![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
"They didn't break me. I broke myself." | open
Who: Randel Oland (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
toten_sie) & you
What: nightmares, stress, and catch-all
When: january
Where: olympia
Warning(s): nightmares; starters are marked; let me know if you'd like a starter @ yarnzipan on plurk
[ BACK TO WORK | shades darker | olympia red light district | open ]
[ Randel's been avoiding going out much if he can help it. He doesn't want to hear the muttering in the streets, doesn't want to hear the rumbling of war. It's better here at work, at the brothel. At the brothel, the noises of sex and pleasure, the laughter of people engaged in mindless enjoyment... it's a relief, to be somewhere where he doesn't have to think of it. The brothel is like the home he had before any of that darkness came into his life and he ends up spending time there even when he's technically off shift: not spending time with any of the workers there, 'paid' time anyway, just hanging around in the empty areas or dozing in the back alley behind the building.]
[ NIGHTMARES | park | around olympia | open - likelihood of nightmare discussion]
[ He has an apartment now. He'd been invited there by Reinhardt, but his sleep has been so terrible lately, he can't bring himself to go there. He can't bring himself to interrupt people's sleep or be a bother. That's why he's found a few spots around the city, in the parks, where he can have his nightmares. The Natha had done what they could, had calmed his sleep so far, but now there's nothing to be done about it. He's afraid, it feels like all the time, and more often than not, he shuffles on the ground in his sleep, waking with a scream. ]
[ TRYING TO HELP | deserter enclave | open ]
[ When he'd found out about people leaving the cities, leaving the war behind, it'd been like a revelation. He didn't have much for transportation, but he had his legs and a willingness to help, and since he'd been working for a month and spent so little, he also had the money to buy supplies. That's why he's been spending most of his time when he isn't at work going on trips to the deserters, delivering what he can and finding out what else they might need. He's considered staying there a time or two, but Abel's lessons and his own fear keep him returning to the city, to the safety of the brothel and the streets. He's a city creature, whatever else he is, and the outskirts are too wild for him to feel safe there.
Not to mention that he knows how fragile their safety is. They'd rolled through more than a few outposts in his time in the army, more than a few people who thought they could live outside of the troubles society.
In some ways, it makes him feel like what he's doing is pointless. But he has to do something, so he's trying to do what he figures the Lieutenant would do. These people are in need of war relief, even though the war hasn't even started yet, because started or not, it'd taken the people's homes from them. Until she woke up, until they all woke up, he would have to serve as Section III's representative... for whatever that's worth. ]
[ pirate stomping | flona cove | open - possible violence and psychological trauma ]
[ On the recommendation of one of the girls at brothel, he'd taken a ride out. It'd been rocky and a little awkward, as much because finding a beast big enough for him wasn't easy as anything else, but he'd figured he could use the animal to help him do a supply run as well, give some purpose to his trip. He'd gone a little far afield from that, since he was pretty much the worst sort of horseman, which is when he'd found the boats and gone to investigate. Creeping further, he'd discovered the pirates and what they were up to... and now, teeth in his lower lip, he's considering something... unpleasant.
The miners need their supplies.
Something like this could be misconstrued as a sort of attack.
It might even be an attack.
He needed to do something. His hand was itching towards his lantern. But... he really really didn't want to.]
toten_sie) & youWhat: nightmares, stress, and catch-all
When: january
Where: olympia
Warning(s): nightmares; starters are marked; let me know if you'd like a starter @ yarnzipan on plurk
[ BACK TO WORK | shades darker | olympia red light district | open ]
[ Randel's been avoiding going out much if he can help it. He doesn't want to hear the muttering in the streets, doesn't want to hear the rumbling of war. It's better here at work, at the brothel. At the brothel, the noises of sex and pleasure, the laughter of people engaged in mindless enjoyment... it's a relief, to be somewhere where he doesn't have to think of it. The brothel is like the home he had before any of that darkness came into his life and he ends up spending time there even when he's technically off shift: not spending time with any of the workers there, 'paid' time anyway, just hanging around in the empty areas or dozing in the back alley behind the building.]
[ NIGHTMARES | park | around olympia | open - likelihood of nightmare discussion]
[ He has an apartment now. He'd been invited there by Reinhardt, but his sleep has been so terrible lately, he can't bring himself to go there. He can't bring himself to interrupt people's sleep or be a bother. That's why he's found a few spots around the city, in the parks, where he can have his nightmares. The Natha had done what they could, had calmed his sleep so far, but now there's nothing to be done about it. He's afraid, it feels like all the time, and more often than not, he shuffles on the ground in his sleep, waking with a scream. ]
[ TRYING TO HELP | deserter enclave | open ]
[ When he'd found out about people leaving the cities, leaving the war behind, it'd been like a revelation. He didn't have much for transportation, but he had his legs and a willingness to help, and since he'd been working for a month and spent so little, he also had the money to buy supplies. That's why he's been spending most of his time when he isn't at work going on trips to the deserters, delivering what he can and finding out what else they might need. He's considered staying there a time or two, but Abel's lessons and his own fear keep him returning to the city, to the safety of the brothel and the streets. He's a city creature, whatever else he is, and the outskirts are too wild for him to feel safe there.
Not to mention that he knows how fragile their safety is. They'd rolled through more than a few outposts in his time in the army, more than a few people who thought they could live outside of the troubles society.
In some ways, it makes him feel like what he's doing is pointless. But he has to do something, so he's trying to do what he figures the Lieutenant would do. These people are in need of war relief, even though the war hasn't even started yet, because started or not, it'd taken the people's homes from them. Until she woke up, until they all woke up, he would have to serve as Section III's representative... for whatever that's worth. ]
[ pirate stomping | flona cove | open - possible violence and psychological trauma ]
[ On the recommendation of one of the girls at brothel, he'd taken a ride out. It'd been rocky and a little awkward, as much because finding a beast big enough for him wasn't easy as anything else, but he'd figured he could use the animal to help him do a supply run as well, give some purpose to his trip. He'd gone a little far afield from that, since he was pretty much the worst sort of horseman, which is when he'd found the boats and gone to investigate. Creeping further, he'd discovered the pirates and what they were up to... and now, teeth in his lower lip, he's considering something... unpleasant.
The miners need their supplies.
Something like this could be misconstrued as a sort of attack.
It might even be an attack.
He needed to do something. His hand was itching towards his lantern. But... he really really didn't want to.]
no subject
[ He'll offer a nod, but not his hand. Some people like to shake ungloved and that's just unpleasant for everyone. ]
Nice to meet you. Sorry if I distracted you from where you were going.
no subject
[Terra doesn't stick a hand out, either. Perhaps a lucky break for Randel that the guy who's effectively stumbled across him was never taught to shake hands when meeting new people.]
I wasn't going anywhere in particular. I couldn't sleep so I was just out walking and thinking.
[His gaze drops to the ground between them.]
I've been having a lot of bad dreams here myself.
[A pause and then he adds, quietly but a little pointedly:]
None of them bad enough that I wake up yelling, though.
no subject
[ From what he remembers, it was the work of the Natha. As long as he behaved, as long as he did what he was supposed to, they would do what they could for his dreams. But then the rumblings of war came. Then he'd smelled fresh blood and-
No, better not to think on it.
But he watches the way Terra's head drops, the way he goes quiet. He shakes his head gently. ]
Don't worry about me. I don't deserve it.
I deserve what I get when I sleep.
no subject
Why do you say that?
[Why would anyone think they deserved awful nightmares?]
no subject
[ Every reaching arm is a victim he'd killed, ever drop of blood is one that he'd spilled or sprayed along the inside of a tank or sent aerosol into the air. He deserves no pity. He'd killed, and each and every time he'd chosen to do so, no matter the reason, no matter the purpose, no matter his own position, he had torn away at his own soul. No wonder it couldn't protect him from the darkness. ]
no subject
[... Okay, he supposes he can understand that.]
Mistakes you made or...?
[He trails off there, reconsidering.]
I mean, it's really none of my business or anything... and we don't even know each other, but sometimes talking about them -- about any bad dreams you're having -- helps. A little.
no subject
A mistake means I would have done something different.
I wouldn't have, but that doesn't mean I wanted to do what I did. I just didn't want the other thing more.
[ Every time he'd turned on the lantern, it was necessary. That didn't mean it was good, or even right. But just like then, he still didn't have a better solution. That was why he deserved it. Because he'd never figured out something else he could do and that was on him. ]