nysalogs | who i am from the start

It's true that Axel had always had a penchant for selfishness, for taking the path of least resistance, and yes, there had certainly been a blind spot there, as to Roxas' frustration with not knowing his own lack of past. Axel had always known where he had come from, who he had been, and he had simply suppressed that. He hadn't wanted to think about the time he'd been Lea, because he had known (or so he had thought) that he would never get that time back, so he hadn't quite been able to understand why Roxas and...

And...?

There was an and? That was weird.

Anyway, why Roxas had been so preoccupied with knowing about his past. The past was done and gone, and Axel had never understood just how much of his present had been built on the foundation of his past until Sora had brought up that he did--or... does?--get his heart back at some point, thus coming full circle. He gets it now, and he knows he shouldn't have lied, but he's glad that Roxas at least seems to maybe understand where he was coming from now.

He looks at Roxas' hand on his shoulder, then gives him a thin smile.

"Guess we both got that Next Life after all, huh?" he asks, and then twists a little where he sits. "Let's say we... well, not start over, 'cuz I'm not keen on you going full zombie again, but. Let's try a... soft reset, okay?" He sticks his hand out with a grin. "Hi, I'm Axel, and I'm a recovering compulsive liar, and I think we're best friends."

That gets another laugh, and how long has it been since they've been able to do that? Too long. But if they can still laugh together after everything that's happened, he doesn't doubt that they're going to be okay.

A soft reset. Yeah, he likes the sound of that.

"I'm Roxas," he says, and gives Axel's hand a good shake. "And I'm pretty sure we're best friends, unless you found another one while I was asleep." As if. It's always been the two of them, having each other's backs. Maybe that got lost for a while, but it didn't change what really matters.

He's grateful when Roxas laughs. Laughter used to come so easily to them, but toward the end of things, even simple conversation was strained, and laughter? Was nowhere to be found.

He shakes Roxas' hand crisply then sits back and rubs his chin in thought.

"Well, I mean, I did take a few for a test drive," he says, trying very hard to keep a straight face. "I mean, I got a roommate, Ryoko, and she's pretty fun. She can fly, which is kind of awesome. I mean, you needed pixie dust to do that." He lifts a finger as he lists a few names. "And then there's Ren, you know he's got an R name, too, I was trying to cover my bases, going with that one, thought maybe there was something in the name... Ah.. Oh, there's Urbosa, she already kicked my ass once, so you'd better get on that or you'll lose your place at the top of the Kicked Axel's Ass List..."

He laughs brightly and waits for Roxas to just shove him like he knows he's going to, and then ruffles his hair again.

"Like anybody--Somebody, Nobody, or Anybody--could replace you, you moron."

He listens carefully, trying to commit each name to memory even if there are no faces to match them to yet. If they're important to Axel, even a little, he wants to know them. Maybe he could be jealous of the friends Axel's made in his absence, but he's not. Roxas had made his own set of other friends, even if none of them had been real outside his heart. If that's fine, then so is this.

Besides, he does know that no one could replace him. Just like no one could replace Axel.

So he gives the expected shove and grins, the smile going softer after a couple of seconds. "I haven't talked to anyone yet," he says. "The only people I saw were still asleep in their pods. And then I was just afraid that I could only be here if Sora was a Heartless again."

It's a little funny to talk about Sora like it's no big deal, even after he'd just been here. The last time his name had come up, Roxas had no idea of the significance. Now, he knows everything.

Axel doesn't expect him to remember everyone's names without even meeting them yet. And he will absolutely be meeting them. There's a teeny childlike bit of him that is actually really eager to show Roxas off to all of his friends. After all, it's not every day you get so luck as to have your best friend show up, right? Axel usually thinks he's got pretty mediocre luck at best, but if this is the only time he ever lucks out again, he'll take it.

"I think you'll like Ren," he says then. "He's kinda quiet and thoughtful, like you. Ah, and I bet you'll like Allura, too," he says then, wagging a finger. "She's a princess. But... like an actual princess, of a kingdom, I honestly dunno about how much Darkness she may or may not have in her heart." He taps a fingertip against his cheekbone. "She's got cool face markings, too," he says with a grin. "Obviously we're in the Cool Face Tattoos Club. Sorry, kid, you can't come to meetings unless you get yourself some ink."

His mirth fades a little at Roxas' remark, and he gives a slightly nervous laugh. Sure, his thought to use Kairi to turn Sora into a Heartless again had been fleeting, but he'd had the thought, and now he's pretty ashamed of that. He shakes his head firmly.

"Don't you worry too much about that, okay?" he says. "Me and Sora are pals now, so... if anybody wants to mess with him, they're gonna have to go through me first." And also Riku. But he'll leave that part out, for now. "So... did Sora just happen to be by your pod when you woke up or something?" he asks, looking a little puzzled. "Riku was there when I woke up again just recently--I wonder if spying on people while they're sleeping is a Destiny Islands thing, whaddaya think?"

It'd be nice if he had something to write the names and descriptions down with instead of having to get them all memorized, but he's sure he'll do better once he actually meets them. Roxas hopes they're as good of friends as they sound like. He hopes Axel hasn't been lonely while he's been here.

"No, he was sleeping too," he says. "By Kairi's pod. It took my a few minutes to find him—I thought I'd be able to sense him, or something, but it didn't work that way."

They're connected, right? Especially now, after having been kinda-sorta one person again? Apparently that doesn't extend to being able to find each other. Maybe he shouldn't have expected otherwise, but it's not like he knows how any of this is supposed to work."

Something sticks out to him then, though—something Axel said. "Wait, you were sleeping again recently? Why?"

Axel snorts a laugh.

"Seriously, between you and Sora, you guys sleep enough to make up for all the sleep I never got, working at the castle," he says, shaking his head. "I really dunno how that might work, to be honest, so I can't really make any suggestions," he admits. "You and Sora are definitely pretty unique." He laughs softly. "Maybe if you train together you'll be able to do special combo attacks like in video games."

He pulls at the back of his neck then, shrugging one shoulder.

"Well, it wasn't really my idea," he says. "Apparently sometimes folks just go back to sleep for a few days, to get some info from home. I dunno how it works, exactly, but it seems I was out for about three days, even though a bunch of time passed back home." He scratches his head. "Which also doesn't make a ton of sense, since I thought I was brought here when the world ended, yadda yadda yadda, but... Sora's from way far in the future anyway, so..." He makes a frustrated noise and waves both hands. "Time shenanigans, I dunno, it gives me a headache," he says. "The point is that I'm here and awake now, and so are you, and that's really all I care about."

Roxas makes a small noise of concern as he listens. That's a little alarming, to think he or Axel or anyone could fall asleep without warning and their new chance here would be over. But could it happen to him? If he weren't here anymore, he'd be part of Sora again, right? How many times can someone be put together and taken apart again?

He'll try not to think about it unless he has to, he decides. And if he did end up back with Sora again, at least it wouldn't be so awful this time. Falling asleep is easy.

"I'm glad you did," he says. "Even if it doesn't make sense. Not much about this does, right? Even with me and Sora—they split us in two again like it was no big deal."

Apparently. If Sora hadn't fallen to darkness, Roxas didn't know how else they could both be here.

"It's strange. I mean, I feel strange," he adds after a moment, in a quieter tone. It almost feels like he's confessing something. "Not bad strange. But I feel...stiff? Like back in the castle, after I slept all that time."

Like he'd been lying in one place for weeks. But that couldn't be it, because he hadn't even had a body anymore. That had been Sora's.

He doesn't think it would necessarily mean their chances were shot--he woke up again, after only a few days, after all. He's not sure what the prerequisites might be, but... he'd rather not think about this getting screwed up by an untimely nap, even a temporary one.

Axel leans back on his hands again and gazes up at the ceiling.

"Honestly, there's not a whole lot in recent history that does make sense," he says. "Whether it's here, or back home, everything has just been kind of insane." He nods his head toward the window. "Have you looked outside?" he asks, wondering if Sora dragged Roxas straight here without even showing him anything else. He probably did. What a good kid. Axel will have to find a good way to thank him later. Either way, whether Roxas has seen Ysverai's horrific frame frozen over the unmoving planet or not, none of this makes a lot of sense. "But I'm glad, too," he says, meeting Roxas' eye again. "I never bothered to hope you might actually wake up here," he says. "Felt too much like wishful thinking, you know? Like maybe I was setting myself up for disappointment. I'm not usually that lucky."

He furrows his brow then and shakes his head.

"You did, though," he says, sitting forward again. "I mean, you've had a body the whole time--you were in a pod, just like the others. I used to visit you there, actually." He chuckles. "I kind of wished I'd had a grease pencil," he says, "so I could have drawn on the front of your pod, like how the Dusks used to draw on your face."

What is it like to live a life that makes sense? If Roxas ever meets someone who's experienced that, he'll have to ask. It's probably not going to happen any time soon, though.

He nods at Axel's question—Sora hadn't left him any time to notice what's happened outside the station, although he's gotten the sense that something unusual's happened—and smiles faintly at his admission. No, he wouldn't have dared to hope either. When have they ever been that lucky, except today?

"No thanks," he says, chuckling a little. "Even if I wouldn't have noticed, they drew enough dumb faces for a lifetime." Or so Axel had told him later.

(That was Axel, right? Of course it was. Who else would it have been?)

"I don't think it's from being in the pod, though. Because it doesn't really feel that way when I move." He holds his arms forward, lacing his fingers together and flexing. "I think it's more in my head. It's been a while since I was...just me."

A life that makes sense? What is that. Can I eat it? Axel doesn't mind some excitement, certainly, but once in a while it'd be nice if things were less... bizarre.

He gives a soft laugh then, getting to his feet and gesturing for Roxas to follow. He rests his hands on the lip of the thick glass window separating them from space, and his eyes move to where the frozen form of the great rotting dragon can be seen poised over the stock-still planet. His room would have a great view, if the view wasn't so gruesome.

"That right there is the wrong kind of zombie to aspire to be," he says, tapping his knuckle against the glass. "That's a dragon god, resurrected by heretics, but they screwed something up, so instead of being a gracious omnipotent deity, he's an insane bloodthirsty undead monster. So that's how my last week went." He smiles ruefully. "Found out I can deflect dragonfire, though, so that's kinda cool. Wasn't easy, but I did it. Not sure I wanna fine-tune that skill, though, all things considered--here's hoping we don't have to fight any more undead dragon gods anytime soon."

He'll leave off the part where Ysverai wasn't just a rampaging monster hell-bent on destruction and actually seemed to be in excruciating pain most of the time. Roxas is a sensitive kid, and while he's certainly learned his lesson about lies of omission, knowing that the monster is suffering is a sadness he'd rather Roxas not have to think about if it comes to having to fight Ysverai again.

"The whole planet's frozen in time right now," he says, folding his arms and leaning with his back against the glass now, "until the Natha can figure out some way to subdue or destroy the dragon, I guess. So we're stuck up here for the time being."

He furrows his brow a little then, something twinging behind his ribs, and he offers Roxas a thin smile.

"You've always been you," he says, "even if sometimes you were... also connected with several other people."

Wait, several? Wasn't it just Sora?

Anyway.

"So now that you're just you," he says, reaching over and clapping Roxas on the shoulder, "what are ya gonna do first?" A grin. "I mean, now that you've got your old partner in crime back, the sky's... Well, actually, not even the sky is the limit, since we're in orbit," he snorts.

Roxas follows, looking out the window curiously, only to recoil when he actually sees the dragon. That's...incredible, awesome in the most literal sense of the word, but also horrible and monstrous and wrong. Something turns in his stomach, and he's glad to turn away himself when Axel does.

This is the kind of thing that can happen here? What kind of world have they ended up in?

He'll think about it later. Something that big is important, but it's not important the same way other things are.

"I don't know," he says, leaning back against the glass with a quiet thump. "All I wanted for a long time was answers. I didn't think much about what would happen after I got them." He pauses for a moment. "Do they have ice cream here?"

Axel meant what he said when he had told Roxas that knowing the truth doesn't always solve anything, but he's not about to pull an I Told You So. He wishes he had something consoling to say, though. He knows this has got to be jarring for the kid; his life has never quite been his own, and now suddenly it's like he's got more freedom than he has any capacity to understand. He doesn't have to follow orders here. He doesn't have to do anything someone tells him to. Roxas had barely known what to do with a single day off, when they'd worked for the Organization, and now he could conceivably have... well, the rest of his life off, really. He's sure Roxas will want to find a job or something to fill his time, but the fact is that Axel would have been just as willing to support him anyway, whether he had a job or not. Maybe it wouldn't be correct to say that Axel had ruined Roxas' life before, but he'd certainly had a hand in it going awry; the least he can do is take care of him until he figures out what he wants to do with his Next Life, no matter how long it takes.

He laughs gently.

"Please," he says, waving a hand. "You think I'd have stayed if they didn't? I'd have gone back into cryosleep before I stuck around someplace with no ice cream." He quirks his mouth to one side. "They don't seem to have seasalt," he says, "but maybe it's time we expand your dessert horizons a bit, anyway."

Friendship isn't limited to ice cream. Back when he was new, Roxas' entire understanding of the concept revolved around those times they bought the sea-salt popsicles and ate them up on the tower, but now he knows that there could be no more ice cream in this or any world and they'd still have what really matters.

But still, it's comforting to know it's here, even if it doesn't taste the same. He hasn't lost everything that was ever his.

"I can handle that," he says with a laugh. Maybe...maybe Sora can join them, sometime. Not right away. Knowing his other half like he does now isn't the same as being friends with him, and Roxas wants that to happen for real now that they have the chance. And oh yeah, Sora.

"I need to find Sora later, too," he adds. "I'm glad he brought me here right away, but we only got to talk for a little while by the pods. And there's a lot to talk about."

Axel wouldn't mind Sora joining them one day. Or even Riku, really--Light knows he could stand to have a little fun in his life, maybe smile sometimes? But not now. Right now, he just wants to keep his best friend to himself for a bit, and he's not even going to apologize for that. It isn't selfish to want that, after all they've been through, right?

"I bet there is," Axel says with a chuckle. "I mean, I guess being in someone's heart and actually having a conversation with them are pretty different. Haven't tried the former, myself." He leans back on his hands again and gives Roxas a smile. "I feel like I should do somethin' for him," he says, "for surprising us like this. That was pretty cool of him."

It's a little unsettling to reference Roxas being in Sora's heart, more so now than when he'd been there. Maybe it's because from the inside, circumstances were what they were and there was no going back. And now, he doesn't want to go back.

"Yeah, it was," he says. "Think how long we might have gone without knowing we were both awake."

Unless Axel had made a point of displaying his presence. Despite all the recon, his best friend's not exactly subtle. But Roxas has never been big on attracting attention himself, so who knows? It's better this way.

If Roxas and Sora can both exist here and it doesn't cause either of them any pain or problems, then like hell Axel would ever let Roxas get stuffed back into Sora's heart. No offense, Sora, but BFF by heart proxy just isn't the same.

"Seriously," he says. "We're all kind of stuck up here on the station, sure, but it's a big station. I'm not big on posting on the network much, and something tells me it's not super your style, either... It could have been weeks before we happened to bump into one another."

Yeah, he's definitely gonna have to do something nice for the kid.

He hefts a sigh and pauses a moment, then laughs gently.

"Man, after all this time wishing I'd get just one last chance to see you again," he says, "here you are and I'm just kind of at a loss for words." The apology was said (and will probably be repeated at least four or five more times in the near future), and he just hadn't really planned much past that. Somehow he'd figured that if he did get the chance to see Roxas again, it would be fleeting, but there's a good chance that now that he's woken up here, Roxas will stick around for a while. And that's great, but Axel's not quite sure how exactly to get this soft reset started.

It's a grim thought, and Roxas shakes his had a little to clear it from his mind. They've lost enough time, and won't have to lose any more; there's no point thinking about what could have been, especially not when it's bad.

"It's okay," he says, glancing over to the side and nodding. "I'm not that great with words either. We can be bad at it together."

Maybe he doesn't have as much to apologize for as Axel, but he's got plenty of regrets. That's close enough. He doesn't want to linger on those, either.

"You can start by telling me more about this place, and about the people here, once I get the chance to meet them." He hesitates for a moment before continuing. "Sora said that Riku's here, too."

Edited 2018-07-23 02:29 (UTC)

"Hey, don't sell yourself short," Axel says with a grin. "At least you can string together complex sentences these days, right?"

He braces for a punch in the arm. Worth it.

"Ah, as for this place..." He trails off for a moment, trying to get his thoughts in order. There's a lot to explain, and while Axel may have a way with words, it's hard to organize how to go about this. "Well, I've been here about five months now," he says. "There's a few different... I'm not sure if they're actual countries or just like bickering provinces, actually, but there are two main groups of people living on the planet who apparently mostly hate one another's guts, which is tons of fun for us refugees." He wags a finger. "I dunno if you got any rundown about much of anything yet, but if and when things start getting back to normal and we can go back down to the planet, don't take sides. And I'm not just saying that because I'm like allergic to picking a side in general."

Which is true, if you look at his track record.

"I mean whether you come to sympathize with the Olympians' or the Wyverns' situation, do not let on," he says firmly. "It's stupid, but if you're in one place and they think you sympathize with the others, they're liable to target you. And I know you can take care of yourself, but it's just a risk better not taken."

He could pull the punch due to sentimentality and the fact that he's still coming to grips with the fact that his best friend isn't dead after all. But that would be selling Axel short, which is rude; he can take it.

The names mean little to him; just words without context, although he trusts Axel's assessment of the situation. He thinks he can trust a lot of what Axel says, now that what was the biggest secret between them is out and they've talked about things.

"I won't," he says. "We've got to look out for each other first, right?" There's a twinge of guilt in his gut as he says it. Having really met Sora, Roxas is sure that he wouldn't have such an easy time keeping a wary distance. But Roxas knows all too well what harm people can do to those who don't share their priorities, and how betrayal can come from sides you never expect.

"Do you guys keep an eye out for each other?" he asks. Clearly, Axel and Sora are some kind of friends now. "You and Sora and Riku?"

"Exactly," Axel says with a grin. Even if Roxas never fully appreciates that he did what he did trying to protect him, he knows Roxas can at least understand that looking out for the people who matter is paramount, especially in a situation like the one they're in now.

Axel is confident he can trust Sora, and now that Riku has been brought up to speed with Sora's time frame, he's confident he can trust Riku as well, even if they're not as friendly. He's been on his best behavior, trying to bolster the budding alliance between him and these kids from the other side of the fence. Axel's never had much luck picking a side and sticking to it, but after hearing what the Organization has truly been up to, even the Cliff Notes version, has him thinking maybe it's time he anchored his feet on this side of the line in the sand after all.

He smiles a little at Roxas' question, pulling at the back of his neck awkwardly.

"We have been, sure," he says. "Sora is... well, Sora. You know how he is, he wants to be everybody's friend, so I feel like even if I hadn't already decided to throw my hat in with him he'd probably still have my back anymore." He gives a little sigh. "Riku's a harder nut to crack, but... while I'm not sure I can say we're buddies yet, I trust him not to stab me in the back, and I like to think he trusts me to give him a hand if he needs it." He meets Roxas' eye and looks a little sheepish. "I told myself, when I got here, that... you'd probably be disappointed in me if I wasted my Next Life not doing what I could to help out the people who are fighting the good fight for the right reasons," he said.

Roxas knows that look and gestures, the way Axel acts when he starts to feel out of his depth or too many complications begin to arise. But honestly, he can't blame him; he does know how Sora is, but Riku's another matter. Even without every detail of what happened while he was sleeping, and even knowing that Axel had never truly been as loyal to the Organization as Xemnas wanted,

for a long time they'd been the opposte of allies. He understands now that Riku had been the imposter, skulking around the worlds dressed like one of them, and then there had been that rainy night outside the castle...

"I'm not disappointed. I wouldn't be," he says, and if he's not sure that's 100 percent true, it's close enough. "Even if you didn't. Cuz it's your next life. You decide what to do with it."

No more Organization, no more boss, no more threats of being turned into Dusks. No more striving for Kingdom Hearts in a quest no one completely understood. His gaze drifts to the ground, and once again he wishes they were high up, with so much more space to look into.

"I don't know what I think about Riku," he quietly admits after a moment. "I understand who he is now, and why he did what he did. I can't even say any of it was wrong." His left hand flexes, fingers spread and then balling up in a fist and back. "But he also took me to that man. He helped keep me in that town."

Axel realizes belatedly that the connotations of his words had been misleading. Saying that Roxas would have been disappointed put the blame on Roxas for finding fault, but that isn't what he meant.

"Ah, lemme rephrase that," he says, shaking his head, and he looks a little embarrassed. "I more meant... I wanted you to be proud'a me. You know, for making the right choice for once."

And then the sentimental sheepish look is gone as Axel heaves a sigh and threads his hands together behind his head.

"Ahh, but if it's my life anyway," he says, flopping backward onto the bed dramatically, "then maybe I'll just swear off all this good guy baloney and take a nap for like a month. That sounds way more in line with my long-term goals."

He opens one eye and gives Roxas a grin that makes it obvious he's just messing around.

When Roxas gets quiet then and speaks of Riku, the playful posture vanishes and Axel sits upright, drawing one knee up and giving his friend a curious look. He's not surprised to see Roxas sort of working through his thoughts on Riku--Axel of all people knows that when you're on opposing sides, even if you don't really want to be, it can be complicated to acknowledge the actions of your opponents, however justified they may or may not have been. He actually makes a startled noise, though, when Roxas concludes his thought, and he reaches over to take the kid's shoulder.

"Wait, hold up," he says. "'That town', that fake Twilight Town?" he asks. "Riku is the one who dragged you into that mess?" Okay, maybe he still trusted Riku to not physically stab him in the back, but this news is deeply troubling. Axel had wondered how Roxas had wound up in DiZ's talons, but to think that Riku had been the one to hand him over made Axel's stomach twist with anger. "How the hell did that happen?" he asks, shaking his head. "I mean, you've kicked the asses of half the Organization--you tore Saïx up good on your way out--and Riku carted you off behind enemy lines?"

That isn't to say Axel doesn't respect Riku as a combatant--Riku's kicked his ass once or twice--but Roxas is about the strongest person he's ever met, and especially before Riku really got a handle on himself, it's hard to imagine the younger man taking Roxas out.

Because Axel's not looking directly at Roxas, he might miss it when Roxas' eyes go a little wider and his expression softens. Nothing his friend had said before was bad, but what he says now gives him an entirely different angle of looking at things, and it makes his chest feel warm and a little squeezed at the same time.

He'd meant what he said. He wants Axel to live his life and be free from others' expectations, all the way. But if this is how he sees it, then Roxas can't help but be glad. He already knew that he matters to Axel; he just didn't realize that what he thinks of Axel matters so much, too.

But all the warmth goes away when Axel sits up sharply, like Roxas told him something shocking instead of acknowledging an uncomfortable truth that wasn't a secret. Roxas thought he'd been doing the latter.

"Yeah," he says, blinking in surprise. "I thought you knew."

He doesn't know all the details of everything that had happened between Axel, Sora and Riku, here or back in their worlds, but he'd assumed that was something they all knew and had dealt with. And why not, if it was mostly DiZ's doing? Riku had been out to help his best friend, not to hurt him. It had just happened anyway. They should all be able to put it behind them.

It's just that some things are easier said than done.

"He came after me, to take me to Sora," he continues, remembering that night, the way he'd been confused about the stranger's motivations but not his crystal clear sense of purpose. "We fought. But he couldn't beat me. So he changed—he called the darkness and he wasn't him anymore, he looked like Xemnas' Heartless."

Xehanort's, he supposes, but Xehanort is a concept and a name, and had been neither of those things to him at the time. Roxas hunches over slightly, shoulders curling in. "The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed in Twilight Town, and everything I ever heard about Sora was just some weird dream I'd had," he says, quieter now. "They made me forget."

Axel knows, honestly. He knows that Roxas wouldn't want him to shoehorn his life into something he didn't want it to be just to make someone else happy, that would have been the ultimate hypocrisy. But that doesn't change the fact that he does want to be someone Roxas can be proud of, and be the good friend he always deserved.

The way Roxas' expression falls at his reaction to the news makes Axel feel a little guilty (or at least remember guilt. He remembers guilt very well). He shakes his head and lowers his eyes.

"No, I didn't know," he says. "I mean I knew that something must have happened, because you'd never have gone to DiZ on your own, but I didn't know it was Riku." He gives him a weak smile. "You want I should beat him up for ya?"

He's kidding, and figures Roxas can tell that much. He and Riku aren't quite friends yet, he thinks, but there's a mutual respect and amicability, and ultimately, he knows that Riku's motivations couldn't have been too different from his own, when he'd kidnapped Kairi. They had both been willing to do something awful to someone else for the sake of their best friends, and while he couldn't say it was a laudable sentiment, he could at least relate to it.

"Ah, I had wondered why he looked like that creep," Axel says then, and gives a snort of laughter. "I met up with him a couple of times, after that had happened. He helped Naminé get away from DiZ, eventually, and I didn't recognize him the first time I saw him wearing that face. He told me his name was 'Ansem', and I just about died laughing." He shakes his head, still chuckling. "He couldn't have known that I actually knew Ansem and knew damn well he wasn't him, but it was hilarious in the moment."

The laughter dies quickly when Roxas folds in on himself, though, and Axel's chest aches for him at his words. He remembers very clearly the conversation he'd had with the kid once upon a time, about having things you couldn't bear to lose, how Roxas had confessed that losing his memories of him and--

--?

'And'? What 'and'? It had just been the two of them. Weird. Maybe he was still groggy from having been in stasis again.

As painful as it had been to find Roxas in that digital town and be treated like a stranger, Axel couldn't imagine what it must have been like for him to realize his entire life had been erased, and everything that he thought he knew was a lie. At least he'd gotten those memories back.

"I know, kiddo," he says, putting a hand on Roxas' shoulder again. "I was too angry at the time to really appreciate how awful that must have been for you, so I guess... sorry I just kind of exacerbated things, back then."

who i am from the start

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