Riku ("Ansem") (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guidetoblivion) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
nysalogs2018-01-17 02:55 pm
guidetoblivion) wrote in nysalogs2018-01-17 02:55 pm
Entry tags:
[open]
Who: Riku (guidetoblivion) & Open
What: Riku has a breakdown, gets a permanent job and other shenanigans
When: first prompt is backdated to Christmas Day, the rest take place during January
Where: Thesa station, Wyver
Warning(s): Sadness, overuse of the word "Darkness"
[ A – Stasis Unit | Christmas Day, backdated to more or less right after this thread | open ]
[Riku would have come here anyway, he will figure later, to visit Sora and Kairi and spent a moment on thinking about everything that's transpired to get them to the point they are at now (a year past, at Christmas, he had sat at the foot of Sora's pod in the mansion of Twilight Town and done exactly that too).
Now, he tries to keep his thoughts in order as he races a long the corridors of the Stasis Unit, head turning from side to side as though he was searching faces, looking for someone familiar. It's been over a year and a half since he's last seen them, since he left the Islands behind… but he knows, he'd know his parents anywhere.
Would surely recognizes the sense of their hearts the same way he'll always recognize Sora or Kairi.
He doesn't find them.
Hours later, he finally stops looking when he stumbles across one particular person in stasis – slightly out of breath, disbelieve open on his face; he's heard that sometimes even people who are supposed to be dead were rescued by the Natha, but–]
Of all the people-
[His hands clench just at the scent of Zexion's darkness, he can feel bile rising in his throat as memories replay before his mind's eye ("And who threw away those friends? Maybe it's your own actions that you've forgotten. You destroyed your home!") – and maybe it's not his fault this time; nobody has been able to do anything about the Storm, but–
The smell of Darkness is so thick around him, the shadows darkening around him, a noise of rage and despair strangling in his throat – he hardly notices the way his left hand pulls back, black-blue fire sparking at his palm–
Then abruptly, he extinguishes the flame and lets himself sink to the ground, one knee drawing up before he drops his forehead against it.
It would be so easy, a faint buzz in the back of his heart whispers, to become somebody else. To shed 'Riku' for a different face, that nobody knows yet, for powers that are stronger than his owns, that might even help put an end to the Storm if he just were to use them to their full extend… and maybe then all the thoughts, the pain will end.
All he has to do is to slip off the damn blindfold and give himself to Ansem's Darkness for good.
Riku doesn't.
Instead he tries to let his breathing calm down, in spite of the anger he still feels at the unfairness of it all – he's known that there had to be many lives lost despite the Natha's attempts to save as many as possible, but it hadn't felt personal until now, until he's realized that he hadn't been able to find one single familiar face from the Islands aside of Sora and Kairi.
After a moment he reaches into his coat's pocket, pulling out a spherical object and turning it in his hands.]
…Maybe I have a use for this after all.
[ B – Altar of Volkkra | mid-January | open to visitors and other employees ]
[Admittedly, when Riku had decided to sign up with the Altar he hadn't quite expected the cleaning chores coming his way, but ultimately he has to admit that it makes sense… he is the lowest on the ladder as far as workers go and he can see how a vast labyrinth like the main temple would need constant upkeep.
He does his work without complaints, coming in during the early morning and immediately reaching for his broom while he makes his way through the endless seeming corridors. Maybe in a few weeks he'll stop getting lost all the time, he thinks. Hopes, really.
In the late afternoon, he always makes sure to put an hour or three into studying the old scrolls the shamans allow him access to, fingers carefully running across the scripts as he tries to deceiver the dusty language used by the Wyver. Magic theory is a dry subject, but it's something he's certainly never been taught… and just maybe, that will be the key to helping him grow better
Whether you come across him while he's busy with either task – he'll always be up to showing any visitors around (hopefully without getting them lost too badly)… or for a chat with a fellow co-workers.]
[ C – Wyver/Wildcard | January | open ]
[When he isn't cleaning or studying, Riku can sometimes be caught on small errants around the North End, or sitting on top of the hut he's rented in the Old City, watching the night sky... perhaps come by to say hello?]
guidetoblivion) & Open What: Riku has a breakdown, gets a permanent job and other shenanigans
When: first prompt is backdated to Christmas Day, the rest take place during January
Where: Thesa station, Wyver
Warning(s): Sadness, overuse of the word "Darkness"
[ A – Stasis Unit | Christmas Day, backdated to more or less right after this thread | open ]
[Riku would have come here anyway, he will figure later, to visit Sora and Kairi and spent a moment on thinking about everything that's transpired to get them to the point they are at now (a year past, at Christmas, he had sat at the foot of Sora's pod in the mansion of Twilight Town and done exactly that too).
Now, he tries to keep his thoughts in order as he races a long the corridors of the Stasis Unit, head turning from side to side as though he was searching faces, looking for someone familiar. It's been over a year and a half since he's last seen them, since he left the Islands behind… but he knows, he'd know his parents anywhere.
Would surely recognizes the sense of their hearts the same way he'll always recognize Sora or Kairi.
He doesn't find them.
Hours later, he finally stops looking when he stumbles across one particular person in stasis – slightly out of breath, disbelieve open on his face; he's heard that sometimes even people who are supposed to be dead were rescued by the Natha, but–]
Of all the people-
[His hands clench just at the scent of Zexion's darkness, he can feel bile rising in his throat as memories replay before his mind's eye ("And who threw away those friends? Maybe it's your own actions that you've forgotten. You destroyed your home!") – and maybe it's not his fault this time; nobody has been able to do anything about the Storm, but–
The smell of Darkness is so thick around him, the shadows darkening around him, a noise of rage and despair strangling in his throat – he hardly notices the way his left hand pulls back, black-blue fire sparking at his palm–
Then abruptly, he extinguishes the flame and lets himself sink to the ground, one knee drawing up before he drops his forehead against it.
It would be so easy, a faint buzz in the back of his heart whispers, to become somebody else. To shed 'Riku' for a different face, that nobody knows yet, for powers that are stronger than his owns, that might even help put an end to the Storm if he just were to use them to their full extend… and maybe then all the thoughts, the pain will end.
All he has to do is to slip off the damn blindfold and give himself to Ansem's Darkness for good.
Riku doesn't.
Instead he tries to let his breathing calm down, in spite of the anger he still feels at the unfairness of it all – he's known that there had to be many lives lost despite the Natha's attempts to save as many as possible, but it hadn't felt personal until now, until he's realized that he hadn't been able to find one single familiar face from the Islands aside of Sora and Kairi.
After a moment he reaches into his coat's pocket, pulling out a spherical object and turning it in his hands.]
…Maybe I have a use for this after all.
[ B – Altar of Volkkra | mid-January | open to visitors and other employees ]
[Admittedly, when Riku had decided to sign up with the Altar he hadn't quite expected the cleaning chores coming his way, but ultimately he has to admit that it makes sense… he is the lowest on the ladder as far as workers go and he can see how a vast labyrinth like the main temple would need constant upkeep.
He does his work without complaints, coming in during the early morning and immediately reaching for his broom while he makes his way through the endless seeming corridors. Maybe in a few weeks he'll stop getting lost all the time, he thinks. Hopes, really.
In the late afternoon, he always makes sure to put an hour or three into studying the old scrolls the shamans allow him access to, fingers carefully running across the scripts as he tries to deceiver the dusty language used by the Wyver. Magic theory is a dry subject, but it's something he's certainly never been taught… and just maybe, that will be the key to helping him grow better
Whether you come across him while he's busy with either task – he'll always be up to showing any visitors around (hopefully without getting them lost too badly)… or for a chat with a fellow co-workers.]
[ C – Wyver/Wildcard | January | open ]
[When he isn't cleaning or studying, Riku can sometimes be caught on small errants around the North End, or sitting on top of the hut he's rented in the Old City, watching the night sky... perhaps come by to say hello?]
no subject
Now though, knowing that the Keyblade rejected him and that it was right to do so, given the things he's done…]
I guess you were wrong. I haven't been a protector of anything.
[His head shifts until he looks down at the small sphere by his side. His memories, the proof that what he's saying is fact. A protector would never have caused his own world to be destroyed.]
no subject
I wasn't wrong.
[Not about that, anyway.]
If I'd been wrong, you wouldn't have been able to take hold of my Keyblade that day. The Keyblade chose you as much as I did.
no subject
And it unchose me for a reason.
[His gaze stays on the memory ball, lips pressing together before he pushes it to roll up to Terra. He might as well show the other what exactly he is talking about. Why he doesn't have the right to even think about protecting anything or anyone.]
no subject
What's this?
no subject
It's a memory ball. It's got one of mine.
[A memory he's let himself relive plenty of times before Terra got here, so it might as well have been yesterday for him. If Terra really wants to keep arguing with him about this, he should know the truth, he figures.]
no subject
But it does matter, he knows. It matters a lot. Here is the reason the Keyblade left Riku and went to Sora. That's something he needs to see and understand... Even if it's difficult. Even if it changes things.
With considerable reluctance and another uneasy glance at Riku, he picks the ball up.
In the first few moments that follow, there's just... nothing. Terra studies the memory ball intently, turning it in his hands this way and that, waiting for some image to unfurl beneath or across its glassy surface. It occurs to him that he might be doing something wrong with it, but before he can voice that thought, there's a sudden, disconcerting prickling in the center of his chest. White light seers across his vision.
Then he's on his feet again. He's been transported from the stasis unit to... some empty white space? Terra looks around to find that Riku and the memory ball are gone, too.
... And this isn't his body.
Color begins to bleed into his surroundings, shaping a world around him. A bright blue sky, an ocean stretching to the horizon, a sandy shore and rocks and trees, a bridge under his... very large shoes. A bird sings somewhere behind him and a warm breeze brushes against his skin. The salty smell of the beach reaches his nose. This is that island, Terra recognizes with a twinge of dread. This is Riku's home and he's seeing all of this through his successor's eyes.
The memory plays out before and around him. It feels so real, he can almost lose himself in it. He-- Riku runs across the bridge only to stop and turn back and see a girl standing where he'd just been. Kairi, Riku's other friend. Riku calls out to her, but she doesn't answer. She doesn't even really react. Then light engulfs her and she fades away.
(Distantly, he feels his heart lurch under his ribs.)
Then there's another voice. He pivots back around to face... an Organization member? An Organization member with a lot to say. Dark memories, dark beings...
'Maybe it's your own actions that you've forgotten,' the cloaked man threatens, but nothing that's been said inside or outside this memory prepares Terra for the next cutting words out of the Nobody's mouth:
'You destroyed your home!'
Darkness swallows up everything in an instant.
(Outside the memory, sitting there on the floor of the stasis unit, Terra's breath hitches. Hints of what might be pain or what might be anger show in small lines around his eyes and brow and mouth.)
What a familiar sight, those shadows churning wildly around him, that dark orb looming overhead, the world tearing apart piece by piece...
There's a whisper just beneath the memory, too, 'You won't need a home anymore where you're going!', but then the Nobody is speaking again. Terra pays close attention as that man, whoever he is, details exactly what happened to the islands. Exactly what Riku did... so he could leave the world.
He opened the door. He let the darkness claim his world, steal away the hearts of the people living there... He was himself taken by the darkness and now... belongs to it? The darkness has changed him, too, made him into something else...? Something monstrous...
The memory can't end soon enough for Terra, but at the same time, it feels like it ends too soon, too. He parts ways with it with another sharp and shuddering breath, his eyes clearing and focusing back on the memory ball in his hands.
He finds the prickling in his chest has become more of an ache.
Slowly and stiffly, he sets the ball back down on the floor. He turns his head away after that, staring off at the row of pods while he absorbs everything. What he's just experienced, what he now knows, what it means. What Riku thinks it means.
He almost certainly shares some of the blame for what happened. He promised Riku a way off that small world and then never delivered it. Still, what Riku did...]
So, should I put an end to you?
[His voice is quiet when he finally finds the words he wants to (needs to) say. There's no venom or tension in either his tone or expression, though. It actually looks like he's starting to relax again, just a little.]
no subject
If Terra wants to argue with him about suitability, about worthiness… he should have all the facts.
The question that follows once Terra is done watching the memory and has set down its container, startles him… though maybe it shouldn't... It's hypothetical probably, because if Terra really meant to put him out of his misery, then he could do without much difficulty, given how vulnerable Riku feels right now.
He isn't up for a fight, much less what he knows Terra to be capable of dishing out since fighting him at the beach.
Finally he answers, one hand clenching over his heart:]
Sometimes I wonder, if that wouldn't be for the best… if I did that myself.
[He still carries Ansem's fragments in his heart and that alone makes him a risk. If he ever is forced to use that power, if he ever loses himself to the Darkness while he is too exhausted to put up a fight… He is more than certain that Terra could take on Ansem, but it's better to be certain and never allow that situation to come up.
Even so…]
But… if I give up, there won't be anyone left to protect Sora while he sleeps. So, I know that I can't.
[Because even after all he's done, even though he is the last person that deserves to make such a statement – this is what he wants most. To protect Sora. To protect Kairi.]
no subject
He can't help his small smile coming back when Riku tells him that he can't give up, end his troubled life or let it be ended, because he has to protect his friend.
Yes. That's the right answer.]
Hmm.
[With that thoughtful sound, Terra pushes himself up to stand. He resists the urge to give the memory ball a good kick and instead nudges it with the side of his shoe, rolling it back to Riku.]
Could have sworn you just said you haven't been a protector of anything...
[He's not giving Riku time to respond to that, though, no sir.]
I don't think the Keyblade rejected you. Not... permanently, anyway. I think you weren't ready for it, so it found a heart near yours that was ready.
[Or something like that. Hearts can be awfully mysterious, can't they?]
But I think that power is still inside you, just waiting for something... Maybe that same important something I want to help you with.
no subject
I'm not.
[He isn't, no matter how much he wants to be... it's just there are so many dangers that Sora is blind to, that he would and has walked into without a thought... and after what that's cost him in Castle Oblivion, Riku refuses to let it happen again, no matter what it's going to cost him.
He listens to the rest of what Terra has to say… even if he doesn't look like he is really inclined to believe it.]
Waiting for something… huh? I wonder what that is supposed to be.
[He pulls his hand away from his chest, looking down at his palm. He can feel the Soul Eater's murmur beneath the skin of his palm... it's supposed to be good enough for him.]
no subject
He turns the weapon, taking hold of the length of the blade and dropping the hilt down in front of Riku, right next to that open palm.]
You... knowing who you are.
no subject
I am me.
[He turns his head towards Terra, then knocks away the handle of the Keyblade light, but firmly enough that it isn't a mistake.
Because Riku may know that he's himself, but he also knows…]
And one day I'll be someone else.
[He's already told Terra the almost exact same words during their first encounter, and they aren't any less true now.]
no subject
What does that even mean? 'One day I'll be someone else'?
no subject
For a moment, Riku considers the cryptic answer that he wouldn't have thought twice about giving a few months ago at the beach… Terra has earned better now though. (And since Riku is already airing out his dirty laundry, he might as well tell him about this too.)]
There is Darkness inside my Heart. My own and someone else's. That guy… I had sealed him for the most part, but some fragments of him still remain, and they are growing stronger.
['Someday... I will return!' Ansem had said, and he was right. Even if his return hadn't quite taken the form that Riku had feared initially… so far.]
If… when I truly give into the Darkness, I won't be me anymore. I'll be him.
[And then, there'll be no going back.]
no subject
Those words cleave right through the frustration and hurt welling in Terra's heart and he's left staring openly at his successor. Disbelief and something akin to horror war on his face.
Did Riku really just say that? Did he really just say...
When Terra finally manages to drag his eyes away, he's silent and still for several moments longer.
Someone else's darkness in his heart. And he's going to succumb to that shadow, become that someone. Where did that other darkness come from? Was it... another heart?
(Light, but he can still see that bright flash, that gnarled key protruding from the old man's chest and-- no. No.)
Terra sucks in a quick breath through gritted teeth. His own darkness roils in his chest.
Fighting off the urge to turn and walk away and get himself to somewhere where he can hit something with his Keyblade, he mutters another question.]
Who is he?
no subject
But well… who is Ansem? Even Riku can only give pretty vague answers to that, at this point at least.]
It's Ansem. Or well… his Heartless. He is… was a scientist and the ruler of Hollow Bastion who experimented with the Heartless until the Darkness took him over.
[At least, that's what Riku got from what he read in the fragments of the Ansem's reports in the library of Hollow Bastion and then put into context later, after Castle Oblivion. And anyway, Ansem isn't that much of a threat now… at least not compared to…]
His Nobody is in charge of the Organization.
no subject
(That guy Riku said he looks and... smells so much like...)
And the Superior's his Nobody?
... Terra finds he doesn't care to let that new information sink in right now. He shakes his head slowly. His next words come unbidden and there's a new, hard tone in his voice.]
I won't let you lose yourself to him. To his darkness. To any darkness.
no subject
Still, maybe he can ask of Terra the one thing that Mickey had not even let him finish asking him for.]
…I don't plan to go down without a fight, but. If I do lose, if this stops being me… I need you to destroy me.
no subject
He does consider Riku's appeal, but it doesn't take long for him to decide how to answer it.]
I won't let the darkness have your heart.
[He (pretty much) just repeats himself, his voice quieter but no less firm.
With that, he turns, dismisses his Keyblade, and walks away.
You're wrong, you know, he almost calls back. This isn't you.
The boy I met on the island was you. The boy in that memory who said he remembers everyone from his home, all of his closest friends, was you. The young man who came to this stasis unit to try and find his family, who told me how glad he was his friends are sleeping safe in pods here, was you.
But this isn't who you are. It can't be.
He can't quite bring himself to say any of that out loud, though. Maybe he's having doubts about those thoughts right now.]