nysalogs | ( open ) out of isolation

It's my first time.

( she — doesn't quite laugh. she giggles. )

What's Iowa?

[ That is .. a really cute sound, one Jim's a little bit fascinated by. ]

Iowa is an area in the middle of nowhere on the human homeworld. Nothing to do, not that populated. When it was really hot out in the summer, sometimes kids would just go play in the woods and find ponds to throw ourselves in. Or I'd just go, because anything was better than staying at home.

[ He sounds fine with it. ]

That sounds fun.

( little yalena yardeen would have liked anything better than the royal harem, but she hadn't gotten to leave until the night of her wedding. well, not outside of training with khlyen, anyway. )

It was.

[ Brief moments of peace in between the dozen moves, the bitters and the abuse, and the last straw, sending him offworld, where there were no ponds at all. For a split second Jim looks more serious than he's ever looked; not dramatic, or grave, just --

like he's not trying to be positive. But he has to keep that up, doesn't he? He flicks more water at her. ]

This is fun, too.

Yeah.

( she smiles, diving under the water and swimming to where he is, emerging just behind him and putting her hands on his shoulders. almost as if she was going to try and dunk him, except she doesn't try. she's just holding on, for the moment. )

It is.

You're a mermaid now? [ He touches one hand to hers on his shoulder when she's in place, though nothing further. ]

I kinda hated being a kid. [ Nefarious skinning dipping aside. Those little moments - swimming, learning to drive motorcycles, getting too drunk on stolen beer at fourteen - they were all just things to distract himself. Constructs made to be happy memories so he has something to think back on besides the truth of it. ]

Nice that it's over.

Yeah.

( she hasn't really admitted to anyone here how much she hated her childhood and early adult years, but the admission comes easily now. ) Yeah, me too. I grew up in a royal harem, you know.

I didn't know that.

[ Dutch told him ... something, about a prince. That story seems darker now, but through the strange haze of Khalo, he can't remember the details. If there were any.

(Gaila had something similar, he thinks. Didn't she? He hadn't known, until after the Academy. What a dick he was.) ]

Mh.

( she hums, thoughtful for a moment but not really bothered. it's hard to feel bothered. the water's so nice and jim's body is warm, right there, alive. she likes jim.

so she sets her chin onto his shoulder and wraps her arms around him from behind instead of holding on to his shoulders and lets herself float. )

I learned how to dance and entice royalty and kill.

[ He laughs softly when he notices what she's doing, and extends his arms out, skimming over the surface of the water and being a very cooperative flotation device. ]

You any good? [ Jim glances over his shoulder. ] I mean, I'm not royalty.

[ And she hasn't murdered him yet, though he's definitely already picked up on her abilities, there. ]

Damn good.

( the response is immediate and unthinking, confidence a second skin she wears easily. )

Married a prince and all. ( for a moment, her lips press together and her face turns into his neck, the memory of her wedding night penetrating for a moment. ) He's dead.

You didn't want to do it anymore, [ he observes.

Because she didn't like her childhood. Because she's a bounty hunter now - no, a reclamation agent? What had she called it? A Killjoy. ]

I ran away the night of my wedding.

( after her husband died. he'd been meant to be her ticket out; instead, he'd been another target. she hadn't loved him because she hadn't known him, but she'd wanted the idea of him and the idea of freedom from khlyen so badly.

none of that seems particularly pressing right now. )

Sounds like a decent call.

[ Jim presses a hand over one of hers, where she's holding onto him. It explains some things about the walls she has up - walls that she seems to be sitting atop of, at the moment, instead of lurking behind. ]

Are you happier?

( dutch isn't just sitting on top of the walls, she's swinging her legs while at it, too. it feels good. )

Yeah. I mean. Khlyen still found me again, but yeah. I don't hate him anymore.

Who's Khylen?

[ Doesn't sound like anyone Jim would want to know, based on context. Should I call you Princess, he almost asks, but it seems too morbid.

It's nice here, this mood is tranquil. He's not in any hurry to ruin it. ]

( she wouldn't hate being called princess. d'avin asked her if she was one right in between sex and trying to kill her (how fun that had been) because he'd wanted to know if he'd bedded an actual warrior princess.

he had, of course. )

My mentor. He's dead now, too.

( or... not. because he's in stasis as well and dutch has no idea how to deal with that, so she's just not thinking about it. denial is a beautiful thing. )

That's a weird thing to have in common, [ Jim reflects out loud. He flicks water with his free hand, though it's not at anybody, and shifts around, floating a little, moving them a tiny bit through the pleasant coolness. ] I never hated mine, though.

[ He's seen Chris, up there. Once. He hasn't had the heart to look again, too afraid of what his head might conjure up; the possibilities are too cruel. ]

( dutch thinks about it for a moment. presses her lips to his shoulder. )

Sorry.

You weren't there, I checked, [ is a little teasing. Maybe a bad joke, about her being a killer, but there's no menace in his voice.

Everyone at home expects the open wound to be his father's death - and in a way, it is, because Christopher Pike was more of a parent than anyone in Jim's life. But it's just a bruise now; a gentle ache that he wants to keep, because without it, he might not remember the importance of it. ]

( she could have been. how many people has she killed without knowing why they deserved to die, if they deserved to die? if killing them was just some weird test of loyalty or ability from khlyen or if they did something bad?

she'll never know, now. right now, that's okay. )

'course I wasn't.

( because he's from a whole other world. part of the universe. whatever. )

[ (She couldn't have been. He checked. He obsessively stalked.

Thoughitwouldhavebeenbettercastingthan--)

Jim lets himself float a little, halfway tangled with her hands, looking up at the curious phosphorus canopy above the ethereal pool. ]

I don't mind that you've killed people. Or that you're good at it. I should mind, given what I do and where I'm from, but I've killed people, too. Just in different ways.

( dutch thinks on that for a moment. turns the words over in her head. examines the weird clench of her heart and then stops because she can't make sense of it. )

I mind that I killed people.

( it's not their death that bothers her so much as not knowing if they deserved it. if they were good or bad. that she was nothing but a puppet. )

[ Jim looks at her. ]

You know yourself.

[ In that, at least. And from the way he says it, it's a good thing - something to be valued, anyway. It's different from the inside and outside perspectives; he thinks he likes that she minds. He finds himself almost smiling.

He knew she cared. That's why I don't mind. ]

( not minding would be easier. not minding would mean she wouldn't care if there was forgiveness for her, if she could ever make up for all the blood on her hand.

she's a weapon that's been pointed this or that way by khlyen for years. these days, she decides which way to go, but that claim to agency doesn't erase the past. )

Most of myself.

( she hadn't even known, until recently, how she'd come into existence, what her connection to khlyen and the green and the hullen had been, khlyen still holding those pieces of her hostage even in death. )

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