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"They didn't break me. I broke myself." | open
Who: Randel Oland (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
toten_sie) & you
What: nightmares, stress, and catch-all
When: january
Where: olympia
Warning(s): nightmares; starters are marked; let me know if you'd like a starter @ yarnzipan on plurk
[ BACK TO WORK | shades darker | olympia red light district | open ]
[ Randel's been avoiding going out much if he can help it. He doesn't want to hear the muttering in the streets, doesn't want to hear the rumbling of war. It's better here at work, at the brothel. At the brothel, the noises of sex and pleasure, the laughter of people engaged in mindless enjoyment... it's a relief, to be somewhere where he doesn't have to think of it. The brothel is like the home he had before any of that darkness came into his life and he ends up spending time there even when he's technically off shift: not spending time with any of the workers there, 'paid' time anyway, just hanging around in the empty areas or dozing in the back alley behind the building.]
[ NIGHTMARES | park | around olympia | open - likelihood of nightmare discussion]
[ He has an apartment now. He'd been invited there by Reinhardt, but his sleep has been so terrible lately, he can't bring himself to go there. He can't bring himself to interrupt people's sleep or be a bother. That's why he's found a few spots around the city, in the parks, where he can have his nightmares. The Natha had done what they could, had calmed his sleep so far, but now there's nothing to be done about it. He's afraid, it feels like all the time, and more often than not, he shuffles on the ground in his sleep, waking with a scream. ]
[ TRYING TO HELP | deserter enclave | open ]
[ When he'd found out about people leaving the cities, leaving the war behind, it'd been like a revelation. He didn't have much for transportation, but he had his legs and a willingness to help, and since he'd been working for a month and spent so little, he also had the money to buy supplies. That's why he's been spending most of his time when he isn't at work going on trips to the deserters, delivering what he can and finding out what else they might need. He's considered staying there a time or two, but Abel's lessons and his own fear keep him returning to the city, to the safety of the brothel and the streets. He's a city creature, whatever else he is, and the outskirts are too wild for him to feel safe there.
Not to mention that he knows how fragile their safety is. They'd rolled through more than a few outposts in his time in the army, more than a few people who thought they could live outside of the troubles society.
In some ways, it makes him feel like what he's doing is pointless. But he has to do something, so he's trying to do what he figures the Lieutenant would do. These people are in need of war relief, even though the war hasn't even started yet, because started or not, it'd taken the people's homes from them. Until she woke up, until they all woke up, he would have to serve as Section III's representative... for whatever that's worth. ]
[ pirate stomping | flona cove | open - possible violence and psychological trauma ]
[ On the recommendation of one of the girls at brothel, he'd taken a ride out. It'd been rocky and a little awkward, as much because finding a beast big enough for him wasn't easy as anything else, but he'd figured he could use the animal to help him do a supply run as well, give some purpose to his trip. He'd gone a little far afield from that, since he was pretty much the worst sort of horseman, which is when he'd found the boats and gone to investigate. Creeping further, he'd discovered the pirates and what they were up to... and now, teeth in his lower lip, he's considering something... unpleasant.
The miners need their supplies.
Something like this could be misconstrued as a sort of attack.
It might even be an attack.
He needed to do something. His hand was itching towards his lantern. But... he really really didn't want to.]
toten_sie) & youWhat: nightmares, stress, and catch-all
When: january
Where: olympia
Warning(s): nightmares; starters are marked; let me know if you'd like a starter @ yarnzipan on plurk
[ BACK TO WORK | shades darker | olympia red light district | open ]
[ Randel's been avoiding going out much if he can help it. He doesn't want to hear the muttering in the streets, doesn't want to hear the rumbling of war. It's better here at work, at the brothel. At the brothel, the noises of sex and pleasure, the laughter of people engaged in mindless enjoyment... it's a relief, to be somewhere where he doesn't have to think of it. The brothel is like the home he had before any of that darkness came into his life and he ends up spending time there even when he's technically off shift: not spending time with any of the workers there, 'paid' time anyway, just hanging around in the empty areas or dozing in the back alley behind the building.]
[ NIGHTMARES | park | around olympia | open - likelihood of nightmare discussion]
[ He has an apartment now. He'd been invited there by Reinhardt, but his sleep has been so terrible lately, he can't bring himself to go there. He can't bring himself to interrupt people's sleep or be a bother. That's why he's found a few spots around the city, in the parks, where he can have his nightmares. The Natha had done what they could, had calmed his sleep so far, but now there's nothing to be done about it. He's afraid, it feels like all the time, and more often than not, he shuffles on the ground in his sleep, waking with a scream. ]
[ TRYING TO HELP | deserter enclave | open ]
[ When he'd found out about people leaving the cities, leaving the war behind, it'd been like a revelation. He didn't have much for transportation, but he had his legs and a willingness to help, and since he'd been working for a month and spent so little, he also had the money to buy supplies. That's why he's been spending most of his time when he isn't at work going on trips to the deserters, delivering what he can and finding out what else they might need. He's considered staying there a time or two, but Abel's lessons and his own fear keep him returning to the city, to the safety of the brothel and the streets. He's a city creature, whatever else he is, and the outskirts are too wild for him to feel safe there.
Not to mention that he knows how fragile their safety is. They'd rolled through more than a few outposts in his time in the army, more than a few people who thought they could live outside of the troubles society.
In some ways, it makes him feel like what he's doing is pointless. But he has to do something, so he's trying to do what he figures the Lieutenant would do. These people are in need of war relief, even though the war hasn't even started yet, because started or not, it'd taken the people's homes from them. Until she woke up, until they all woke up, he would have to serve as Section III's representative... for whatever that's worth. ]
[ pirate stomping | flona cove | open - possible violence and psychological trauma ]
[ On the recommendation of one of the girls at brothel, he'd taken a ride out. It'd been rocky and a little awkward, as much because finding a beast big enough for him wasn't easy as anything else, but he'd figured he could use the animal to help him do a supply run as well, give some purpose to his trip. He'd gone a little far afield from that, since he was pretty much the worst sort of horseman, which is when he'd found the boats and gone to investigate. Creeping further, he'd discovered the pirates and what they were up to... and now, teeth in his lower lip, he's considering something... unpleasant.
The miners need their supplies.
Something like this could be misconstrued as a sort of attack.
It might even be an attack.
He needed to do something. His hand was itching towards his lantern. But... he really really didn't want to.]
no subject
Oh God, does that mean he isn't going to have to do anything?
Oh God, thank goodness. He can do that. He can absolutely do that. He will happily do that, and he says so with a nod that's practically a blur it's so fast. ]
no subject
With a firm little nod in reply, as if they've officially decided to communicate only in that particular sub-set of body language, Atsushi puts his backpack (containing some simple tools, food, a change of clothes, and matches) down next to the big man.]
If you could call the authorities, that would be helpful.
[Atsushi has no idea what authorities, let alone whether they'd come out for something like this, but it's worth a shot.... probably.
Meanwhile he comes out of their hiding spot, transforming his arms and legs into oversized white tiger paws. It's just a split second that they're visible; then he digs his claws in, braces himself, and pushes off, running over the rocks towards the mining area.
He's fast, almost comically so for a skinny young man with too-big animal limbs. The pirates notice him a little too late, and are slow to raise the alarm even after that: it's hard to know what to make of a single person (or animal?) approaching like that. By the time they're preparing their defense, Atsushi is already jumping off a high cliff onto their ship, claws ready to strike.
He doesn't aim to kill, of course. He'd rather not hurt anyone more than necessary. But he'll knock people out with no remorse whatsoever (there's probably enough rope aboard the ship to tie everyone up eventually?), and he'll defend himself if attacked. His tiger limbs are conveniently bullet-proof, doubling as a shield; the rest of him is a lot less pirate-resistant, and he's not exactly being careful. He heals faster than most people, and he's got a negative sense of self-worth; the combination of logic and self-loathing makes him very likely to get injured to some degree.]
warning for violence and blood
He wasn't expecting the paws or any of the rest of it, but he notices the blood as soon as it starts flowing, as soon as it stains his shirt or his pants. He watches, and he notices the way the boy is fighting. He notices that he's trying not to hurt anyone, but the pirates aren't doing anything like that. They'll kill him. They could kill him if he isn't careful, and he's definitely not being careful.
In the end, he doesn't even know when he hits the lever. The voice was already calling him, over and over and over again, words like daggers, like ants crawling all over him.
Toten sie.
Before the lantern was on, he didn't know what to do. But now he does. Now he knows, with absolute certainty, and it's amazing how fast a man of his size can move, the massive shears coming free from their sheath. The objective is to make the pirates stop. The objective is to save the supplies. The objective is to save the boy.
That's why the shears go into the first pirate, split him in half like a hot knife through butter up... then down, blood spraying. Before he turns to the rest of them with empty eyes, covered in the life of their friend and companion.
I will do the same to you he doesn't say. He doesn't have to.
Run or I will do the same to you.]
no subject
He cries out as he's stabbed, then shot, but he doesn't stop fighting. Toughness is the weretiger's strength echoes through his head, and it silly that he's thinking about that now, sillier that he manages to find some reassurance in it, but it works. The statement isn't entirely false, either: he's still going, his wounds not quite knitting themselves back together but still stopping their bleeding sooner than they would on anyone else.
It doesn't help him much when a particularly vicious blow, while blocked with his arms, sends him flying back against the bulwark. His vision flickers, and by the time he gets it into focus, he's no longer the only one fighting the pirates. That takes him a moment longer than it should to realize, amid the chaos; it takes him a second longer than that to realize that this is the big man who'd seemed so intimidated before. Trying to make sense of it distracts Atsushi from what he should have felt in the first place, seeing all that blood: it's too much. He can accept that people die, he can accept that self-defense may lead to deaths, but this is just... too much. (And if that's a little hypocritical after all the fighting he did himself, he doesn't realize it just now.)]
Wait... Stop..!
[The pirates are finally panicking for real, some of them attacking, but more of them jumping overboard or otherwise trying to save themselves. Atsushi pushes himself up, grunting. It hurts, but his priorities lie elsewhere: he wants to stand, to get in the big man's way and keep him from killing too much. Because clearly standing before someone who's on a wild killing spree is always a great idea. Atsushi barely manages to stay on his feet (oops, looks like he got more badly injured than he thought..?), but he raises an arm all the same, both to back up his words and in self-defense, just in case.]
Don't. It's not -... They're already running.
no subject
He stands there, silent and unwavering, a tower of blood-spattered nightmare with bloody shears. He stands in front of Atsushi and there's a moment where his hand shakes, where the urge to slash through him, to kill, to kill more of the fleeing pirates, is almost too great.
And then the moment passes. And his hand drops down to his hip to turn the lever again.
The blue light turns off, the shears drop, and Randel looks at Atsushi for a moment before making an almost inhuman noise, of grief and fear and heartbreak, as he drops to his knees with his hands pressed hard to his eyes.
Why did he ever think he could do this? How did he ever believe that he could even function without the Lieutenant, without someone to guide him. Here he was, covered in blood, and he knew that the nightmares would be in full bloom tonight, that the pools of blood would give forth the hands, the hands of all those he'd killed, to drag him down into the depths. And the man he'd killed. He'd killed again, his first time since coming to this world, this world that he'd hoped could be different but no, no, of course not, always the same, always war and death and soldiers and blood.
Even if the fleeing pirates take a few shots at him, he won't react. Even if they hit, he won't react. He deserves it. He deserves every bit of it.
Damn. Damn damn damn damn. ]
no subject
It's only when the big man's attitude changes that Atsushi's feelings seem to catch up with him, and concern washes over him at the sight of how the man crumbles before him.]
...! Are you okay?!
[A legendary stupid question, but he can't help it: the change is too sudden for him to keep up with, and he really is very much worried about the man.
His senses are still sharp, thankfully, and when bullets fly, he jumps aside so his still-transformed arm can block them; he's successful, but the sudden movement causes an intense stabbing sensation in his stomach as one of his wounds reopens, and he almost falls again, just barely supporting himself with an arm - a human arm, now. It doesn't take a lot of effort to maintain his tiger form, but he's at his limit.
It would be safest to look around the ship and make sure everyone's left, but he shouldn't move that much. Besides, there are other things to worry about - notably the big man. Belatedly, Atsushi turns to him again.]
Are you injured? Some of my friends can heal people, but we'd have to go back to the city, first.
no subject
He'll have a hell of a time patching them both up, but at least it looks like the pirates are going to be gone while he tries. ]
I'll be fine.
[ He isn't angry, but he bites his lip as he sees the wounds that the boy got, the ones that were defending him, the ones that were taken because he was a coward. It's almost too much for a moment before he tilts his head towards one of the crates. ]
Lean on that and I'll get you patched up.
[ He'll be cleaning out his small medical kit, the one he keeps on him for minor scrapes, but he'll live. They'll both live, as far as he's concerned, even if he has to carry the boy back by himself. ]
no subject
I'm sorry... It's not as bad as it looks!
[It kind of is. But he'll be fine. He always is.]
I may not look it, but I have a pretty healthy body.
[... That's probably not the most logical thing to say when you're bleeding all over (well, except for his limbs), but he's trying, rather awkwardly, to be reassuring.
Atsushi leans on the crate all the same, honestly a little glad for the support it offers. But that thought in itself makes him guilt himself into turning his attention to the big man again instead. Atsushi shouldn't be allowed to relax until he's sure that the people who matter are okay.]
Are you -... You're not too badly injured, are you?
[It's hard to say, with the massive blood spray of that pirate probably accounting for a lot of the stains. But Atsushi hasn't forgotten that look in the man's eyes when he collapsed, and he's not only worried about the man's physical well-being, even if that's an easier, less personal thing to focus on.]
no subject
[ There are a couple of holes in him, nothing he can't dig out and sew up, nothing to the veritable roadmap of scars and old injuries already on him. He can feel it, as much as he feels anything with all the nerve damage he has, since the lantern is off now, so he's cataloging what he needs to do as he talks. ]
We need to get you to town. I have some bandages and a kit in my bag. We'll move faster if I patch you up a little.
[ Somewhere, deep inside, pushed down and out of the way, Randel is still panicking and freaking out. But he can't do that right now. Right now, someone needs him, someone needs help, and he will give that help or die trying. ]