and i need new skin for this old skeleton of mine [closed]

[personalwar]

Who: Soldier: 76 (personalwar) & Ana Amari (nanamari)
What: 76 got an unexpected trinket. He's not prepared for it to trigger out of the blue.
When: Early March
Where: Their apartment in the old city, Wyver
Warning(s): Panic attacks?? Jack's not going to have a great time.


It's been a long day and a long night, as Jack has dedicated himself to hunting down the shamans. It's some sort of relief to find out that the guy who's supposedly in charge around here doesn't approve of the kidnappings and other shady doings that had been taking place up on the mountain, but Jack can't help but wonder why there wasn't a quicker mobilization to deal with it. Apparently the Ryders had all been too busy dealing with the fires that sprung up around the city, and he knows that their numbers are on the low side. Either way, he's one of them and therefore feels even more pressed to take action, with suspicion thrown their way.

Maybe Heryn really does have something to do with all of it, who knows? Jack certainly isn't deep enough into the Ryder ranks to have any more insight than anyone else.

The bottom line is, it's late when he gets back to his and Ana's place, and so he takes care with unlocking the door and slipping inside. He's expecting Ana to already have retired to her room and gone to bed, but that's not quite what he finds. Instead, she's dozed off on the couch, but she looks to be fast asleep and he doesn't want to wake her. It isn't always easy for either of them to get any real rest, after all.

It's as he's doing his utmost best to step lightly that something happens. Where once there had been the hardness of the ground beneath his feet, suddenly it's as if he's walking on air, floating and suspended. While he knows that his stomach should be clenching and his heart pounding in response to the strange sensation of nothingness, even that's not there.

When he lifts his hands up, he's able to see right through them, the lines of his body only barely visible. He's indistinct, he's out of his own skin, and he absolutely isn't prepared for it.

He starts breathing hard with lungs he hadn't fully realized were still there (are they?), and his eyes dart this way and that, searching for some way to make this stop.

Comments

[personalwar]

[ Jack hesitates before he lets the small amulet drop into Ana's hand. If it is the culprit, he has no idea what would trigger it, and the last thing he wants is to put Ana through the same thing he just experienced. The ability to lose one's form is undoubtedly useful in certain situations, but when it happens out of nowhere, that's another story. ]

It just showed up next to my bed one morning. Probably means it's a gift from the Natha.

[ There's no way that someone snuck into their apartment, which means that the item must have been teleported here from the Station.

He scoffs and leans further back into the couch. ] Should have tossed it then and there.

[nanamari]

It might come in handy if you can get it to work again.

[ Ana turns the necklace over in her hands. It does nothing out if the ordinary, but she hadn't expected it to. Apparently Jack had been carrying it around in his pocket for a while before it decided to activate.

Still, she pretends to study it. ]

For a second I thought it might have something to do with your enhancements.

[personalwar]

[ It's possible that all it takes is some active concentration to make the amulet work. Jack had been making an attempt to be silent when it happened, come to think of it. He's still going to take caution with it, but Ana's probably right that it shouldn't be thrown in the trash.

He reaches out to take the trinket back from her, head tilting up when she mentions his enhancements. She doesn't say it outright, but Jack knows what she's getting at. Gabriel had been his first thought, too. ]

Guess we should be glad it wasn't. As far as I know, nothing's started to deteriorate there.

[ He hasn't had regular check-ups in years, yet he's still kicking. Whatever happened to Gabriel, it hasn't happened to him. ]

[nanamari]

[ Ana drops the amulet back into his palm, though she does watch carefully for any signs that he might change again. It's possible that it's keyed to Jack in some other way, since it was given to him by the Natha, and to that end it's unlikely to be dangerous.

The best way to figure it out is to experiment, but this is one of those situations where it's not that simple.

She draws her legs up onto the couch and wraps her arms around them, silent for a moment. ]

Do you ever wonder when he started to... When everything started to go wrong for him? [ The obvious answer is Venice but that's not exactly what she means. ]

[personalwar]

[ Jack can see that Ana is a little nervous about him holding onto the amulet again, so he leans forward to set it on the small table positioned in front of the couch. It's something he can worry about later, now that the topic of conversation has shifted.

Gabriel is a subject that they don't often touch on, mainly because it won't accomplish anything. He isn't awake, so all they can do is speculate about his intentions, and everything that went wrong.

That being said, there are still times when it's good to vent about it, seeing how it's something both Jack and Ana carry around with them every day. ]

Yeah, all the time. [ He pulls a hand up to rub slowly at his eyes, and then squeeze the bridge of his nose. ] I keep running conversations we had through my head, trying to figure out if there was something I missed.

[ It seems all too likely. Gabriel had been a blind spot of sorts, for him. He'd trusted in him unconditionally, and that had eventually backfired on him. ]

[nanamari]

If there was, we all missed it. You, me, Jesse... [ She shakes her head. Maybe there were times when Jack should have reeled him in, but Ana understands better than most people why he didn't. Gabriel was her commander too, during the crisis. Even when they disagreed, she never doubted that his heart was in the right place, that they all wanted the same things. ]

I know that whatever he is now, it's his own doing, but sometimes I want to believe that there was something we could have done. Or that what happened to him isn't so different from what happened to Amélie.

[personalwar]

[ It's true that Jack hadn't been the only one who'd interacted with Gabriel over all that time, and yet he feels responsible all the same. He and Gabriel had worked together so closely; he'd signed off on most of what he did. Sometimes he recalls not being one hundred percent sold on a plan, but pushing that feeling aside because he trusted Gabriel to deal with it the right way, and to only cross lines if it was for the right reasons.

Now everything they did together feels tainted. Jack's quiet for a long while after Ana finishes speaking, lost in his thoughts. ]

It'd almost be nice if we could find someone else to blame for what he's doing. But... [ Jack closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly. ] I think we have to face that this is all him.

[ Maybe one day they'll get a proper explanation. Or maybe they'll just be left to wonder what really happened to their friend for the rest of their years. ]

[nanamari]

[ Ana hums softly, not exactly agreement, just something resigned. They can talk about it for days or months or years - the best they're going to get is speculation, and the worst is confirmation of everything they've already seen.

She leans her head against his Jack's shoulder, silent for a long moment. The worst part is, despite knowing all of this, despite hating him for what he's done, she still misses him - or whatever version of him she used to know. It would be nice if she knew how to stop. ] I think we've had enough of this crap for a lifetime. Let's retire.

[ It's an old conversation; easy, familiar territory now that they've strayed too far into melancholy. ]

[personalwar]

[ The exhaustion that Ana feels about this particular subject is mirrored in Jack, and when she leans her head up against him, he shifts his position on the couch slightly to make it more comfortable for her. He could wrap his arm around her back and tug her closer, but he doesn't want to overstep.

This wouldn't be the first time that Ana has suggested retirement, whatever that looks like. ] I think this is the closest that we're gonna get. [ Neither of them are capable of actually laying down their weapons. Whatever fight might break out here, it isn't theirs, but Jack already knows they're going to get roped into it anyway.

He misses Gabriel too, much as he tries not to think about it. But he still has Ana, and that's more than he thought he'd get a few years ago. Despite everything, all the crap, he feels lucky for that. ]