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Who: Yamagi Gilmerton (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cariad and fellow Tekkadan members.
What: Housewarming a Reunion
When: Right after their arrival at Olympia
Where: House 47
Warning(s): N/A so far
I.
The less than catalogue perfect condition of their new living quarters isn't what dismay Yamagi in the least. While the days of being stacked into barracks are long behind him, it's not as if his adult life has brought him anything much finer in the way of home furnishing and worldly possessions.
But the dirt. There's so much of it, in quantities that almost makes it feel Martian, if not quite as home. (and thankfully, none of it is red). It's clear these units have been previously occupied, even if Yamagi isn't above utilizing abandoned furniture and items. In fact, his first task is to make use of rags and disinfectants to attack every surface his height can reach. He's becoming very well acquainted with bleach over the course of the afternoon. With a kerchief over his hair and another covering his nose and mouth, no corner of the place will remain unscrubbed.
II.
The screeching of the radio--something Yamagi's pounced on even before his matronly attack on the premise--does an adequate job of drowning out the din outside... And upstairs... And next door... and downstairs. Every once in a while a frequency would buzz into something that can be recognized as music, lingering for as long as the tattered wires inside the structure would allow. For the time being, Yamagi doesn't tinker with it any more, plopped in front of it on the freshly dusted rug, clean bandages rolled and stretched between his hands. He glares at the contraption only whenever it starts to get antsy again. It's nothing he recognize, but while the music works, it's soothing all the same.
III.
"We need to get jobs at some point, hopefully sooner than later."
It's not the most pleasant thing to bring up when some of them are still recovering from injuries, and some of them still getting over being dead (or even both), but the lot of them haven't lived long enough to quite forget what going hungry felt like.
cariad and fellow Tekkadan members.What: Housewarming a Reunion
When: Right after their arrival at Olympia
Where: House 47
Warning(s): N/A so far
I.
The less than catalogue perfect condition of their new living quarters isn't what dismay Yamagi in the least. While the days of being stacked into barracks are long behind him, it's not as if his adult life has brought him anything much finer in the way of home furnishing and worldly possessions.
But the dirt. There's so much of it, in quantities that almost makes it feel Martian, if not quite as home. (and thankfully, none of it is red). It's clear these units have been previously occupied, even if Yamagi isn't above utilizing abandoned furniture and items. In fact, his first task is to make use of rags and disinfectants to attack every surface his height can reach. He's becoming very well acquainted with bleach over the course of the afternoon. With a kerchief over his hair and another covering his nose and mouth, no corner of the place will remain unscrubbed.
II.
The screeching of the radio--something Yamagi's pounced on even before his matronly attack on the premise--does an adequate job of drowning out the din outside... And upstairs... And next door... and downstairs. Every once in a while a frequency would buzz into something that can be recognized as music, lingering for as long as the tattered wires inside the structure would allow. For the time being, Yamagi doesn't tinker with it any more, plopped in front of it on the freshly dusted rug, clean bandages rolled and stretched between his hands. He glares at the contraption only whenever it starts to get antsy again. It's nothing he recognize, but while the music works, it's soothing all the same.
III.
"We need to get jobs at some point, hopefully sooner than later."
It's not the most pleasant thing to bring up when some of them are still recovering from injuries, and some of them still getting over being dead (or even both), but the lot of them haven't lived long enough to quite forget what going hungry felt like.
no subject
"I knew I was hauling too much on you sometimes. I kinda hoped, even if you were annoyed, that you'd forgive me soon enough. Even now, I'm probably still gonna do stuff that'll piss you off."
It's not like he grew up. In fact, he feels like he's taken steps backward.
He doesn't expect the kiss. A part of him figured Yamagi had moved on and was speaking out of regret for not saying anything before. A part of him hoped he had left him in the past. He was a disappointment. He wasn't worth his lingering feelings.
He feels his stomach ache in a way he doesn't understand. He smiles up at him, but it's coated with a weariness he hasn't shown yet since they arrived here.
"I was happier that you scolded me. There was no point in wasting that luck on me."
no subject
"You're the only reason the rest of us made it out alive."
As much as torment had eaten at Yamagi for days at end for letting Shino go to his death. As hard as he'd cried himself to sleep when the dusts had settled, voice gone the next morning.
As much as he'd wished they had died together, the rest be damned.
"It took a lot out of me not to fight you on what you've set your mind to do. Don't cheapen what the two of us have done."
His fingers twitch and flex against the sheets, loosened and wrinkled somewhat by their weight. He'd only spied Shino cry in secret before, strength unraveling into vulnerable exhaustion.
"But if scolding's what you're looking for, luckily I've always years of practice."
no subject
"... Really? But, you all had to keep fighting anyway. I wanted... I wanted to stop it, y'know?"
He huffs but he keeps his smile. Is he just talking shit here? Did they really think he did so much more? Maybe his perspective is just bad, but... damn it, his plan had felt so foolproof. Maybe he'd just been too cocky under the effect of all that adrenaline.
"I--... Sorry, Yamagi," he replies, shrinking a little, feeling bad about what he'd said. He looks away and smiles uneasily for a long, quiet moment. "Yeah. I mean, if you're scolding me, I know it's still you. And that I'm really here. That sounds stupid, right? But it's true."
He flops onto his back again and shuts his eyes, taking in another long breath. He stretches his hand to try and brush his fingers over Yamagi's wrist.
"I dunno what Eugene told you, but... when I learned how you felt about me, it made me... it made me really happy. I was really glad to know that someone could love me. All of us are idiots. We don't think anything about ourselves, so it seemed really impossible and it took a long time for me to believe it. To think I wasn't just making it up in my head. When I got over myself and I realized it was true, it encouraged me a lot... when I asked you out that day-- I want you to know, it wasn't just to comfort you or something. I honestly meant it. Even if I ran out head first, I promise... even though I'm a stupid man, doing what I did, I really did want to come back to you."
no subject
Yamagi's always existed on the periphery of Shino's fire. They've talked and he's been talked at by virtue of being Shino's companion and very own mechanic. To say Yamagi's divulged his own brand of stream consciousness in any capacity beyond the professional would be reaching.
He's never experienced Shino's more vulnerable words without intruding inadvertently on his privacy.
This time, he doesn't flinch when fingertips alight on his hand. Yamagi twists his so Shino's fingers rest on his palm.
There's no telling Shino of the night he's spent away from the others at the stone carved memorial that marks no grave. There are nights when drinks and weakness string the blackness out of Yamagi's dark thoughts, swarming around what he's seen as foolhardy selfishness. When had Shino asked him how he'd felt about being left behind, made to witness his suicide mission?
How could he?
The words wash over his parched grief, and yet, a warmth builds up in him, curling in Yamagi's chest, tendrils choking the air out of his throat. His head dips as he hears the confession, a truth veiled to him by death and sorrow and it strikes him as cruelly unfair of their circumstances.
His happiness doesn't account for the silent tears that drip off his chin to splash on the back of Shino's hand, cupped in his.
no subject
He tightens his hand around Yamagi's, fingers firm but not squeezing too hard, trying to anchor him with some silent assurance. As much as his chest is tightening, he can't cry too. He continues to keep as much of his weakness concealed to the quiet nights when he can't sleep. He wants to be cool and strong now. It's all he can think to do for him.
Shino lets out a shaky sigh and turns his head away from him, eyes still shut. He curls his thumb and rubs it against the back of Yamagi's palm as warm tears continue to hit his hand.
"I'm sorry."
no subject
"I forgive you, Shino."
I've forgiven you remains hidden in his heart. Yamagi's had years to forgive and years to work through treacherous thoughts of betrayal. If Shino had only loved him, perhaps he wouldn't have rushed to his death like that. He's had months to to understand Shino's heart after the fact, wisdom overtaking grief with time.
"After all, I could never stay mad at you, remember?"
His fingers curl back around Shino's, hand smaller without the ever present gloves.
"I-- I'm just happy you're here. It's all I ever wanted."
no subject
"Ha, that's right. You're not really the lyin' type, so I guess I can believe it."
He finally looks his way again and forces a smile.
"I'm happy I'm here. I've got a lot of work to do. Can't do it if I'm just suckin' up dirt in the ground, yea?"
no subject
He's tried so hard to live a life Shino would be proud of, and grow into the young man Shino would have approved of. None of them have been supposed to make it this far. Yamagi's managed with teeth and claws and stubborn tears.
You're the toughest out of all of us is something he's heard and shrugged and laughed off more than once.
He's had to survive.
But living his life for the sake of Shino's short one isn't enough anymore. Perhaps it's never been enough. Shino's larger hand shakes in his and it reminds Yamagi that despite his idolization of the one person whose shadow he's chased for years, he's the adult now.
Shino needs him in a more tangible way.
Even with years and added bulk to his slender frame, Shino's weight is considerable against his own. He pulls him close with what upper body strength he has, folding his body into the tightest hug he can manage, propped half sitting as they are.
no subject
It's a little string of hope he's held onto since he woke up here and found Yamagi.
He doesn't expect Yamagi to heft him up from his spot on the bed. He's still a skinny little thing, even with his figure filled out. He helps to push himself up with his elbow and accepts his place against him. His arm slides around his back and he holds him tight, silent for once in his life. It feels good, getting held and pushed back together with such honesty. He lets out a long breath and tucks his nose against Yamagi's hair, staying put.
no subject
It's not his intention to be maternal in general, but he suddenly imagines this is what it feels like, to offer unconditional comfort and safety without asking for anything in return.
He's undemanding all but for the fingers sinking into Shino's shirt for purchase than anything else. At some point, he's wanted to be Shino's equal rather than chase his shadow. For now, all he can do is stroke the same spot on his back in comforting circles.
And count the heartbeats against his own chest until they thud in time with his own.
no subject
His breath releases and he relaxes against him, his fingers at Yamagi's back, mirroring the other's hand and holding onto him by the fabric of his shirt. He stays quiet, breathing him in and swallowing down his delicate pride to let Yamagi take the time to comfort him. He's afraid to speak and break the moment. It feels too precarious and he knows how important this is for the both of them. It's the first step towards breaching a lot of things they're both afraid to dip into.
He doesn't think he's a very bright man, but he can read a moment well when he wants to. He knows they need this a little more than they'd ever admit.
no subject
He's loosened up since his younger days, the flinching and the tension all but a thing of the past, but it's not something for him to initiate with ease. And yet, he holds on as if for dear life.
He's never embraced Shino before. Not as friends and not as family in any capacity. He'd held Eco like this in the wake of Lafter's death, hands molding her body against his as if he could absorb all of her anguish.
It's not unlike this, now.
But he doesn't fully comprehend the severity of Shino's trauma, coming back from the hold of death and harshly expelled into the land of the living. Other people's deaths he'd made his peace with like an old, inconvenient friend.
He can't imagine seeing the sky bleeding its fury above them that fateful day, explosions ringing in his ears for hours afterward compares to Shino's vision of hell.
"Everything is going to be better from now on," he promises boldly, their heads so close that Shino's close cropped hair tickles his cheek, "So trust me."
no subject
It's just a matter of getting passed all the pain that's soaked into his body and poisoned him with quiet fears and cold sweats.
His broad arms squeeze Yamagi with care, trying to mind himself and hold instead of clutch the way his body wants to. He wishes he were as seemingly invulnerable as the other guys in Tekka. He always has to put in effort to put up his barriers.
"I trust you, Yamagi. I trusted you before, and I trust you now, so... everything's gonna be better. Yeah."