nysalogs | ( CLOSED )

Think what you want, as long as it doesn't start going to your head.

[And then, as payback, he's going to try to lift her up bridal style. This is what you get, Clary.]

[ if the satisfaction of having revenge is ruined by the squeal of her laughter, so be it. thankfully, she doesn't have too much pride to injure — not by lifting her, that is. ]

Calm down, Caesar. [ mark antony could be a more fitting reference, considering her previous allusion to cleopatra, but she's purposefully avoiding the comparison. the idea of brother-husbands is understandably too nauseating for her to even mention it. ] I'm not going to forgive you if you drop me, just so you know.

[ she won't let it slide, either, without making a jab. it shouldn't be difficult to carry around someone that barely weighs more than a feather. ]

[Bellamy makes a face at the Caesar comparison, but he can't fully hide his smile at the way she laughs.]

I thought you trusted me.

If I didn't, do you think I would have let you pick me up in the first place?

[ no, not without a struggle. the arm she braces around his neck is only a precaution, should he somehow trip, but she's evidently not too worried about that unlikely outcome when she leans the side of her head against his shoulder. ]

It's just down the street. Third house on the right.

[ she isn't walking, but she can still be a useful navigator. ]

[Down the street they go! This is certainly helpful considering Bellamy has no idea where they're going.]

You can barely walk straight.

[So, yes.]

I can barely walk straight, but I could still kick your ass if I really didn't want to be in this position.

[ she's not a damsel, thank you very much. she doesn't sound terribly offended by his original assumption, but she's just as disinclined to let him get away with thinking she couldn't squirm her way out of his hold if she were less appreciative. ]

[Bellamy rolls his eyes again. Apparently she just pulls that out of him.]

I don't think any less of you, Clary. I'm not going to treat you like a baby.

[They reach the place he assumes is hers, and he stops.]

Want to help me with the door?

I'm not saying it because of that. I'm saying it because it's the truth.

[ clary had been repressing her share of eye-rolling, but there it is, somehow still good-natured in spite of everything. she wriggles in his hold just a little in order to slide the key out of her pocket and reach out to slide it into the lock, twisting the knob open with a click afterward. ]

Try not to trip on anything.

[ there isn't anything on the floor, but he deserves the trolling for rolling his eyes again. ]

[She's such a brat. He steps inside and then nudges the door closed with his foot.]

Whatever you say.

[And then he crosses the room to deposit her, surprisingly gently, on the couch.]

Happy?

Whatever you say.

[ to inadvertently prove that's even more of a brat, she drops her voice a few octaves in obvious mimicry of his voice. being placed as softly on the couch as she is arguably isn't deserved, but it's appreciated, nevertheless. she settles into the arm of it, drawing her legs up to her chest. ]

I think I should be the one asking you that question. [ considering bellamy was the one making the fuss. ] Satisfied now?

Yep.

[He sits down beside her, settling against the back of the couch. He would make a comment about her mockery, but he's starting to clue into the fact that those sort of reactions just encourage her.]

I'm surprised you're sitting down.

I'm surprised you're sitting down.

[ evidently she doesn't need much encouragement to turn the tables on him. he'd offered to stay with her, regardless, and she isn't interpreting that as anything other than the truth — even if how much he wants to genuinely stay might be diminished by stretching her legs out across his lap. ]

Contrary to popular belief, I have other hobbies that don't always include running around and sneaking into places where I don't belong.

Do you?

[He asks it incredulously, but he's smiling over at her, and he doesn't shove her legs off or move away.]

That's news to me.

Very funny.

[ said in a way that states she doesn't think he's funny at all, eyes narrowing in his direction. as if to contradict that thought, her lips do quirk, lopsided in her subtle amusement. ]

My personal favorite is torturing you.

[ she doesn't expect that to be the slightest bit surprising to him, sounding unabashedly fond (and proud of it) all at once. her intent is more sincere when she leans over toward the coffee table to snatch up her sketchpad from the unorganized spread of books and toss it in his direction, filled with places and faces he may recognize — and some she knows he won't. ]

But I do have other tricks up my sleeve, believe it or not.

[He catches the sketchbook and glances up at her before settling it in his lap and beginning to flip through it. Bellamy pauses to study each page, though he doesn't recognize most of it. A sketch of a city street makes him stop, and he looks up at her again.]

Where's this?

[ she tilts herself closer to get a glimpse of the page when he stops and turns to her, aware it could be anyone or anything that's piqued interest. sometimes it's easy to forget how different every refugee is and where they come from; bellamy, in particular, is similar to jyn. neither of them scream space, and yet clary knows they've both encountered technology that would make her head spin. ]

Brooklyn, New York. I don't know if I did it much justice.

[ if she sounds nostalgic, almost wistful, it's because she is. nostalgic can't ensure she's gotten the details just right, nevertheless, especially when it's been some time since she's been home instead of starting anew in the new york institute. ]

Right behind my mom's loft. Definitely not the safest place to grow up, but it was ours.

[ the graffiti on the walls in the sketch should make that apparent, but clary can't ever say she was left wanting for much in the way of anything material, even so. ]

[It's strange. He knows of New York, of course. He's seen pictures and videos and heard stories, but now he's fairly certain it doesn't exist.]

What was it like?

[Polis is the biggest city he's ever set foot in, and he knows it's nothing compared to the cities that used to exist.]

Loud, mostly.

[ somehow, it doesn't sound like a critique coming from her mouth. if anything, it sounds charmed. clary fray wasn't meant for small suburbs and quiet places, after all. ]

The kind of place where you can lose yourself in a crowd or discover something completely new just by walking around for a few hours.

[ of course that's what it was like, before she'd known what had lurked in the seedy corners. it's as much a reminder of what had changed for her as it is a reminder of what's changed for her now that even looking at a real photograph of new york isn't an option. ]

We had restaurants and stores and theaters on every block, basically. I guess you could say there was a place for everyone somewhere in New York.

[He lets his finger run along the edge of the page, listening carefully as she talks.]

I've only seen it in pictures. There aren't any cities that size left.

[It's odd to think about. It's hard to feel sad about what Alie did, because conceptualizing that many people is almost impossible, but hearing Clary talk about it... It makes it more real somehow.]

If it helps, it doesn't technically exist for me anymore, either.

[ ... that doesn't help, she's certain, but knowing new york intimately doesn't change that it's history for her now. not in the same way it is for bellamy, no, and she can't even begin to fathom a world without cities or finding a home in space, but there's a point to be made: they're all refugees, displaced and misplaced, now. ]

You've seen Olympia now. [ that's optimistic, surely, but she's aiming for finding the good in two distinctly miserable situations. ] It might not be New York, and you could say it sort of feels like it belongs in a Lewis Carroll story instead of reality, but it's home.

[ for the both of them, whether they want it or not. ]

[Objectively, most people would say he's better off here. This planet isn't soaked in radiation. He isn't spending five years on an abandoned husk of a space station, waiting until it's safe enough to get back to the ground again. There's more food and clean water and people than he's ever seen in his life, but he has no proof the Orbiters aren't going to screw him over somehow, so he can't help but be on edge. For Clary, though, he's sure there's no ambiguity. There's no reason for her to consider any of this even partially lucky. He reaches over to squeeze her arm softly.]

I'm sorry, Clary. I know you don't want to be here.

[ her lips twitch upward, but it can't constitute as a smile when it's hollow, refusing to meet her eyes. it feels like she should make the attempt for bellamy's sake, even if she knows it doesn't matter whether she's openly vulnerable. she's dragged him through this entire day and it seemingly hasn't perturbed him aside from a few (more than a few, but who's really counting?) rolls of his eyes; in comparison, the dismal nature of her expression should be less of a nuisance. ]

I don't not want to be here.

[ would she prefer home to olympia? she can't say, and it doesn't feel right to choose. she loves izzy and simon as much as she cares for the friends she's made here, after all. it's an impossible choice to make in regards to preference. ]

I didn't have much going for me back home, anyway. [ her mother, jace, dot, elliot, valentine and johnathan and the family she might have had if circumstances were different — all of them are gone. she'd had izzy, simon, luke, but all of those sacrifices and slaughters have a way of taking their toll. ] It's just — I didn't think anything or anyone else could possibly be taken from me, and then I wind up here. Down the rabbit hole for the second time.

[ maybe she's bitter, but that still hasn't changed her perspective, somehow, even if that resentment bleeds through in moments like these. her hand settles over his at her arm as she tips her head back into the couch. ]

But I can't hate any of it. I wouldn't want to forget everyone I've met here, not even for the chance to go home.

[At first, he's not sure if he buys it. He certainly couldn't quantify going down to the ground the same way she's analyzing this, not after the hundreds of people dead and all the mistakes he's made, but he thinks he gets it. It's an insanely optimistic way of viewing things from his perspective, though he can't fault her for it. He doesn't say anything about the fact that she thought she couldn't lose anyone else. Bellamy has learned time and time again that there's always more to lose.]

Are you saying you like this place better?

I'm starting to think so.

[ as tempting as i don't know is as an answer, knowing it'll excuse her from saying anything further, it isn't the truth. she does know, to some extent; new york will always be home, but it's impossible not to prefer this when she there are faces she'd never thought she'd see again in those pods — and new faces she wouldn't have had the opportunity to know if not for the circumstances. ]

I don't have to hide who and what I am here. I'm not lying about it to avoid being called crazy, and I'm not missing out on opportunities just because my job makes it impossible to get close to anyone normal.

[ that feels just as important, if she's being honest with herself. it had taken eons to accept her role as a shadowhunter, and another eon for others to accept her. here, they seem to do it easily. her eyebrows knit, fingers squeezing around his hand as she tries to closely inspect his expression for an answer even before she asks the question she has in mind. ]

Do you not like this place better?

[He's about to respond to what she's saying when she turns the question around on him, and his brow furrows automatically. He's not sure how to answer. Actually, he's not sure he wants to answer, but she's being so open than anything but honesty seems unfair. Still, he hesitates.]

I don't know.

[There are people in those pods that he knows should be dead. Clarke is here, alive and well. He's spotted Jasper and Maya and Fox, a million people he felt he failed, safe. Sleeping. Without quite thinking about it, his hand squeezes hers back, and his voice is quiet when he finally replies.]

Seems too good to be true. Every time I thought things were safe before, something's gone wrong.

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