nysalogs | [ semi-closed ]

No, [ she says quickly on the heels of his question, offering a reassuring smile. ] No, it's nothing you've done.

[ Peggy studies him for a moment, wondering how best to proceed. She's not nervous, necessarily; she knows by now what might set Steve on edge, what could upset him, what does. But that had been a different man in a different time. Her only guide is that they're more similar than they are different despite the distance and she knows how she might react if the situation were reversed.

Concern, she thinks, would overrule temper. Exasperation, too. But that's no guarantee. She takes a breath and pushes on steadily. ]

But it is something I've done. [ She lets that hang in the air for a moment. ] I haven't been entirely honest with you about what I've been doing under the Guard's nose — and yours too, I'm afraid.

Okay.

[ Steve's expression deepens, the crease between his brows echoing more concern - as she'd thought - than anything else.

He'd like to think of himself as a reasonable man nowadays -- well, for the most part. Gone are the days when he'd be quick to jump straight to conclusions, fists bared (metaphorically speaking), anyway.

He takes a breath. ]

Is this a mission you've taken on? Official or otherwise?

[ Bless him for knowing precisely what she's about to say. Her lips quirk, almost amused. ]

Have I become so obvious?

[ No, she knows she hasn't. But the mood suddenly feels so grave, she needs to inject a little more levity into it. The danger — if there ever was any — has passed, at least for now. The assignment she took is over. But she does still have her lot in with The Gilded Cage and she doesn't intend to pull out any time soon, not when there's a chance she can keep getting more information from it and what they ask of her.

Peggy exhales and stands, crossing the room to join him at the bed. She doesn't sit, instead choosing to stand in front of him and reaching up to smooth the pad of her thumb gently over the way his brows knit as if trying to soothe the frown. ]

Don't, [ she says, voice soft. Worry. Then: ] I broke into the Institute's archives last week to look for more information on the marketplace attack. Anything to do with the manufacturing of chemical weapons or whatever seemed suspicious, related — and there was a hell of a lot. [ Her gaze flickers over him, assessing, and then she adds, ] It wasn't under Ashti's orders. She doesn't know a thing about it and it needs to stay that way.

Edited (SPELLING SORRY) 2018-02-05 14:07 (UTC)

How long have you been involved in this?

[ He lifts a hand to fold over hers while she stands before him.

She could tell him not to worry, but it wouldn't stop him. Not because she couldn't handle herself, Steve knows she can pack a real punch, and she's damned good at her job, but because he can't help it. He'd lost her once; he doesn't want to know what it might be like to lose her again.

He thinks about their Commander, and shakes his head. How much do they really know about her anyway? Her intentions? This world and their place in it? Steve still has a hell of a lot of unanswered questions, things he'd been trying to figure out for himself too. ]

Well, something tells me there's a lot Ashti doesn't know about. And there's likely more she's not telling us.

[ His first question earns a shake of her head. Doesn't matter, it seems to say. Or: later. She moves on for now. ]

That's the problem, [ she agrees softly, tangling her fingers with his. ] Ever since she asked me to capture an enemy spy over the summer, I feel like none of us have ever been privy to the whole picture. That, the arrests after the bombing, never mind that people don't seem to trust the woman... [ Peggy shakes her head. ] When I was with the SSR, I'd run the interrogations of whoever I brought in. If I wasn't on that side of the glass, then I'd be on the other, watching and listening. That's not the case here.

[ She doesn't need to tell him that it's not only frustrating but dangerous to be out of the loop. To be a pawn rather than playing the board. The tensions between Olympia and Wyver are brewing, there are heated discussions and orators on street corners, all very vocal about their distaste for the southern city and the 'truce' implemented. Surveys of public opinion circulating, people spoiling for a fight to prove who should come out on top.

Peggy believes keeping her ear to the ground can only do so much. Getting behind closed doors is the best way to keep those she cares about safe. ]

We've been here months and we still don't know much about how the Guard operates, we're kept on the outside and everything is need-to-know. And it seems the Institute functions the same way with the projects they're keeping locked away — unsurprising, really. [ Then she exhales and it's almost a laugh and she adds, teasing, ] Who knew I'd hate to be kept in the dark?

Yeah. Who knew. [ Steve echoes, equally teasing. His mouth quirks into something of a smile, exasperated but fondly so.

She has a point, in any case. Hell, she's got a lot of points. ] It's suspicious how little we know, how little it seems we're allowed to know.

[ Steve exhales. ]

It hits a little close to home.

[ The familiarity of feeling like a pawn in someone else's game is practically deja vu. Right before the Storm, he'd been branded a war criminal because he'd been a pawn in someone else's game, and the secrets had yet to unravel themselves into some form of public truth.

And maybe he'd been a pawn for a hell of a lot longer than he's been thinking for himself. All part and parcel of a soldier's life.

He's not sure he's on board with a life like that. Not anymore. ]

So, can you tell me about anything you've learned?

I can tell you that they're up to no good over there.

[ She exhales noisily, dropping her gaze from his face to the floor between their feet. Her hand slips from his face so that she can link both at the nape of his neck, some facsimile of a dance hold without the music. ]

The evidence is inconclusive, experiments conducted on live test subjects. From what I could understand, there were side effects that make the Red Skull's botched serum seem like a minor setback. [ A pause. She flicks her eyes back up to him, the softening of her expression the only indication of what could be a wry smile. ] Or maybe they were the desired results. I'm not sure.

But whatever the case, it doesn't bode well.

You're kidding. That's pretty serious - [ He shakes his head, any humour in his expression replaced with fierce concern. ] - and it takes a pretty serious cover-up to keep that kind of thing from going public.

[ Not that Steve knows how good or bad the public's reaction would be. This isn't Earth. This isn't home. The rules here have been flipped on their head, and people like him, like Peggy, like the rest of the refugees, they're the alien presence here.

But an experiment is an experiment, and the mention of the Red Skull only makes Steve's blood run cold with memories of another life, a long time ago.

He very nearly hesitates before he asks: ]

Did you see any of them? These 'lucky volunteers'?

[ Perhaps drawing the comparison to Schmidt had been an extreme, but it does remind her of it. If not him, then Howard's Midnight Oil that wreaked havoc on cinema full of innocent people and almost Times Square itself. Regardless, it means the same thing: test subjects became aggressive, insensitive to pain. Never a good thing. ]

No, but they were definitely animals of some sort, not human. That doesn't make it any better.

[ She studies him for a moment, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. It's gotten a little long, reminds her a bit more of how he looked during the war. It had been cropped too short for her liking when they first woke up. Maybe that was what passed for modern. ]

I don't know much else.

No - [ Steve agrees. ] - no, that doesn't make it any better, knowing they're not human.

[ He sighs, leaning into Peggy, wanting to bury himself in her for a moment while he processes this new, but not quite unsurprising, bit of information. He allows himself to be lost in the sensation of Peggy's touch, anyway, and moves his arms so he can wind them around her middle instead, a little like he's hugging her. ]

Guess it's safe to assume you're gonna keep digging, huh?

[ The shift in position makes it easier for her to adjust it a step further — she settles in his lap, one arm going around his waist, and she presses a light kiss to his jaw. ]

Of course I am. It's my job.

[ The Royal Guard is one thing. But first and foremost, she is a federal agent, and just because the SSR doesn't exist in this world doesn't mean she can't hold herself to the same standards she once did. The same goals. Protect people, pursue truth and justice. Democracy doesn't function in this empire, but she still believes in freedom. ]

I meant what I said when we first got here — like it or not, this is our home now. Getting involved in the politics or steering clear of them is one thing, but keeping people safe is another. That's not about sides. That's just having ethics and morals.

Hm. I'm with you on that one - of course I am. It was never going to be easy, figuring out the story behind this place when we've got little to no context.

[ And none of the authority figures they deal with seem to be open about sharing either. ]

This isn't the history I grew up with and hell, this isn't a war I understand, but protecting people? That's simple enough.

[ Steve leans in to her, momentarily burying his nose in the crook of her shoulder before he presses a quick kiss there. ]

What do you need me to do?

Trust me.

[ As simple as that. She doesn't want him involved if she can help it; this is how they fought their battles back home, too. Their individual strengths sometimes — but not always — overlapped. Soldier and spy. Peggy knows he'll jump right in with her if she asked him to (and even if she didn't) but that isn't what she needs here.

She can't tell him everything. She hasn't even told him who she's working with or for. The less people know about that, the better — because Steve is part of the Guard too and she needs to give him some plausible deniability if things go south. Protecting people means protecting him, too.

I just wanted a second chance at keeping him safe. ]

Edited 2018-02-16 05:40 (UTC)

[ It's probably pretty obvious that Peggy's response isn't good enough for Steve Rogers. Sitting back and avoiding a fight, letting those he loves go on without him - well, it's never been his style and he's not about to start now.

That part of him, that compulsive need to do what's right, especially when it involves his fists, could never just hang back while the fight goes on.

But he understands strategy, too. As far as he's concerned, there will come a time when he'll have a role to play in all of this, and for now ... for now, he'll accept it.

Trusting Peggy was never going to be an issue. He trusts her with his whole life. ]

You let me know the moment you need me.

[ She studies him for a few heartbeats after that, almost surprised that he doesn't fight her on it. Because he's right; it is obvious that her answer isn't good enough, it wouldn't have been good enough for her if she'd been on the receiving end. (They are too alike, most days.) But then —

But then, she did ask for his trust, and he's offering it to her wholesale.

Peggy exhales softly, threading her fingers through his hair again and pressing her forehead to his temple, eyes closing. She doesn't say anything for another few moments, just breathes him in, catalogues the points of contact where they're flush together, then shifts her head just enough so that her lips are brushing his ear. ]

Steve, [ she murmurs, soft and tender. And what she means to say is You know that I will and you know that I won't. But what she says instead is: ] Thank you. I know it's a lot to ask after all we've been through.

[ semi-closed ]

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that last tag ............... why ;;

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