself. this might be easier if she were angry. Diana finds a sort of power in her righteous anger, sometimes it overwhelms her and keeps her moving when nothing else can. sadness does nothing but defeat her, and yet she can't shake it so easily, even with the reality that he's here in her arms it's hard to shake the grief of losing him.

she's glad he knew, that's a relief to a question left unanswered for a century. still, she wishes she could have had the chance to tell him. that she'd have been able to say the words. she wouldn't have thought it'd be so important until she had to grieve him with the knowledge she'd never get the chance. )

I'll never stop. ( maybe it'd have been easier if she'd tried, if Diana had not held him in her heart so ferociously. still, when his memory was all she had left of him, she'd clung to it desperately. her eyes press closed at the idea he'd always been with her, shaking her head. ) You would not have been proud if you could have seen me. ( closing herself off, turning from people that needed her, living on the fringe of society — barely living at all. she's glad he wasn't able to see the life she'd pursued without him. it'd been nothing like the happy little existence they'd chatted about in Vale, almost intentionally so.

the hand pressed to her heart will surely feel the way it races at confirmation of something she already surely knows. truly hearing it is so much more than speculating at words whispered in the metallic ring in her ears. Diana tastes the salt of her tears in the kiss, yet even if it hurts she can't let go. it aches, and yet the touch of him, the reality of his lips on hers and his arms around her, is a salve she hasn't had access to in a lifetime.

he kisses her with a desperation she's never felt from him, not in their time in their own world nor this one. yet it's met with the same sharpness and neediness. she's missed him for so long, and if she can tell him how much in a kiss, the way she holds him as close and tight as she can. )

[ The kiss probably would have lasted a lot longer than it had if Diana hadn't sounded so ashamed of herself. To hear her suggest that if he'd witnessed her through the years she was without him, he might have loved her a lot less, or stopped loving her at all, a shell of her former self... Steve can't let a comment like that leave her lips and not defend her. ]

Diana... [ Taking a breath after the kiss, he sighs her name fondly, thumbing her cheek. ] I'm so proud to know you. You went up against your mother, the Queen of the Amazons, to help stop a war you didn't have to involve yourself in. You completely ignored me when I said crossing No Man's Land was impossible and actually did it. You went looking for Ares and you found him. [ The list goes on and on as to the things she's done that has made him proud to have met her and want to tell others what she's accomplished, the same way someone wants to share the story of a hero and have it be passed on to future generations. ]

And maybe you have a century of regrets... but everyone does. [ Including Steve - most definitely Steve. ] It's what makes you human. [ Not a god-killer or a princess but a woman he fell into a crazy situation with and fell in love with along the way. ] When it comes to feeling proud of you, I'll never stop.

( it would have been easier to dive into his lips and his touch and ignore the rest. she should have known that Steve Trevor wouldn't let her. it's the same unhealthy evasion she's made her mainstay for decades. her fingers brush at the back of his neck as she winces at his words, looking down with eyes forced shut. )

That girl you loved isn't the woman I grew to be. Not for so long. I turned away from war when the world decided to try its hand at a second. And so many after that. ( world war II, korean, biafra, vietnam, congo... and countless more. could she have stopped any wars that humans insisted on making? likely not. she still could have tried to save more than just herself. ) The one that fought for everyone that needed it died when you did. For longer than I'm proud to admit, Steve. I'm trying to remember who she was but it might be a century too late.

( she gives him a pained smile, hands slowly sinking from the back of his neck to press at his chest. the blind faith he has in her is absolutely familiar, yet somehow it no longer feels deserved. she wishes she could tell him that she kept fighting as vehemently as she had straight from Themyscira. the truth is uglier, that slowly she'd hardened herself to a world crying out in pain when she might have done something instead of nothing. how could he be proud of that? )

You don't know who I am now, not anymore. As much as I'd like you to. ( it hurts her to say it, but it's the truth. he died and time kept moving and while her body wore no proof of the fact, she'd changed in the hundred years she'd lived without him. ) I hope you will think the same when you do.

[ It's funny how when he first met Diana and the days in which they fought together, she filled him with such hope, yet now it's as though the tables have turned and Steve is the one less cynical than she is. It's a little startling to say the least, but one of the many things Diana taught him was not to lose faith. ]

Okay. [ He succumbs, seeing her point. He is never too stubborn to admit when he could be wrong about something. A century is bound to change anyone and it would be naive to think she was the same woman she was a hundred years ago. Too many things would have happened to have not changed her in some way and he has so much to catch up, some of which she might not feel comfortable to talk about. But his feelings for her run far too deeply for him to simply walk away from what they had - have. He's pretty sure his friends would never allow it. They've seen how much Diana makes him happy; they've seen how much being without her makes him feel absolutely miserable as well... ]

Okay, then... will you let me get to know you again?

[ It's very Steve to ask her that, so considerate of her feelings. For all he knew, maybe she didn't want to go back down this road with him again and finally move on. Maybe this was her moment of closure, to finally let him go... ]

( it is like him to ask, isn't it? it makes her smile even though her heart would have thought she'd forgotten how. it's sad and bittersweet but it is still there — it's true, he makes her happy, he always has. she's not sure she's brave enough to believe that he always will, if only because she's already lost him once. )

Yes. Of course you can. I want you to. ( in fact, even with the pain between them, Diana would be a fool to refuse him. Steve would never know how many times she'd wished they could have had a chance at something that extinguished so suddenly. given the opportunity to be with him again, even with her fears and misgivings, no part of her wants to refuse him. Diana simply wants him to know the woman he loved is not the battle-scarred, life-hardened product of time that stands before him now. she's afraid as he is that it will make things different between them, yet if someone's feelings might change...

there is no chance they will be hers, after holding him in her heart for a century. Steve should get the chance to decide for himself if he loves her still, after the mistakes she's made, after falling so far away from the girl he'd found so inspiring. she hopes he will. she prays that her steps back towards believing might be enough. that is for him to decide, in the end. not her. )

We have more time. I don't want to waste it any more now than I did then. ( a few weeks for him, a little more, perhaps. more than a lifetime for her, yet she's still certain. if anything, she's more certain. she knows now what she stands to lose, she's already lost it and mourned it. it makes her all the more determined to hold on to what they could have now. )

Thank you. [ He couldn't sound more grateful for her not pushing him away. Bruce had warned him that she could come back different but wouldn't elaborate how, simply telling him to see for himself.

Speaking of Bruce... ]

Have you seen Bruce yet? He's been a mess without you, too. [ They had leaned on each other in her absence. He'd had Richie and Clark to turn to for support as well, but it was only Bruce who seemed to really understand him, feeling the same pain without her. ]

He already found me.

( the bond they shared made it obvious, likely enough, when she was awake and when she was not. beyond that, Bruce Wayne had made it a habit to find her. it can't surprise Diana any longer when he does. that reunion had been a little easier than this one, in the end; Bruce had been in her most recent of memories, walking side by side into a mansion that would one day be their base of operations. it wasn't as jarring to see him as it had the man she'd lost a century prior.

Bruce is a conversation they can have at another time, though. right now, Steve is what she wants to focus on. she reaches for his hands, holding them near her heart as she takes him in for possibly the hundredth time since walking in the door. when will it feel real again? ) I'll tell you everything you want to know, I promise you, but for now I just want to be with you.

( it doesn't matter to her how, as long as they're together. )

Of course he did. [ Steve should have known and he's relieved Bruce found her first. He feels like it would have been far too overwhelming if it was his face she woke up to before anyone else's... ]

Let's sit. [ They can't keep standing in the hallway together - well, they could, but he's tired from lack of sleep and for someone who just woke up, Diana looks like she could do with some rest too. Steve will just lead her by the hand into the living room and sit on the couch, encouraging Diana to make herself comfortable against him. It doesn't take long for him to start feeling sleepy, shifting to a more horizontal position on the couch, making enough room for Diana to lie down and nestle into him. ]

Sorry for being such an old man but if I don't nap right now I'm gonna be sleeping for days... [ He sounds so apologetic, like he thinks he's being really rude right now, but it's as though his body is finally allowing him to rest now Diana is home. ] I'll be half an hour at the most. [ Wrong - he'll be sleeping for hours. He's got three nights of sleep to catch up on. ]

( yes, they could. somehow it doesn't strike her to move, it doesn't strike her to do much of anything. the shock of adjusting him back into her senses is taking its toll. she's not as clear headed as she usually is, yet Diana has no sense of regret or shame for it.

when he guides her to the sofa, she climbs into a spot next to him, a position far less proper and detached than she's frequented in what feels like decades, and yet memories of a few days linger to remind her it has both been that long and not at all. she winds arms around him and presses a dark head to his chest, shaking it barely in protest at the assertion she'd think him old. )

You are far from old. ( he was young, unbelievably young, like the picture she remembers of him standing near a plane. all smiles and youth and promise, a memory of who he'd been at the start of the war. war aged everyone, yet Diana can't see him as old when she knows his life had barely been a raindrop in a storm before it had ended.

she holds him a little closer at the thought. perhaps he will have more time now. perhaps they both will. she doesn't move or fidget as he fades, just holding him close and focusing on the steady beat of his heart. he'd likely assume she'd fallen asleep with him, yet it feels she's slept for a hundred years, she can't fathom another moment. instead she focuses on his presence beside her, and when he falls asleep proper she shifts just enough to look him in the face and run fingers that almost shake through his hair and along his features.

when he wakes, though, she'll be sleeping beside him as she did before she left. )

Edited 2018-02-18 21:52 (UTC)

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AND SUDDENLY THE WORLD HAS CHANGED;

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wrapping up that other thread on your tag c:

sounds good my love!

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wrap here!!